"A lot of policies are managed to, or a lot of policies are written to manage the majority's comfort. And actual inclusion asks a much different question."

The rainbow sticker is on the door.

The diversity statement is on the website.

The pronouns are in the email signatures.

But walk into most coworking spaces as a neurodivergent person, and you'll quickly discover the gap between performative inclusion and genuine accessibility.

Aidan Sunassee has become a master at finding the quietest seat in any coworking space.

As a psychology and sexuality researcher who's also neurodivergent, he has developed what he calls "weird human decibel metre" skills—instantly clocking the hum of fridges, the reverberation of phone calls, and the light flicker that can only be seen out of the corner of your eye.

Working as a copywriter and translator at Cobot coworking software, Aidan sits at the intersection of academic research and practical implementation. He understands both the theory of inclusive design and the daily reality of trying to work in spaces that weren't built for brains like his.

This conversation with Emily reveals the uncomfortable truth about most inclusion efforts: they're designed to make the majority feel good about being inclusive, not to actually include the people who've been left out.

Aidan's insights cut through the performative gestures to reveal what genuine inclusion requires.

It's not about adding more policies or hosting more diversity training. It's about fundamentally rethinking who gets to decide what inclusion looks like—and being willing to change based on what marginalised people actually tell you.

For coworking operators, this episode offers a mirror. For community builders, it serves as a roadmap. For anyone who's ever felt excluded from a space that claimed to welcome everyone, it's validation that the problem isn't you.

Timeline Highlights

[01:39] "What I learned early on within that is that the space itself kind of makes or breaks whether I do want to come back"

[02:43] The massive gap between how spaces are designed and how people need to work

[05:18] Why even simple retreats—a small room on the side—can make all the difference for overwhelmed nervous systems

[06:42] "Make it about the work and not just the diversity"—shifting focus from performative to practical

[07:25] "Nothing about queer people with other queer people actually involved in creating those policies"—the fundamental flaw in most inclusion efforts

[10:08] "There's no crazy apology that's needed. It does not need to be performative"—how to handle pronoun mistakes without drama

[12:12] "A lot of policies are written to manage the majority's comfort. And actual inclusion asks a much different question"

[13:59] "Meaningfully consulting people that are not, that are neurodivergent, that are queer, it's inviting them and being willing to change things based on what they tell you"

[14:39] "If it's been run through people that it affects, the fact that it's implemented will be visible to the community"

[17:04] The simple power of anonymous feedback: "If there's anything we can do to make you guys more comfortable here, we're going to do that"

[19:03] Name fields that don't require legal documentation—small changes with massive impact

[21:27] "Let's not mark bathrooms with men and women and not have a gender neutral option at the very least"

[22:56] "Building this as a gradient across the spaces would very much reflect the fact that different brains and different work modes require different inputs"

[25:08] "It's definitely how people see staff navigate conflict or corrections in real time"—culture is measured in moments of tension

[32:33] "Having a sign that says that, chucking it on the door... It's an instant breath of relief"

The Sensory Reality Most Spaces Ignore

The coworking industry talks endlessly about community and connection, but rarely about the basic sensory realities that determine whether someone can actually work in a space.

Aidan's description of becoming a "human decibel metre" reveals something most space operators never consider: neurodivergent people often develop hyperawareness of environmental factors that neurotypical people filter out automatically.

The hum of the fridge. The flicker of LED lights. The acoustic bounce of conversations across open spaces.

These aren't preferences—they're access needs. When Aidan says, "the space itself kind of makes or breaks whether I do want to come back," he's describing the difference between a space that enables work and one that creates barriers.

The solution isn't complex: create sensory gradients across your space. Quiet zones for deep focus.

Moderate stimulation areas for collaboration. Dynamic spaces for social energy. As Aidan puts it, "different brains and different work modes require different inputs."

Most coworking spaces are designed for one type of brain—the neurotypical brain that can filter distractions and adapt to various environments. Inclusive design means recognising that many brilliant, productive people need different conditions to do their best work.

Beyond Rainbow Stickers: The "Nothing About Us, Without Us" Problem

The most damaging aspect of performative inclusion isn't that it's ineffective—it's that it actively excludes the very people it claims to support while making everyone else feel good about their inclusive efforts.

"Nothing about queer people with other queer people involved in creating those policies or those events that are supposed to celebrate them," Aidan observes.

This fundamental flaw—designing inclusion without including the people who experience exclusion—creates policies that prioritise the comfort of the majority rather than addressing actual barriers.

Real inclusion requires what Aidan calls "meaningfully consulting people"—not just inviting them to provide input, but being willing to change based on what they share.

The difference between tokenism and genuine consultation is simple: does their presence shape the outcome, or just decorate the process?

For coworking operators, this means moving beyond diversity theatre to actual structural change. It means recognising that the people who've been excluded often have the clearest vision of what inclusion actually requires.

The Policy Trap: Writing Rules for the Wrong People

Here's the uncomfortable truth Aidan reveals: most inclusion policies are designed to manage the majority's comfort, rather than creating genuine access for marginalised people.

When policies prioritise avoiding offence rather than ensuring everyone's participation, they miss the point entirely. "

Actual inclusion asks a much different question," Aidan explains—not "how do we avoid making anyone uncomfortable?’ but ‘what do the people most affected by exclusion need to thrive here?"

This shift in perspective changes everything. Instead of rules about appropriate behaviour, you get systems that centre the needs of people who've been left out.

Instead of diversity training that teaches everyone to be more sensitive, you get structural changes that remove barriers.

The policy question becomes: are we building systems that enable participation, or are we building systems that manage potential conflicts?

Show Don't Tell: Culture in Real-Time Moments

The most powerful insight Aidan offers isn't about grand gestures or comprehensive policies—it's about small, real-time moments that reveal a space's true culture.

"It's definitely how people see staff navigate conflict or corrections in real time," he observes.

When someone uses the wrong pronoun, do staff model respectful correction without drama? When feedback is given, do managers respond defensively or with genuine curiosity?

These moments matter more than any mission statement.

They inform community members whether this space genuinely supports the values it claims or whether the talk of inclusion is merely marketing.

For space operators, this means training isn't about perfect behaviour—it's about graceful recovery. It's about creating a culture where mistakes can be acknowledged and corrected without shame or defensiveness.

Simple Changes, Massive Impact

Some of the most powerful inclusion interventions Aidan describes are almost absurdly simple:

Name fields that accept chosen names without requiring legal documentation. Gender-neutral bathrooms should be the standard, not an exception.

Anonymous feedback systems that actually get implemented. Signs that explicitly welcome everyone.

"Having a sign that says that, chucking it on the door... It's an instant breath of relief," Aidan explains. For people accustomed to exclusion, small signals of welcome carry enormous emotional weight.

The simplicity is the point. Genuine inclusion doesn't require expensive consultants or comprehensive overhauls.

It requires a willingness to see spaces through the eyes of people who've been excluded—and then making changes based on what they tell you.

The Exclusion Problem We Don't Talk About

The most sobering part of this conversation is Aidan's observation about who gets left behind by current inclusion efforts: "

A lot of people cannot engage in after-work networking events, especially if they involve alcohol."

Parents, especially mothers. People who don't drink for religious, health, or personal reasons.

People whose caring responsibilities don't allow for evening socialising. People whose disabilities make specific social formats inaccessible.

When community-building depends on particular types of social engagement, it systematically excludes people based on circumstances beyond their control.

The spaces that claim to be most inclusive—offering everything from yoga to cocktail classes—often create the most sophisticated exclusions.

What Genuine Inclusion Actually Looks Like

Real inclusion, according to Aidan, is visible in how a space responds when something goes wrong. When someone feels excluded or uncomfortable, does the space treat it as a learning opportunity or a PR problem?

"The culture of a space is measured in how it responds when something goes off course," Aidan notes.

Spaces that prioritise genuine inclusion see moments of tension as opportunities to reinforce their values. Spaces focused on performative inclusion see them as threats to be managed.

The difference is evident in whether marginalised people feel safe giving feedback, whether that feedback is implemented, and whether the space's response makes the person feel heard or dismissed.

Genuine inclusion means building systems where people don't have to argue for their legitimacy every time something goes wrong.

It means creating environments where accessibility isn't a special accommodation but a basic feature of how the space operates.

Links & Resources

Aidan Sunassee's Work

* Aidan’s website

* What Makes a Coworking Space Truly Queer-Supportive?

* Cobot Coworking Software

Emily’s Work

* Emily Breder on LinkedIn

* Emily’s Website

Coworking Community Resources

* London Coworking Assembly

* Join the 8k+ LinkedIn Coworking Group

* Workspace Design Show – Feb 2026

One More Thing

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