Blue Balls NYCFC

Blue Ballers, this one's for you. New York City FC returns this week having stolen a point from the big pink menace in Miami, featuring a first MLS goal and first MLS start for Alonso Martinez and some more-or-less remarkable performances elsewhere. Jake & Trey break down how the team stacks up against noted psychopath Luis Suarez and whether the momentum is breaking in the right direction. THEN: Maxime's maxim: more MLS! AND: The baby blues beat the baby bulls to pull into round 3 of the US Open Cup! FINALLY: a quick n' dirty preview of our return to Yankee Stadium against Atlanta. Crack open a window into your trash alley and air 'em out — you've got Blue Balls.

Blue ballers, we won't lie to you — there's no lipstick available for this pig! A mighty but ultimately outmatched effort from New York City FC left us with zero points away at a highly dominant Cincinnati. Jake and Trey break down the conflicted feelings following this match — was it good? was it shit? was it both? — and talk what we can learn about City when the City gets thin. We chat the Acosta goal, the state of the injury list, and the overperformers and the underachievers. THEN: to leagues and sides with a little more joy! We chat the Team USA Nations League winners, the young guns who be BLAZING in the Open Cup, and check in in Trey's March Madness bracket status. Plus: a nervous precap of potential points in Miami ("so you're saying there's a chance?"). Grab a mojito and a ham panini and stretch your legs out; you've got Blue Balls.

After a gratifying 2-1 victory against visiting Toronto, your Blue Ballers are feeling Hot N' Ready to breakdown some good news, for once. Jake and Trey slice up the first victory of the season, including Santi's centrality, Bakrar's hunger and panic for goal, stud Keaton Parks' studs-up challenge, and more. Then: a check-in with Gotham FC as the NWSL season kicks off, Pep Guardiola's on the hot stove, and a senseless preview of a match against Cincinnati with complicated personnel issues. Apply podcast directly to forehead and nowhere else; you've got Blue Balls.

Back in the saddle and twice as pissed, your boys in blue are back to recap the degradation kink demo that was New York City FC’s first ever home opener loss to the very Portland Timbers. One goal from Santi Rodriguez was not enough for the boys to bask in, and scared coaching left us scratching our heads as the Timbers knocked two past our timbs to leave us pointless (and pointless) in three matches. Plus: branding, media mumbles, and stadium renderings. And: a precap of the return of Seannie Johnny and Toronto. Make sure to wear your loosest jacket; it’s warming up and you’ve got Blue Balls.

Welcome back Blue Ballers. You're not gonna like the way we looked — I guarantee it. Our second match of the season yielded no points and no goals, continuing an abysmal streak away and resetting a sense of dread that will surely remain until at least one ball finds the back of the net. Will that happen this week at home? Jake and Trey break down the suffering in St. Louis to try and find out. Plus: Open Cup discussion, labor solidarity, and Balls On The Media. And finally, a little Portland precap before the home opener on Saturday. Will we catch you there? If so - make sure you come correct: you've got Blue Balls!

Welcome to the end of the blue decade, Blue Ballers, and the beginning of SEASON TEN of NYCFC madness, brought to you by your own Boys in Blue. A special salute to the ballers who've been with us since the Obama Era, through thick and thin, from Kreis to Cup -- this one's for you. But that's about as triumphant as we're getting this time around, because NYCFC is back to their old tricks and we don't mean that in a good way. Jake & Trey break down our few-shots-on-goal 90 against Charlotte FC and break down what's changed and what hasn't from our abortive 2023 campaign. Plus: Gabe Segal nabs a highlight reel moment for Houston. Then: a pessimistic precap of St. Louis. Wait 20 minutes before going into the silk bath -- you've got Blue Balls.

Shake off those blue suede shoes and get ready for action -- because it's very nearly Season Ten and Blue Balls is BACK! Jake & Trey tie a bow onto a banner preseason featuring some of the most exciting new blues in YEARS. We chat J's three ways, with Jovan, Ojeda, and Jones all getting the Blue Balls treatment. And then: glory of glories, it's the annual over/under. Follow along at home to find out how you did at the end of the year. Plus a little Charlotte FC preview, as a treat. Get that icepack where you know it belongs -- you've got Blue Balls.

Just when you thought we were out, they pull us back in again! The season is hot incoming and at long last there's some NYCFC news to report on, piece apart, celebrate, and bitch about -- so you know your Boys in Blue are hunting down the scoops as transfer rumors become transfer realities. Jake and Trey break down one confirmed signing and two likely new Pigeons, plus contract extensions and what it all means for NYCFC's strategy and vibe in the 2024 season. Plus: choo choo! the train is pulling into SPECULATION STATION on the Tallest Mango's future in blue. Grip and rip, baby -- you've got Blue Balls.

(alt. title: Madame B-Over-y & One H-Under-ed Years Of Solitude)

We made it, folks. We staggered our way through this rocky season, careening from road loss to road loss, searching always for some sliver of hope. And in doing so, we saw a lot. Trades, sales, ups, downs, debuts and departures -- wretched record or not, this was an eventful ninth NYCFC season and your Boys in Blue are here to recap it for you via our perennial favorite, the Over/Under Review Pod! That's right ballers, Jake and Trey blow the dust off the old Over/Under records from last year and determine who had the predictive touch for this sadly predictable season. Follow along and determine which of your friends owes everyone Chipotle! PLUS: options exercised and declined, the stove gets hotter, and moves are still happening in this and other leagues. The season's over but we're still kicking, so lace up your boots and unbutton your jeans -- you've got Blue Balls!

Blue Ballers, we've been in better moods. We're staring down the end of an ignominious season and wondering where it all went wrong. SO we called in the experts. The Sports Expert, in fact! Max Reinhardsen joins the podcast to unpack the season and give his wisdom and perspective on the state of MLS today. Then: we deep dive on Trey's profound moral dilemmas as he assembles his ballot for the league MVP and league Best XI. Stretch out your hammies, you've got EXTRA Blue Balls.