Beyond Your Default

I have to wonder if the title took you by surprise. “Think of yourself”, so many times in life we hear messages of help others, think of others, don’t think of yourself.

But today, I want to talk about thinking of yourself and the importance of that.

Now, don’t get this bent.

Don’t get it wrong.

You should think of others as well.

We should be helping others. We should be adding value into the world.

Time is super important and our understanding of time might even be more important than time itself.

The way that we look at each second,  each minute, each hour, of every day, of every week, of every month, of every year, of every century, really depends on what we’ll do.

What we can do with that time. It’s funny, as I think about this topic, I pay attention to how we look at time. 

Typically today, which is a Newtonian look at time, meaning time is something out there. Something that we’re always trying to grasp, something that’s always sliding by something that we have no control over yet.

A little bit ago I read a book called The Big Leap and it talks about Einstein time and that we are the makers of time.

That time is not our master, we are not a slave, but simply it is something that we can produce. 

You know, I’ve always had an interesting look at or feel with time. I’m curious when you are listening to this, how have you historically looked at time? 

Is that something that keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future like the song says or is it something that you can produce almost like a conveyor belt in your mind?

Think about that for a second, but I’ll tell you where. My relationship with time started to change. I was about 18 years old. I had just gotten out of Bootcamp for the United States Navy.

I was in Norfolk, Virginia and I was on a ship called the USS Cunningham missile, got a destroyer, DDG-17 and we went underway for some test ops. This was before Desert Storm hit, but we were doing test opps and I started breaking out into hives.

You know, those itchy rash type things that happen on your arms, your legs, your face, your chest, wherever. Well, these hives were extremely interesting because they were also happening inside my body, around my heart and my lungs. 

The doctor put me on massive doses of Benadryl and Steroids and it got to the point where I was on so much Benadryl that they couldn’t wake me up in the morning.

One morning they tried to wake me up at about four, four 30 in the morning because I was a cook in the Navy to go do my job and they could not wake me up.

When I finally woke up later that day, I went to my master chief and he said, Hey, you’ve got to go to the doctor. We’ve got to get this figured out. This is no good. This will not work.

So I went to the doctor and the doctor said, Hey, not that this would ever happen, but if there was a fire on board the ship, we couldn’t wake you up.

We couldn’t get you out. So what we’re going to do is we’re going to have a helicopter come pick you up. 

We’re going to send you to a transient personnel unit and we’re going to get tests done and we’re going to get you fixed. We’re going to get you back in shape and uh, you’ll be good to go, but we need to go ahead and medivac you off the ship.

A helicopter came, I packed my seabag, and I headed off to shore so that I could get tested.

Of course, the first night when I get back, I do what every good sailor does. I head to the bar and I have a good evening.

I wake up the next morning and there’s a bunch of people sitting around in what would be a normal person’s living room, kind of this general space.

They’re all sitting on couches, they’re watching the TV. And I walk into the room just in time to hear the news reporters s...

I think it’s very important for all of us to understand that now is the time to count our blessings.

You know, many times in life we get so involved with the day in the day out that we forget to think about the micros.

The things that happen every day that are actual blessings versus what we just consider everyday regular life. 

But right now, it’s so important to sit back and think to yourself, what is amazing about my life?

And when I say amazing, I mean what is normal? What is average? What is something that you take for granted that other people wish that they had?

You know, I had a long conversation with a friend this morning and we were talking about how both of our families were kind of huddling together and we were thankful for the things that were happening or were in place around this moment of chaos and how we need to count our blessings.

So my challenge to you today is to count your blessings. Think about all the things that are going right.

For instance, do you still have work? If so, that’s a blessing. If not, we are thinking about you. We are praying for you and we know that you will make it through this. 

But if you can still go to work, that is a blessing. Even if it is at home. We know that there’s a lot of people that are working for a home that usually doesn’t. 

And you’re also dipping your toes into the fire because you’re working from home with your children in the house as well.

But are your children healthy?

Are you healthy?

Do you have a roof over your head?

Can you still wake up in the morning and continue to do those things that you do?

See, these are all blessings now for you it’s different. I want you to take the time today to think about what is normal. That is amazing. That is a blessing.

You know, for me, I honestly sit here and think about how I can still come down to the same office. I’m still helping a lot of the same clients. 

I’m still creating a lot of the same content. I’m still the same person that I was before this moment in time, so think to yourself, Hey, does this fruit taste great?

Is this water refreshing? Does this walk outside feel good? Does the fact that I can breathe in and out the stretching of your lungs, your chest, think about the micros.

Here’s the thing.

When you start to think about the blessings that are in your life, you transitioned to the other piece of what I want to talk about today and that is that you can be a blessing.

I want you to think about how you can be a light, a shining ray, a blessing to the world right now because a lot of people, a lot of people, a lot of people need somebody to be a light to be a blessing in their life.

You know, in this same conversation with my friend, he was talking about how he wished he could give 10 and this was a specific number, what if 10 local restaurants had a free website?

Because he knows that right now it would impact their business.

It would impact their life, it would impact the community because of everything that’s happening right now. Being able to have a website where you could take orders online would be a game-changer for restaurants who can’t have people come and sit in their dining rooms anymore.

But what I found funny about that is he was thinking about how I can be a blessing in ...

In the beginning.

That’s an interesting statement considering that we all have a beginning.

A starting line if you will.

Someplace where we can recall in our mind that for us is the beginning of our life.

It’s not in the womb and it’s probably not within the first couple of years, but we have this beginning storyline.

This starting line that we feel dictates who we are or who we deserve to become. 

When I think about this concept, I think about racers.

It might be a marathon racer or a sprint racer. Heck almost any type of racer will do for this analogy.

Any type of person who comes to a starting line and gets ready in their position.

A person who then holds that position until they hear the gunshot or the bell or the whistle to begin the race.

Then they run the race as fast and passionately as possible.

Are you running the race or are you stuck in the starting blocks? Paralyzed by your beginning?

You should know your starting position has nothing to do with if you’re going to win or lose this race of life.

It has nothing to do if there’s going to be an injury along the way.

It has nothing to do with the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows of the race that is life.

It has nothing to do with the race that’s about to ensue.

It simply is the starting line.

But imagine thinking to yourself, because I lined up that way.

Because I set up that way.

Because I started this way.

There’s no way that I can win the race!

To be honest, that’s just crazy to think of that way. 

It’s every step.

It’s every stride.

It’s every movement of the muscles that will get you to the end of that race.

So start running!

It’s every thought that you have for every step you take.

It’s how you push harder, push further, push faster, that will get you to your victorious finish line.

It’s the combination, the synchronicity of the body and the mind, realizing that the beginning was just the beginning.

But every step, every stride you take to fulfill this journey that you are on gets you to that finish line, to that goal. 

We put so much weight on where we start because we can see it.

It’s easy to do because we’ve been there!

But most times what we don’t put the weight on is the future because we can’t see it.

It’s unseen therefore we’re not sure of what it will be.

However, we can know what it’s going to be by what we do every day, by every step of the race, by every moment of the journey.

By our actions.

I want you to stop and think about why you put so much power on something that is truly so insignificant? 

I think about my own life when I am talking about beginnings. 

I started in a one-room log cabin in Lincoln, Montana.

I started with a family that was divorced and separated before that became the cultural norm.

I started in a small rural town where at one point I r...

Are you focused on where you’re going in life?

Do you have goals that you are chasing?

Personally?

Professionally?

Financially?

Spiritually?

Are you reaching those goals?

Or, is chasing those goals becoming tiresome?

Are they becoming overwhelming?

Are you like most humans who right before the achieve the goal move it or even change it?

Are you playing goal whack a mole?

Why the heck do we do this?

Is it because of fear of failure?

Is it because we are afraid of getting stuck in comfort?

The answer to this question might be vastly different for each one of us.

I can tell you that personally I’ve been chasing goals for a long time and sometimes I have gotten burnt out, overwhelmed and felt like stopping it all. Hitting the breaks.

Making a hard stop!

You see, there were several things that because of chasing those goals, I had let fall to the wayside. And the importance of these things are often times overlooked.

Maybe this video will help you.

Just maybe, you are facing the same issues and maybe you’ve lost your way with several important things that go with goal chasing.

At least with the long game goal chasing that has to be in place to get you to those goals that matter.

The first thing I lost sight of was my measuring stick.

I forgot to stop, look behind me and measure where I had come from.

I forgot to keep track of all the times that someone thanked me in email, or said nice words on social, or interaction at events that I have spoken at.

I was not measuring how I had impacted someone’s life in a positive way.

Do you have a way to measure this for yourself?

I now have a notebook in Evernote that I clip these items into or manually add them. 

That way when I feel like I’m on the treadmill of life moving real fast and going know where, I can open the notebook, sit in silence, and measure the significance of my historical actions.

The next thing I lost track of was my attitude of gratitude. The ability and the designed time to think about and jot down the great things that happen everyday.

No matter how big or small.

Having a place to write these positive life moments down on a daily basis is so important. That way you can have a place to focus on the good therefore battening against your victim mentality. 

So in an effort to make this process of staying the course easier for myself, I created a note in Evernote for my journaling.

How do you keep track of your daily bits of good?

Now, full transparency here, these are new actions I’m taking and testing as I move forward in life.

Also, I feel like at this point I should say, you don’t have to use Evernote, you can use any tool that works best for you.

But, no matter what focus on collecting catalyst or significance focused moments and list out on a daily basis what you are thankful for.

Don’t let your path to your goals become like a treadmill in a gym where you are moving a ton but going know where.

Let it be a pleasurable walk where you are looking at the trees,

Why do we always fantasize about being someone else?

Have you ever watched a tv show or a movie and then wanted to be like the character you just spent time watching? Think about it, we have done this since we were kids.

Watch a superman movie and then spend the rest of the afternoon running around the house with a cape made of an old sheet.

Watch the Fast and Furious and the race our 93 Astro van like it’s a 2020 Bugatti.

Okay, maybe that last one is just me.

The funny thing is we seem to always be pulled in the direction of being like others vs embracing the traits that make us amazing.

Why is this? Why do we have such a hard time with the grass being greener on the other side?

Today on social media this phenomenon run rampant. We play an ever increasing mental game of keeping up with the Joneses or wishing we had someone else’s life.

If there’s anything in life that we need to pay attention to and figure out how to manage it is this strange fact.

You see the more time we spend thinking about being like others is less time we can be ourselves. And the truth of the matter is that the world needs you to be you.

You are wonderfully made. You have lived a life that has crafted you into a special being who thinks, acts, walks, and talks, like no one else on this planet.

You are amazing, You are special. You are enough.

So instead of looking outward at all the others around you, spend time today looking inward.

Ask yourself what do you do that makes you you. Then embrace it. Nurture it. Focus on it. 

Understand that these things are the things that make you your authentic self.

Be your authentic self!

To do this, you are going to need to win the battle in your brain. You are going to need to start thinking differently. Your focus will have to be readjusted.

To start, to be authentic, to be yourself, you need to embrace being vulnerable.

You need to understand that by being authentic you are putting yourself out there and that sometimes people may say or do things that may sting. But, you have to be willing to chance it.

If you walk around this world guarded you can’t be yourself, you can’t be authentic.

With that said, you will also need to be best friends with forgiveness. You see if people say or do those things, and they will. You might start to hold it in or hold it against them.

This will start to fester and you will find yourself being and feeling negative. This is not your authentic self. This is a symptom bubbling up from not unpacking or forgiving other humans for making the mistakes they all make. The mistakes we ourselves have made.

Last but not least, you are going to need to add in a heavy dose of not caring about how others think. You can not be the perception of what others think you should be if you are truly going to be yourself. If you are going to be authentic

We need to focus on living up to our own expectations of yourself, not the expectations of others.

So today, make a vow with yourself to step off the treadmill of judging yourself. Of trying to measure up. Of comparison to others.

And be yourself. Be the best authentic version of you that you can be.

Because when you do, you will thank yourself and the world wil thank you as well.

Because they will see who you are,

Do you get all fired up? Are you stressed out beyond belief? Ok maybe not beyond belief, but do you find yourself getting stressed easily.

Many times in life this happens because we allow ourselves to worry about every little thing. One of my favorite songs in Don’t Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin.

He really got it right with the message inside the song.

In every life we have some trouble. But when you worry you make it double. Don’t worry, be happy!

Ain’t got no cash, ain’t got no style. Ain’t got no gal to make you smile. Don’t worry, be happy!

So many of us worry about whether we have money or style.

We worry about how we look online to the point that we sometimes even build a false positive perception. That’s crazy if you stop and think about it.

I know you have seen those profiles. Everything is amazing when you know it really isn’t.

Why do we do this? Why do we worry about likes, shares, comments? Why do we care about what others think about us, our clothes, our cars, our cash?

It honestly isn’t important at all. As a matter of fact, we shouldn’t worry about anything. We all should embrace our inner Bobby McFerin.

Why? Because worry is illogical, it’s irrational, it’s unreasonable. So many times we humans sweat the small stuff.

Think about the last five things you’ve worried about. Were they temporary?

Most times the answer to that question is an emphatic yes.

So why waste energy on worry when there are so many other things we can do with our time?

I think back to when I was a kid, I had now worries. If I wanted to go somewhere I would ask my dad for a ride and 20 bucks. I didn’t worry about if there was 20 bucks. Or where my dad would get the 20 bucks from.

I just asked. Because that 20 bucks was my father’s worry.

How many of us today are worrying about things that are our father’s worry and not our own.

Things tend to work out in the end.

The only thing worrying does is wreck your week. Wreck your day! Wreck, your month. Heck, it can wreck your life if you don’t get it under control.

When we worry, we’re focused on a scarcity mindset. A victim mentality. When you feel yourself worrying, it should be the warning light in your brain to change gears or change directions.

It should be a warning for us to stop and pay attention to all the good things in life. To focus on mindset routed in  positive intent. A victor mentality.

When I was in my late 20’s I was working several jobs and living paycheck to paycheck. Things were tight. I mean really tight.

The white minivan that was our mode of transportation decided one day to give up the ghost. The transmission was torched, gone, fineto.

We had it towed to the shop to see what could be done and they came back and told us it would be 2,000 dollars to fix it. At that point in my life the number could have been 2 million. Either way, I couldn’t pay that. 

What were we going to do. How would I get to work. How would I get the kids to the drs, to school. How would my wife get the groceries or run her errands. It’s exhausting just thinking about it.

Don’t stop.

Don’t stop no matter what.

Even when you think you can’t carry on, don’t stop!

No matter what, don’t stop!

Have you ever felt like you couldn’t carry on?

Has life ever made you stop right in your tracks?

Have you ever felt like your dreams have been crushed?

Ever been lost in the wilderness of life?

If you’re like me and thousands of other humans walking this planet, unfortunately you answered yes to at least one of those questions.

To be honest, it’s alright if you’ve felt that way.

But, even when you feel that like you can’t go on, you have to keep pressing onward and upward.

Don’t Stop!

You have to believe in yourself.

In your path.

You have to believe in your goals.

Your destination.

You have to dig deep and keep moving forward.

Move forward even if it is only one small step at a time.

Move forward even if it’s three steps forward and two steps back.

You see if you continue to fight. Continue to believe. Continue to move.

You will eventually get there.

Have patience. Don’t stop.

Eventually you will reach your destination. Your goal.

Your victory.

Many times in life, we stop right before we are about to receive the blessing for all the hard work we have been putting in.

We get impatient and move onto the next thing wondering why it never works out.

Stick with it. Stay the course. Dig your heels in.

Be stubborn. Be Focused. Be Consistent.

And never ever stop.

I can think back over the past eight years of my career and point to many a day when I wanted to hang up the towel.

When I thought to myself, “Am I even impacting the world?”

“Is the content I’m creating, the time I’m spending even making a difference?”

I can remember not wanting to create another tutorial ever.

I can still feel the gut wrenching emotion of disbelief and being unsure if I should continue on.

Have you ever been there? Have you ever second-guessed yourself?

Second-guessed your decisions? Your path?

Thank God I didn’t listen to myself.

That goodness I continue on past all those hurdle days.

Past those potholes of life.

Today, I know without a shadow of a doubt, I’m impacting tons of folks.

I know I’m making a difference. I know I’m a catalyst.

But, if I had stopped. Well, that simply wouldn’t be the case.

And, that is exactly why I’m telling you, Don’t stop.

I know you want to make a difference.

I know you think big.

That you dream better.

Keep believing in your journey, keep going, keep moving.

Your victory is just around the corner! 

It’s waiting patiently for you.

Simply take the next step, and the next step, until you can grab it.

Grab your victory hold onto it tightly and enjoy it.

Have you ever wondered why some people are the way they are? Why do they do the things they do? Heck why do you do the things you do? What has made you into you?

As we make our way through this messy world, things happen.

Boy do they really happen.

Many of us have gone through things that we never thought in a million years we would go through. But, we go through them and we end up on the other side many times better than we were before.

But what happens in that aftermath of a better state? Many times we tend to define ourselves in a new light. We see a new version of ourselves. We think in a different way.

For instance where did I pick up being a catalyst? Why does helping people become the best versions of themselves really drive me. Why is it my passion point? Why, do I care?

Simply because I’ve been the worst version of my own self. I have traveled through the trenches of being a victim, being lazy, being the exact opposite of a happy, helpful, humble human.

You see many years ago, I had something happen to me just lie many of you have had happen.

This event shattered one of the most important pieces of me as a human being. My belief in myself.

Can you remember a time when you were cut to your core. When the person you thought you were was attacked, smothered out, to the point where you couldn’t even recognize yourself?

Far me, it was the freshman year in high school.

I went to school like it was any other normal day. But, this day would start a turn of events that would dramatically change my trajectory for years to come.

As I walked into class I could smell the smell of chalk on the chalkboard. I could see the potential of all the other students sitting around me. I could feel the excitement of learning something new.

You see, I have always loved learning! But my ability to learn was about to get stunted.

As I sat in my seat goofing around with the friends that I was sitting next to, I heard the words that to this day still silently ring through my head.

You will never amount to anything!

I looked up and my eyes locked with my math teacher. Our gaze stayed locked for what seemed like an eternity. I could tell something in me was breaking in the silence but I just wasn’t sure what it was.

For the rest of the day I was silent. As I rode the bus home, silence. As I sat at the table waiting for my parents to come home, silence. 

Everything on the outside of me was silent. But the inside of me was screaming at the top of its lungs. How dare he. But he is right. Why am I a failure? I will never amount to anything.

My parents tried to tell me that he was wrong. They tried to fix me the best they knew how, but, it was too late. My belief in myself had eroded to be almost non-existent.

Within 6-months I had proved my math teacher right. I became a high school drop out.

The once choice I would never be able to take back. The choice I could never fix.

Have you ever looked at your life and had no clue how you were going to fix something?

However, by the grace of God, I ended up on the other side.

I have become the person that you see today. 

A person focused on always learning.

A man who strives to be 1% better each day.

An imperfect human striving to find the broken and being the catalyst for thei...