Better Being Me

This month Better Being Me host Joanne Hatchard talks to Josephine Moon, author of The Wonderful Thing About Phoenix Rose.  They kick off their conversation with the topic of names, as they share a birth name, and also talk about preferred names and the names others give us.  Josephine delves into the writing process, and the pressure she felt writing the first book in Australia with an autistic female lead.  Joanne reassures her that there is an understanding that not all experiences can be conveyed in one character, and Josephine reveals that she has had a lot of positive feedback for the book.

Finding a balance, as a neurodivergent person who is passionate about everything is discussed.  And this somehow leads onto a discussion of Josephine’s desire to have an equine therapy business one day.  The unique nature of horses for use in therapy is discussed, and this leads onto the topic of energy fields and vibrations.  The pair then discuss dogs, and Joanne explains the difference between assistance dogs and therapy dogs.

The expense of caring for animals leads into a discussion on spreadsheets. Josephine is not a fan, however Joanne LOVES them for collating and analysing data.  Josephine confesses that she’ll probably need to learn, if she goes ahead with her equine business.  She then reflects on how being an author has changed so much since she started in 1999.  Once she could close herself away and focus on writing, now it’s talks and publicity and making tik tok videos and almost needing to be a performer.

Josephine then talks about the shift in her executive function after the birth of her child.  With driving being one of the main things affected.  And describes an incident where she left the car in drive and with no hand brake on a hill.  Which luckily didn’t end as badly as it could have!  Josephine declares that she couldn’t drive overseas, and Joanne confesses that she waited six months before driving in Canada.  And even then, she had someone with her for quite some time.  Josephine quizzes Joanne as to why she was in Canada, and Joanne talks a bit about her love story with her Canadian partner Brad.

The topic of making big decisions comes up, and Josephine declares that she really has an issue with “making the call.”  Joanne talks about moments where big things have changed the trajectory of her life, where she probably would have kept doing what she was doing otherwise.  This then leads in to discussion of black and white thinking, dreams and sleep, sensitivity and then memory.

Josephine talks about when her characters take on lives of their own, and describes it as a “writer’s high.”  And that sometimes she feels like she’s writing to keep up with them.  The intelligence of animals beyond what we give them credit for is discussed; including dogs, bees and birds.  How they innately know how to do the things they do.  And how research is wasted on proving that animals are intelligent.

Josephine and Joanne come back to the topic of assistance/therapy dogs, and discuss the pros and cons of retrievers v’s border collies.  And Joanne talks about her dog Gilly, who is a maremma/retriever cross.  Josephine then talks about visiting a camel dairy near her, and that merammas are used to guard the babies.  But that they also have guard donkeys, who can be quite deadly around people.  Josephine closes off with some funny stories about a book tour, one involving almost causing the evacuation of her hotel.  Yay executive dysfuntion!

On this episode of Talking Twaddle, your host Joanne Hatchard from Better Being Me talks to social worker Jasmine Deakin from Sunny Spectrum Supports.

They talk about employment for autistic people, their own work as social workers and the insight that has brought them.  The differences between social work and psychology, unpacking past trauma and the validation of diagnosis are touched on.

The grief a diagnosis can bring leads to a discussion about reframing, and the old stereotypes are discussed.  Then how affirming being around other neurodivergent people can be, although there are still differences.

The gap in university education compared to how many autistic people there are, gives rise to a conversation about training in autism.  And that it’s not “one and done”, it’s an ongoing process.

Masking and finding community are talked about, and Jasmine expresses that autistic people can thrive rather than just survive.  Training is touched on again, imposter syndrome, being a therapist, and what really makes an autism “expert”.

Back to employment, the fact that autistic people have to know what accommodations they need, and are underutilised in the workforce are discussed.  The SA Autism Strategy in touched on, and how it looks good on the surface but maybe not so great in reality.

The difference of an affirming neurodivergent household leads into a discussion about the hope for the future and how things are improving.  Closing with the dedication to “make the world less shit!”

https://www.instagram.com/sunnyspectrum/

https://www.sunnyspectrum.com.au

https://www.instagram.com/betterbeingme_bbme/

https://betterbeingme.com.au

In the April episode of Better Being Me’s podcast Talking Twaddle, host Joanne Hatchard talks to neurodivergent children’s author Beck Newell about their books, studies, parenting, gender, more books, emotions, mental health issues, threat of homelessness, catastrophizing and future thinking, and more books!

Joanne opens the conversation with Beck, pointing out their list of books that they have published in the past eighteen months.  Beck thanks hyper-focus, and points out that finishing things hasn’t always been their strong point.

This leads to a conversation about studies - completing and not completing, the reasons we study what we study, what it looks like when you don’t realise you’re autistic, how studying compares to the “real world” of the workforce, and studying while being a parent.

The pair then move on to talking about parenting autistic kids when it isn’t recognised by professionals, and the impact this has.  Beck shares stories about when they realised their third child is autistic, and about their grandchildren as well.

The topic of gender is covered, and Beck talks about their youngest child.  Who was born Morgan, but now identifies as Pete.  They talk about where there has been support with this transition, and who struggled with it the most.  They also briefly touch on their own journey of identifying as non-binary.

Body positivity is discussed, highlighting Beck’s book EVERYbody is Incredible.  And they also discuss My Friend the Tiger, which Beck dedicated to Joanne AFTER realising that her little stuffed lovey George is in fact a tiger.  They talk about the complexity of friendships.

They cover the concept of whether when we’re seeing autism if it’s borrowed traits from those around us or if the autism is within ourselves.  Beck talks about her daughter being convinced that the former was true for her, for a long time before she accepted her diagnosis.

Emotions are then touched on, and Beck talks about how deeply they feel emotions, and about being called a “drama queen” throughout their life.  Catastrophizing and future thinking are also covered, in relation to Beck recently almost becoming homeless.  And finding a middle ground between preparing for the worse and not worrying at all!

The interplay between mental health issues and autism closes out the discussion.

Find Beck’s books at the links below or email [email protected]

https://www.facebook.com/becknewellcreative

https://www.instagram.com/becknewell_creative/

In the March episode of Better Being Me’s podcast Talking Twaddle, host Joanne Hatchard and guest Leah Smolarek get psychological!

Leah talks about her Clinical PhD in Psychology, and attending a recent symposium and conference.  Her research area being self-compassion and pro-social behaviour.  Leah touches on her ADHD being of benefit when studying a topic she really loves, but then unpacks that it did lead to her approach to assignments being problematic throughout her studies.  Knowing about her ADHD over the past year or so has given her a different perspective.

Both Joanne and Leah discuss how their home lives were so supportive, that their neurodivergence was only “exposed” (so to speak) once they tried to live independently.  While they both have brilliant minds and are amazing at some things, the looking after themselves part didn’t come quite as naturally.  Joanne reflects that she came to terms with this, and refers to her “it’s OK to be shit at stuff” song that she has shared on her socials.

The complexities of masking are covered, and that fact that just simply telling people to unmask isn’t the full story.  There is more underlying this, like working out your core values.  Leah explores that you can’t just completely unmask and use it as an excuse to be an asshole, and that sometimes masking can be used to keep us safe.

Leah reflects on growing up in a family of people who are most likely neurodivergent, and attracting friends that are also neurodivergent, and therefore not necessarily knowing that our behaviour is different.  But that finding community and support, and “comparing notes” with others helps leads us to self compassion.

Balancing strengths and weaknesses with others, combining bottom up and top down approaches in therapy, deficit-focused vs strength-based approaches, and neurodivergent parenting of a neurodivergent child are also covered, among other interesting topics!

Leah you can find on social media

IG: https://instagram.com/bumblebee_yoga

FB: https://www.facebook.com/BumblebeeYoga

email: [email protected]

website: bumblebeeyoga.com.au

In the February episode of Better Being Me’s podcast Talking Twaddle, host Joanne Hatchard talks to guest Allison Davies about death, emotions, technology, and division of tasks in the home.

Their conversation opens with the topic of death, prompted by the recent passing of Allison’s 97 year old grandmother. They really delve into the topic, which is often a tricky one, with refreshing candour and insight.

They speak very frankly and openly about how neurodivergence plays a role in how we perceive, feel and express emotions such as grief and love. How we navigate these emotions with the people in our lives, and how they have each come to find a way of understanding themselves when it comes to their feelings. They also both touch on the importance of having an understanding and supportive spouse, and how they each knew they had found “the one”.

The topic of technology arises, and Joanne and Allison find they are almost opposites on this subject. We are regaled with a hilarious story from Allison about her parents’ gate that you have to ring on a phone (you won’t believe until you hear it!), and they talk about how technology can be both helpful and unhelpful for the neurodivergent mind.

Last but not least the burning question of front or top loader is answered! And Joanne and Allison speak briefly of the household tasks they prefer and what living in a neurodivergent household can look like.

And then they come back to death!

Better Being Me Socials:

FB: https://www.facebook.com/Betterbeingme

IG: https://instagram.com/betterbeingme_bbme

YouTube: https://youtube.com/@betterbeingme

Website: https://betterbeingme.com.au

Allison Davies Socials:

FB:https://www.facebook.com/allisondavies.com.au

IG:https://www.instagram.com/allisondavies_musicandthebrain/

Website: https://allisondavies.com.au

After a significant brake from creating any podcasts I have sorted myself out and creating the first of my monthly podcasts! AND I have full plans on how I am actually going to make it happen!!! By getting help!

My love for talking and podcast hasn't gone away - but my ability to focus on them and get them out into the world had significantly diminished.  There is nothing easier then crawling back under the rock from whence you came when you are in charge of you.  So whenever I do complete something I am very proud.

I have overthought and underproduced enough to get to the f*ck it stage and just do it - warts and all.  

So welcome back to my little piece of the world. I am entertained by it daily - I hope you enjoy moments of it. 

Better Being Me - Neurodiverse Family Therapy 

IG: @betterbeingme_bbme

FB: @betterbeingme 

I was thinking about my podcast and why it exists, why haven't I released a new podcast in ages, and what was holding me back.  The answer I was seeking came in the form of training.  

Very strange thing happened over the weekend that I wasn't expecting in anyway shape or form.  Which would probably add to my reaction, but I don’t see how I could have prepare myself for what transpired.  I have to prefix this to say that I did not have that much sleep that night before and I was feeling a little emotional and tender to begin with.  However, I share my story because I dont feel alone in the connections that I made, and I feel like it is good for me to share and get light in old stories.  

Top three take away. 
1. You have no idea where emotional reactions will blindside you.  Become thankful for them, and not fear them.  They are a timely reminder to process your shit and be done with it.  Not one got hurt by your ugly cry, but you will be holding in hurt if you dont process your reaction. 

2. YOU ARE WORTH TIME.  YOU ARE WORTH ENERGY.  YOU ARE WORTH LOVE.  and no you dont have to perfect to be worthy.  You are allowed to make mistakes and get confused and be wrong.  It is how you process those mistakes that will help you.  Being right all the time is like walking on a tightrope. You dont get to wavier, and it is scary, and hurts your feet... Learning to fall and fail means you can become fearless. 

3. You have no idea which ways you are going to impact your child.  Trying to predict and mitigate creates new and wondrous ways your can stuff up.  Just ask Oedipus.  Best you can aim for is making sure your stuff is sorted, as it comes up, as it passes by.  That is how I learn to be better, to do better.  I am allowed mistakes, I own them and process them and ask for forgiveness, and aim not to do them again.  

Last tip - importation came from strange places.  Let it. 

Welcome to season 2, just me chatting today. 

I think it is really important to acknowledge and process the grief that can come with a diagnosis, for yourself or for your child. 

The idea of grief after diagnose has come up several time in the last month or so.  And I think it is really important to acknowledge and recognizes what could be identified has grief.  Or at least make connections between how you are feeling and what it means  

Top Three Take Aways
1. Grief isn't just for death.  We can grief so many different losses, but we often don't give ourselves the time or permission to do so.  Then we kinda fester and stew in what could have been rather than processing a moving on.  So remember grieving is allowed.  Grieving is allowed for all kinds of changes in life.  Give yourself the time and permission to do it. 

2.  It comes and goes in waves.  You are never just one thing, you are so many things all at once, feelings are no different.  You can feel anger and depression at the same time.  You can feel acceptance and anger at the same time.  You are processing, and some times new things come up and you have to begin the process again. Lots of feelings and emotions overlap.  Give yourself permission to feel them concurrently.  

3.  Know you are not alone.  So many different peoples journeys match pieces of ours.  No one is going to be matchy matchy, but more pieces match pieces.  The journey is similar enough for you to gain support.  It is so similar for so many of us.  So is the grief.  Don't shy away from feelings, dive into them, follow them, unfold them, you never know where you are going to end up.  

There are still some giggles.  
I hope you enjoy. 
Bye for now
Joanne

I have just finished attending webinar hosted by @wwda_au on NDIS and Gender. Amazing source of information and support. 

I am not overly surprised to report that there are more males receiving NDIS support then females. Which is not a direct relationship between the number of men vs females with disabilities. So what you might say. 

I can only provide insight from my experience and knowledge. 

From my son's journey, and my own research and contemplations I see myself on the spectrum. I am fairly typical in the female presentation of autism, and I am getting quicker at identifying my own stress, sensory overwhelm, emotional shut down and numbing behaviour. 

Here is the jam, I will promote and support any parent going through the assessment and NDIS processes because it makes a difference. I will encourage parents to not fear the process, to ask me all the questions, to move the fear, to get the support, to see that your child will be your child whether you get the diagnosis or not, but how much stress and burden it can be without a diagnosis. I cheer on as other mothers are getting their diagnosis, because like me, through support their child's journey they have found a place for them. 

Yet, me, I am scared to do it for myself. I have a diagnosis of dyslexia, maybe that is enough. That is enough to know my brain is different. I know in myself that I am different. Why should I face the process? Maybe I shouldn't rock the boat, be grateful for what I have. Be quite, sit still, shut up. 

Maybe that is why there is significantly less females supported by NDIS. Because I am scared that what I feel is true, is wrong. That I will be told that my difference just doesn’t have a place. That I don’t have a place. That yet again I misunderstood what was happening, and I will be made to feel a fool. I can pass. I can get through. 

But have I really been thriving or just surviving. 

So it is with great pride to say, that I will be taking an assessment, in steps to get a formal diagnosis, and NDIS support. 

The process starts in October. 

Be the change you want to see.