Episode Highlights (with Timestamps)
00:00 – Cold open & intro
Classic BLC intro voices, goofy movie-style quotes, and the announcement that this is episode 215 of the Black Lincoln Collective Podcast.
00:01:05 – “Christmas Bloopers 8” & LaserDisc nonsense
They joke about a fake Christmas blooper reel coming out on LaserDisc in 2026 and clown on themselves for having a ridiculous back catalog.
00:03:00 – “The stars are moving!” – Starlink story
One of the guys tells a story about his cousin freaking out because the stars are “moving,” only for it to turn out to be a long train of Starlink satellites crossing the sky.
00:04:30 – Explaining Starlink & space trains
They break down what Starlink looks like from the ground, how fast it seems to move, and how easy it would be to mistake it for alien activity if you didn’t know better.
00:05:35 – Kids & the end of the world
His 8-year-old declares it’s the end of the world, and the crew riffs on how calm adults pretend to be while secretly just thinking about turkey.
00:06:50 – “It’s Christmas time, guys”
The gang hard-pivots from turkey to Christmas, joking about killing the Thanksgiving turkey and moving on to Christmas geese, dolphins, and holiday mascots.
00:06:55 – Return of the Christmas dolphin “Porpoisee”
They bring back the bit about “Porpoisee the Christmas dolphin/reporter,” teasing that he’s supposed to come on the show to suggest holiday gifts.
00:07:50 – What do you really want for Christmas?
The hosts admit nobody’s actually going to buy them what they want, leading to a “big bag of…” joke and some delightfully inappropriate laughter.
00:08:45 – Satan shows up for Christmas
Satan (a recurring character/voice) crashes the episode, promising to bring “peace around the world” in his own very questionable way.
00:09:50 – Evil gift ideas for everyone
Satan begins listing gifts “for everyone” that are really just elaborate pranks, insults, or emotional traps disguised as presents.
00:10:35 – The ring box fake-out
He pitches the cruel idea of giving a woman a fancy ring-sized box with absolutely nothing in it—one of the most evil prank gifts they discuss.
00:11:45 – DNA tests & awkward family reveals
More “gifts” like surprise DNA tests to make sure someone’s really a citizen or a funnel labeled “My First Love,” leaning hard into chaotic evil humor.
00:15:00 – Batteries with no toy / toy with no batteries
The group riffs on giving someone a vibrator with no batteries or a big pack of batteries with nothing to use them in, escalating into jumper cables and ridiculous visual gags.
00:18:55 – Decorating Hell for the holidays
Satan describes decorating Hell with “jingle balls,” streamers, and popcorn strings made the most annoying way possible, turning Christmas décor into punishment.
00:19:58 – Favorite Christmas carol & Carole Baskin
When asked about his favorite carol, Satan names “that bitch Carole Baskin,” then they spin off into jokes about metal vs traditional Christmas music.
00:20:40 – Trans-Siberian Orchestra = Devil’s Christmas band
They declare Trans-Siberian Orchestra to be the official soundtrack of Christmas in Hell and joke about their tour being orchestrated by Satan.
00:24:00 – Phones, temptation & modern “sins”
Satan points out that everyone’s scrolling through “ass and titties” on their phone, arguing that basically everyone is low-key working for him.
00:28:45 – Back from break: holidays vs burnout
After a break, they talk about getting burned out on holiday vibes, why Thanksgiving deserves respect, and how they personally ramp into Christmas season.
00:30:10 – Variety’s Top 100 Comedy Movies
The crew introduces Variety’s list of the “100 Greatest Comedy Films of All Time” and sets the rules: they won’t cover all 100, but they’ll argue about the top picks.
00:31:00 – Guessing & reacting to the top 10
They try to guess the top entries and discover films like Groundhog Day, Young Frankenstein, Fargo, Duck Soup, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail in the upper rankings.
00:36:00 – Mockumentaries & Waiting for Guffman
They talk about the era of mockumentaries, mention Waiting for Guffman, and debate whether it belongs that high on a greatest-comedies list compared to things like Best in Show.
00:37:20 – Chaplin, The Great Dictator & classic comedy
Charlie Chaplin’s The Great Dictator comes up, leading to quick talk about his style and how older films stack up against modern comedy.
00:38:05 – #1 greatest comedy: The Naked Gun
They reveal Variety’s number one pick, The Naked Gun, and compare it to Airplane!, arguing which Zucker-style absurd comedy really deserves the crown.
00:39:00 – Where’s Airplane!? & other snubs
The guys complain about Airplane! coming in way too low on the list and mention other favorites and holiday comedies that didn’t get the respect they deserve.
