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It’s true, making friends in 2024 as an adult and making friends in 2005 as a child are different. There’s so much more density to navigate as we age, so much so, we become jaded. Misconstruing a friendly gesture for romantic desire, lines blurred between likes and actual attraction, genuine support and fandom… what is it… illusive… it seems.
What if we approached our adult friendships with the curiosity of a child instead of with a critical eye, a “what’s in it for me” mentality, or as an opportunity to leverage in the future? What if we actually got to know each other on a soul level first, outside of what we look like and what we do for a living?
I can already feel the hesitation and see the heads nodding “no, absolutely not.”
A snippet of “Strike 12” by Chérie Jade
“All i need is a minute of your time.
but how long’s a minute anyway?
the highest exchange of currency
dwindled down to Tik Toks
on new fashioned clocks
where’s the quality in that anyway?
time.
stand.
still.
last call, we promise to use it all. just so we can spend more of you endlessly, feeding our flesh and not our souls you see… illusions lie in the spaces where time flies. but how long is that journey anyway? ”
Social Media
We’ve been doing the same thing for years, posting ourselves, liking each others’ posts, commenting… with no real community… no real support. It’s like a new age hamster wheel. Getting free from “the rat race” of your 9 to 5 just to hop on the hamster wheel of social media.
Studies show the side effects this digital world has on self-esteem, body image, social skills, self-awareness, just to name a few... I’m no psychologist but I can guess these side effects may also influence the way we see each other.
I’ve noticed recently a mass exodus of various content creators who share meaningful, heartfelt content. Instead of continuing to prioritize their digital presence, they are prioritizing their mental health and real-life connections. And I can’t help but to wonder…
What are we doing here? Why don’t we share the amazing work of our peers? Why do we gatekeep each other? What are we doing besides self-promotion and harvesting each other’s energy? Is this really community? Or is it the illusion of community created to keep us dependent on small dopamine hits, to keep us emotionally dysregulated, and in constant battle with an imaginary algorithm meant solely to pin us against each other and keep us in hyper-productive mode to keep their platform(s) running?
Let’s tell the truth…
I’m not here to rain on anyone’s parade, but I do think we’re becoming more addicted to the illusion of “social” media than we realize.
unrelated but related, how old would we be without the concept of calendars? Drop the answer in the comments
Friendship
I wasn’t always the empathetic friend, who wanted to do good in the world… friends who have known me for 10+ years can attest to that. I’ve grown in self-awareness, compassion, and empathy from once being very self-centered and suffering from deep betrayal from humans. I once wanted to be a Veterinarian because “I didn’t like humans”…. what did that say about how much I liked myself? This was over a decade ago, thank God for healing. The journey continues.
That mask was used to protect who I was on the inside, to hide my vulnerability and tender heart. The fun girl, smart girl, pretty girl who prioritized romance over friendship mask. The more intimate I became with myself and the more healing work I did, the more the mask started to crumble.
After years of tussling in the shadows alone with a mirror and God, I started to see the world differently. I realized how I was showing up was a result of my closest influences (one of which being social media) and my perception of myself. Healing work isn’t glamorous at all.
We cannot do everything God has called us to do in this life by ourselves. I needed humans. Why is it so hard for us to say we need each other? God didn’t create man to be alone.
I’m not saying to develop a codependent relationship here or to depend on external validation to solidify your worth, ranking, or position. I’m saying quite the opposite.
I’ve been seeing a lot of content saying “post for you and do it because it makes you feel good not for anyone else.” Yes and no.
Why share if what you are sharing is for yourself? What is social media giving you, that celebrating your wins in the quiet times you have with yourself is not? What about social media makes you “feel good”? What are we here for if we refuse to support and be medicine for each other as we walk each other home?
These are questions I’ve asked myself, don’t worry.
Our wisdom, testimony, gifts, and skills aren’t meant for us to hoard. We’re meant to use them in community with each other to live in harmony — together — interdependence — synergy. 1 + 1 = 1 type math… If you know you know.
Friendship and social media, is it real or is it just a black mirror? Is it creating more distance?
What do you think friendship requires?
Leave a comment in the comment section below
I’ve been considering the role meaningful friendships play across all lines of relationships. By meaningful I mean ones with mutual effort, curiosity, and quality time.
Friendship isn’t some castaway position deemed “not as important.” I believe friendship is the baseline of all good relationships, including romantic, and should be treated with equal intentionality and vulnerability. Vulnerability is the brave thing to do. Intimacy and selfishness cannot coexist. Vulnerability will either lead to a devastating rejection or a great reward, but that’s a risk worth taking to cultivate relationships that are real.
A selfish lifestyle bears no real fruit. The tree may grow but it will be barren. Real community, real friendship is worth a fruitful life. We see some of the longest living species on planet earth continue to thrive and evolve together through mutual reciprocity and support.
If not, they die. There’s a responsibility to uphold.
It wouldn’t be me if I didn’t throw science and nature into the conversation, I just love this stuff. 😊
Collective Vision
Once people have a shared vision they tend to work together better, stay around longer, and become mini brand reps for whatever it is they believe in. Corporations understand this concept well.
Collective vision can be used for good, or it can be used for evil. But the thing in itself is pure. As with many things.
How is social media influencing our vision of ourselves and each other? What if we use the algorithm to share each other’s work instead of our own?
How are we supporting each other’s vision? Do you and your friends have the same collective vision?
Food for thought.
I’ll leave you with this — let’s honor the seasons and allow room for genuine friendships to flow into our lives, growing hand in hand till our souls decide that season has expired.
This life journey is so beautiful when we really look at it, we’ve been awarded this once in a lifetime opportunity to be here on earth during these times with one another.
Meet yourself where you’re at in all of this. Slowly is the fastest way to get to where we want to be.
Always love,
Chérie
Thank you so much for reading my work.
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