Between Parents

When you live in close proximity to someone, particularly a spouse, eventually that person will annoy you. What do you do with this irritation? Is it avoidable? Is there a way to short-circuit the process and not be so easily frustrated? Billy & Joy serve up some ideas in this episode, so have a listen!

Talk about this:

Today's question is REALLY high on the vulnerability scale - Perhaps it's good for an awkward date night (episode #11) - but this question is WORTH the awkwardness...three ground rules: Ask sincerely Listen without being defensive If necessary, close by apologizing

Ready? Here you go… ask your spouse, "When are you most likely to you feel that I am annoyed by you?"

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, and TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa), Between Parents is now on SoundCloud! You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Imagine a teacher, coach, or neighbor describing your parenting profile, what terms would they use? Are they positive or negative descriptions? In this episode Billy and Joy review ten parenting profiles – five negative and five positive. Think of them as coins with a distinct flip side! However, when if comes to parenting, YOU get to pick what side your coin lands on. What do you choose? Are you…

The Complaining Parent or The Uplifting Parent? The Panic Parent or The Measured Parent? The Competitive Parent or The Celebratory Parent? The Gossip Parent or The Quiet Parent? The Chaos Parent or the Calm Parent?

Lots of things to talk about here! Take a listen.

Talk about this:

Which type of parent are you most likely to become? Don't just answer for yourself -- ask your spouse/friend what type they think you're most likely to become?

How are those negative responses working for you really? What could be improved should you respond differently?

What are the triggers for your reaction?

How can you build in new, positive responses?

Related-ish note

The German word for taking joy in the trouble of others is Schadenfreude

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, and TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa), Between Parents is now on SoundCloud! You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

What does a parent do? This is a simple question, but can you boil the answer down to something clear and compelling? In today's episode Billy and Joy kick around one classic word picture that's timeless and encouraging for families even today.

Talk about this:

How do you define coaching in the context of your family... what kind of coach are you?

When is it most difficult for you to show up as a coach? (when you wake up? walk down the road? etc.)

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Why is it so hard to get home from the office? What keeps us from racing home? In today's episode Billy and Joy talk about some of the factors standing in our way and offer some reminders of things we can do differently.

Talk about this:

Do you REALLY believe your presence at home makes a difference?

Do you feel the urgency of waning days?

What are your unique factors in your particular season?

Related Links:

Pew Research Fathers Day Facts

Forbes Article -25 Biggest regrets

Bronnie Ware – Top Five Regrets of the Dying

Harvard Business Review – Long hours backfire for people and companies

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Your kids are growing up fast. How does that make you feel? Are you excited? Do you dread the loss of the little years? In this episode Billy and Joy kick around some mental frameworks to help parents cope with loss and celebrate every childhood season.

Talk about this:

What leads me to try to hang on childhood in my kids?

What should I be looking forward to that I might be missing?

What are my goals for my kids when they are 15 years? 20 years? 25 years? (And what am I doing that will lead us there?)

Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Extra-marital affairs can be ruinous to marriage, family, and self-esteem and yet they are familiar parts many storylines. Is it possible to stop them from happening in the first place? In today's episode Billy and Joy talk about factors that erode our relationship and what we should focus on to keep our marriage strong.

Talk about this:

How much do we talk about our temptations as a couple? How much do we talk about what concerns us? How can we be better?

In what areas might I/we be "eroding?"

Is there any practice or mindset that might leave us more exposed to having affairs?

Related links:

The Art of Manliness podcast #179 The Science of Cheating is excellent although NSFW due to topic. (here)

Pornography and broken relationships in Psychology Today (here)

Guardrails – Message 3 Forever Yours (here)

Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

"Believe it or not, you will survive toddler hood." People may tell you this, but some days it's hard to believe. In this episode, Billy & Joy go through 20 practical tips for making the most of these very fast (and exhausting) years.

Here are the headlines:

1. Know the difference between asking questions versus making statements
2. When you DO give choices (and you should) make sure you are happy with the options
3. Pick your battles (especially over food, clothes, toys)
4. Follow up on threats & promises
5. Customize your discipline
6. Value the time at the dinner table
7. Figure out when you (the parent) are getting a break
8. Get outside
9. No electronics in the car, at the dinner table, or restaurant
10. Practice emotions
11. Have your core value statements in place
12. Ask more questions than you answer
13. Have a thick skin
14. Pay attention fast
15. Build in extra time
16. Practice manners
17. Use your words - keep them positive
18. Remember to play
19. Stay calm
20. Pay attention to your marriage

Talk about this:

1 Which of these practices do we feel like we're doing well? Where can we improve?

2 What would YOU add to the list?

3 - If you have a toddler, whom are you leaning into for wisdom or community? What system do you have to connect with them?

Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Don't think about elephants!

But what do you think about the moment you read the sentence? Yup… elephants!

The mind can't process negatives so saying, "don't" doesn't help. Yet as parents telling our kids "don't" do something is standard practice. Is it possible to give a more positive vision? Billy and Joy offer some practical ideas in today's podcast.

Talk about this:

In what categories of my parenting do I seem to default to the defensive?

What are the "better visions" for my kids in the areas where they struggle?

What changes in time, schedule, and venues for discussion will help us grab this vision better?

Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Have you ever looked at your spouse cross-eyed and wondered, "Why are you like that?" only to meet their family and then understand? In this episode Billy and Joy talk about how our family of origin impacts our marriage and why we need to get this connections out in the open. They discuss triggers and how to build empathy through understanding our background.

Talk about this:

1. How do you think your/my childhood home influences our home and marriage... for better or worse? What seems to be a specific tension for us?
2. What tendencies are responses TOWARD upbringing? What tendencies are responses AWAY from upbringing?
3. What is the healthiest way forward for use to address these tensions?
4. What are some good prompts, agreements, or reminders we can use to short-cut the impact of the negative habits?

Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!

Are you engaged or recently married? Do you know someone who is? Or have you been married for a while and forget all of the helpful newlywed tips? Take a listen as Joy & Billy review 21 quick bits of advice for how to get marriage off to a great start!

Spoiler… here's the list!

1. Go to bed at the same time
2. No device in the bedroom
3. Do unpleasant tasks together
4. Hang out a lot together. (Aim for inefficiency)
5. Create shorthand triggers
6. Nest together
7. Practice your faith together
8. Prioritize community
9. Serve together
10. Observe the 10-to-10 rule
11. Think about "being kind" rather than "being nice"
12. Avoid major cash outlays in the first year
13. Also avoid major new time commitments
14. Have a plan with the in-laws
15. Give yourselves time to grow – pace yourself
16. Commit to NO conversations in your head!
17. But don't say EVERYthing!
18. Don't lose yourself
19. Date your spouse
20. Sneakaway with your spouse
21. Assume good intentions

Talk about this:

If you're a newlywed or engaged, review the ENTIRE list with your spouse/fiance and talk about which areas might be challenges for you.

If you've been married for a while talk to your spouse about which of these YOU find most challenging.

Also remember… We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Have you left a review on Apple Podcasts (formerly know as iTunes)? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with Apple Podcasts, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Thanks for listening and sharing this podcast with your friends!