Below The Circle™ with Dr. Phyllis

What are you still holding on to from the past that no longer fits the life you are living now?

Sometimes we keep things because they carry memories, love, grief, or a connection to someone we miss. Letting them go can feel like we are letting go of the person too. But there comes a time when holding on can begin to take up the very space we need for the life in front of us.

In this deeply personal episode, Dr. Phyllis shares her decision to finally let go of a couch and table that belonged to her parents. These were more than pieces of furniture. They represented family, loss, and years of memories. But she has reached a point where releasing them no longer feels like betrayal. It feels like permission to make room for what comes next.

This week’s reflection:

What are you holding on to from the past that is keeping you from fully being present in your life today?

In this episode:

(1:10) How do you know when it is time to let go of what no longer fits?

(2:20) Losing her mother and stepping into a new role within the family

(3:17) Recognizing her mother was trying to pass the baton before she died

(4:52) Grief, responsibility, and becoming task focused after loss

(5:20) Why Dr. Phyllis struggled to let go of her parents’ belongings

(7:31) Holding on when you have not yet had the space or time to grieve

(8:03) The family table and couch that carried decades of memories

(10:11) Realizing it is finally time to let them go

(11:44) Why releasing possessions does not mean betraying the people you love

(13:14) How caring, fear, and autopilot can keep us holding on

(14:33) When the past starts getting in the way of experiencing your present life

(15:03) Why you cannot live in the past and be fully present at the same time

(16:35) Giving yourself permission to grieve, release, and make room

(17:22) A “landing moment” to identify what you keep climbing over in your life

(18:33) What do you need to let go of to make room for your new season?

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

If your life looks good from the outside, but underneath it all you feel worn through, this episode is for you.

You can be deeply grateful for your life and still be tired inside it. Both can be true. The people you love matter to you. The work you do matters. You would choose much of this life again. But when you spend years noticing what everyone needs, picking up responsibilities, and carrying what others cannot see, even time off may not reach the tiredness underneath.

This episode names that hidden weight and reminds you that exhaustion is not proof that you are ungrateful, weak, or doing life wrong. God sees the parts no one else sees, including what you carry quietly.

This week’s reflection:

What truth about how tired you are have you been spending energy trying to hide?

In this episode:

(1:23) Two truths that can exist together: gratitude and exhaustion

(3:18) Why you are allowed to be tired inside a life you are grateful for

(3:48) Proverbs 14:13 and the pain a heart can carry even during joy

(4:36) Dr. Phyllis shares her own experience of success, responsibility, and deep depletion

(8:47) Why your schedule may not be the real reason you feel worn out

(10:07) The hidden work of noticing, absorbing, and responding to everyone around you

(12:58) How responsibilities, burdens, and emotional weight quietly accumulate

(14:43) Psalm 56:8 and the reminder that God sees every unseen tear

(16:51) Why your tiredness is not evidence against you

(19:34) Seeing your busy life for what it really is: a caring life

(20:05) A guided “landing moment” to admit one true thing without fixing it

(22:31) Deciding what is yours to carry and what is not

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture:

Proverbs 14:13 reminds us that even in laughter, the heart may still be carrying pain. Joy and heaviness can exist at the same time.

Psalm 56:8 reminds us that God sees and remembers the tears, struggles, and burdens that others may never notice.

If you’re the one everyone calls — the one who picks up, who shows up, who holds it together when everyone else is falling apart — this episode is for you.

We’re not going to diagnose why you do it. The people who call you love you, and every yes you have given was real. But love and need come down the same phone line, and after enough years it gets hard to tell which one is ringing.

This episode names the difference between being needed and being known — and then, before it ends, it gives you ten quiet seconds to find out that the ground holds.

This week’s reflection:

Who are you when no one needs anything from you?

In this episode:

(1:28) The hidden weight of being “the one” everyone calls

(4:10) “Does anybody really know me?”

(6:11) Dr. Phyllis reflects on years of always having her pager or phone on

(11:50) The difference between being needed and being known

(13:41) Why being known is not something you have to earn

(15:41) Mark 1:35-38 and Jesus stepping away from the crowd

(19:06) Psalm 139 and the truth that God already knows you

(21:02) You are not searching for something you have never had

(22:51) A guided “landing moment” to pause and simply be

(25:36) Deciding what is yours to carry and what is not

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture:

• Mark 1:35–38 focuses on Jesus stepping away from the crowd to pray and spend time with God, even when people were looking for Him.
• Psalm 139:1–4 reminds us that God already knows us fully, including our thoughts, our actions, and even the words we are going to speak.

You've got three things open on your screen, a half-written email, a conversation you've been meaning to have for three days, and a phone that keeps buzzing. You're not behind. You're not ahead. You're just in all of it — at the same time. You craved this life. You prayed for it. You got it. You just never learned how to live in it. In this episode, Dr. Phyllis doesn't just talk about landing — she guides you through a 60-second Landing Moment right in the middle of the episode. By the time you turn it off, you won't just think differently. You'll feel different.

This week’s reflection:

What if you stopped measuring your worth by how much you carry and gave yourself permission to be fully present in the life you prayed for?

In this episode:

(0:00) When juggling everything becomes normal

(2:04) Why constant doing can take over your life

(4:16) When being needed becomes proof of your worth

(7:05) Matthew 11 and Jesus’ invitation to rest

(10:22) Dr. Phyllis’ personal story of motherhood, school, and work

(15:39) Being present for everything but feeling like you missed it

(16:47) Remembering the moments you did fully experience

(19:36) You don’t have to leave your life to find your life

(21:24) A guided 60-second practice for becoming present

(25:17) What a “landing moment” means

(26:28) Psalm 46:10 and releasing the need to prove your worth

(27:17) Your next step toward living full, aligned, and free

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture:

• "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." — Matthew 11:28-30 (NASB)
• "Cease striving, and know that I am God." — Psalm 46:10 (NASB)

She was at the dinner table. Fork in hand. Nodding at the right moments. But inside? She was three days ahead — running the list, managing the room, tracking everyone else's needs while her own life passed through her hands.

She was in the room. But she wasn't IN the room.

If you've ever felt that quiet ache — the sense that you're showing up to your own life and somehow missing it — this episode is for you. Dr. Phyllis teaches that presence is a skill, not a personality trait, and that the retraining back to your own life is already built into your body: your five senses.

You'll learn the Five-Senses Landing Scan — a simple, daily practice of one sense, one pause, one second where you stop performing your life and actually feel it. No retreat required. No hour of meditation. Just one deliberate moment a day where you choose to be in the room you're already standing in.

This week’s reflection:

Am I truly present in the room I’m in, or is my mind already somewhere else?

In this episode:

(1:06) Being in the room but missing the moment

(3:11) Why mental absence is not a character flaw

(4:40) Presence is a skill you can relearn

(6:04) Using the five senses to return to the present

(7:20) What Dr. Phyllis calls a “landing moment”

(10:15) Handling grief over missed moments

(11:37) “Cease striving” and Psalm 46:10

(12:50) Lessons from Mary and Martha

(15:01) The five-sense landing practice

(18:20) Why it is never too late to land

(19:40) Free guide: What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t?

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture:

• Psalm 46:10 — "Cease striving, and know that I am God." (NASB)
• Luke 10:41-42 — "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered by so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her." (NASB)

You paused. You gave yourself a moment before you answered. And then — almost immediately — guilt showed up like you'd done something wrong.

In this episode, Dr. Phyllis Hayes-Reams sits with the feeling that shows up after the pause — the guilt that comes the second you try to choose yourself. She names it plainly, teaches the difference between two kinds of guilt, and gives you one question you can use the next time you're in the middle of the spiral.

This is not a conversation about doing less. It's a conversation about learning to read what the guilt is actually telling you — and choosing your way through it instead of obeying it.

If you've ever paused, tried to choose differently, and immediately felt like you did something wrong — this episode was made for you.

This week’s reflection:

When guilt shows up after you choose yourself, pause and ask: “Did I do something wrong, or did I simply do something different?”

In this episode:

(0:00) Investing in everyone except yourself

(2:43) Choosing versus reacting

(4:44) Making a real inner investment

(6:22) The two types of guilt

(10:19) Wrongdoing versus growth

(11:20) Dr. Phyllis shares her personal story

(15:16) Why the “right season” may never come

(17:06) Faith, responsibility, and releasing others’ burdens

(19:08) The two-question guilt check-in

(21:03) Becoming faithful to your own soul

(23:26) “What’s Yours to Carry and What Isn’t” resource

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture:

• Galatians 6:5 — "For each one shall carry his own load."
• Psalm 46:10 — "Cease striving, and know that I am God."

You said yes because you care. So why are you left feeling tired, frustrated, and far from yourself?

In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the “reactive yes,” the answer that leaves your mouth before you have made a real decision. For many big-hearted women, love has become linked to availability, and worth has become linked to usefulness. But every automatic yes can pull you further from your center, build resentment, and even keep the people you love from developing their own strength. Caring is not the problem. The goal is to pause long enough to choose whether your yes is truly yours to give.

This week’s reflection:

Before answering a request, take one breath and ask: “Am I choosing this, or am I reacting?”

In this episode:

(0:00) Saying yes before checking in with yourself

(3:24) Why an automatic yes is not a character flaw

(4:57) Understanding the reactive yes

(7:15) How repeated yeses create resentment

(8:30) When helping can limit another person’s growth

(11:06) The difference between choosing and reacting

(12:41) What makes a chosen yes meaningful

(14:48) Fear, faith, and letting your yes mean yes

(19:31) The one-breath practice for better decisions

(23:36) Giving from wholeness instead of fear

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture: Matthew 5:37

You did a hundred things for the people you love today. So why does it feel like you barely saw them?

In this episode, Dr. Phyllis names the quiet trade so many big-hearted women have made without meaning to: becoming the most useful person in the family instead of the most present one. She shares her own years of doing everything for the people she loved and hardly ever being with them — and the moment in Scripture (Mary and Martha) that finally showed her the difference. Her doing was never the problem. Letting it crowd out the being-with was.

This week’s reflection:

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give the people we love is not what we do for them, but our full presence with them.

In this episode:

(0:52) When was the last time you were truly with your loved ones?

(3:10) Dr. Phyllis shares the personal cost of always doing

(6:45) Why loved ones may receive your help but miss your presence

(9:50) Doing for people is not the same as being with them

(12:59) How productivity can become tied to love and self-worth

(14:42) What Mary and Martha teach us about presence

(17:52) The 10-minute “nothing in your hands” challenge

(20:43) Freeing your hands by releasing what is not yours to carry

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture: Luke 10:38–42

What if the weight wearing you out was never yours to carry?

You can carry all of it. You’ve proven that. But in this episode, Dr. Phyllis invites you to pause and ask a deeper question: how much of what is on your plate was ever truly yours? She speaks to the big-hearted woman with a full schedule, a tired soul, and a quiet fear that she has been so busy carrying everyone else’s life that she is flying right over her own.

Through personal story, scripture, and gentle truth, this episode helps you see why carrying everything is not the same as being faithful, and why you were never the glue holding it all together. God is.

This week’s reflection:

What is one thing I have been carrying that God may be asking me to set down?

In this episode:

(0:00) Asking what is actually yours to carry

(2:43) Dr. Phyllis shares how she learned this lesson

(7:20) Lesson 1: You stopped being able to tell what is yours

(9:59) Lesson 2: Carrying everything started looking like virtue

(13:00) Lesson 3: The “glue lie” and the truth that God holds it all

(17:30) Free resource: What’s Yours to Carry?

(19:05) Final encouragement to land whole, aligned, and free

Your next step is already waiting: a guide called What’s Yours to Carry — and What Isn’t, made to walk you through your own plate and help you start sorting this is mine from this was never mine. Go get it at thebelowthecircle.com.

Nothing has been wasted. It’s not too late to land — whole, aligned, free.

———

Get your guide → thebelowthecircle.com

Below the Circle with Dr. Phyllis · Stop circling. Start landing. 🕊️

Scripture: Matthew 11:28–30 · Psalm 46:5 · Colossians 1:17

What are you afraid would fall apart if you stopped holding it all together?

You have been the one who remembers, covers, fixes, plans, and carries what everyone else forgets. You call it responsibility, strength, love, and loyalty. But underneath all that holding may be a quiet fear that if you let go, everything will crash.

In this episode, Dr. Phyllis gently speaks to the woman who feels like the glue in everyone’s life and reminds her of this truth: it was never all hers to hold.

Through Colossians 1:17 and Psalm 46:5, this episode points you back to the God who has been holding you, and everything you fear dropping, all along.

This week’s reflection:

What is one small thing I can set down for one hour, and what might God show me when I do?

In this episode:

(0:00) The fear beneath holding it all together

(1:37) The woman everyone calls when things need fixing

(3:45) How you learned to carry so much

(5:33) When being able became feeling obligated

(6:53) The role of “glue” was learned, not given by God

(8:28) The belief that everything depends on you

(9:18) Colossians 1:17 and who truly holds all things

(10:32) Psalm 46:5 and being steady because God is with you

(11:46) The fear that everything falls if you stop

(13:22) One small practice for setting something down

(14:28) What happens when the world keeps turning

(15:31) God is calling you to land

(17:02) Nothing you carried has been wasted

(18:19) Introducing the guide, “What’s Yours to Carry”

(19:49) Stop circling and start landing

Get Dr. Phyllis’s free guide, “What’s Yours to Carry, and What Isn’t,” for the woman who holds everyone together at thebelowthecircle.com.