Nothing special to talk about this week, so we can knock this one out quickly.

New Year's Evil: Some killer who has given himself the nom de plume "Evil" calls into the host of a "punk rock New Year's Special" that Steve says does not feature any punk rock. Mr. "Evil" says he's going to kill people, then he does, but in an uninteresting manner. In a twist no one could see coming, "Evil" turns out to be the DJ's husband and he wants to kill her because she has metaphorically castrated him. So, there kinda was a wiener twist after all.

New Year's Evil final grade:

Steve Not a good movie. There were plenty of things to make fun of about it, so that was nice. That couldn't save the overall product, though. Steamed that the music sucked so much. 1.7/5.0

Brandon Another movie the writers were unable to make anything. It wasn't thrilling. It wasn't gory. It wasn't scary. The only thing it inspired you to do is write haikus about it. For example:

New Year's killer rings

People get killed, but who cares

Punk rock can't be heard

1.6/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

1 1/2 oz Brandy

3/4 oz Ruby Port Wine

3/4 oz Orange Juice

Champagne/Prosecco/Sparkling Wine

Cocktail Grade: A nice little twist on the classic New Year's glass of bubbly. Weirdly had kind of a chocolate flavor. Make it if you want to put in the effort to have something more flavorful than straight-up champagne. 4/5

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After catching up on some youth sports, we try to figure out if the ARC Thrift Shops in the Denver Metro area are reuse/recycle centers or just a huge garbage can.

Nutcracker Massacre: A sentient, ambulatory nutcracker kills people as it tries to find its own version of the Sugarplum Fairy. Apparently it's animated by some jewels that some dude ate one time 100 years ago. Ten minutes of exposition in the middle of the movie does all the work in making you understand how/why this is happening. One guy gets his nuts ripped off with a nutcracker. The evil creature should have been able to talk.

Nutcracker Massacre final grade:

Steve didn't even like the premise of this one. Too much drama made a movie that was already not going to cut it even worse. 2.09/5.0

Brandon At one point, it looked like this movie might hit the right spots as a "silly thing comes to life and kills people in funny ways" kinda movie, but that only happened once. The rest of it was pretty boring. 2.27/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

2 oz Bourbon

1 oz Unsweetened Cranberry Juice

1/2 oz Orange Liqueur

1/2 oz Spiced Cranberry Syrup

Combine ingredients in a mixing glass. Stir to chill and combine. Strain over ice in a rocks glass. Garnish with a handful of cranberries, a cinnamon stick, and/or a dried orange wheel, if you've got one.

Cocktail Grade: Looks, smells, and tastes like Christmas in a glass. Great flavor that's perfect for enjoying around the Yule Log. Highly recommended for making this movie or holiday gatherings more palatable. 4.9/5

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In the spirit of last weeks "Top/Bottom Movies Lists," we give you a rundown the absolute best and worst cocktails from Year 1. Stay tuned to our socials for recipes to the best cocktails we've tried and throw them together for yourselves to celebrate the Yuletide season.

The Killing Tree: A man who is executed for committing the murders of people he considers "insolent and opulent" is necromanced by his wife. Much to his shagrin, he finds, upon his resurrection, that she used a tree in the ceremony and now, rather than a human body, he's an artificial Christmas tree. He is displeased with the development, but it does give him the opportunity to get revenge on the person who wronged him.

The Killing Tree final grade:

Steve A chick-flick masquerading as a horror movie. A more competent film-maker could have made a real Thankskilling-style phenomenon with this concept, but Rhys Frake-Waterfield isn't that, so he didn't. 3.28/5.0

Brandon A really strong premise for a ridiculous "silly thing you could make kill people" movie. Unfortunately, it doesn't reach its potential. Not enough tree. 3.27/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

2 oz Bourbon

1/2 oz Coffee Liqueur

1/4 oz Simple Syrup

Angostura Bitters

Combine ingredients in a mixing glass. Stir to chill and combine. Strain over ice in a rocks glass. Garnish with a twist of orange.

Cocktail Grade: Might be worthy of replacing your morning coffee. A great way to warm up your insides in front of a fire or a Christmas tree, preferably one what won't come to life and kill you. 4/5

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Now that it's been one full revolution around the sun for this podcast, we thought we'd start this episode off with a little look back on the year, and give you the short version of our Five Favorite and Five Least-Favorite movies of Year 1. So, we did.

Black Friday: Zombie-like Black Friday shoppers out to beat their fellow man/woman into the linoleum for the latest and cheapest toys are ACTUALLY zombies, or some kind of alien creature that also want to kill you. An aging retail "cool guy," the store's "clever cute girl," and the "staff weirdo germophobe" have to take on this alien invasion under the guidance of their douchey store management.

Black Friday final grade:

Steve Overall a forgettable movie. Not a disappointing movie to watch. Family-friendly. Nice to see management get their comeuppances, but a 2.52/5.0

Brandon This is another kinda cookie-cutter flick with competent acting, a decent budget, good costuming. But comparing it with some of the other movies we've watched in that "tier" it didn't quite stack up. 2.5/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

2 oz Gin

1 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice

1/2 oz Cranberry Simple Syrup

Club Soda or Sparkling Water

Cocktail Grade: Another light refreshing spin on the classic Collins. Just a hint of cranberry. Light, easy to drink after a day of heavy eating. 4.25/5

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Almost a year to the day since the recording of our first episode, and we bring the year full-circle with a viewing of the sequel of the movie featured in Ep. 1, in this case, Thankskilling 3.

Thankskilling 3:Turkie is back, and pissed that his sequel Thankskilling 2 has been destroyed without being viewed. So, he has to blaze a path of destruction and death to recover the last copy. There's also some character named Yomi who does some dumb shit. There are two other idiots who want to make an amusement park called Thanksgivingland. Their paths cross and they have to help each other. A robot and a worm also take up your time. It's a puppet movie.

Thankskilling 3 final grade:

Steve The story wasn't bad. Could have been a good movie if it were shorter with more Turkie and less dumb shit. 1.5/5.0

Brandon The movie mentioned the "compliment sandwich,' so here it goes.

Compliment: The movie was better than Wrong Cops.

Criticism: The movie was too long and too shitty.

Compliment: The movie eventually ended. 1.5/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

1 1/2 oz Cinnamon Whiskey

Apple Cider

Club Soda

Cocktail Grade: A simple-yet-delicious seasonal concoction. Tastes great. You do run the risk of having too much, though, if you're not pacing yourself. 5/5

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Our special guest is back for a second installment, so we decided to show her exactly what Steve and Brandon put themselves through each week by playing a movie that is waaayyy less competently done than last week's episode. But first, we talk about our #dreams for a bit and look for a little analysis.

Killer Kites: Abby receives a crappy plastic kite as part of her grandmother's estate. Unbeknownst to Abby, this isn't just some ordinary kite. It is a blood-thirsty communist PInko kite set on the destruction of capitalist society. After the mysterious death of her brother, Abby has to assemble a crack squad to combat the Red Kite menace.

Killer Kites final grade:

Steve An upper-echelon movie for the ultra-low-budget set. I was entertained. Jokes hit. The movie's lead star was better than expected. 4.0/5.0

Brandon A good way to kill an hour or so. Not my favorite of the micro-budget movies, though, so have to rank it lower than some others. 3.5/5.0

Amanda I was entertained by the absurdity, but the story itself was underdeveloped. It left me with a lot of unanswered questions. 3.2/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

1 1/2 oz Bourbon

3/4 oz Amaro

1/4 oz Campari

3/4 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice

1/4 oz Simple Syrup

Cocktail Grade: A good variation of the more famous Paper Plane. Even our non-bourbon-fan control group said the drink was "not terrible." Bourbon fans will give it higher marks. 4/5

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Maybe if we watch a movie from #Ireland, more Irish folks with tune in, huh? Or maybe since it's from Northern Ireland, it doesn't count? Who knows? We're just trying to get a listener from Connacht anyway.

We've also got a special guest with us this week, one of our most enthusiastic listeners, probably because she's Brandon's sister and is just being nice and supportive. But, it is nice to have someone else to talk to.

Boys From County Hell: When the construction of a highway bypass disturbs the site of an ancient Irish scary creature, the Abhartach, is released on the nearby population. The guy can suck the blood right outta ya from 100 yards away, unless you're an important character in the movie.

Boys From County Hell final grade:

Steve A middle of the road movie for me. It's too well-done to rate any higher than average on our scale of budget vs shittyness vs accidental awesomeness. Points deducted for competent filmmaking. 3.1/5.0

Brandon A well-done movie that hits the right notes on my subjective and fluid list of requirements. Ridiculous scenes, enough successful jokes. Bonus points for not being made in the US. 4.0/5.0

Amanda Not the type of movie I usually watch, but this one was pretty good. Got some laughs. I wonder if fictional pub "The Stoker" has good fish-n-chips? Don't want to give the same score my brother did, because he's a big poopy head, so 3.99/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

1 1/2 oz Vodka

1 oz Chambord, old-ass or otherwise

1/2 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice

1/2 oz Cranberry Juice

Rim a martini glass with Brandon's Mom's Raspberry Jelly, if you can get ahold of it, or use your own. Combine everything in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine. Serve in a martini glass. Chill the glass if you want. Double strain it if you want. Whatever.

Cocktail Grade: A decent-enough cocktail that maybe be negatively impacted by the fact that Steve's bottle of Chambord is from the Reagan Administration. 3.8/5

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After a couple weeks off due to illnesses running through our houses, we're back and better than ever. Youth sports, politics, and home maintenance are on the agenda this week. We also discuss our new nemesis, Shakira.

Murder Party: Some loser knob shows up at a "Murder Party" that he knows nothing about with people he's never met, but the guy is a lonely sad-sack who just wants a friend. Turns out, the party is put on by a bunch of artist douchebags who are actually looking to murder someone in an "artistic" manner. Who dies? Unfortunately not the entire cast, only most of them.

CarousHell final grade:

Steve This one is on the bottom end of meh. I could watch it again. I won't, but I could. There is humor there, if you're paying attention. Costume effects were good. A very average movie, exceeding the below average budget. 2.17/5.0

Brandon To quote the movie, "Banal. Jejune. The artistic representation of a dial tone." Not enough humor or action in the first 85% of the movie to make it worth working through to get to the end bit. Steve says there is some humor there, but I don't want to pay close enough attention to get it. 1.47/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

1 1/4 oz Bourbon

3/4 oz Elderflower Liqueur

1/2 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice

1 TBSP Angostura Bitters

Ginger Beer

Angostura Bitters

Combine all non-ginger beer ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine. Serve over rocks in a Collins glass. Drizzle bitters over the top to create dripping blood effect.

Cocktail Grade: Not a bad cocktail, but nothing to write home about. Adding a little more lemon juice to subsequent rounds and stirring the bitters in before drinking made it more palatable. Overall, a straight sour or Mule cocktail is probably preferable to combining the two. 3.5/5

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First, catch up on some CSU Women's Hockey and try to answer the age-old question, "Why do douchebags love crotch rockets?"

CarousHell: In what must be an allegory for parenthood, a sentient carousel horse...I mean unicorn...Duke gets fed up with kids riding his back and treating him poorly, so he decides to escape the bonds of the amusement park carousel and exact his revenge by killing everyone. Nothing can quench his thirst for blood, but can Cowboy Cool stop his reign of terror?

CarousHell final grade:

Steve Top-tier regardless of the scoring scale. 70-minute runtime was perfect. Laughs by the truckload, possibly due to the effects of the Cocktail of the Week. 5.0/5.0

Brandon Sometimes taking a shot on something that looks stupid and terrible pays off. It did in a big way here. Duke isn't the hero we wanted, but he's the hero we deserve. 5.0/5.0

Cocktail of the Week:

3/4 oz Rye Whiskey

3/4 oz Cognac

3/4 oz Sweet Vermouth

1/2 oz Benedictine

Angostura Bitters

Peychaud's Bitters

Comebine all ingredients in a cocktail mixing glass over ice. Stir to chill and combine. Serve over rocks in a rocks glass. Garnish with a twist of lemon and a Luxardo cherry.

Cocktail Grade: One of the most famous cocktails to come out of Louisiana, and for good reason. They catch up to you quickly, given they have no non-alcoholic ingredients to dilute the booze. A tasty cocktail reminiscent of a Manhattan or Old Fashioned. 4.5/5

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