“Steve Austin, Astronaut – a man barely alive.”

“Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.  We have the technology.  We have the capability to make the world’s first bionic man.”

“Steve Austin will be that man. Better than he was before –  better, stronger, faster.”

So say the iconic words from the TV series, the Six Million Dollar Man.  Words you will not hear spoken in this, the original TV movie that started it all.

Ben and Eugene discuss the 1973 TV Movie, the Six Million Dollar Man.

Sorry.  Just sorry.

This week, Ben and Eugene discuss Brian the Brain.

Synopsis

And then the moon’s horizon changes – whatever that means. Without computer, they don’t really know what’s going on, but it might be a black dwarf, so Koenig orders the immediate evacuation of all personnel from Alpha for reasons best left unexplained.

It’s not a black dwarf though, it’s just a Swift – and old style Earth spaceship that has Jerry Lewis aboard. Actually, it’s not Jerry Lewis, but it might as well be. It’s actually a computer, soon to be named Brian the Brain, from a lost Earth expedition. His crew is dead and he’s looking for new friends from Earth.

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Turns out this was a ruse, and Brian abducts them, while destroying the entire contents of Alpha’s computer!

Brian wants to return to the planet where his mother ship is parked and steal it’s fuel. You see, he only has a few thousand years to live, but he wants to live forever [maniacal laughter]. But first, he needs to test Koenig and Helena’s love for one another.

Tony does something clever for a change, and gets to the planet before Brian and, with Maya’s assistance, they convince Brian that the ghost of his murdered creator is haunting him. They chuck Brian into space, but not so far that they can’t take his “computer core” and repair Alpha’s computers.

For a moment, it looks like they’re going to be compassionate and release Brian back into the universe, but horny Koenig reappears and we never find out what happens while he just mashes on Helena some more.[/expand]

Dylan Hunt is back for a second bite at the TV pilot apple in 1974’s Planet Earth.

Ben and Eugene discuss Gene Roddenberry’s second attempt at Pax.

Two aliens, father and son Pasc and Etrec,  are found deep beneath Moonbase Alpha.  Why were they intered there?  What is the mystery of their reluctance to give blood?  What is that strange mark of evil on Pasc’s forehead?  What is Alan’s obsession with the boy, Etrec?

Ben and Eugene discuss the Space: 1999 episode, The Mark of Archanon.

Synopsis

Meanwhile, Koenig and Maya are in deep space in “the eye of a meteor storm” where they can do no further damage in this episode.

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Anyway, Alan takes an unnatural obsession with the boy.

Meanwhile, Pasc is obsessed with escaping because he’s got this sickness that makes him want to kill people. Then there’s something about a serum and, not wanting to tell people and then trying to kill people, but not killing people or maybe stealing an Eagle and then not stealing an Eagle, and blood transfusions that don’t work because they can’t give blood.

And then the super hyper-advanced aliens that left them stranded there a thousand years come back to collect them. Actually just to save the Alphans because they can’t cure them, but it turns out Helena could cure one of them and kill the other.

(Well, 50%. That’s better than her usual average.)

And they say, “oh, well, we know about that cure, but you know, we can’t use that one. So, um, yeah. Thanks. Well, thanks a lot. Bye bye,” and they leave them.[/expand]

As if the first story of Genesis wasn’t bad enough, along comes Genesis II – Gene Roddenberry’s tale of a future both destroyed by war and rebuilding with the dream of hope.

Ben and Eugene look at the pilot movie, Genesis II.

What is the measure of a man?  What constitutes, “fully functional?”

Ben and Eugene discuss The Questor Tapes.

Someone’s probably going to get pedantic on us with this one but, if this episode had tea, we could say it was Space: 1999 “Tea in the Midlands” as they go to Luton in Bedfordshire and study botany.  Also, hand-to-hand combat.  And hand-to-lion combat.  And hand-to-bird combat.

Join Ben and Eugene as they talk about the Rules of Luton.

Synopsis

The rightful justice authorities put them on trial, by combat for their heinous crimes against three other aliens who have similarly broken the rules of LUUUUUTON, and apparently been hanging around waiting for a new batch of criminals so they could have a team contest – instead of just pitting the alien against each other.

Anyway, having three space-faring sentient beings against 1.5 sentient Alphans is apparently not enough of an advantage, so the the Judge of LUUUUUUTON give each of the non-humans a special ability. One is super-strong, the next can teleport anywhere instantly, and the third can turn invisible. Despite that, Koenig and Maya prevail, killing two of the aliens “accidentally” and defeating, but refusing the kill the third.

Koenig starts a planetary revolution and they are released.

In 1977 Gene Roddenberry created a pilot for a potential new TV series starring Robert Culp and Gig Young – Spectre.

Ben and Eugene discuss this piece of television…  history.

The SS Emporium and her master, Taybor arrive for a little light banter and barter.  What could possibly go wrong?

Ben and Eugene discuss The Taybor.

Synopsis

Things that discharge in people’s faces…. Oh my.

Maybe I’d better start this recap again.

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Taybor’s ship is powered by a Jump Drive – a hyperspace drive that can take him anywhere in the Universe.

Koenig thinks, “If only we had Jump Drive technology, we could go home.” Taylor even agrees, but unfortunately, the Alphas have travelled to new galaxies and don’t even know where home is. And while there’s no place like home, if you don’t know where it is, you’re still lost.

Koenig is desperate to get the technical details of the Jump Drive and is willing to trade anything that Alpha has, including the entire moon, complete with its antique, pre-interstellar space travel technology, which will no doubt be of great interest to an intergalactic trader who deals in beauty.

Instead, he wants Maya. Koenig agrees – but only to build an exact replica of Maya. Taybor agrees.

Taybor lies, and after an elaborate ruse, he abducts Maya.

Fortunately, although Earth technology and brains cannot comprehend hyperspace, one of their limpid transmitters apparently can send and receive into hyperspace. That’s good, because Koenig has attached one to Taybor’s ship. He bids a fond farewell to Maya and gives her a coded message to turn herself ugly. She does and Taybor lets her go because is really is that shallow.

This is it.  It’s all over except for the shooting.  Blakes 7 rockets to it’s final, shocking conclusion.

Ben and Eugene pick over the corpse of Blakes 7.