Zach Arend dives deep into the intriguing world of stress and leadership. He invites listeners to join him at "Leading in the Arena" on January 10th, an event crafted for those who aspire to elevate their influence and impact in business and life. Zach challenges you to ponder a critical question: "Who are you under stress?" Unpacking this, he shares personal stories, revealing how stress can skew our perceptions and behaviors, turning us into control-seekers and even leading us to a self-centered state. This episode isn't just about identifying stress-induced behaviors; it's a call to action to harness stress as a tool for transformation and growth. Join Zach as he guides you on how to turn stress into a pathway for achieving remarkable leadership and life-changing results. Get ready to redefine your relationship with stress and step boldly into your arena!
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TRANSCRIPT BELOW:
Zach Arend: What's inside of you, what's alive in you.
That has an opportunity to come to the surface and get cleared up and cleaned up so that you can experience even more freedom.
Welcome to the arena. Before we get into today's episode, I want to share with you an event I'm hosting. On January 10th, I'm going to be doing a virtual event and an in-person event, so you can choose whichever one works best for you. I'm calling it leading in the arena. And this is for entrepreneurial leaders, business owners, executives. If you're wanting to amplify your influence, your impact, and ultimately the results in your life and your business, then. This event's for you because far too many of us, you know, we feel a little bit stuck. Being the go-to person for everything. And we ended up dropping our entire day to meet all these urgent demands of our team.
And then at the end of the day, if you really check in with yourself, Did you really do what you set out to do to move you forward on your goals and your desires? And then just that in combination with managing the emotional temperature in the world today and being so conscious of how other people are feeling around you and leaving you feeling kind of limited in what you can do and say and I want to help you change your relationship with some of these obstacles that we experience so that you can really fully step into the arena of your own life and your business. And playful out. This is a two hour it's a no cost to you.
I'm giving this to my community, spending time with you walking you through how you can really step into a more powerful way of being. In your leadership from the inside out, you're going to know more of what that means. In fact, we're going to talk a little bit about that in today's episode. Because I want to go deeper around this question of who are you under stress? When you are feeling stress and pressure. Who are you? Who do you tend to be?
How you tend to show up when you're under stress? This is an important question because. Look. Yeah, the way you show up into the world and the way you show up in your business. Is going to have a direct impact on your ability to create more what you want or create more what you don't want. And it's important to be responsible. Because the moment you give that responsibility away and you say, well, it's just crazy right now.
And I'm just, there's just a lot on my plate, but. And you rationalize and justify your way of being. Your that's a recipe to keep you exactly where you are. And so I want to talk about. Stress fear, worry. Self-doubt all those icky uncomfortable emotions that we tend to avoid. And we'd just rather not experience. We'll just call that the experience of being a human being. I'm want to invite you to go into that in this episode?
Who are you under stress? Now my ask is you answer this question and reflect on this question with me. Without judgment. This isn't an invitation to judge yourself and beat yourself up because yeah you're not proud of who you are under stress. That's not the point. That's not why I'm asking this question.
It's to get curious with it. And here's the thing that I've noticed when I'm working with clients. I work with a lot of one-on-one clients or in this event that I'm doing on the 10th, we get in a room together and we start exploring this question. We explored the mother. More positive, energizing questions too, but we got to start here. Because this is what's running our life for far too many of us, because we just say, well, it is what it is.
It's stressful. And I'm just got along on my plate. And so therefore I just. Yeah, I just need a break or I'm burnout. Like, no, you are a powerful human being. You're responsible. Nobody's coming. You get to choose a new way of being, and that's kind of the outcome. What, if you could get yourself to that state of like, oh my God. It doesn't have to be this way. And one of the things that I do, and this is interesting because there's two types of stress. There's like that chronic stress. It's just kind of like a weight on your back. You carry it around with you day in, day out. It keeps you up at night, comes in the form of anxiety. Chronic. It's just there. And that's one thing, and it's great to be aware of that. But then there's like that acute stress when the pressure and the dial is cranked really loud. It gets acute. And one of the ways that I love playing with people is I ask them, you know, like sometimes they show up first, a coaching session, they show up one of my groups and initially we start talking to you, like, things are good.
You don't, things are pretty good. You know, things are pretty good. All right. I don't, you know, I don't really know what I could work on today. You know, I don't know what I would love to create for myself. All I do is I asked them to elevate the game they're playing. We look at a three-year picture.
We're like, okay, over three years, what would you love to have achieved in your life and your business? And then all I do is I shorten the timeline. I say, okay, what if that was going to happen in this year? That's now your goal. You're going to do that in the next six months. Now what. All I do is I create some acute stress, like, oh, just turn the volume up on that. And I get to see, we get to see what comes out of that. As a result of cranking up the pressure in a safe environment and a container where it's, you know, there's someone there to catch you and you can work through it.
But when you squeeze a lemon, What comes out? Lemon juice. So when you get squeezed, the truth comes out. There's no more bullshitting. There's no more rationalizing and justifying. The real fear comes to the surface. The real source of your stress comes to the surface. And that's awesome because now we get to work with it. We get to understand it.
Like where is that coming from? Why am I believing? That's true. What evidence do I have? And so who are you under? Stress is such a powerful question, because if you're unwilling to ask that question and actually step into stressful. Environments. You never get to figure out who you truly are because on the other side of that stress, Is a powerful way of being that is the exact way in which you're going to create everything you want in your life. But you have to be willing to sit with that question.
Who am I when I'm under stress?
And so sometimes we have to create it. And sometimes we have to create it like through a coaching conversation where we got to dial up that vision and that goal to where it's so big, it feels impossible. And then we start looking at the reasons. What are, shall we say, the lies that we tell ourselves about why it's impossible.
And when you do that, all of a sudden freedom comes and you get to create it. And you're going to be much more likely to make it a reality. And you're able, you're going to be able to do it so much quicker because you're clearing all the noise out of the way. And you're getting really dialed in on what is true. And what is just worry and made up stories that have no evidence. And this has never been more true for me. You know, so one, one thing is you get a coach and they kind of amp up the pressure.
So we can start working through those limiting beliefs and stories. The other time is, you know, sometimes you don't really need to create it. Sometimes life just happens. And it's your greatest teacher and I'm going to share a personal story. If you're listening to this episode, I'm recording this one right before Christmas.
It'll come out, I think on January 4th, but right before Christmas, well, about 30 days ago, right around Thanksgiving, my wife and I decided to put an offer on a house. I didn't really, weren't really planning on doing that. It just kind of came out of nowhere and we're like, this is the house. And we're off to the races.
And two days later we got our house on the market. Two days after that. We've got an offer at sign, you know? And so it's like, now it's like, oh my God, what? I didn't think I could do. I think I actually can. We can move into this new hospital for Christmas. And so here we are. It's a week before Christmas. And we still haven't got a firm closing date, but movers are scheduled on Friday. And I'm where my wife and I both run our own businesses.
You know, I'm going, doing these videos. If you look behind me, there's home Depot boxes. You know, my, my office is a wreck. You. A mess. I've got people inspectors come in here at noon. And I just like, and I'm like on a zoom call with a client. I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm getting interrupted. You know? It's been absolutely crazy. And so this has been a teacher. Like who am I under stress?
Because you know what, I'm going to share some things because who am I being when I'm feeling all this pressure? Because I've, it's been a while since I felt this much stress and pressure, it's just. It's a lot. I mean, my oldest daughter is like not wanting to move, like change is hard and she, you know, and that's been a process and I'm trying, you know, we're my wife and I run a business and and we've created this timeline where we want to move in before Christmas, but then we've got to drive to Nebraska for Christmas.
And so in that its presence to be wrapped. And you know, for most of us this time of year is stressful and it just is And I'm going to say it doesn't have to be, but given the whole year, this is a container that's just right for stress. And I went ahead and poured gasoline on the fire and said, well, let's go ahead and move right before Christmas, too. You know, and let's just do this as fast as we possibly can. And so I'm learning some things about myself because You know, over the last, this weekend and the last four, four days, it's just completely been up in the air. And I'll be honest.
Like I know I'm not being who I desire to be when I'm dropping F bombs at a car that is driving slow in front of me on the interstate, as I'm trying to get my daughter to her musical theater performance. And oh, and then like, I'm literally driving home yesterday. You guys This is the eighth performance my daughter's doing for elf the musical. This is like the third time I've driven downtown and I'm like trying to get my house packed up.
And I just, I'm losing my shit on cars. Like people are driving slow and coming into my lane and I'm just like, ah, you know, And I'm like, And there's a moment of like, whoa, what is going on? You didn't cool. Your jets, Zach, you know, like, whoa. And. This is like, the part of me is like, do I share this?
You know? And. And then I'm at home and I'm like, kind of biting my wife's head off about what are we having for lunch. And she's like, let's go out to eat. And I'm like, I don't have time to go out to eat like freaking list. You know, and I'm just like, I'm like, wow. What is going on. And. I'm just thankful that I've done enough of the work to be like, oh, let's tap the brakes here.
Cause something's not quite right. I'm not going to say it's bad and I should just be ashamed myself. Cause I'm being a jerk. 'cause, I just don't find that I want to bring some love into this, but I had. And there's three things that I'm seeing for myself. And I'm sharing this for you because I'm like, who are you under stress?
Who am I under stress? And more importantly, how are you? And I creating that stress because we always are. We always are. We create our experience. We do. And if you want to understand what that means. You need to join me on one of my events. January tends to the next one. Because we create our experience. And that might sound crazy right now.
You will not sound crazy by the end of the evening. Or the end of the virtual session, if you join.
I am creating the stress. And it's my relationship with that stress. That's determining how I show up. And this is true for you too. So in this holiday season, this new year, how are you creating? The thing you say you don't want. That's a powerful question. You guys. So here's my answer to myself. I'm sharing self-reflections, but I believe there's a principle here for you. In all of us. And maybe for the future me.
So we'll listen to this episode again, down the road and be like, oh, okay. Remit. Reminder, remember. Yup. So first and foremost, there's three things I wrote down. What am I learning from this acute stress that. That I have created. thAt I am experiencing. That I have created the experience of. What am I learning from that?
Because there's such an opportunity because under stress you get to learn about who you are. Not like as a F like, Not there's no period, but who you are being, it's not like, this is just who you are. See how you're actually a jerk. You've been fooling everybody. You're actually a big a-hole. And like, no, that's not what I mean, but like what's inside of you, what's alive in you.
That has an opportunity to come to the surface and get cleared up and cleaned up so that you can experience even more freedom. That's what I want for myself. It's what I want for you. That's why I'm doing these events. So the three things I learned. And am learning. I'm not sure. I'm not going to say I've got this all figured out.
I think I'm, I know I'm still learning these, but when the volumes up, they get louder and it's like, okay, still got some work to do. Cool. So the first one is. Kind of what I've been already saying, like I'm creating the stress. Realizing that I created this. Y because I set the deadlines. I did. There is no reason we have to move before Christmas. In fact, the more like, you know, realistic conservative thing would be like, Hey, let's move. Like the Thursday after Christmas, and now we've got a week buffer.
We should be good, you know, but no. I create the deadline because I'm like no, we're going to move. I think we move from Christmas. Let's do it. Because. You know, and then I create all the reasons why, well, because I've got a busy January and if I can move before Christmas, then. We can get in our new house for Christmas.
We have our first Christmas in our new house. And then the first week, you know, between Christmas and new year, there's not a lot going on. I'll have that whole week to just unpack and enjoy myself. And I create the deadlines and then I create all the reasons why these deadlines have to be the way it is.
I create the rules of the game.
You create the rules. Of the game of life you always do. I created this. So this isn't an opportunity to be like, and you're an idiot for doing that. Like how could you let that happen? No. No. Now there might be a part of me. That's like, But I'm going to forgive that part of me. But just by acknowledging that, you know what I created this. There right behind that. Reminds me that I'm responsible.
I am able to respond. I created this. Therefore I can create what happens next.
I can choose to move the date I can. I can. Or I can choose to say no, let's still go for it. But let's just do it in a little bit different way. Let's change our relationship with this deadline. It doesn't have to feel like it's in concrete. So there's some freedom that comes just by acknowledging that. I can own this.
I created this. So if you're in a business, Or a leader like you create deadlines all the time for yourself. You create deadlines by not Agreeing on the deadline. Somebody asks something of you and you just in your mind say, well, that has to be done now. Instead of asking, you know, like, Hey, you know, given this week, would it be all right if I had that to you on Friday instead of Tuesday morning, tomorrow? How does that work for you?
Oh Friday. Okay. Thursday. Okay, great. Let's agree to do it on Thursday. We don't do that. We just create our own deadline and say like, okay, I got to get this out. I've got to get this proposal done. I've got to get this layout done. I've got to week you create the deadlines. So, this is such an Ulta-
this is a principle that when I'm inviting you to look at. How are you creating stress by the deadlines you create? You create the rules. So number two,
I'm noticing the more I feel stress. And I'm wondering what you notice about you don't make this about me, make this about you. I'm noticing the more stress I feel, the more pressure. I'm creating for myself, but the more stress. Pressure I've stretcher. That's a word pressure. I feel. The more, I want to grip the steel steering wheel.
The more I want to try to control. Getting this thing across the goal line. I am like locked on that steering wheel and I'm calling people and like, what about this? Where's this? Do we have this. And I am like. Controlling this thing. And I'm noticing that the more pressure and stress I feel, the more I reach for control. I have to make sure that we are okay.
It's on my back. And that comes at a cost. One it's given me this. I think we reached for control because there's a sense of security and safety and certainty. And I think it's all bullshit, to be honest, like what really do we have control of in our lives, in our businesses and the moment you try to control anything? I try to control your spouse, try to control your kids. Uh, good luck with like, it doesn't work.
Does it? Like, like controlling anything in life. Is. iT opens us up to making a mess now. The problem with children is we can kind of feel like we can control them. Like you can go. You know, you can raise your voice and then they listen and they go get their pajamas on. But. That has a short shelf life. I'm learning right. Whenever we reach for control. It creates a mess. And frankly, it's it doesn't work there.
Control is an illusion. And the sooner we can sit with the. I am not in control of my life. There's some peace that comes from that too. But what I'm learning and that's kind of the reminder of like, I am not in control of my life because right now I think I am right now. I think I can make this move happen.
Now there's a S there's a. There's a strength and a dark side to that. Right? I think sometimes I can see how that serves me. Just that willingness, that discipline. I am going to will this into. Happening. And I've done that. And so have you. But I do believe you can live in that paradox of I'm going to make this happen.
And I have absolute no control in making this happen. There's kind of this, I'm going to do everything that I can to make this happen. With, from a place of peace, knowing that I ultimately am not in control. That's powerful. So that's the second thing I'm learning and it's reminding myself, it's like, oh, there's that control thing again? Ooh.
Okay. From piece. I created everything. I am actually not in control of anything now. I have agency here and I can do everything I can in my power. While maintaining my values and being in integrity with who I desire to be. So does that give me a free license yell at my kids and my wife? No. Or flip off the, I didn't flip the guy off, but I mean, I might as well as uh, on the interstate.
No. Like that's actually an indicator. It's like, oh, your red lining may be in need of dial it back a little bit. But I still can stay on task and stay focused and getting this thing done. But I don't have to create a world of hurt and suffering for myself and everyone around me in the process. But when I grasp for control, that's ends up what's happening.
And so finding some peace around, well, what am I trying to control? That if I'm being honest with myself, I have absolutely no control of. I kind of separating your agency and all of this and. The rest is left to God. The universe. You know, your co-creator like some of this is just out of your hands.
Most of it is if you're really being, if we're being honest, So just clinging to what you can control within letting go of it. Because there are a lot of peace comes. And now again, this is what the benefits of feeling acute stress is. It's like, oh, it shows you who you're being loud and clear so that you can address it. The last one is when I'm under stress and pressure.
What about you? Is control. Yes. But then I'm also intimately being extremely self-centered. Self centered, like. I am taking it on. I am making this happen. And in a way I kind of become this. This victim, this martyr, like, look at me, I am doing everything. I'm working long hours and doing this and that.
And you know, I'm packing and all, you know, and. Very self-centered. And what ends up happening is you kind of put yourself in a position where it's you against the world. And that's what happened on my way home yesterday. Driving home. Yeah, there were some cars. Like, they just kind of were driving slower, honestly, like, but it, but the way it was occurring for me was so intense.
Like get out of the way, like Sunday drivers. Oh my God. But they were pro these cars are probably driving the same as the cars that I meet on every day, but they were occurring to me differently because of who I was being. So self-centered that it was like me against the world, that's who I was being.
And so any type of. Anything that was outside of what I wanted was an attack. And so I was responding as if it was an attack. Like God get on my way, driving by him, you know? And it's like, I'm creating that the, and it's coming from a place I'm being very self-centered. This is, I am. Being such the martyr right now, I'm feeling like such the victim, that this is all up to me. I have to do this.
Otherwise we're not going to be able to move into time. I've got to push this thing done. We've got to move before Christmas because that's who I was being. Very self-centered. I. There's a lot of control. Ultimately leaving me feel very self-centered and whenever you're self centered, you're not seeing your how much you're connected with people around you. How much people are actually willing to help you. When you're self-centered you don't ask for help. You carry it around your back. In where it like a battle scar and you're proud of it.
And. And this crap is what we do in our lives and our leadership and our businesses. And it's not serving us. It's not serving you. All it's going to end up doing is you're probably going to get into a, An argument on the interstate with another driver or something. And sometimes it comes out like, you're you get in an argument with your dryer at home, like the lint trap, like you start yelling at the limp trap, you know, like this is when you kind of are like, Hey, something's off.
Something's not quite right. I'm being a little self-centered here. How could I invite more of life in, in, in feel reconnected with my family and my team. And a great way to do that is to start ask for help. So these are three things that back to who are you being under stress? Who are you under stress?
Not as a judgment, but as an opportunity to get curious, learn. And to release some of the stuff that's not serving you so that you can fully be who you desire to be. And that's what the event on January 10th is going to be about. It's a two hour event. We're going to do it on the evening on January 10th, downtown Kansas city.
And then I have also a virtual session that. I don't remember the exact time, but it's during the day. So any remote people that aren't from Kansas city feel free to join virtually. We're going to get into, why are things the way they are for you and your life and your business? Not as a way of like, I'm beating you over the head with it. But like, who are you being? And that's a powerful question, because then you get to decide if that's who you want to be. And I'm going to teach you a powerful framework. So that you can not only answer that question, but learn how you can make some minor shifts in your life and how you're approaching your day. That has the power to literally transform. Everything. In your. And in all areas of your life, I'm. I know that sounds like a pretty big. Promise, but it's true. Just ask anybody that's been to the event. When you change your relationship with and see how you're creating what you're experiencing. Freedom.
That's what happens. Freedom to choose freedom, to get back to being who you desire to be freedom, to be creative and powerful and impactful. And that's where true influence and leadership comes from. And this stuff is critical and that's what we're going to be getting into. In my next, leading in the arena event. So, Join me on January 10th, you can sign up by going to my website. www.zacharend.com/workshop. That z Zacharend.com. C H a R E N d.com forward slash workshop. This is Leading in the Arena January 10th, where we're going to really dial in on how you can look at who you're being.
And create some powerful shifts so that you can increase your influence, your impact, and ultimately the results. In your business in your life. Thanks for listening and we will see you in the next episode.
