Booze and B-Movies

McBain: A "one man army" is rescued at the end of the Vietnam War and owes a life debt. The guy to whom he owes his life is killed in a coup attempt in Colombia. That guy's sister then cashes in McBain's debt to her brother to finish the job of overthrowing this dictatorship, which is probably propped up by an adolescent Shakira. Stuff blows up. Bad guys lose. 

McBain final grade:

Steve: "Sucked." Dialogue was bad. I'm glad they lost money on this. It's what they deserve. 2.025/5.0

Brandon: Christopher Walken's style and delivery don't work well here. Lots of "action," but no ACTION. How did he bust through the floor by jumping on it? 2.1/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

Lemoncello/Gin Cocktail

1 oz Lemoncello, homemade or otherwise

1 oz Gin

Club Soda

Mix this one in the glass. Add the Lemoncello and Gin to a Collins glass over ice. Give it a little swirl to combine, then top with the club soda.

Cocktail Grade: Not bad. It grows on you. Prefer a Tom Collins over this if you're in this ballpark. But, if you've got a bottle of Everclear and 15 lbs of lemons around, you can make some lemoncello and mix this up. 3.5/5.0

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Steve's has an exciting guys weekend of golfing and a Sting concert at Red Rocks. Brandon spends his time driving his kids around.

Pieces: Maddie, the daughter of the "Greatest Guy Ever to Live" in some small town in Australia follows in his footsteps to become the town cop. Unfortunately she's in charge of the town's safety when it is ravaged by some mysterious creature. The town kook says it's a Big Red, a killer zombie kangaroo, but our hero thinks he's full of shit. Eventually the evidence is too great to deny, but maybe it's also not a kangaroo, but a dragon-demon-thing. Will Maddie and her posse of lovable Aussie goofballs stop the 'roos reign of terror?

Rippy final grade:

Steve: Overall it was pretty well-acted. The writing was shitty and never really got you invested in the story or characters. Story wasn't cohesive. Fuckin' shaky cam. 2.467/5.0

Brandon: Didn't have the humor element I would have preferred if I had written the thing. Costuming was pretty good, but the overall product was the worst of the non-US movies we've watched. High hopes, disappointed. 2.468/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

The Zombaroo

1 oz White Rum (allegedly a dry version for the "best" result)

1 oz Demerara Rum

1/2 oz 151-Proof Rum

3 oz A blended mix of passion fruit, lemon juice, and lime juice

As much ginger beer as it takes

A drizzle of fancy-ass Grenadine

Add everything but the ginger beer to a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain over fresh ice in a Collins glass. Top that with however much ginger beer it takes to fill your glass. Drizzle just a bit of grenadine on top to give a "blood effect."

Cocktail Grade: Not a bad drink. Plenty of sweetness, if that's your thing. Would be better if I would stop being lazy and just get some regular white rum instead of using this agricole stuff. However, with the alcohol content, it will get you where you're going. 3.1/5.0

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Steve's got a bone to pick with Costco. The episode isn't super timely, since Brandon is a lazy little Suffering Bastard and hasn't been holding up his end of the deal lately.

Pieces: A tween-age fella likes to put together a puzzle of a naked lady. His mom catches him one time, admonishes him, and threatens him with punishment if she catches him again. Fortunately for him, that won't be a problem, because he splits her like a piece of cordwood with a hatchet. Fast forward many years, and women start getting killed on the campus of a "university" in "Boston," and with different body parts taken off of each one. Turns out this kid ended up being a big weirdo as an adult. But which one of these seemingly well-adjusted adults is actually the murdering psychopath? Definitely not Willard. He's just a regular weirdo.

Pieces final grade:

Steve: Better than I anticipated. The dialogue sucked, execution wasn't bad. The lighting was good. 3.54/5.0

Brandon: Not in my sweet-spot for movies, but it was decent. Yet another wiener-twist. No "thriller" element. 3.3/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

The Suffering Bastard

1 oz Gin (allegedly a dry version for the "best" result)

1 oz Bourbon

1 teaspoon, aka 1/6 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lime Juice

1 dash Angostura Bitters

As much ginger beer as it takes

Add everything but the ginger beer to a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain over fresh ice in whatever glass you like. Top that with however much ginger beer it takes to fill your glass.

Cocktail Grade: Started off OK, but as the movie wore on, the gin/bourbon mixture wasn't so easy on the tummy. From a flavor perspective, could probably use a little more lime, and the bitters are pronounced. Just have a regular Mule of some sort. 2.8/5.0

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Steve recaps his family golfing trip down to South Carolina. It's the cultural exchange that makes travel fun, right? Brandon rented a BIG OLE TRUCK and did some man-work.

Warriors of the Wasteland: Nuclear war has destroyed society. We're left with two groups of people. One group of good guys who think humanity can be salvaged with niceness, and another one that thinks anyone who survived the apocalypse should be hunted down and killed and then the hunters will off themselves, for some reason. Then there's a lone-wolf guy who travels around the desert doing the right thing. The guy gets stuck between the two groups when he tries to save some lady. Have you heard this plot line before?

Warriors of the Wasteland final grade:

Steve: A fun movie to watch. Plenty of cool explosions. You notice a lot of the director's Spaghetti Western background. 4.024/5.0

Brandon: One of, if not the best 80s-era post-apocalyptic desert movie. My pulse pounded. My heart raced. All my parts did things at an excessive rate. 4.0/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

The Enzoni

1 oz Gin

1 oz Campari

3/4 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice

1/2 oz Simple Syrup

A handful of grapes

Muddle a few green grapes in a cocktail shaker. Add the remaining ingredients and shake to chill/combine. Strain into a rocks glass over ice and enjoy. You can garnish with another grape or a lemon wheel, if you want. We didn't.

Cocktail Grade: Another above average cocktail. Interesting flavor combination. Refreshing. 3.8/5.0

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We're watching a sequel to a movie we watched years ago, before we started this podcast, so if you want to catch up first, you'll have to watch Killer Piñata. You should do that, it was a good one.

Bride of the Killer Piñata: It's been nearly a decade since our heroines first defeated the deadly Killer Piñata. Since then, adult life has become boring as shit. Work. Kids. Eating the same damned thing for dinner every night. No one trying to murder you. Sucks. Thankfully, some freakin' idiots break into their house to try and steal the exorcised corpse of the original KP. Unfortunately, especially for one guy who ends up becoming a literal d*ckhead, they awaken the spirit of the KP and he returns to his murderous rage. While sad for those guys, it's the greatest thing that has ever happened for our heroes, getting them out of the rut of a life they had settled into. Now they have to track down KP, as well as a second piñata that came to life, and with whom KP has fallen deeply in love.

Bride of the Killer Piñata final grade:

Steve: The movie was a little long, coming in at nearly two hours. Maybe an independent editor would have helped trim a little fat. Practical effects were great. The articulating piñata puppet was solid. Acting was better than you usually get with casts like this. 4.386/5.0

Brandon: Although all the side-quests were pretty well done if taken individually, there were probably still too many of them and detracted from the overall product. That said, this one is easily one of the better movies we've watched, doing well on a low budget, hitting the right humor spots, and actually...sorta...pulled off the piñata romance. 4.249/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

Italian Piñata

1 oz Tequila Blanco

1 oz Aperol

2 oz Grapefruit Juice

Squirty of Lemon Juice

Club Soda

Red Alert! Building a citrus cocktail in the glass. No shaking. Don't tell anyone. Combine everything but the club soda over ice directly in the glass, stir to combine, then top with as much club soda as you need. Garnish with a hunk of grapefruit.

Cocktail Grade: No sweeteners in this one, so it might cure diabetes. A well-balanced drink, citrusy and refreshing. A good one after a day of yardwork in the hot sun. 4.0/5.0

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This one is not for the kiddos. It's one of those times Steve may regret letting Brandon pick the movie. But, let's get right to it.

Bunny The Killer Thing: We're never told why, but some bad guys in Finland get their hands on a serum that turns people into anthropomorphic rabbits with over-sized genitals and want to infect humanity with this creation. But, they shoot a guy up with it, and he turns into a homicidal maniac...looking for love in all the wrong places. He ends up killing a bunch of people, before getting his comeuppance. Then things get tied up in a bow when our heroes also end up killing the *real* bad guys, who are doing the experiments. The Bunny with the Killer Kyrpä, shoutout to #Finland, ends up being a mere pawn in a conspiracy of Bishops.

Get you a special someone who loves you as much as Finnish people seem to enjoy schlong in their movies.

Bunny the Killer Thing final grade:

Steve: Acting was more competent than you would expect. While a "bad" movie with a dumb premise, this one over-performed. However, as a sophisticated movie viewer, who appreciates the lack of penis in movies, I have to deduct a half-point. 3.74/5.0

Brandon: A wiener twist like we haven't seen yet. It's not hard to envision a scenario in which YOU might hate this movie and think it's the worst. But, I actually liked it. 4.37/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

Azalea

1 1/2 oz Vodka

1/2 oz Genadine, fancy or otherwise

5 oz Lemonade

Add vodka and lemonade to a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine. Pour grenadine in the bottom of the glass over ice, and then add the vodka/lemonade on top. With the neon red Rose's grenadine, it makes a nice pink effect.

Cocktail Grade: A tasty twist on the classic vodka and lemonade. Highly recommend this to my sister, who is a vodka/lemonade aficionado. 4.5/5.0

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Steve starts the show out with a little honorarium on the career of Val Kilmer, then we get on to the movie.

Nazis at the Center of the Earth: Scientists, doing science stuff, and throwing around many, many science words are caught up in the rise of the Fourth Reich when two of their group are abducted. While searching for their lost colleagues, they all end up finding their way to a beautiful utopia deep under the Earth's crust. There, they encounter a band of zombie Nazis, led by Joseph Mengele, who is keeping the group alive by grafting on recycled body parts. Then we find out that the "chief scientist" is actually on the bad guy's side. The abducted lady scientist also turns to the dark side. But is she just biding her time? Is she a double agent? Or maybe a triple agent?

Then a robot Hitler shows up.

Nazis at the Center of the Earth final grade:

Steve: Not a great movie. Interesting twist on the "where did the fleeing Nazis end up and what are they doing now" genre. Best part was the painted Nerf guns as lasers. 1.8/5.0

Brandon: Some of the costume work was pretty good. Have to give the actors a little credit for playing a bad movie without any seriousness. 2.0/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

Hitler's Jitters

3 oz White Rum

1/2 oz Creme de Cacao

1 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice

1/2 oz Simple Syrup

Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker over ice. Shake to chill and combine. Strain into a couple glass and garnish with a a lime wheel.

Cocktail Grade: Not a great drink, but better than the movie. Kinda grew on us as the evening went on. Maybe that was the three ounces of rum talking. 3.5/5.0

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Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!: A developmentally-disabled teen lives with his mom, loves Easter, loves bunnies. His mom is dating a guy who, in addition to being a murder, is also just generally a prick. When mom's not around, he's abusive to the kid. He also enjoys the company of sex workers. While he believes Mindy, the mom, is at work, he starts doing his jerk thing around town, when suddenly everyone in the movies starts turning up dead. Turns out, mom is killing off anyone who is mean or a negative influence in her little boy, just like she killed the boy's father. But wait! The dad didn't die! He's actually a person experiencing house-less-ness and hanging around the neighborhood. He also kills someone, and they re-connect over the experience. Happy little family.

Easter Bunny Kill! Kill! final grade:

Steve: Slow and dark. Many of the -xploitation elements were there. Thought the actors, especially Ricardo Gray, did a decent job. Not funny, but it wasn't supposed to be. Overdid some of the parts that were supposed to make you hate the antagonist. 1.0/5.0

Brandon: I feel exploited by watching this movie. The crew were trying to make a movie that made you uneasy. They succeeded. Reminded me of a Hell Garden in Thailand. Not my thing. .85/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

Gin Gin Mule

1 3/4 oz London Dry Gin

1 oz Simple Syrup

3/4 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice

Ginger Beer

Fresh Mint

Put mint, syrup, and lime juice into a cocktail shaker. Add ice and gin. Shake to combine then strain into a Collins glass. Top with ginger beer. Garnish with a sprig of mint.

Cocktail Grade: Summer in a glass. Truly delightful. Would enjoy many of these whenever the opportunity presents itself. 5.0/5.0

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We spent last night drinking by the fire and talking amongst ourselves, so there isn't much to catch up on today.

Crackcoon: Nefarious drug dealers prowl the under-bridge areas of West Virginia peddling the newest way to chase your high. Crack mixed with BATH SALTS! Well, wouldn't ya know it, a bag full of this new designer drug gets discarded in the woods, and it's consumed not only by JD Vance's relation, but also a friggin' raccoon. What follows is almost a paradise of death and mayhem.

Crackcoon final grade:

Steve: Being able to listen to the dialogue kinda detracted from my first "visuals only" encounter with this one. That said, campy ridiculousness is exactly what the doctor ordered. 4.5/5.0

Brandon: The movie wasn't great, but it wasn't trying to be great. As such, it was freakin' fantastic. Practical effects were better than expected. 4.5/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

The Rabid Raccoon

1 1/2 oz White Rum

1/2 oz Blue Curaçao

1/2 oz Coconut Rum

2 oz Pineapple Juice

1/2 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice

Random Energy Drink of your Choice

Throw everything into a cocktail shaker over ice. Shake to chill and combine. Strain into a Collins glass over ice. Top with whatever energy drink you want to use to destroy your nervous system.

Cocktail Grade: ChatGPT calls this one "a chaotic mix of bold flavors, with an unexpected kick." Very sweet. The best AI cocktail we've tried this far. Probably didn't need the energy drink part. 4.0/5.0

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The usual chatter before getting into the movie. Steve went out to dinner at an 80s-themed restaurant that wasn't quite like going back in time. Brandon spends too much time wondering about the downfall of the nation and talking about it.

Big Ass Spider: A likeable everyman, Alex, goes about his day as a mild-mannered exterminator, shooting his shot with nearly every woman he encounters...when he crosses paths with his arch-nemesis, a spider. But, this isn't just any spider. It's a BIG ASS SPIDER! Then, it abducts the girl of his dreams and climbs to the top of the tallest building in the area. He's gotta rescue her. Have we seen this movie before?

Big Ass Spider final grade:

Steve: A really good movie, enjoyable/entertaining for just about anyone. Probably have to deduct a few points because it was too good. Lots of nods to other movies, but they were put together well. 4.25/5.0

Brandon: José is the star of the show. Buddy comedy aspects work well. My sister wouldn't like it, but that's her problem.4.196/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

The Black Widow (Amalgamated)

1 1/2 oz Tequila (we also tried Vodka)

2 oz Unsweetened Pomegranate Juice

1/2 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice

2 teaspoons Sugar

Topo Chico or other Sparkling/Mineral Water

A handful of blackberries

Add sugar, berries, and lime juice to a shaking tin, muddle to combine and express blackberry juice. Add your liquor of choice, and pomegranate juice. Shake to combine and chill, then strain over rocks in a Collins glass. Top with Topo Chico. If you're drinking this in winter, thank a Mexican or Central American farmer.

Cocktail Grade: A delicious super-fruit cocktail. Steve liked it a little better with vodka than with tequila, but it's a 4/4.5 drink either way. Overall, we'll split the difference and go 4.25/5.0

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