Black Sheep Podcast

Welcome Black Sheep! Today we are talking about being seen. There’s no one better to have this discussion with than Danni Fontus. She’s an event concierge and does she ever make an impression! She’s constantly in search of a one way ticket to a fascinating destination. 

Nicole got very clear about “being seen” this week. She didn’t realize how much she struggled with being seen until she stopped and thought about it. There’s something to be said for surrounding yourself with people who are actively doing what you aspire to. With a new year on the horizon, Nicole is determining to make strides toward being comfortable being seen. It’s a brain switch that she is committed to making.

Jessica also shares how she had struggled with the branding for her website (JPD). There was some emotional attachment, and let’s be real - some baggage! So she set a date and made it happen, even though she was hesitant!

Dani has to make a conscious decision to be seen on social media. In this episode, she made a confession about being a very shy only child. She cried and had panic attacks all the way through high school when she was called on for anything. College and waitressing helped her learn how to talk to anyone. She’s not going to not do something because she’s scared of being seen. Don’t you think if Danielle can do it, you can too?

Is being seen and being heard different? Well, we have our own opinions about it and we aren’t necessarily all on the same page. Some people with big brands are introverts, and it’s interesting to see how it plays into how people actually connect with the messages we are putting out.

Fear causes us to do a lot of things. It causes us to doubt ourselves. It caused Dani to edit herself and not pursue what she wanted to do. She shares a story about her personal battle to be Ms. Harlem Shake - eventually she just went for it, even though there was stiff competition from highly qualified contestants. Each morning was an exercise in doubting herself. She would pep-talk herself all day long and take action. The next morning, she embraced the doubts and went for it anyway. If you really want something, you have to keep going.

Personal posts on Facebook always get the most attention and reaction on Facebook. Showing others what you are struggling with somehow endears you to others. Getting a following around your cause involves just being YOU!

“I meditate in the morning and work at a place that’s completely night life!” - Danielle Fontus

Don’t miss this honest discussion around how we are “seen” by the world and how we show up in the world. From being vulnerable on social media, to curating the content you present to the world, it’s all a balancing act that we all struggle with. Being seen can happen with actions both big and small - from wearing a bold lipstick to planning a big event. All contribute to your visibility in the world.

Danielle shares her journey to personally branding She Dares as her own and how that will affect the next phase of her journey.  She’s determined not to let any of her fear and insecurity hold her back from accomplishing everything she wants. She’s putting her intention out and walking into it!

Finding others who have similar visibility and intentions to be visible can help you get where you want much faster than you could on your own. You need the “go hard” friend that will keep you on your toes and pushes you to “get your ticket” too!

Connect with Dani:

snapchat.com/DaniDares

instagram.com/DaniDares

twitter.com/shedares

instagram.com/shedares

Join the Black Sheep Facebook Group!

The Power of You Teens is Danielle’s charity of choice.

This week on the Black Sheep Podcast we are taking a little Halloween break before we push to end the season and launch a series of projects we are working on behind the scenes to support our tribe.

Tune in to hear about what is in store for the podcast and for 2017. 

And if you have yet to listen to our first episodes where we introduce the Black Sheeps take a listen after the intro.

Free coaching offer! Take advantage of a free 30 minutes coaching session with Nicole by giving 15 minutes to provide feedback on the direction of season 2 of the podcast. Email Nicole at [email protected] if you want to score one of the 2 free coaching sessions.

FEEDBACK PLEASE! We want to know what episode was your favorite? We are planning season 2 and want to hear more of what works for you. Email us [email protected] 

We had two special guests this week – Leora Edut, founder of Goddess on the Go http://goddess-onthego.com/ and mother to 15 month old Cariel.  As a working momma we invited Leora on the show along with Cariel. There will be background noise and a few hellos from Cariel, but nothing says “I am Black Sheep” like recording with your kid. #workingmomhustle

This week we tried something different. Nicole was sitting on a stoop to record while visiting family in Denver, Jes was in JPD offices and our guest Leora was home in Long Island City.

Although we aim to showcase women of color on the podcast, practicing what we preached on Episodes 9: Owning Your Values + Belief, Talking a Stand + Keepin’ Real is important to us. As such we decided to bring on a white ally for a conversation on embracing diversity and raising biracial kids while also talking about the importance of sisterhood in our lives. 

Full show notes can be found at http://bit.ly/liveblacksheep18

In this episode ,we pull back the curtain and take you through the steps needed to launch a podcast by giving you a behind the scenes of launch. If you are considering launching a podcast this episode is a much. It was recorded as a free training with a free worksheet to accompany this episode that can be found at http://liveblacksheep.com/freebie-launch-podcast 

If you aren’t looking to launch a podcast but are curious to see behind the curtains of the Black Sheep Podcast and hear about how the idea was birthed, the role of collaboration in our launch, and how Nicole and Jes ended up teaming to make this a co-hosted show vs. a one woman show tune in!

We also recommend you also check out our previous episode on - 3 Keys to Success – Risk Taking, Failure, + Being Vulnerable http://bit.ly/liveblacksheep14 and episode 12 - Launching a Website in Five Steps http://liveblacksheep.com/12

FREE COACHING OFFER!

Ready to launch your podcast? Want more free help launching your podcast? We want to bring one lucky lady onto the show for free live coaching to talk through her ideas and her launch!  Email us at [email protected] 

Resources mentioned this in episode: 

Donate to Haiti Relief Efforts - These are just three organizations that were recommended to us to support Hurricane Mathew Relief efforts

http://www.doctorswithoutborders.org/country-region/haiti

http://edeyo.org/

http://www.pih.org/

Donate to Standing Rock – The Dakota Access Pipeline, which is a violation of the Sioux Nation’s right to oppose destruction of their land (the use of the term nation means just that, this is their land.) Native peoples from around the world, as well as allies have gathered to support this effort. Protestors rights are being violated, they are being arrested and attacked and money is needed to support legal fees and for supplies. 

http://standingrock.org/

This week we welcomed coach and creative, Ariane Hunter to the show for a conversation about going for your dreams. She shares her journey from MBA + corporate employee, to fulltime photographer, to one-on-one life coach at www.arianehunter.com and now founder of http://www.shewentforherdreams.com/

In this episode Nicole, Jes and Ariane shared their journeys - the joys + challenges - of taking their leaps of reinvention – from corporate marketer to non profit employee, from fulltime employee to entrepreneur, from creative to coach. 

For this episode we asked Ariane to share some coaching tips for someone with a dream for change and added a few of our own! Whether you want a new job, a new career or new services for your biz, we created a place to start in our free worksheet. Download it at www.liveblacksheep/ep16freebie

Have feedback on the show? Email us to [email protected] What episode did you like, what do you want more of?

Highlights include:

• A conversation on how to allow the creative + entrepreneurial callings we have as Black Sheeps to guide us.
• The challenge of telling your family + friends when you want to take the leap and work for yourself, quit a lucrative job and go for your dreams. 
• How when you leap, it’s not only a journey for you but for those around you who when seeing you go for your dreams feel they have been given permission to also go for their dreams. Your journey becomes a starting off point for them to start reflecting on their dreams. 
• “When you are the mirror for your family and friends you show them what is possible through your dreams.”
• We talk about the need to protect your dreams, “when embarking on the dream be protective about who you share that with.” Doing something different can make others fearful and you need to surround yourself with the right people who will encourage and support. (More in Resources below)
• We talk about the responsibility of women of color to leave a legacy and chart new paths for our younger women, as well as honoring the sacrifices of the older generation of Black Sheeps that gave us the freedom we have to go for our dreams. 
• The isolation of working with for yourself at times and the power of community
• We talk about how going for you dreams can take different forms. It isn’t only for entrepreneurs. “It might be sharing your ideas at the board room.”

Ariane is an example of her own project #SheWentforHerDreams. She takes us through her journey, the feelings, the moment of clarity, and the plan of action she took in creating her new venture that takes the passion she has for coaching her clients 1-1 on launching their dreams to form a space for community gatherings, workshops and group accountability to work through ideas as you start the journey towards going for your dreams. 

The first year of the project was visual and storytelling to tell the stories of women going for their dreams. Then she launched the offerings for the community. A true example of how going slow along a clear plan can yield tremendous return and rewards. She is now launching her first Symposium on the Fear of Failure October 15th in NYC – http://bit.ly/2dpJ31b 

We talk about the fact that because dreams are so intangible it is hard to discuss them. “What do you dream about is a powerful question that can provoke thoughts. Our dreams call us to the ways in which we need to grow the most” – Ariane Hunter 

What are the tools do we recommend for going after your dream?

• A coach - A coach is designed to create a safe space for you to dream and help co-create, guide and encourage your action plan.
• A mastermind – a group working towards their dreams to support, challenge and hold accountable. Set meetings and weekly/biweekly/monthly reports keep momentum going.
• Accountability partner – if a group seems too much a one-on-one partner you text, email or call with each week to keep you motivated and not isolated.
• A community who inspires – This could take the form of a mastermind but can also just be a 1x meet up, or  FB group in or outside of your field. 

The good news is #LiveBlackSheep can help. Join our FB Group https://www.facebook.com/groups/iamblacksheep/  to connect with other Black Sheeps today! And download our free worksheet to get started at www.liveblacksheep/ep16freebie

You can learn more about Ariane at http://www.shewentforherdreams.com/ and connect with her on Instagram at www.instagram.com/arianehunter

We loved these quotes from Ariane’s visit and know you will too!

“I had a hunger, a calling, that pulled me into this path of who am I? What do I want to contribute to this world? - Ariane Hunter

“Seeing the world in a very unique way, my way.” - Ariane Hunter

“I feel like dreams get a bad rap.” - Ariane Hunter

If you give ten people a camera, and the same water bottle to shoot, you are going to get ten different photos and I think that there is something unique and special about that.” Ariane Hunter

“If there is something you are called to do you have a responsibility to explore that.” - Ariane Hunter

“Our dreams call us to the ways in which we need to grow the most. It is a courage act to embark on the journey of going for your dreams

” – Ariane Hunter 

When you love what you do, and are in the flow it can be hard to not work, but when does the scale tip into workaholism and unhealthy behaviors? We explore this in a candid conversation that led to Jes having a break through on air as Nicole coached her to remove blocks around an area she was stuck in that was preventing her from scheduling the final stage of her rebrand. 

This is a great episode for anyone with challenges around schedules, working too much, and needing some coaching to push through. There is a ton of free coaching for listeners both – live on air and in show notes.

We also share an exciting opportunity for one listener to come onto the show for free coaching to launch her podcast! Email us: [email protected] with your name, info on you, why you want to launch a podcast and links to your social media/website/etc.  Learn more about this offer at www.livingblacksheep.com/launchyourpodcast and if you want a free coaching session live on the air email us!

And we want to hear from you! Give us your feedback in two minutes and score our Black Sheep tote http://bit.ly/blacksheepsurvey

Highlights include:

• Finding the right time to do certain time of work can help with scheduling

• Winding down from networking and being on is important and healthy 

• “Being able to set your own hours is rally great but it’s not for everyone, some people need that schedule.” - Nicole

• “Even if you work for yourself you need schedule for when work needs to get done.” - Nicole

• “I don’t know that that means  - work ending - that doesn’t have any meaning to me these days”. – Jes

• “The tricky thing is, when you love what you do, it can be very hard to know when to stop” – Nicole

• Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you need to reset and start over and go back to start up mode and the “all in hustle” but the challenge is to know the indicators of when this hustle mode tips into workaholicsm

• “I love doing, I love creating and making things happen” – Jes

• “I love knowing that I will be uninterrupted. “ – Jes

• We talk about how we define workaholicsm and what gets given up in the exchange? It’s hard to prioritize and put more value on what needs to get done on work and in life.

• What can we put in place to help us mange our schedules, to dos and not slip into workaholicsm? 

Free Coaching Exercise on What do you do when there is an excess flow of work?

1. After the euphoria of a new idea(s), the key is being able to see through all the steps needed to complete a project to know what needs to be schedule.

1. Create a list of the buckets/areas of our lives that we are focused on now (not all can be on the list)

1. What is everything you want to do in ach bucket, write it down. 

1. Now determine how many steps are needed to complete each task identifying the complex ones that requires more time to be scheduled out. 

1. Within those buckets what are the three things I will focus on BUT if you have taken care of step four you know that perhaps you can only have 1 or 2 things in that bucket because it is a complex project that needs more time on your schedule. 

Looking at each item ask yourself, does this absolutely have to be done? And  Will I grow from this effort? Whatever it is. This can be in your person a life as well. It takes time to schedule time projects as well as time with people but the key is to ask yourself : 

• “Am I a going to grow or expand when I sit and talk to that person?” Am I going to grow or expand through the process of completing this project?”
• If I will grow from this- it stays on the list if I am not going to grow it comes off this list. 

“Your brand is not about you, it is about your customer.” – Jeremy Bailey, Freshbooks

Your schedule is indicative of too much work on your plate when it spills over into your personal?

As yourself? What can you remove/take off of your plate right now? Or delegate? 

If you want to hear more about making your list of your Tough Love, All Love and Just Listen people check out Episode 14: 3 Keys to Success – Risk taking, Failure, Being Vulnerable

Timing is everything and then it is not.” There is no such thing as the perfect time to do something, sometimes it has to be now.” Nicole

Jes allowed Nicole to coach her through her “failure to launch her logo” alongside the rebrand of the site. 

This is a must listen for anyone who is stuck and not moving forward with a project (personal or professional) who can be coached alongside Jes

“Let go of the past and step into your future but there isn’t enough room for both to exist.” – Nicole

Coaching exercise to for when we are stuck holding onto the past: Write a letter from your younger self is writing a letter to her present self congratulating an celebrating you for everything that you have done.” Then you write back to her as a present self thanking her for ebtying she did to get you to where you are, say good bye to her lovingly.”

Its honest and real, we try something 

“This is the time to take a risk.” Nicole

Jes sets the date for the completion of the this journey to rebrand JPD and release the past and step into the new JPD brand. October 12th is the date!

“I do think it is about letting go, you cant full step into something if you are two feet in the past” - Nicole 

A take away for both Nicole and Jes and we hope listeners is to remind ourselves that we need to schedule time for self care, inner work, to address the feelings that are within us holding us back from taking action externally.

“If you want to get something done you really do have to set aside time on your calendar.” Jes

Listeners – what software or tools do you use for time management, to do lists, project management?

Coaching tip from Emily from @being when you are struggling to close the deal?  Add $500 to the quote 

Resources mentioned:

• FreshBooks Cloud Accounting
• Bullet Journaling 
• To Doist

It’s Nicole and Jes this week in what ended up being a full-length episode exploring three keys to success for Living Black Sheep.

We started off doing an episode on failure but as the conversation evolved we found ourselves needing to also talk about the role of risk taking and vulnerability in failing. It was a candid conversation where we explore failure in our own lives and businesses. Furthermore, if we #liveblacksheep as #WOC, trailblazers in our families or communities, taking risks, the stakes are even higher and the spotlight shines even brighter and that must be addressed.

As a woman of color, failure can be really scary and really tough because the stakes are higher. You are dealing with double tokenism, you are woman and a woman of color so when you do something and you stand out, you stand out a lot, and that can both be wonderful and also really difficult because if the spotlight is shining on you, not just because of what you are doing, but because of who you are doing what you do, if you fail, there is also that added responsibility of feeling like “I failed for all of us; I am supposed to be paving the way for those of us behind me.” With this can come the fear of hearing, “women can’t cut it” or some bullshit affirmative action argument as to why you failed as a woman of color; not just because sometimes people fail. 

Not wanting to only have a conversation about the challenges, we also wanted to leave listeners with some inspiration + coaching including:

Episode sound bites/quotes

“The hard part of talking about failure is that you don’t want to mess with your brand or persona…but done in an elegant and appropriate way it can elevate you in the eyes of the client.” – Jes + Nicole

 “You can’t take risks if you don’t expect that at some point you will fail.” - Nicole

Jes loves this quote- “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”  

“Everyone fails at some point of time in their life and anyone who tells you they haven’t is a liar” – Nicole

“It’s hard to share when things aren’t going well” – Jes

“The failure got me to recommit” – I put more on the line and am taking bigger risks because of the recommitment after failing. I am glad we went through that failure.” Jes

“I am someone who needs to go all in, in order to know if something is right.” – Nicole

“Failing as women of color, the stakes are higher” – Jes and Nicole

“Asking for help is a sign of strength because it shows you know how to be vulnerable.” - Nicole

Coaching: What to do when you are failing/have failed? 

1. Pause and remind yourself that everyone fails. - While we know this, it’s important to be reminded when times get hard. 
2. Share. Talk about it. Ask for help. – You can’t keep it inside, that’s when it becomes bigger and harder to manage. You don’t always have to share what happened, you can acknowledge things are hard and share your emotions or feelings as a result. And, if you are seeing a person who is failing, create space for them to freely talk. 
3. Learn the lesson. – What are you being taught? What can you take for the next time you find yourself in this spot or this emotion? How can you take action earlier to avoid the failure before it happens the next time?

How do you know whom to talk to? Start taking stock now, of who your people are, you need these three:

1. Tough love – This person gets you in action to change the direction of the failure – no room for wallowing here, just fixing. 
2. Unconditional Love – They will tell you it will all be ok, not to worry etc. etc. and even though it may not be OK, you need to hear that sometimes. 
3. Just Listens – This person just lets you unload all your fears, doubts, pain and perhaps plans for redemption but does not meddle in anyway, just gives you the space to get it all out. Which you need!

They may live in the same person or be three different people. 

Grab a piece of paper, open up Evernote, grab a post it and make a note of your three people NOW!

External Resources mentioned:

• The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho– a must read

Community Resources/Free Coaching: 

• FB Live: Jes + Nicole will be on FB Live each week prior to recording. We will send the date/time and topic earlier in the week via email sign up here: www.livingblacksheep.com or like us on FB at www.facebook.com/liveblacksheep/ to be alerted when we are live. 
• Community Video Chat: The date is set, Thursday, October 20th 12pm EST. sign up at www.livingblacksheep.com to be sent the dial in info. Can’t wait to see you there!

If you liked this episode and want to hear more from Jes +Nicole sign up at www.livingblacksheep.com/Findyourherd to receive our Sunday digest with love notes, honest shares and free coaching on how to live your best life as a black sheep.

Note to listeners! We want to know more about you, who you are, what’s your jam, what can we offer you, and what are you looking for from our community? Leave us a note @liveblacksheep

Patia Braithwaite is a memoirist + essayist based in Harlem, NYC currently working on her book based on dating around the word on Tinder. In this conversation Patia shares her tips on getting featured as a writer on the inter-webs and her process for coming up with her pitches. She talks about how to keep the creativity flowing and how writing from life has been key to her success. She ponders the challenges of being women of color occupying space as creatives and entrepreneurs and shares that T-Boz is her TLC archetype. It was an insightful and fun conversation filled with tid bits for anyone who needs to write as part of their work or life, as well as anyone looking to get started.  

Highlights include: 

• Does writing flow for anyone? Patia says even as a professional writer, “writing and reading is like breathing… the thought process is organic, the urge is organic, but the craft is work.”
• She says being creative about where or how she writes – recently going to central park because she feels relaxed in nature – is key to keep the words and ideas flowing. Where do the words flow most easily? Depends on the time and mood.
• Patia shares her thoughts that, “being a professional writer can taint the passion so finding ways to go back to that space is important.” As is, “being flexible for the process.”
• In sharing her advice on how to get articles or become a featured writer on a news site or blog Patia says, “take a chance, email an editor and follow up! That is the lesson of my life! If you don’t hear back it doesn’t mean your idea is crappy. It means editors are busy.”
• What are the logistics? Full length pieces or concepts? She emails an editor with a concept.
• How does she come with the ideas for her concepts? Life. Whatever is going on in Patia’s life influences what she writes. 
• In Patia’s word, “People want realness – write what is real.”
• “I trust the writing. If I am authentic in the writing it will show up in the writing. The challenge is that once it’s out there your nuanced experiences can be flattened by some guy, some troll.”
• In launching her blog Men, Myself and God - when she started, she wasn’t calling herself a writer. She was going through a hard time, not trusting herself and used the platform to help 
• As a child Patia loved playing with magnetic refrigerator letter tiles and make up stories. She always loved storytelling and used storytelling as a way to entertain herself as a shy girl with a stutter. 
• Jes also shares how her art was a theme throughout her childhood.
• Patia gives us the scoop on the novel she is writing about dating on Tinder around the world which appeared to her as an idea for a book after coming home and sharing funny dating stories with her brother and sister in law she was staying with for two months in Brazil. Things to look forward to in the read:
• • She went on a ‘Tinder Honeymoon’ - a 3 day date in Brazil
  • The guy who FB stalked her after she swiped left and ended up being crazy cool!
  • How her tastes changed and she expanded her horizons after dating on Tinder abroad. She ditched the “list” and met some awesome people.
  • Black Sheep is going to help launch the book with a book launch party in the new year!
• We chat about online dating – Nicole never has never done it, Jes did it 2x one time sucked the other she made a lifelong friend.  
• Writing is very powerful. Thinking through an idea is powerful. Can be very vulnerable. 
• Call for writers - any writers in the Black Sheep Podcast community – share with us who is telling our stories, you or someone whose content you love? Share with us @liveblacksheep so we can feature them 
• Patia poses a great question– “ Do you think being a woman of color in occupying space, giving yourself the right to tell your story, to be creative poses an added challenge?” The answer, yes and we had a rich conversation exploring why. 
• We talked about being a black woman pitching her book and how that does or does not affect her process or her writing. Her book is not just a book about a woman traveling and dating abroad. She is a black woman traveling abroad. So even if it is not a book about identity, when a black woman writes it, it is embedded in there.

• Knowing your audience is key when pitching for blogs and news sites but when writing a book Patia writes as if she was talking to her best friend to keep herself real.
• Our Black Sheep News! Nicole is pregnant and as she had a rough August with morning sickness and fatigue as such our Sunday dispatch - Living Black Sheep stopped but she will resume writing in part because she feels better but also due to the inspiration from this interview. Sign up @ www.livingblacksheep.com

Want to connect with Patia?

• Twitter: @pdotbrathw8
• Visit her  @ www.MenMyselfandGod.com
• Email her with any questions!

Some of her recent work:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2016/08/17/this-is-what-online-dating-is-like-when-youre-not-gorgeous-or-ugly-but-average/

http://madamenoire.com/717539/open-letter-woman-will-marry-ex/

http://www.sonima.com/author/patia-braithwaite/

In this mini episode Jes and Nicole share five steps for effectively launching a website. It is expected that there will be over 1 billion websites launched by end of 2016. Whoa! And while there are a ton of DIY options for those of us with no design or coding skills, the truth is there is a lot of planning that should go into not just the design but the content and launch plan for your site. Tune in and stop by the FB page to share any website or other questions you may have for us by visiting https://www.facebook.com/liveblacksheep/

And sign up to join the Black Sheep Society at www.livingblacksheep.com

This week we welcomed Dior Vargas to the podcast for what was a very important and inspiring conversation. Dior is an American Latina feminist mental health activist and the instigator of a project focused on creating a community to eradicate the stigma of mental illness for people of color. 

Dior’s work is so important for our communities and her conviction and commitment towards social justice, advocacy and activism for women and people of color is inspiring for us all. 

Full show notes can be found at www.livingblacksheep.com. You can learn more about Dior and her work at www.diorvargas.com