Bible Stories for Blasphemers

Happy Episode Day, blasphemers!
This week, Dan regales us the tale of Gideon's 300 and their pursuit of Zebah, Zalmunna and their 15,000 Midianites.
Also in this week's Computer Room segment, Everett the Engineer talks with our hosts about the link between Neopets and the church of Scientology!

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Gather round Campers, 'cause your fave bible camp counselors are back! Dan managed to break his wrist just after recording this, so we had to take a short break, but now it's time to get back to REAL business: Bible. In this one we teach you survival skills you'll take with you for the rest of your life. Such as... the best methods in which to drink water from a river; How to terrify your enemies using the awesome sonic power of a bunch of trumpets; How to ensure God is Bread. This one's a MUST LISTEN, kids, since you never know when these survival skills will come in handy. God is always ready to test you. 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Dia duit, heathens! Camp Counselor Mariah is back from Ireland, so go ahead and help yourself to your favorite non-bigoted pickle chicken and settle in for another installment of The Bible! This week Dan teaches us about a Judge called Gideon. He’s a skeptic icon and almost certainly was the first guy to ever Science. You can’t prove he wasn’t. Then be sure to stick around for the second half of the show where we climb into the Travel Trailer and Mariah shares her time visiting some megalithic era spiritual sites in Ireland. 

For photos of the things in Ireland Mariah's talking about, check out our Instagram! 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

*in the voice of Julie Andrews*

Dearest Gentle Listener,
Now, you didn't think we'd forgotten to maintain our ongoing commitment to providing you Patreon content content, did you? Well, worry not little lamb, your shepherds haven't forgotten you. In this episode you can look forward to such delights as thus, as well as the story of the only female judge in the Book of Judges. This is the story of Deborah, of course. Do not underestimate this gentlelady, for she and her bestie Jael deliver the fuck out of Israel in the most horrid of manners. Also discussed is the pivotal Carriage Scene in the latest season of Bridgerton, which is not related to the Bible at all. Oh, the scandal.

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Blessings upon all ye blasphemers, for we are back from summer vacation!!! This is one of the BEST Bible stories we've gotten to cover so far as we continue in the Book of Judges with the stories of Othniel, Ehud, and also Shamgar was there. Most of the time we focus on the story of Ehud and his diabolical scheming, and how he secures victory for Israel. In the pop corner we talk about the origins of the phrase 'familiarity breeds contempt', as well as the Antique Roadshow. And keep an ear out for an extra refreshing treat in Everett's ASMR Alcove this week. So let's dive back in and wait no longer dear flock, lest ye embarrass yourselves. 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Happy Bible! 
We've finally said goodbye to Joshua and are entering our Biblical Folk Hero Era. With no successor named by Joshua, the nation of Israel continues on without a conduit to God. A generation has passed and it turns out God's not really popular anymore. And so God didn't take that well . He essentially sees Israel as though it is his adult son who just said that he's not going to go college... and also is hanging out with high school dropouts and starting an Only Fans. So, naturally, God did what must be done by all good disappointed parents: abandon his children to teach them a lesson! And thus we begin the Book of Judges. 

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Welcome to church sweet flock! This week Youth Pastor Dan (YPD) tells us the story of Joshua again..but faster this time. Think of it like the notes someone gave you about the key takeaways of the reading assignment. There's some extra flavor that's added along the way, but this ep rounds off the Book of Joshua as he dies at the age of 110, naming no successor. Then in the Pop Corner, we visit the Music Room to gush about and dissect the newest Taylor Swift Album (The Tortured Poets Department). We do a deep dive into the religious metaphors & themes of Swift's songs, 'But Daddy I Love Him' and 'Guilty as Sin'. You won't want to miss YPD & Mariah's spicy lyrical takes.  

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Hello again to all our precious Blasphemers! This week we learn about a very interesting event that  could only be explained by a divine act…. Sort of. Joshua commands the sun to stand still, which helps them while they save Gibeon (which they have to do because of their tricksy covenant.) Then after a short detour, we head back to the Music Room. Everett comes to the table with analysis of the lyrics written by the band Knocked Loose. Before you go, everyone say hi to Dan who will be summoned to the app by this post due to his Instagram notification settings. Thanks for listening! 

Cover Painting:
 Joshuah Ordering the Sun to Stand Still (1743-1744), Joseph Marie Vien in Musée Fabre, Montpellier

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Happy Episode day, blasphemers!! This week Dan teaches us about how the Gibeonites made the diabolical choice to deceive the Israelites in order to secure their protection against being slaughtered… the audacity!!! After that, in the pop corner, our conversation resembles a bouncy ball set loose in a long linoleum hallway. Also some spoilers as we plan content for our forthcoming Patreon page which totally for sure definitely really is going to exist.  Enjoy ;)

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]

Blessed hump day congregation! In this week’s installment of The Bible, our valiant heroes raze the city of Ai, leaving no survivors. They then immortalize its king forever in what can only be described as… gross. And then in the Pop Corner aka Music Room, in celebration of Dan’s many achievements, Mariah reads to him the lyrics of Dysphoria Hoodie by Laura Jane Grace.

Special thanks to Henry Rogland for our intro, and to Bird Creek for our theme song, "Hooky With Sloane."

Edited and Mixed by Everett Kemper (@everettkemper)
Hosted by Dan Rogland & Mariah Wren (@mariahmaycats)
Follow & DM us on Instagram @bs4blasphemers
Send us an email at [email protected]