Better Gay Dating

In this episode I peel back the curtain on how gay relationship coaching works, what we actually do in the sessions, and how it'll transform the way you think about making connections in this community. If you're curious about working with a relationship coach, this deep dive is for you.

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For more than 80 years, researchers at Harvard have studied what makes us truly happy. Here's what they found — and what it means for us as queer men.

Find out more about "The Good Life": https://the-good-life-book.com

I read the European edition which was published in 2025 but the first edition (with a different cover) was published in the US in 2023.

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Sources:

[1] Waldinger & Schultz: The Good Life, 10

[2] https://www.vice.com/en/article/how-many-close-friends-do-you-actually-need-science-says-theres-a-number/

[3] The Good Life, 28

[4] The Good Life, 44

[5] The Good Life, 48

[6] The Good Life, 49

[7] The Good Life, 258

If you're kind of over the apps right now... you're not alone. Here's your in-depth guide to making great new connections in person — where to do it, how to do it, and why it often leads to deeper connections 🌈

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Sometimes gay men believe all kinds of crazy sh*t about our relationships — and ourselves 🤷‍♀️ Let's unpack what's going on here and how we can think about things differently.

Support the show and help me keep the episodes coming: https://bettergaydating.com/podcast

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Sources:

[1] https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/01/04/toxic-relationships-often-begin-with-the-spark-go-for-this-instead/71991437007/

[2] https://www.reddit.com/r/AskGaybrosOver30/comments/11o2p3b/anyone_ever_found_their_long_partner_after_40/ (Thanks to all the Reddit users who shared their stories on this post!)

[3] https://econtent.hogrefe.com/doi/abs/10.1027/1016-9040/a000259

In this episode, I wanted to talk about my background as a musician, how I became a coach, and what it all means for me today. Oh, and about the time I played the piano for Ian McKellen.

It's a window into my unconventional, creative and occasionally wild life, and how it somehow all ties neatly together.

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As gay men, it can feel like sex is the thing we're always supposed to prioritize, even at the expense of our emotional or other needs. But what if there are ways to balance all of our needs in ways that feel fun AND fulfilling?

Support the show and help me keep the episodes coming: https://bettergaydating.com/podcast

Buy my book, Boys Who Like Boys: https://bettergaydating.com/bwlb

For coaching, group programs and more: https://bettergaydating.com

Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@BetterGayDating?sub_confirmation=1

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Sources:

[1] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/best-practices-in-health/202503/new-evidence-that-were-wired-for-connection

[2] Walt Odets, "Out of the Shadows: The Psychology of Gay Men's Lives" (Penguin, 2019)

Lots of gay men deeply want love and connection. But after years of armoring up, it can be really difficult to let that love in. Let's talk about what's going on here — and what we can do about it.

Support the show and help me keep the episodes coming: https://bettergaydating.com/podcast

Buy my book, Boys Who Like Boys: https://bettergaydating.com/bwlb

For coaching, group programs and more: https://bettergaydating.com

Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@BetterGayDating?sub_confirmation=1

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Sources:

[1] https://www.science.org/content/article/rejection-pain-brain

[2] https://highline.huffingtonpost.com/articles/en/gay-loneliness/

[3] https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/understanding-the-stress-response

[4] https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-does-fight-flight-freeze-fawn-mean

[5] https://www.verywellmind.com/window-of-tolerance-7553021

One of the most important skills in dating is discernment — recognizing how is and isn't a good match for you. In this episode, I break down the three essential things to consider when you're trying to figure out how much romantic potential you have with someone.

Support the show and help me keep the episodes coming: https://bettergaydating.com/podcast

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For coaching, group programs and more: https://bettergaydating.com

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If you're like most gay men, you might have a love-hate relationship with the apps. Or maybe they just aren't for you.

In this episode, we take an unfiltered look at why that is — and exactly what you can do to make more meaningful connections, online or off.

Support the show and help me keep the episodes coming: https://bettergaydating.com/podcast

Buy my book, Boys Who Like Boys: https://bettergaydating.com/bwlb

For coaching, group programs and more: https://bettergaydating.com

Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@BetterGayDating?sub_confirmation=1

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Sources: [1] https://www.nytimes.com/2022/08/31/well/mind/burnout-online-dating-apps.html

[2] https://www.thepinknews.com/2019/02/12/lgbt-online-dating-study/

[3] https://www.psypost.org/physical-attractiveness-far-outweighs-other-traits-in-online-dating-success/

[4] https://qz.com/1051462/these-statistics-show-why-its-so-hard-to-be-an-average-man-on-dating-apps, https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-guys-unless-you-are-really-hot-you-are-probably-better-off-not-wasting-your-2ddf370a6e9a

[5] https://thedecisionlab.com/reference-guide/economics/the-paradox-of-choice

In a world of too many options, it can be hard to connect with what you truly want in your close relationships.

In this week's episode, we explore how to bring more purpose and intention to your dating life — and why it changes everything.

Support the show and help me keep the episodes coming: https://bettergaydating.com/podcast

Buy my book, Boys Who Like Boys: https://bettergaydating.com/bwlb

For coaching, group programs and more: https://bettergaydating.com

Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@BetterGayDating?sub_confirmation=1

Instagram: https://instagram.com/bettergaydating

Threads: https://threads.net/bettergaydating