Being Human

Avoidance works. That's the problem. Every time you dodge the hard thing, the relief is real—and so is the price you don't see coming.

In this final episode of the series on avoidance, Dr. Greg makes the case that the way out isn't escape or a burst of willpower, but presence: staying in the room one second longer than you want to, and letting God meet you in the mess you were trying to hide.

Key Topics:

• Why the relief avoidance gives you is exactly what keeps you stuck
• Why good therapy and mentorship refuse to hand you advice—and why that's what actually heals
• How even "staying present" can quietly become one more way to avoid what's surfacing
• Why healing works like a bruise, not a breakthrough—slow, at its own pace, and impossible to rush
• What to do the moment the wall goes up: stay in the room one second longer than you want to
• Why God doesn't wait at the finish line of your healing, but walks through the locked door to meet you in it

Learn More:

• Presence Virtual Retreat: As a gift to listeners of Being Human, we're offering two full months free. Use code BHVRTRIAL at checkout to begin. The Retreat is a monthly subscription that brings together faith and psychology to help you overcome anxiety, quiet negative thought patterns, and live as if you truly believe in a God who loves you. Your first two months are completely free; after that, it continues at $17/month, and you're free to cancel anytime.
• Stay connected — join our newsletter
• Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas
• Watch Being Human on YouTube – Watch the full video archive of the Being Human podcast
• Previous episodes in this series on Avoidance:
  • Ep. #286: A Mental Tug of War: Inside the Avoidant Mind and the Burden of Being Known
  • Ep. #287: We Are Not Robots: Why Connection Is Not Optional for Human Flourishing
  • Ep. #288: Why "Everything Happens for a Reason" Isn't Working: The Holy Words We Use to Avoid Healing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Previous episodes on parts work (IFS):
  • Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
  • Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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"Offer it up." "I've forgiven them." "Everything happens for a reason." Every one of them is true—and every one can become a way to avoid the healing God is actually offering.

In this episode, Dr. Greg names spiritual bypassing: using prayer, devotion, and even good theology to step around grief, anger, and the wounds still waiting underneath. He explains why grace builds on nature, and why God heals only the humanity we're willing to bring into the light.

Key Topics:

• Why the one escape nobody warns you about is the one everyone applauds: prayer, retreats, "offering it up"
• How "I've already forgiven them" can be completely true and still leave the same wound bleeding for years
• Why "I'm still discerning" is sometimes just stalling with a halo on it
• How taking Mary or Joseph as your parent can heal a wound—or quietly become the reason you never grieve the one you actually had
• Why the anger you keep spiritualizing away might be the exact thing you most need to listen to
• Why you can pray for years, go to confession after confession, and still land in the same cycle—and what that finally reveals

Learn More:

• Stay connected — join our newsletter
• Join us at the Summit of Integration this October in Dallas
• Online presentation on anxiety: Learn the "secret" Dr. Greg holds back in this episode—that the anxiety itself isn't the problem
• Presence Virtual Retreat: Practice the presence of God and trustful surrender
• Integrated Life app: Bring every part of yourself into the light—JP2's meaning of integration
• State of the Institute replay: Hear the massive "Year of JP2" news
• The Personalist Cure: Dr. Greg's book on John Paul II's philosophy and its role in psychology
• Person and Act: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) philosophical work on integration and the acting person, referenced in this episode
• Our God's Brother: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) play about Brother Albert
• Previous episodes in this series on Avoidance:
  • Ep. #286: A Mental Tug of War: Inside the Avoidant Mind and the Burden of Being Known
  • Ep. #287: We Are Not Robots: Why Connection Is Not Optional for Human Flourishing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Previous episodes on parts work (IFS):
  • Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
  • Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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There's a lot of talk recently about whether AI can be considered a person. But the more serious question might be whether people are becoming too much like AI—learning to live without real connection. To keep our distance. To avoid vulnerability. To convince ourselves that we don't need anyone.

In this episode, Dr. Greg continues the series on avoidance by turning to schizoid personality: the pattern where the wish for connection hasn't just been buried by fear, but has gone quiet altogether. Drawing on the personalism of St. John Paul II, he shows why we stay made out of relationship, for relationship—even when the desire seems gone.

Key Topics:

• Why "I don't need anyone" can be a wound dressed up as strength
• How the desire for connection can go so quiet it reads as no desire at all
• What that flood of relief when plans fall through is actually telling you
• How being neglected early teaches you to neglect yourself—and call it your personality
• Why "self-help" was never going to be enough, and real healing needs another person
• Why fearing closeness and feeling indifferent to it look identical from the outside but run on opposite engines

Learn More:

• Previous episode in this series on avoidance:
  • Ep. #286: A Mental Tug of War: Inside the Avoidant Mind and the Burden of Being Known
• Previous episode on attachment theory:
  • Ep. #63: Attachment Theory: What It Is, What It Isn't, and How It Affects Your Relationships
• Previous episodes on parts work (IFS):
  • Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
  • Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski
• Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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Avoidance looks like not wanting people. It's almost always the opposite: wanting connection so badly that being seen feels like the biggest risk of all.

In this episode, Dr. Greg explores avoidant personality patterns through the lens of Catholic anthropology—where the quiet tug-of-war between longing to be known and fearing rejection comes from, and how the difference between what happens in us and what we choose opens a path toward freedom.

Key Topics:

• Why "I just need my space" can be a wall dressed up as a boundary
• How a childhood full of real love—not neglect—can still teach you that being seen means being blamed
• Why avoidant personality isn't the same as avoidant attachment, even though they share a name
• What the text you rewrite four times before sending is actually protecting you from
• Why even your anger can be an imitation of Christ, not something to hide
• How the difference between what "happens" in you and what you choose to do can pull you out of hiding

Learn More:

• Previous episode on attachment theory:
  • Ep. #63: Attachment Theory: What It Is, What It Isn't, and How It Affects Your Relationships
• Previous episodes on parts work (IFS):
  • Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
  • Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski
• Person and Act: St. John Paul II's (Karol Wojtyła's) philosophical work on the acting person, referenced in this episode
• Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Got a Question for Dr. Greg? Have a topic suggestion? Want to share your thoughts? Email us at [email protected]—we'd love to hear from you!
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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Getting it all off your chest is supposed to be healing. But sometimes the venting that feels like relief is quietly feeding your resentment instead. In this episode, Dr. Greg sits down with Fr. Gregory Pine—author of Training the Tongue—to explore why the deepest purpose of speech is communion, and how to tell the difference between working through your pain and simply settling the score.

Key Topics:

• Why the real purpose of speech isn't expressing yourself — it's communion
• How to tell whether you're venting toward healing or just venting to settle the score
• Why the friend who only ever agrees with you might be the one holding you back
• What separates a listener who helps you grow from one who only feeds your anger
• Why "getting it off your chest" can leave the wound exactly where it was
• How custody of the tongue is good news, not one more rule to feel guilty about

Learn More:

• Fr. Gregory Pine's book: Training the Tongue and Growing Beyond Sins of Speech
• Previous episodes on parts work (IFS):
  • Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
  • Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski
• Start of the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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Your prayer life can be how you avoid healing. In this final episode of the antisocial series, Dr. Greg unpacks why a retreat high or a powerful devotional moment can convince you the healing is done — when the actual work hasn't started yet, and why that work happens in the small, unglamorous moments nobody puts on a holy card.

Key Topics:

• Why the most moving retreat of your life can leave you exactly the same — and what actually changes you
• What "magical penance" reveals about the parts of us that prefer grand gestures to real repair
• Why healing happens in what you do on an ordinary Tuesday, not in the moments when everything breaks open
• How a soft heart and a defenseless heart are not the same thing — and why that distinction changes everything
• Why the urge to be "healed already" is itself a form of the pattern you're trying to change
• Why re-hardening after you've opened up isn't failure — it's part of doing the reps

Learn More:

• Earlier in this series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Antisocial Part 1 — Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
  • Antisocial Part 2 — Ep. #282: You're (Probably) Not a Serial Killer—But You May Share Some of Their Antisocial Traits
  • Antisocial Part 3 — Ep. #283: "I Will Never Be Hurt Again": How Jesus' Sacred Heart Breaks the Cycle
• The Wounded Healer by Henri Nouwen — the book Dr. Greg references on accompaniment and the standard of showing up, not being healed
• Person and Act by Karol Wojtyła (Pope St. John Paul II)
• Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyła (Pope St. John Paul II)
• Previous episode on boundaries:
  • Ep. #254: Navigating "Toxic" Relationships: Setting Boundaries Without Losing Charity
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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A hardened heart isn't where the story starts. It's what's left after a child trusted, got hurt, and concluded: I'll never be in that position again. This week, Dr. Greg turns the antisocial series toward hope: looking at how that hardness forms, and how the Sacred Heart of Jesus, betrayed and pierced yet still open, breaks the pattern.

Key Topics:

• Why a hardened heart is never cold by nature—it's protection learned the first time trusting backfired
• Why the urge to control everyone around you is really an old strategy for never being at anyone's mercy again
• How "making up for it" can quietly become a way to avoid facing the wound underneath
• Why Jesus didn't heal the hardened heart from a safe distance—He walked straight into betrayal and stayed open
• What it means that control isn't the enemy; where you aim it is what changes everything
• Why healing means loving even the parts of you that sin, not just the parts that behave
• Why you can't will yourself into trust overnight—and why that slowness reflects your dignity, not your failure

Learn More:

• Earlier in this series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Antisocial Part 1 — Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
  • Antisocial Part 2 — Ep. #282: You're (Probably) Not a Serial Killer—But You May Share Some of Their Antisocial Traits
• The Litany for Mental Health Dr. Greg references: A Litany for Mental Health
• The original Sacred Heart revelations: The Autobiography of Saint Margaret Mary Alacoque
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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You're probably not a serial killer. But the patterns that shape one run through all of us, at lower volume. In this episode, Dr. Greg traces antisocial patterns back to their source in everyday life — how we manage people, pray, and protect ourselves from being hurt again.

Key Topics:

• Why the patterns that define serial killers aren't limited to serial killers — and how to see yourself honestly in that mirror
• How omnipotent control can look like loyalty, competence, or even holiness — and what it's protecting underneath
• What "magical penance" looks like when atonement becomes a form of control instead of real repair
• Why prayer can become negotiation with God — and why that's a subtle form of magical thinking
• How the "hardened heart" of Scripture isn't just Pharaoh — it's any wall quietly built against trust
• How to meet the controlling parts of yourself with compassion instead of condemnation

Learn More:

• Previous episode in the Being Human series on the Antisocial Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #281: Control or Be Controlled: The Devastating Wounds Behind Antisocial Behavioral Patterns
• Love and Responsibility by Karol Wojtyla (Pope St. John Paul II)
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary: Why Real Change Happens through Love not Willpower
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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Not every rule-breaker is choosing rebellion. Most are choosing safety — and they've been doing it since childhood. In this first episode of a new series, Dr. Greg takes apart what "antisocial" actually means and traces the pattern back to its source: not evil or criminal, but a deep wound that learned to survive by refusing to trust.

Key Topics:

• Why "antisocial" has nothing to do with introversion — and what it actually describes
• How charm and omnipotent control can be defenses, not personality traits
• Why growing up with an unpredictable parent makes rules feel like threats instead of like love
• What the interpersonal wish "help me trust you" reveals beneath even the most closed-off exterior
• Why the parts of us that push back against rules deserve curiosity, not condemnation
• How empathy, education, and direction together create the conditions where rules feel like love
• Why the gap between antisocial patterns and ordinary daily life is narrower than we'd like to admit

Learn More:

• Summit of Integration 2026 — Join us in Dallas, October 20–23, celebrating the Feast of St. John Paul II.
• Start of the Being Human series on the Histrionic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #274: To Be Loved Is to Perform: Inside the Histrionic Compulsion for Attention and Validation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Borderline Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #269: BORDERLINE: The Push-Pull Between a Fear of Abandonment and Annihilation
• Start of the Being Human series on the Dependent Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #265: Jerry Maguire, Gollum, and the Fear of Not Existing: A Deep Dive into the Dependent Defense Pattern
• Start of the Being Human series on the Narcissistic Defense Patterns:
  • Ep. #261: Narcissism and the Terror of Being Ordinary: Why Real Change Happens through Love not Willpower
• Previous episodes on parts work (IFS):
  • Ep. #34: A New Theory! w/ a Catholic Lens
  • Ep. #35: Why Do I Feel Like I Have Conflicting Thoughts? w/ Dr. Peter Malinoski
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation.
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment.

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AI was supposed to replace what humans make. Instead, it's revealing what only humans can. In this episode, Dr. Greg sits down with Mike Marshall, Director of Design at the CatholicPsych Institute, to explore the irony at the heart of the AI age: the closer machines get to perfection, the more clearly we see that imperfection isn't a flaw to engineer away: it's the signature of being human.

Key Topics:

• What it means to be human in an age that can imitate almost everything
• Why the closer AI gets to "perfect," the more obvious it becomes that something's missing
• Why signing your work is becoming a quiet act of resistance in an age of imitation
• What it actually takes to stay human in a world that's getting very good at faking it

Learn More:

• Letter to Artists by Pope St. John Paul II – The letter referenced throughout the conversation
• mikemarshalldesign.com – The hand behind every piece of CatholicPsych branding, and available for freelance work
• The Everlasting Man by G.K. Chesterton – The meditation Mike draws from on man as "maker," not Creator
• The Mindful Catholic by Dr. Greg Bottaro – The book with the "keys in a blender" story Dr. Greg never expected readers to remember
• Watch other Being Human episodes on YouTube – Watch the full video archive of the Being Human podcast
• Sam Altman on AI Images – The referenced video clip on why the value of perfection is going to zero
• The Integrated Life Journal – Quarterly journal on disintegrated care in the modern world, and what integration looks like in practice
• Summit of Integration 2026 – Sign up to learn more about this year's event!
• Need help? Schedule a free CatholicPsych consultation
• Want to help? Learn more about our Certification in Professional Accompaniment

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