Bible Study for Atheists - Genesis

Jacob Prepared to Meet Esau / Jacob Wrestles at Peniel; and chapter 33: Jacob and Esau Reconciled.

That wrestler came out of nowhere! Don't eat the hip bone! And was Esau subtweeting Jacob, or what? Also - can't believe we didn't make a joke about Peniel / Penile. What a wasted opportunity.

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The Children Born to Jacob (cont.) / The Trickery of Laban and Jacob; and chapter 31: Jacob Flees from Laban.

We learn there are multiple gods and we encounter a legit mic drop. Laban gets what's coming to him. But not really because they all walk away friendly-like after yet another convenant.

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Jacob Flees from Esau (cont.) / God Appears to Jacob at Beth-el; and chapter 29: Jacob Serves Laban for Rachel and Leah / Jacob Marries Leah and Rachel / The Children Born to Jacob.

Another zoom call! Stairway to Heaven! Laban is a d*ck. Jacob should've taken Rachel and peaced out.

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A well is named Care-a-Lot. We conclude that all the men are rapey, lying, thieves, and all the women are gossiping snitches. We also question whether people of that time period possessed magic to dole out curses and blessings willy-nilly.

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A Wife Obtained for Isaac; and chapter 25: Abraham's Descendants through Keturah / The Death and Burial of Abraham / The Descendants of Ishmael / The Birth of Esau and Jacob / Esau Sells His Birthright.

Could Esau beat Nimrod in a fight? Do we even really care? This was kind of a boring section. But we had fun with it nonetheless!

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Abraham Commanded to Offer Isaac; and chapter 23: Abraham Buys a Burial Ground for Sarah.

We question whether God has ever read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People because his leadership skills are lacking, and we wonder if Nimrod will ever make another appearance. We also decide God can go F himself if he ever asks us to kill our kids. Oh and Spoiler Alert, Sarah is dead now.

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Abraham and Abimelech; and chapter 21: The Birth of Isaac / Hagar and Ishmael Sent Away / The Covenant Between Abraham and Abimelech.

We ponder who would be a better hunter: Nimrod or Ishmael? More incest is brought to light. God, being a dick, punishes, like, everyone. As usual.

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The Birth of Isaac Promised / Abraham Intercedes for Sodom; and chapter 19: The Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.

We are knuckle-deep in rape, incest, and salt. Does too much masturbation actually blind you because of all Lot's crazy parties?

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Circumcision the Sign of the Covenant.

We question whether God has a , whether or not it's circumcised, and who performed such action. Everybody line up 'cause it's dick-choppin' time! WHERE'S STEVE? All this accompanied by the sweet background sound of a running computer that Husband can't tame.

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Abram rescues Lot / Melchizedek Blesses Abram; and Genesis chapter 15: A Son Promised to Abram.

He cut the animals in HALF!? Grody! And God's still a big dick. A children's Bible is like KidsBop for #WAP.

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