Between Parents

When you're raising a family, it's easy to drift into command & control mode – to talk AT our kids rather than talk WITH them. In this episode, Billy and Joy chat about how to interrupt the lecture habit with a handful of powerful questions.

1. What do you want to say? This question encourages kids to use their words to describe their emotions.
2. Did you do your best? This takes the focus off of comparison in order to emphasize effort.
3. What do YOU think? The beauty of this question is that with younger children you see their imagination, while with the older set you discover their opinions, logic, and planning skills.
4. What was your role? This may be the toughest question of all because answering this questions means taking responsibility for your actions.
5. What was your goal? When you ask this question, you're exploring your child's hopes, dreams, and disappointments. This question can be a starting point for a greater depth of connection.

Related(ish) Follow up Points & Links:

Of COURSE there's a buzzfeed for those "oddly satisfying" things we find in life. Check out one HERE.

Between? Among? Betwixt? Have we inadvertently misnamed this podcast? UGH!

"It's not that I'm so smart, but I stay with the questions much longer." Albert Einstein

Billy references an earlier podcast about child development/stages (Episode #8 ) which you can also find HERE.

If you're comparing notes on this topic or podcast, talk about these conversation starters:

• Do we ask enough questions with our kids? Are we talking AT our kids more than WITH them?
• Given your child's developmental stage and wiring, what kinds of questions are most effective?
• How well do I listen to my kids and how can I improve? Think about the amount of quantity and quality of time, the setting and pace of your conversations, the openness, etc.

Also remember…

We are on Facebook! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Also have you left a review on iTunes? This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents.

Abandonment, infidelity, abuse – it's easy to name big issues that undermine relationships, but what about the little things? In this episode Billy & Joy talk about seemingly small habits and blind spots which can also threaten the health of our marriage. We call these behaviors "mosquitos" because while their stature is small, their negative impact is considerable.

Related(ish) Links:

Mosquitos are seriously the deadliest animal in the world. Check THIS out.

Talk about this:

Identify the threats and consider, what are some of the "mosquito-sized" threats in this particular season of our marriage? (Remember, the threats can change throughout your marriage.

Consider…

Quantity AND consistency of time

Failure to celebrate your spouse

Lingering resentments/keeping score

Failure to be a student of your spouse

Unidentified or unaddressed issues from the past

A lack of self-awareness

What are the practical ways we can "swat 'em?"

Also remember…

We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Finally - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

"Happiness begins where selfishness ends."

John Wooden, the legendary UCLA basketball coach and all-around leadership guru made this astute observation years ago. In this episode Joy & Billy talk about the impact selfishness has on marriages and parenting. After all, don't we all want to get our way, to be first, to win? What does it take to live selflessly? While you won't find all the answers here (far from it!), you should find plenty of things to think about and discuss with the people you "do life with."

Related(ish) Links:

Read about the amazing High School kid who did nothing but praise fellow students on social media HERE

Talk about this:

Identify the threats -- In what environments/scenarios/seasons do you tend to become most selfish?

Identify situations where you're most likely to be selfless.

Finally, practice doing something selfless this week – either individually or as a family.

Also remember…

We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Also - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Anger is an unavoidable and universal emotion. As parents we have to model and teach our kids what to do with this emotion. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about three areas to consider as we walk this challenging path; how to express, how to cope, and how to resolve anger.

This episode has plenty to think about AND discuss with others. In fact...

Talk about these two buckets:

#1 - Personal accountability - How well do you manage your anger? Would people say you have a "temper"? Does your family feel safe with you? Who can hold you accountable for your anger?

#2 - Which area do you need to "shore up" with your kids - Express - Cope - or Resolve?

Also remember…

We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Also - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

While there are times and places for saying, "Because I said so," the phrase doesn't make a compelling communication strategy. In this episode Billy and Joy discuss why ditching this phrase is so important to your long-term parenting goals. Take a listen!

Related(ish) Links:

Do you know "Mike Brady moments"?? Watch a fun video here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3LYO1LMVmO4

Talk about this:

1. What is your current communication stage – obedience or communication?
2. How easily do you drift into the "because I said so" mentality?
3. What's stopping you from having deeper conversations with your kids?

Also remember…

We have a new Facebook page! If you like the page you'll receive more consistent updates and be able to share episodes with others. Connect with us @BetweenParentsPodcast

Also - Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show. Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

In today's episode Billy & Joy review 10 helpful principles for people with newborns. For those of you driving, walking, or otherwise unable to note these ideas, here a quick recap!

1. CAREFULLY SELECT YOUR MENTORS

1. AVOID COMPARISON

1. DON'T BE A HERO (or say yes when people offer to help.)

4. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS

5. LOSE YOUR PRIDE

6. PRIORITIES FOUNDATIONAL THINGS

Job #1 – Eating & Sleeping

Job #2 – Rest & Community

7. BE A TEAM

8. GET OUTSIDE

9. LIGHTEN UP

10. EMBRACE THE CHANGE & BE KIND

Also remember…

Even if you don't have newborns, share this episode with those who do. Also - please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Sometimes marriages flounder and fail because little weeds grow into big weeds; small problems become huge problems. In this episode Billy and Joy talk about five often-overlooked threats to marriage and adjustments we can make to mitigate those threats. Take a quick listen and remember to talk to your community about these questions!

Talk about this:

• How have your expectations lead to tensions in your marriage?
• In what areas of your marriage are you most likely to think "me first?"
• If you could spend a season with a counselor, what area of your life would benefit from the attention? What is stopping you from seeing someone?
• Does your spouse feel as if they are first in your life?
• What bad habits of yours have impacted your marriage?

Also remember…

Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Parents are often (and naturally) hesitant when it comes to allowing their kids to take risks. However, it's important to prepare our kids for life in a dangerous world. How do you decide to stretch your children's comfort zone? Let's discuss…

Related(ish) Links:

Halibut Cove Alaska is definitely worth a visit (even if you're not learning to drive a boat.)

http://www.halibutcove.com

Do you remember Family Circus? One of our favorites!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Family_Circus

Talk about this:

This week's section is more extensive than usual (which we explain) so here's a list of the questions.

1. What is the goal in allowing this risk?
2. How does your personal wiring play into what you allow your kids to do?
3. How does your child's wiring play into their risk taking? Are there any areas that could be too limiting?
4. What specific opportunities can you provide which will stretch your kids?

Also remember…

Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Have your kids ever hurt your feelings? If so, you're not alone!

In today's podcast we talk about how to model forgiveness and the importance of not just "taking your licks" but teaching your kids how their words matter. We barely scratch the surface of this important topic, but you will have PLENTY to ideas for your conversations with your spouse or other parents.

Related(ish) Links

"Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die." - Attributed to Carrie Fisher, but I'm not 100% on this!

Lisa Damour's book Untangled.

Talk about this:

Where do you most need to offer forgiveness? Where do you need forgiveness!

Also remember…

Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents

Getting your kids to eat three meals a day can be stressful. How do you manage to get the right things into their bellies? On this week's podcast Billy & Joy move beyond the two biggest factors (Environment & Modeling) and talk strategy.

This is the list… (listen to the episode for full context!)

1 - Recognize cycles -

2. Continue exposure

3. Don't make it a battle

4. Plate the family food - this helps w/#3

5. Use a variety of names for

6. Enlist their help

7. Let them help in the meal prep.

8. Praise tastings!

9. Season separately

10. Leverage unique things their friends eat

11. INVEST in your skills --

Related(ish) Links

Are kids are hardwired to like certain foods? Check out this study.

This article describes how kids are more likely to taste and respond negatively to bitter foods.

Talk about this… actually, this week just try something new! Let us know what you discover!

Also remember…

Please leave us a review on iTunes. This is SUPER helpful in helping others find our show.

Along with iTunes, Overcast, and Stitcher, Between Parents is now on TuneIn (the fun way to listen if you are using Amazon's Alexa). You can chat back with us on Twitter @between_parents or on Instagram @betweenparents