Better Off Bald

When Dr. Hale placed Adrienne in my arms for the first time, I didn’t care that she had a big forehead, squishy eyes, and flushed skin covered in dried, yellow crusty stuff. I felt this rush of love jettison through my entire being, so powerful I thought it could knock people down. I would do anything for this kid.

There are dry goods, which have a long shelf life, but there are also rotting bananas, old apples, day-old muffins, and a cake that expired a week ago. Even as I thank them, I vow not to return. Cancer has consumed Adrienne’s liver, her lungs, and now our lives, but I refuse to let it take our self-respect.

“Cancer gave me cheekbones and an excuse to wear a strawberry wig. I get to spend time with my family, which was really rare before this. I’m getting a new bed when I get home. All things positive and light have resulted from the tiny bulbs that have decided to live on my liver and lungs.”

“Here’s the deal: I’m your parent first, then your sister, and when you get older, I hope to be your friend. Got it? One more thing, don’t ever threaten me again.”

Adrienne looks at the four of us with a determined gleam. “I’d rather be dead than deaf.”

I want to strangle her. She would rather be dead than deaf?

So instead of praying for the cancer to go away, I pray for something more realistic. Please god, if you are out there, please let it be ovarian cancer. Adrienne can live without her ovaries, but not her liver. Women survive ovarian cancer.

I have never heard of liver cancer before. Cirrhosis, yes, too much alcohol causes liver damage. What did he say? H something. Cellular is the second word. Need the fog sucked out of my head. Can’t think.

In my head, I stop speaking. This is the first time I’ve said the ‘C’ word aloud and I say it to this angry, horrible woman whose child, I’m sure, is perfectly healthy.

Working in an ER is supposed to consist of broken bones, chest pains, deep cuts, maybe an occasional gunshot wound. I believe he has never given this kind of news before.

Dr. Lin glances at Adrienne, but then turns to me.

“She has tumors in her liver and lungs.”

Better Off Bald chronicles my sister Adrienne’s 147-day battle with liver cancer; the book also shows how I reared Adrienne from the time she was eight until she died at the age of fifteen. While I narrate the story in present tense, I use flashbacks to explain how I gained custody of Adrienne from our mother, how our relationship evolved over time, and how we displayed our unconditional love for each other. Adrienne’s courageous spirit is revealed as she squeezes more life in 147 days than most people do in a lifetime. From meeting Jay Leno to spending the day with Dave Navarro of Jane’s Addiction, Adrienne makes every moment count. As she lay dying, my younger sister Adrienne taught me how to live.