Blooming Outside the Lines

In my last episode I introduced appeasing and disconnecting and our tendency to swing back and forth between the two. In this episode, I begin looking at how we can change that pattern by examining the belief that we are responsible for how others feel. I share

• how common this belief is—even our language supports it.
• why it is so difficult to change.
• why this belief doesn’t make sense based on the functioning of the brain.

Link to Episode 11: "women, epigenetics, and the need to please" https://www.buzzsprout.com/2590484/episodes/18891699

Link to episode mentioning the limited role of the eyes in body image: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2590484/episodes/18732702

To learn more from Deb,

Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

Do you say “yes” to coffee even when you don’t have the time, or do you worry about saying “no” for fear the person will no longer approve of you? In this episode I tackle the struggle that so many of us face: how to hold on to what we need while in relationships. I introduce

• the entangled intimacy style I noticed over the years in working with women.
• the continuum, with appeasing at one end and disconnecting at the other, and why we tend to swing back and forth.
• the mysterious middle—the place where we can rest from our struggles to be good enough.

In my next episode, I begin talking about how to change these patterns by asking the question, “Can we make people happy?”

To learn more from Deb,

Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

In my episode, “Stress: the surprising link to higher performance and a more meaningful life,” I shared research supporting a shift in how we perceive anxiety. In this episode I talk about how to make that shift. I share,

• how anxiety is like a blanket. 
• how peering under the blanket gives us the information we need to deal with our anxiety.
• strategies for dealing with mobilization in the body, to feel more confident, enhance performance, and lead a meaningful life.
• how to work with chronic anxiety.

Link to previous episode—"Stress: the surprising link to higher performance and a more meaningful life." https://www.buzzsprout.com/2590484/episodes/18971115

To learn more from Deb,

Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

Would you leave a baby with a wet diaper, miserable and crying, until you have time off? Probably not. Explore how your nervous system is like a baby, and putting off self-care is the equivalent of doing just that, leaving a baby unattended or with a wet diaper. In this episode I share 

• quick tools for calming your nervous system. 
• ideas for remembering to check in on your needs.
• using imagery as mental rehearsal for developing a connection with yourself and your needs. 

To learn more from Deb,

• Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 
• To explore your beliefs about self-care, check out her free guide athttps://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/finding-time-for-self-care/
• If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how
      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll   
      down and tap “Write a Review”
       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars
Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.
If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines
There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.
 

Most of us believe that stress is bad for us and anxiety something to be feared or avoided. In my last episode I explored misconceptions about anxiety that leave us fearing it. In this episode, I share

• a look at research supporting how embracing anxiety and stress can benefit our performance.
• how our view of stress affects our physiology and whether experiencing that stress will be detrimental or life-enhancing. 
• how stress is related to a meaningful life.

The studies cited in this episode were described in Dr. Kelly McGonigal's book, The Upside of Stress: Why Stress Is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It.

To learn more from Deb,

Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

It’s hard to miss the message that stress is bad for us. We are bombarded with messages about how to deal with stress and to be less anxious. Because of this, it is hard to imagine that anxiety serves a purpose. In this episode, I share 

• what anxiety actually is and the purpose it serves.
• how our attempts to control our symptoms signal the nervous system to increase the symptoms we are trying to control. 
• how we often mistake our body’s response to a challenge as something to be feared with disastrous results and reinforcing the belief that anxiety is something to avoid.
• how I went from feeling defective because of my anxiety to finding joy in helping others with their anxiety.

Link to episode on the pressures to be calm: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2590484/episodes/18604027-worried-you-re-not-calm-enough-maybe-you-are-right-where-you-re-meant-to-be.mp3?download=true

To learn more from Deb,

• visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 
• check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

What if the fears you face today are echoes of those who came before you? In this episode, I explore epigenetics and its potential implications for our struggle to believe we have done enough. In it I share,

• how one generation's fears are carried forward to future generations.
• why being appealing and chosen may be linked with survival.
• how feeling never enough may be more a reflection of our genetic heritage than the reality of our situation.

 If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To access the podcast episode with the study with cherry blossoms use this link: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2590484/episodes/18604027

To learn more from Deb,

• Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

Do painful feelings seem like something you would rather avoid? Or maybe when you feel them, they end up swamping you, and you get stuck in them. In this episode, I explore

• why as women we often struggle identifying our feelings.
• how when our feelings haven’t been acknowledged we can lose trust in our instincts.
• how to use feelings to identify needs, learn who you are, and what is important to you.
• a plan for learning how to recognize your feelings.

To download a free feelings diary https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/fillable-feelings-diarypdf.pdf

To learn more from Deb,

• Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

Do you wonder if what you do will ever be enough—if you will be enough? If so, you’re not alone. I encountered that belief so often while working with women in therapy that I wrote a book about it. And although it happens less often than it used to, I was right back in it this past week. Rather than pretending that it didn’t happen, in this episode, I share reflections on spinning in feelings of never enough, including

• how physical stressors often ignite emotional stress or tip us into the stress response.
• how looking to others for validation robs us of peace.
• how the brain’s efforts to predict often heightens our distress by bringing to our awareness other areas connected with our fears. 
• how deceived I was by my tipped brain state and how quickly my state started to shift, oddly enough, from a curiosity about candles.

To learn more from Deb,

¨    Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

¨    To explore your beliefs about self-care, check out her free guide athttps://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/finding-time-for-self-care/

¨    If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.

Life can sure be stressful. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and feel trapped by our emotions. In this episode, I share ways to benefit from feelings and strategies to avoid getting overwhelmed by them. I explore 

• the disadvantages of identifying with feelings.
• the role all feelings play in self-care.
• how looking for a wide range of feelings can bring relief and answers.
• using rewarding feelings to balance painful feelings.

To learn more from Deb,

¨    Visit her website at https://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/ for information about her online courses and free info sheets and guides designed to support you as you navigate life’s challenges. 

¨    To explore your beliefs about self-care, check out her free guide athttps://creatingchoicesdeblang.com/finding-time-for-self-care/

¨    If you struggle with feeling good enough, check out her book Never Enough—Separating Self-Worth from Approval.

To help other women find this podcast, please consider leaving a review. Here’s how 

      —on Apple Podcasts: open the app, find this podcast, scroll    

      down and tap “Write a Review” 

       —on Spotify: open the podcast page and tap the stars

Thank you. Your review doesn’t need to be eloquent, and it will help women discover the show.

If you’d like to support the making of Blooming Outside the Lines, you can do so here: ko-fi.com/bloomingoutsidethelines

There is no expectation—please do what is responsive to you. Listening and sharing are also meaningful ways of supporting the podcast.