There exists in this universe a balance between matter and anti-matter.  A balance which must remain forever identical.  What happens when a teenage girl with a crush on Tony Verdesci upsets the balance of the universe?

Ben and Eugene discuss A Matter of Balance.

Synopsis

Meanwhile, Alpha finds a perfect planet and goes to investigate, where, Shermeen, tricked by the floating head, gets transferred into the anti-matter world where evolution runs backwards. They trick the bad guy into being in a place where they can reverse the polarity of the anti-neutron flow and swap her back.. The day is saved, and the beautiful little planet disappears out from under their feet.

Finally, Tony contemplates the enormous commercial potential of anti-matter beer.

A dark and mysterious void appears in space before the Galactica.  Adama takes a leap of faith with the lives of all the Colonial Survivors.  On a happier note, Apollo and Serina are sealed.

Ben and Eugene discuss the Lost Planet of the Gods.

Synopsis

No time for the emotions now, Apollo and Starbuck area heading out on long-range patrol. There’ll be time for emotions – or at least drinking – they return, as Starbuck has prepared a “going away” party for Apollo.

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Meanwhile, Baltar has been given a Basestar and the assistance of Lucifer, an IL-series Cylon to pursue the Galactica.

Given only two possible paths forward (see heading: “Three-dimensional space”, sub-heading “not how it works”), Adama opts to avoid the Cylon base and heads the fleet towards the void. He also assigns Apollo to train raw cadets, who, coincidentally all happen to be hot young women, into being Viper pilots to replace the critically-ill pilots. After much too little training – none of it in actual ships – the newly minted pilots must fly a mission to the Cylon base to collect a sample of the infection killing the other pilots. They return, victorious, without a single loss. Wow. Cylons must REALLY suck at fighting.

Plunging into the void, the detect something at the extreme end of the sensor range behind them. Investigating, Starbuck is captured by the Cylons and taken before Baltar who claims to be offering the hand of peace.

Adama has taken the fleet into the void because of the ancient legends of the Colonials. Their legend tells that, as the planet Kobol was dying, the 12 tribes fled the planet through a black void. Adama thinks they may be retracing those steps back to Kobol.

Stricken by the death of Starbuck, Serena asks that their marriage be done immediately, since they never know how much time is left for any of them. As they are bonded, a star appears – the very star that the planet Kobol orbits.

Investigating the planet, the explore the great ruins of the city of Eden. In a temple, Adama finds two things – the 9th and final Lord of Kobol’s grave and Baltar, who somehow got there first. Baltar tries to sell Adama that he has been asked to sue for peace with the humans on behalf of the Cylon’s Imperious Leader. Baltar is to lead the Galactica back to the Cylon homeworld, but Baltar has a better idea. When they get there, they strike at the Cylon planet and destroy them once and for all.

Adama will never trust Baltar again and does not believe him, even when he released Starbuck as a show of good faith.

Just as Adama starts to find info about the exodus of the 13th tribe that went to Earth, Lucifer decides Baltar’s plan has failed – or that Baltar might be trying to double-cross the Cylons – and launches an attack on Kobol. The female Viper pilots take off from the ground to battle the Cylons, but it looks like they’re out-numbered and out-gunned until the male Viper pilots, finally cured, arrive from above and route the Cylons.

Baltar is trapped in the wreckage and left to die by Adama, but the writings on the 13th tribe are also destroyed.

At least they escaped with their lives. Oops, spoke too soon, Cylons shoot and kill Serena, leaving Apollo alone with his new son, Boxey.[/expand]

In the deep vastness of space, a mysterious cloud appears near Alpha.  At almost exactly the same time, almost everyone on Alpha is taken ill.  Oh, what are the galactic odds that these two things could happen simultaneously?!

…and then the cloud starts making demands!

Ben and Eugene discuss the Beta Cloud.

Synopsis

After several days, their probe Eagle returns with a hideous creature on board, which starts it’s rampage by killing the three security guards.

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But we need it, too, says Tony

“We know. So sorry, but best if you all just die peaceably.”

They try everything, lasers, rockets, vacuum, chlorine, deadly anesthetics, and electricity. Nothing works, until they realize it is a robot and Maya turns into a bug and blows out its brain. The cloud disappears and everyone returns to health.[/expand]

As humanity approaches the Seventh Millenium of Time, it will at least know peace.  After a thousand yahren war with an evil race of robotic war machines known as the Cylons, the war is finally over.

What could possibly go wrong?

Ben and Eugene start our exploration of a new series on Fusion Patrol – Battlestar Galactica – with the opening episode, Saga of a Star World.

Synopsis

Hoops, it’s a trap, the robotic Cylons didn’t have a change of heart – or programming – and have laid a trap. The fleet is engaged, and ultimately destroyed far from home, while the colonies, now defenseless, are slaughtered. Only Adama, member of the Council of Twelve and commander of the Battlestar Galactica was suspicious enough to have survived the attack.

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A new Council of Twelve is formed and it is as fatuous, foolish and indolent as the previous one. They hoard supplies while other survivors starve. The new Council starts machinations to remove Adama, who is too tied to “the old ways.” They start by questioning his leadership choices and destinations.

Luckily, Adama has a hotshot fighter pilot son, Capt. Apollo, who backs up his dad and when all looks lost, comes up with a harebrained plan to take the fleet to Adama’s chosen destination, Carrilon.

On Carrilon, it seems a paradise. There’s a luxury resort where you can’t even lose at the gambling tables and the free food really fattens you up.

Having found this “paradise” the Council think that the Cylons will ignore them if they just destroy the Galactica to prove they’re no longer a threat and put Adama out to pasture. Adama hatches a dangerous plan to save the day from the Cylon attack he knows is coming.

But what is the mystery of Carrilon? Oh, it’s insect creatures that like to plant larvae in the bodies of plump, juicy humans. Adama’s plan pays off and the suitably chastised Council presumably lets him get on with running things.

Oh, and Apollo has these two pals, Starbuck and Boomer. They’re around a lot, too. Starbuck is a bit of a player.

Cmdr. John Koenig is acting weird.  He’s irrational, authoritarian, paranoid and uncommunicative.  Sounds like just another day on Moonbase Alpha, but is it?  Could even John Koenig go a bit too far?

Find out as Ben and Eugene discuss Seed of Destruction.

Synopsis

Swapping jackets, the mirror Koenig returns to Alpha and has the Alphans start construction of an energy ray to shoot the asteroid and free them of a dangerous thing-a-ma-jiggy. Honest, it’s a thing-a-ma-jiggy and its really bad but Koenig brushes off all questions about its nature or threat. It’s just really, bad, ok?

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A brief discussion by the other Alphans considers the idea that something could be wrong with Koenig. Alan points out that maybe he’s just lying to protect them.

Yeah, that’s it. He does do that all the time, doesn’t he? OK, let’s get on with building the beam that will destroy Alpha.

Later, in Maya’s quarters, Tony and Maya discuss what’s happening. An inkling of a radical idea forms…. What is John isn’t behaving normally because of something that happened to him on the asteroid? We should steal an eagle and go look. This could mean Koenig is medically unfit… so maybe they should ask Helena instead?

Helena doesn’t like the idea, but later, as their life support systems start to fail, when she touches Koenig, he is like ice and she knows…. There’s could be something wrong.

Looks like the only plan is to steal an eagle and visit the asteroid. Tony and Maya try to convince Alan, but he’s not having it. The words “duty” and “loyalty” mean something to him, and he owes those words to John Koenig.

So they steal an eagle without him.

Koenig orders it shot down. Even Alan is having a hard time stomaching this order. He’s really conflicted. On the one hand, his commander is building a beam that appears to be going to kill everyone on Alpha, has locked down the station with jackbooted thugs keeping the peace and has just ordered him to murder his friends and top-ranking officers, Tony and Maya, whilst red-facing screaming at him and on the other hand, “duty” and “loyalty” – two words that mean something to Alan.

In the end, Helena stops Koenig from firing by saying that using the laser will divert power from his energy beam. See? You can reason with him.

On the asteroid, Tony and Maya find Koenig and rescue him. They have developed a sonic signal, using their comlocks that destroys the Kalthon crystals (for Kalthon is what the asteroid is called.)

Koenig takes their eagle and leaves them behind to destroy the threat, while he returns to Alpha to…. Um, I’m not sure what. Stop the mirror Koenig from sleeping with Helena? Just not sure.

Tony and Maya botch the job and get trapped in crystals, despite literally holding in their hands the devices that can destroy the crystals.

Koenig arrives on Alpha and a tense standoff occurs. They both claim to be the real John Koenig. There’s the man that’s been giving orders that have literally destroyed their water, protein and hydroponics systems, plus has turned off power to patients in med lab and ordered their friends to be killed and then there’s the guy that just returned from the asteroid and claims the other is an imposter.

Which to choose, which to choose, which to choose….? It takes a while, but Alan finally decides and shoots the evil Koenig. Real Koenig uses a sound wave and destroys Kalthon… and the episode ends, presumably with Tony and Maya being killed on the dying asteroid Kalthon when the artificial atmosphere dissipates.[/expand]

Giant space explosions threaten to destroy Moonbase Alpha unless John, Maya, and Alan can communicate with an alien-race of chlorine breathers and appeal their sense of morality and decency to get them to spare Alpha and all aboard her from destruction.

And if they can’t appeal to their better angels, Koenig will just kill them all to prove he can.

Ben and Eugene discuss The AB Chrysalis.

Synopsis

Koenig, Maya and Alan take an Eagle to the source of the explosions, a planet ringed by an almost perfect circle of moons. One one such moon, they discover the source of the explosions, an automated defense system designed to warn away hostile aliens; however, if the aliens refuse to go away, the system will ultimately destroy them. Unable to control the course of the moon’s path, Koenig argues that they should be allowed to pass. The computer controlling the defense system cannot comply, only its masters can, and none of them have been born.

Desperate, Koenig goes to the planet proper, a world with a chlorine gas atmosphere. There, another computer tells them the same story. Only the inhabitants of the planet can decide to stop the explosions and they haven’t been reborn yet.

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“Well, when I say “none”, there is the guardian, so… you know… ONE”

Koenig asks to be taken to see the guardian, but he is old and, after pleading his case through the computer translator, the guardian responded with senility. Alan gets mad and try to stop the computer from saving him. That’s not very nice Alan.

Koenig is desperate, so he trains the Eagle’s lasers on the chrysalis room and threatens to kill them all if they don’t comply…. Things are looking bad, until two of the aliens awaken, and things are looking up because one of them has the hots of Koenig, and she’s naked. This; however, is a democracy, and the two aliens are deadlocked…. The other doesn’t have the hots of Koenig. They must await the third to be reborn.

He is the brother of the guardian Alan tried to kill. AWKWARD!

The vote is NO, but the three Alphans may remain on the planet if they choose. They choose to die, knowing that Alpha will not survive the next blast, and they don’t have enough fuel to get home even if it was going to survive.

Before they leave, Koenig gives an impassioned speech about higher morality, which would have been a lot more authoritative if Alan hadn’t tried to kill one of them and Koenig hadn’t been threatening them with destruction if they didn’t do things his way.

In space, The next explosion doesn’t destroy anyone and speeds the eagle up so they can get home. The aliens were nice after all. And naked. Did I mention they were naked?

Steve Austin, the world’s first bionic man, is back for his third pilot adventure, battling a mysterious, shadowy, secret organization of criminal masterminds as they execute a daring kidnapping and hold the United States to ransom for one billion dollars!

Ben and Eugene discuss the Solid Gold Kidnapping.

Deep underneath Moonbase Alpha are catacombs.  Do they hold the secret of survival for Alpha as it faces an outer space heat wave?

Technician Osgood has faith that they will.

The question is, do Ben and Eugene have faith in this episode as they discuss it?

Synopsis

Patrick Osgood is a man driven. First, driven by the need to find a rare mineral to save his dying wife and second, after he blows up a tunnel on his head, he’s driven by visions of Alpha being destroyed by fire.

Coincidentally (or perhaps not) Alpha is having a heat wave, a tropical heatwave and Osgood knows he’s the only one that’s going to be saved, by his faith in… um… something? His visions, maybe? Himself? He was never too clear about that.

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It must be, because he straps a bomb to himself to make sure he gets to take his dying wife down there to save her from the heat, and maybe fix her broken heart – that wasn’t too clear, either.

Luckily. The heat passes Alpha and everything returns to normal, plus Helena gets the artificial heart working and save’s Osgood’s wife’s life. Chalk one up for science after all![/expand]

Steve Austin is back for a second telemovie adventure.  This time, the bionic spy must thwart an international arms dealer from (a) selling our nuclear weapons to the Soviet Union and (b) capturing one of our nuclear submarines.

Portholes will be violated.

Ben and Eugene discuss.

In their many cosmic wanderings, the residents of Moonbase Alpha have seen many things to make them question their place in the universe.  There was that time they encountered heaven in the form of anti-matter.  Or the time their presence was predestined to fertilize an entire planet to the new level of existence.  Or the time they spoke with a universal intelligence.  And how could we fail to mention the time the moon was brought to the very planet that gave life to Earth it they were maniupulated into bring life back to the world that gave them life?

Is there a higher plan for the residents of Moonbase Alpha?

Yes!  This week, the bearded one himself, God, shows up and says its time to start breeding like bunnies.

Ben and Eugene discuss New Adan New Eve.

Synopsis

He’s here to rescue the Alphans by providing them with a new planet, New Earth, and on it, a new Garden of Eden – or at least a small valley of Eden. Here he brings John, Helena, Maya and Tony, telling them to be fruitful and multiply. Although God, or Magnus to his friends, has some crafty ideas on Eugenics up his robe’s sleeves. A cross between Koenig’s stubbornness and Maya’s intelligence will produce headstrong kids who are smart enough to get away with anything, and Helena’s aristocratic nature and Tony’s down-to-earth farm boy qualities will produce middle-class plebs. The perfect genetic soup for a new planet.

…and they start to go along with it. Why? Moonlight and romantic music, why else?

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Maya turns into an owl and goes for a look and she sees footprints all over the place, so again, they find a way out of the valley and meet up again with their mutant friend. He explains “god” is just a Cosmic Magician who like to play God trying to unlock the secrets of life by breeding aliens – as you do. All the mutants want is to die.

The figure out that God gets his powers from sunlight, so dig a hole, trick him into it so it gets really dark, and the whole planet explodes, but not before they find their Eagle and escape.