“ Am I just becoming my father and there’s really nothing I can do about that?”

What does it actually feel like to change? Not the story you tell about it afterward. Not the version you post. The actual, messy, doubt-filled experience of becoming someone different — or realizing you already have.

On this episode of Tell Me About Your Father, Matt Phillp is joined by New York Times Bestselling author, journalist, and professor Benoit Denizet-Lewis to talk about his new book You’ve Changed: The Promise and Price of Self Transformation. They talk about how transformation can sometimes happen slowly and it can hit you like a revelation about your sexuality on a street corner or at a Christian youth convention telling you to give you life to God. They also discuss kind of change you can’t fully take credit for because other people made it possible…like your parents whom you’ll inevitably resemble.

Some of what we get into:

Why do we often insist that real change has to come from within — when almost none of it actually does?

What does doubt during a major life shift actually signal? And why can’t we talk about it publicly?

What does it mean when the person you’ve become turns out to look a lot like your father?

Benoit has spent his career writing about identity — sexuality, addiction, the stories we tell about who we are and who we’re becoming. This book is his most personal yet, which comes across quite clearly in this episode.

Listen by clicking play above, or find this episode on Apple podcasts and wherever else you may attend to your podcast listening.

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