Big Feelings: 90 Day Fiance

Sean and Lo doff their swimsuits and get into the cloudy hot tub with Brandon and Julia for some therapy AND entertainment. Still moist and pruned they rush to Puerta Vallarta to have a sad, clammy cheeseburger with Andrew before they dry out.  Then its off to do a wellness check on Zied who has been left alone and forlorn with only a shopping cart for company and entertainment.  Natalie has been watching too much SATC and has gone full on Scarrie Bradshaw tearing Mike's stinky closet apart in a quest to find the one ring to rule them all.

Sean and Lo are trapped in Mike's closet, and it smells WEIRD.  Yara has revelations during her pedicure with Sara.  Lo shares important information about new technology in incontinence.  Andrew is simply beside himself.  Hazel meets Auri but her and Tarik still have Minty beef.  Stephanie wants Ryan to learn to use a litter box.  

Sean and Lo are worried about the fish.  They search for answers in Stephanie's bucket of leftover syringes, and find clues that lead them to fields of snow which reveal themselves to be merely carpets.  Rebecca is like Oogie Boogie, but instead of bugs she's oozing with shitty secrets.  Julia is living a nightmarish sexual "Green Acres" scenario. 

Sean and Lo grab their parkas and head out into the frigid desperation that is Mike and Natalie, they step on an errant syringe while hula hooping with Stephanie, they surreptitiously wipe street urine from their shoes on Yara's stupid rug.  Lo talks about how her feelings toward Zied have changed since his makeover.  Julia is everything.

Sean and Lo can hardly handle the Sequim of it all as Natalie faces off with Uncle Beau.  Julia has a 3rd arm and is using it to pwn all her friends on instagram.  Sean and Lo do hair math to try to figure out the bulk of Yara's leavings.  Lo reveals to Sean that she has been secretly publishing Uncle Beau fan fiction. 

THEY KNOW.  IT'S BETTY.  

Sean and Lo bravely continue their journey deeper into the bowels of the 90 Day Universe.  Be warned:  This episode is HORNY.  Things get graphic, and Sean and Lo use ALL the words. Topics of discussion include but are not limited to:

Bonnie's cuckoo c**t

Natalies big ol' t*dd**s

Hazel's p****y horse

How much they love the name Minty

Sean and Lo spend way too much time talking about Mike's hair, Jasmine's face, and Natalie's ovaries.  

Sean and Lo buckle in for Season 8 of The Learning Channel's "90 Day Fiancé".  They revel in the upward climb of meeting new denizens of the "90 Day Universe" and spending time with them before the inevitable descent into loathing.  A new season brings with it excitement and so many questions.  What kinds of stowaways are hidden in Yara's hair after her 30 hour journey? How much cocaine has been rubbed into Jovi's stunningly large gums?? Has Julia ever heard Cesar sing??? Is Brandon going to end up murdering people if he doesn't get away from Betty????  Why does Natalie want Bo back out in the barn????? Also the Lou Diamond Phillps film "Bats" is briefly discussed.

Sean and Lo finally realize that they hate everyone on the show except Syngin and Juliana. They meet Blake and Jasmine and are threatened with Angela and Michael.   

Sean and Lo talk about Madonna's eyebrows and Emily's intestines.