We often talk about spotting red flags in gay dating, but what about the green ones? In this episode I do a deep dive on the fundamental green flags that show someone is ready for a stable, loving connection with others.

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Shame isn't always fun to talk about, but it's a powerful and often unrecognized force that impacts why dating in our community is like it is. So in this episode, we'll look at the subtle ways shame often shows up in gay dating — and how we can heal it to build stronger connections.

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Sources:

[1] https://medium.com/@rahimthawer/sexuality-and-the-imprint-of-shame-what-queer-guys-and-their-therapists-need-to-know-part-1-3-4e5bd7caeca7

[2] https://sk.sagepub.com/ency/edvol/socialpsychology/chpt/selfverification-theory

[3] https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49418.The_Velvet_Rage

Ghosting kind of sucks. But statistically, most of us have been ghosted *and* we've ghosted someone else. So what can we do to break this cycle and create a culture of clearer and kinder communication in gay dating?

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Sources:

[1] https://medium.com/@hingeapp/ghosting-d3248b07bc5f

[2] https://www.science.org/content/article/rejection-pain-brain

So yeah, I get asked about my personal life from time to time. In this episode, I wanted to talk a bit about what my life looks like right now, but also about how we often think about singlehood — because there's a lot to unpack there too.

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Most of us have been there — we stuck it out with someone who definitely wasn't right for us. But why do we choose partners who aren't right for us? And how do we choose better?

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In this episode I peel back the curtain on how gay relationship coaching works, what we actually do in the sessions, and how it'll transform the way you think about making connections in this community. If you're curious about working with a relationship coach, this deep dive is for you.

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For more than 80 years, researchers at Harvard have studied what makes us truly happy. Here's what they found — and what it means for us as queer men.

Find out more about "The Good Life": https://the-good-life-book.com

I read the European edition which was published in 2025 but the first edition (with a different cover) was published in the US in 2023.

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Sources:

[1] Waldinger & Schultz: The Good Life, 10

[2] https://www.vice.com/en/article/how-many-close-friends-do-you-actually-need-science-says-theres-a-number/

[3] The Good Life, 28

[4] The Good Life, 44

[5] The Good Life, 48

[6] The Good Life, 49

[7] The Good Life, 258

If you're kind of over the apps right now... you're not alone. Here's your in-depth guide to making great new connections in person — where to do it, how to do it, and why it often leads to deeper connections 🌈

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Sometimes gay men believe all kinds of crazy sh*t about our relationships — and ourselves 🤷‍♀️ Let's unpack what's going on here and how we can think about things differently.

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Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@BetterGayDating?sub_confirmation=1

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Sources:

[1] https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/01/04/toxic-relationships-often-begin-with-the-spark-go-for-this-instead/71991437007/

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGaybrosOver30/comments/11o2p3b/anyone_ever_found_their_long_partner_after_40/ (Thanks to all the Reddit users who shared their stories on this post!)

[3] https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/abs/10.1027/1016-9040/a000259

In this episode, I wanted to talk about my background as a musician, how I became a coach, and what it all means for me today. Oh, and about the time I played the piano for Ian McKellen.

It's a window into my unconventional, creative and occasionally wild life, and how it somehow all ties neatly together.

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