Better Dads Club Podcast

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In Part 2 of our conversation with neuroscience educator Nathan Wallis, we dive deeper into neurodiversity, neuroplasticity, parenting teenagers and what it takes to change our own ingrained patterns as dads.

Nathan discusses ADHD and autism as potential strengths, why changing behaviour requires more than simply deciding to change, and how our repeated responses gradually create new neural pathways.

We also explore what dads can do when they feel they've damaged the relationship with their kids, particularly as they reach their teenage years. Nathan shares why listening, taking accountability and focusing on how our kids feel around us can be more powerful than trying to “fix” their behaviour.

Nathan also introduces the “Mate Date”, a simple 10-minute weekly practice designed to create space for our kids to talk while we simply listen.

In this episode:

• ADHD, autism and neurodiversity
• Neuroplasticity and changing our own patterns
• Repairing relationships with older kids
• Supporting teenagers through challenging behaviour
• The 10-minute “Mate Date”
• Why our kids don't need us to be perfect
• What Nathan has learned about fatherhood through becoming a grandfather
  

And we finish with a powerful reminder from Nathan: our past doesn't have to determine our future. We're incredibly resilient, our brains can change, and there's always hope.

In this episode Tom sits down with renowned neuroscience educator, speaker and author Nathan Wallis for Part 1 of a two-part conversation about parenting, brain development and what our kids really need from us.

Nathan is a father, grandfather and foster parent with a professional background in child trauma counselling, teaching and human development.

He spent many years lecturing in Human Development at the University of Canterbury and has built a reputation for taking complex neuroscience and translating it into practical, easy-to-understand insights for parents and families.

This conversation begins with Nathan sharing his incredibly challenging childhood, his experiences in foster care and how those early experiences influenced the father he became.

From there, Tom and Nathan explore the developing brain, ages and stages, behaviour as communication, raising confident kids, music and language, and how we can create an environment that encourages our kids to learn without taking the fun out of learning.

Nathan also gives Tom some practical advice around challenges he's currently navigating with his own three-year-old.

Takeaways

• Early childhood experiences shape brain development
• Parenting in the first three years is crucial
• Ritualizing learning experiences can enhance the child's perception of learning Language is the major driver of cognition
• ADHD and self-control is a superpower
• Personality is easy to change with new experiences Behavior change takes time
• Managing anger and emotional responses
• Repairing relationships with children
• Communication and quality time with children Relationship quality is more important than time spent with children
• Grandparenting can be different from parenting and may involve a softer approach
• Understanding and embracing neurodiversity can lead to positive outcomes
• Personalized approaches to health and fitness are essential for optimal results

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Background
• 02:45 Nathan Wallis's Childhood and Career Journey
• 05:57 Parenting and Brain Development
• 09:13 Teaching and Learning in Early Childhood
• 12:00 Musical Development and Confidence Building
• 15:04 The Role of Rituals in Learning
• 18:06 The Impact of Early Childhood Experiences
• 21:00 The Importance of Confidence Building
• 24:05 Personal Experiences and Parenting
• 26:49 The Influence of Childhood Experiences on Parenting
• 29:18 The Impact of Language on Neurological Development
• 48:15 The Role of ADHD and Self-Control as a Superpower
• 57:02 Changing Personality Through New Experiences
• 59:28 Behavior Change and Habits
• 01:01:05 Managing Anger and Emotional Responses
• 01:03:24 Repairing Relationships with Children
• 01:30:25 Communication and Quality Time with Children
• 01:32:13 The Importance of Relationship Quality
• 01:33:01 Lessons from Grandparenting
• 01:34:02 The Rewards of Parenting
• 01:39:13 Understanding Neurodiversity
• 01:52:04 Personalized Health and Fitness

Brady Dyer is a Lower Hutt city councillor, business owner, photographer and governance professional, but the role he values most is being a dad.

His career has spanned entrepreneurship, creative industries, technology, board leadership and public service, including more than 20 years running businesses and working with organisations across New Zealand.

Alongside his professional work, Brady is deeply involved in his local community and is passionate about leadership, family, and helping make Lower Hutt a great place for the next generation to grow up.

In this episode Brady shares how his relationship with his own father shaped the man and dad he is today, and reflects on more than 20 years of entrepreneurship and the challenge of balancing business, public service and being present for his family.

We explore how becoming a father fundamentally shifted Brady's priorities, why it influenced his decision to step into local government, and his desire to help build a Lower Hutt where the next generation can afford to stay, raise families and build lives of their own.

It's a conversation about fatherhood, entrepreneurship, leadership, resilience, community and what it means to build something worthwhile for the generation coming behind us.

Chapters

00:00 – Introduction
01:02 – Brady's relationship with his dad
02:26 – Raising kids around technology
04:04 – Always wanting to become a father
06:27 – Starting his first business at school
09:49 – From entrepreneurship to photography
10:58 – Balancing business and becoming a new dad
13:24 – The phone call that created an unforgettable family memory
17:32 – How fatherhood changed Brady's priorities
19:28 – Why Brady entered local government
20:21 – The reality of balancing council, business and family
21:00 – Leadership and making decisions for the long term
26:49 – The future of Lower Hutt
29:31 – Building a city our children want to live in
32:16 – Brady's dream for Lower Hutt's kids
33:52 – What Brady hopes his daughter remembers about her dad
36:08 – Finding purpose in people, work and the hustle

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Jo Robertson is a qualified sex therapist with a Master of Science in Medicine and 20 years of professional experience in sexual health, relationships, education, and sexual trauma.

Her work spans three interconnected areas; As a therapist, Jo specialises in relationships, sexuality, and the cultural influences that shape our expectations, beliefs, and experiences of intimacy. 

Jo is also widely recognised for helping parents, caregivers, and professionals navigate the "tricky topics" with children and teenagers. Through her work in schools and community organisations, she provides practical, evidence-based guidance on conversations around sex, consent, pornography, online safety, grooming, abuse, and healthy relationships.

Alongside her clinical and educational work, Jo is a co-founder of Makes Sense, an organisation challenging governments, technology companies, and institutions to better protect children and other vulnerable members of society from online harm.

A TEDx speaker and internationally sought-after presenter, Jo regularly speaks on topics including intimacy, relationships, sexual culture, and child development. She is known for her warm, practical approach and is widely regarded as a trusted guide through the complexities of human connection, parenting, and sexual wellbeing.

This conversation delves into the importance of having tricky conversations, particularly around sex education and pornography exposure.

We explore the impact of childhood experiences on adult behaviors and the role of parents in fostering open communication with their children.

Jo also highlights the prevalence of children's exposure to explicit content and the need for informed and proactive parental guidance.

This is an important conversation that covers a range of topics related to parenting, media influence, and child safety, the impact of media on children, and the role of parents in guiding their children through exposure to sexual themes and explicit content.

It also addresses the importance of keeping devices out of children's bedrooms and the significance of open communication between parents and children.

Takeaways

• Tricky conversations are essential for addressing sensitive topics like sex education and pornography exposure.
• Childhood experiences significantly influence adult behaviors and attitudes towards relationships and sex.
• Parents play a crucial role in creating an open and supportive environment for discussing sensitive topics with their children. Ethical porn is a complex concept with varying perspectives.
• Parents play a crucial role in guiding children through exposure to sexual themes and explicit content.

Chapters

• 00:00 The Curiosity of Tricky Conversations
• 02:38 The Impact of Childhood Experiences
• 06:19 Navigating Tricky Conversations with Children
• 07:25 Exposure to Explicit Content
• 15:23 Parental Role in Addressing Pornography Exposure
• 25:39 Statistics and Impact of Pornography Exposure
• 30:48 Healthy Engagement with Pornography
• 32:42 Ethical Porn and Media Influence
• 34:22 Parenting and Media Literacy
• 36:01 Child Safety and Conversations
• 41:11 Setting Boundaries and Guidance
• 47:33 Parenting and Safe Conversations

Join the community, support the podcast and subscribe to our newsletter at www.betterdadsclub.co.nz
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In this episode, I sit down with Jason Accashian, a father of three, domestic abuse survivor, and advocate for men's mental health.

Jason shares his powerful story of growing up without a present father, surviving years of emotional and physical domestic abuse, fighting through a difficult custody battle, and rebuilding his life after reaching his darkest moments.

Together, we explore the often-overlooked reality of men experiencing domestic abuse, the impact it has on fathers and children, why men's mental health deserves greater attention, and the role vulnerability, resilience, and community play in healing.

This is an honest conversation about pain, hope, and what it truly means to become a better dad.

In this episode we discuss:

• Growing up without a father
• The impact of domestic abuse on men and children
• Fighting for custody and maintaining a relationship with your kids
• Why vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness
• Healing from trauma and rebuilding your life
• Men's mental health and the importance of asking for help
• Setting healthy boundaries after abuse
• Finding hope, purpose, and happiness after surviving domestic violence
  

Whether you're a dad, know someone experiencing abuse, or simply want to better understand the challenges many men face in silence, I hope this conversation offers insight, encouragement, and hope.

Connect with Jason https://www.instagram.com/jdasmc?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==

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Separation is one of the hardest experiences a father can face, but it doesn't have to mean losing your relationship with your children.

In this episode, Tom sits down with Allan Harvey from Kids Need Dads, a New Zealand parenting support charity that has spent more than 30 years helping separated parents navigate mediation, co-parenting and the Family Court system. Allan has personally supported hundreds of fathers through separation and shares practical, compassionate advice for staying focused on what matters most: your children.

Tom and Allan discuss common misconceptions about fathers' roles after separation, how mediation works, ways to rebuild trust, and why community is one of the greatest resources a dad can have.

• Allan's own separation journey and how it led him to Kids Need Dads
• Why the Family Court system can be so challenging for families
• What Kids Need Dads does and how it supports separated parents
• Mediation vs Family Court: understanding your options
• Common mistakes separated dads make (and how to avoid them)
• Building trust with your co-parent over time
• The importance of community and finding support from other dads
• What the Care of Children Act actually says about fathers
• Practical advice for dads wanting more time with their children
• Parenting from a distance and maintaining strong relationships
• Why showing up consistently matters more than being perfect

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Toby Lloyd is a happily married father with 5 kids, Music Producer, Studio Owner, Mixing Engineer, Artist and Film Score Mixer who has worked with artists such as Shapeshifter, Nightmares on Wax, Hollie Smith, Blindspott and Stan Walker, and has also worked on films like Avatar 2, The Hobbit Trilogy and Hunt For The Wilderpeople.

He runs Tiny Triumph Recordings, a bespoke rooftop recording studio in the heart of Wellington, NZ. He has also started releasing music under the artist name Paper Mountains which blends folk, soul and pop music and is about to release his debut album in August, 2026.

This conversation highlights the impact of childhood stories on shaping individuals, the challenges of fatherhood and parenting through separation, and the significance of career choices and life's journey.

Toby shares his experience of the complexities of blended families, the impact of childhood trauma, and the challenges of parenting through separation. He also affirms the importance of communication, ensuring safe and open love, and the significance of vulnerability in fatherhood.

Takeaways

• Childhood stories shape individuals
• Fatherhood and parenting through separation
• Career choices and life's journey Navigating blended families requires open communication and understanding.
• Ensuring safe and open love for children is crucial for their emotional well-being.

Chapters

• 00:00 The Impact of Childhood Stories
• 41:54 Navigating Blended Families
• 52:50 Challenges of Blended Families
• 01:07:04 Ensuring Safe and Open Love
• 01:13:04 Fatherhood and Vulnerability

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Trey Tucker is a mental health expert and social media standout with over 1.4 million followers on social media. He is the author of Tough Enough (HarperCollins/Zondervan), a book written specifically for young men navigating the challenges of modern masculinity. He is the founder and owner of Rugged Counseling, known for providing therapy without the fluff.

Trey is known for his direct, no nonsense approach and his core belief that real change happens when you get to the root of the issue. His counseling and videos resonate because they challenge passive, surface level advice and speak honestly about responsibility, identity, boundaries, and purpose.

With more than a decade of experience, Trey has specialized training in anxiety, trauma, relationships, sports psychology, identity, and purpose. He is certified in EMDR and neurofeedback and has training in Christian counseling.

Before becoming a therapist, Trey worked in corporate marketing and earned an MBA, giving him a rare blend of clinical insight and real world perspective.

This conversation delves into the challenges of modern masculinity, emphasizing the importance of strong male mentors, the critical role of fathers, and the need for brain rest and recovery in the digital age.

The conversation delves into the impact of childhood trauma, the need for therapeutic support, and the role of active fatherhood in shaping positive generational patterns. It also explores strategies for maintaining connection during adolescent independence and empowering young fathers through self-development and embracing silence.

Takeaways

• The critical role of fathers in developing confidence and resilience in sons
• The impact of technology and screen time on the younger generation Recognizing the impact of childhood experiences
• The importance of active fatherhood in shaping positive generational patterns

Chapters

• 00:00 Navigating Modern Masculinity
• 11:25 Father's Role in Developing Confidence
• 17:28 Reprogramming Negative Messages
• 27:33 Navigating Childhood Trauma
• 35:01 Active Fatherhood
• 47:24 Adolescent Independence
• 52:41 Empowering Young Fathers

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Shirley Pastiroff is a Counsellor and Mindfulness Trainer at Renew Your Mind, and works with individuals & couples in personal therapy as well as across the wider corporate and education sectors in stress management and hauora/wellbeing.

She is the author of The Mindful Parent and has worked with thousands of parents through her courses and family work to bring deeper connections between parents and children, and seen many homes and families transformed.

She has 5 children of her own, aged between 17 and 24, and she draws on her own experiences as well as developments in contemporary parenting research and her own clients' stories to help develop more effective approaches to help our children flourish.

This episode explores the concept of mindful parenting, emotional regulation, and the influence of parental behavior on children.

It delves into the application of parenting theory, self-regulation, and the healing aspect of parenting.

The discussion also covers parental tools for managing behavior, the Mirror Link technique, and the importance of validation and empathy in parenting.

The conversation covers the impact of triggers on emotional activation, the importance of self-compassion in parenting, the vulnerability of parents, redefining fatherhood and male role models, balancing presence and boundaries in fatherhood, and the concept of mindful parenting and emotional awareness.

The discussion emphasizes the significance of emotional regulation and self-awareness in parenting, as well as the role of male role modeling in children's development.

Takeaways

• Mindful parenting focuses on understanding oneself and regulating emotions.
• The Mirror Link technique and validation of a child's emotions are effective tools for managing behavior and fostering empathy. Emotional regulation and self-awareness are crucial in parenting
• Male role modeling has a significant impact on children's development

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction to Mindful Parenting
• 05:55 Parenting Journey and Personal Growth
• 11:17 Healing Through Parenting
• 16:31 Mirror Link Technique
• 22:28 Co-Regulation and Parental Physiology
• 29:45 Parental Reflection and Empathy
• 36:06 Parenting and Self-Compassion
• 43:30 Redefining Fatherhood and Male Role Models
• 49:21 Balancing Presence and Boundaries in Fatherhood
• 56:45 Mindful Parenting and Emotional Awareness

Nicolas Mathevon is Professor of bioacoustics and animal behavior at the University of Saint-Etienne, France.

He leads the ENES Bioacoustics Research Lab (eneslab.com). His research aims to elucidate the mechanisms and evolution of animal acoustic communication, investigating how animals produce, perceive, and use acoustic signals across species.

His work bridges fine-grained study of vocal communication -from rodents to birds- with broad questions about sound as a global ecosystem function.

Alongside his research, Nicolas is deeply committed to science education and public outreach (book "The Voices of Nature. How and Why Animals Communicate", Princeton University Press).

This conversation delves into the research on human baby cries, the role of fathers in baby care, the importance of experience in decoding baby cries, cooperative breeding and parenting, the need for cooperative help in parenting, and the role of grandparents in baby care.

Takeaways

• Understanding the complexity of baby cries and the role of experience in decoding them.
• The importance of cooperative breeding and parenting in human and animal species.

Chapters

• 00:00 Introduction and Research Background
• 09:12 The Role of Fathers in Baby Care
• 15:09 Animal Communication and Parenting
• 25:21 The Importance of Experience in Decoding Baby Cries
• 40:54 The Need for Cooperative Help in Parenting
• 48:09 The Role of Grandparents in Baby Care