Better Gay Dating

First dates aren't the only important moment in getting to know someone new, but they are one important moment. Here are six great ways to go on better first dates.

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Sources:

[1] https://www.psychologicalscience.org/journals/psychological-science/0956797617714580/

[2] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5837906/

[3] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12307

Let's be honest, emotional maturity is not very evenly distributed in this dating pool. Here's why that happens, and what it means for how we choose partners and build relationships in this community.

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Sources:

[1] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9298910/

[2] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12499921/

[3] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37410349/

[4] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27869454/

[5] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32833471/

[6] https://x.com/AdamMGrant/status/1601978757278945280

[7] https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1080/016502599383739

We usually think of love as a feeling, something we fall into. But the truth is much actually simpler and more encouraging than that: love is an action. It's something we nurture, build and sustain. In this episode I unpack what that means.

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Sources:

[1] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35219607-the-art-of-loving

[2] bell hooks: All About Love, 5

[3] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jftr.12205

Physical appearance does carry a lot of weight in gay culture, for better and worse. In this episode, I unpack what's going on here, what science says about how looks do and don't matter in relationships, and what it all means for navigating gay dating.

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Sources:

[1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10825783/

[2] https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1559-1816.1980.tb00715.x

[3] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18211175/

[4] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/34713429/

[5] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0191886909000452

[6] https://psycnet.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2F1524-9220.4.1.3

[7] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32719123/

[8] https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11638697/

And the podcast is back! In this episode, it's a deep dive into personal growth and what it takes to build a happy long-term relationships — and how to spot who's actually ready to build one with you.

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We often talk about spotting red flags in gay dating, but what about the green ones? In this episode I do a deep dive on the fundamental green flags that show someone is ready for a stable, loving connection with others.

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Shame isn't always fun to talk about, but it's a powerful and often unrecognized force that impacts why dating in our community is like it is. So in this episode, we'll look at the subtle ways shame often shows up in gay dating — and how we can heal it to build stronger connections.

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Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@BetterGayDating?sub_confirmation=1

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Sources:

[1] https://medium.com/@rahimthawer/sexuality-and-the-imprint-of-shame-what-queer-guys-and-their-therapists-need-to-know-part-1-3-4e5bd7caeca7

[2] https://sk.sagepub.com/ency/edvol/socialpsychology/chpt/selfverification-theory

[3] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49418.The_Velvet_Rage

Ghosting kind of sucks. But statistically, most of us have been ghosted *and* we've ghosted someone else. So what can we do to break this cycle and create a culture of clearer and kinder communication in gay dating?

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Sources:

[1] https://medium.com/@hingeapp/ghosting-d3248b07bc5f

[2] https://www.science.org/content/article/rejection-pain-brain

So yeah, I get asked about my personal life from time to time. In this episode, I wanted to talk a bit about what my life looks like right now, but also about how we often think about singlehood — because there's a lot to unpack there too.

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Most of us have been there — we stuck it out with someone who definitely wasn't right for us. But why do we choose partners who aren't right for us? And how do we choose better?

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