Welcome to this third episode, where I share my first spiritual awakening experience at the age of 18 during my trip to India.
I was young, open, in search of eternal happiness, and admittedly naive.
Nothing could hold me back. Determined to visit India, I journeyed with my older friend, who guided me through the most wonderful places from the North to Rajasthan. We spent days and weeks immersing ourselves in the culture, the land, seeking inspiration and answers to life’s questions.
During my journey, I picked up a book titled "Siddhartha" by Hermann Hesse, which described the story of a boy unable to find true, lasting happiness and answers to the fundamental questions of life.
He became my hero, and I imitated him in all his actions.
I began to fast, meditate, cease speaking, and gave away my belongings, just like Siddhartha, learning to live the simple life of a Sadhu—a kind, wise person with deep respect for causing the least harm and disturbance to the environment.
At that time, I was in the mesmerizing city of Pushkar, a revered place of worship for many devotees.
Taken by its beauty and guided by a priest to the mountains, I was welcomed by a group of Sadhus ready to initiate me into realms where the veil of separation is dissolved. That's when I had my first spiritual awakening.
It struck me like a thunderbolt. Suddenly, the veil of duality was lifted, revealing the truth:
The truth of our existence is that we are Love.
All suffering is not real and doesn’t belong to me.
I saw that our experiences do not define us and that the purpose of life is to discover our freedom, in other words, our essential wholeness.
The experience was so profound that it lingered for weeks & impacted my entire life.
Nothing would ever be the same again.
However, at that time, it was more than I could handle.
There was a point where I couldn’t differentiate between shared reality and my own projected reality.
In Western medicine, this would be called psychosis, which is really just the psyche’s longing to heal itself.
Many factors, such as ungroundedness, unresolved pain and trauma from the past, a new environment, literal interpretations of the book's teachings instead of understanding them as metaphors, a parasite, the influence of plant medicine without proper guidance, etc., resulted in the overwhelming nature of the spiritual awakening, which required intervention and surveillance as I could have potentially hurt myself.
With the proper support and guidance of a shaman or medicine woman, one can return to a state of equilibrium without any Western medication, using time-proven and ancient tools and ways to integrate such an experience.
In my case, I was sent to a mental hospital, and for a few months, I was in recuperation, given medication that shut down my whole system. Within weeks, the experience started to dissipate, and I literally turned into a ghost.
I could barely eat, walk, or brush my teeth.
Nevertheless, my heart knew I had discovered the truth.
Nothing could convince me otherwise, not even the doctors who told me I would never have a normal life again and would be on medication for the rest of my life.
I was determined to discover what had happened and to find answers to my spiritual awakening.
After a few months of a solid routine, attending different kinds of therapies, I begged my parents to let me go, as I saw no way out or any hope of true recuperation there.
With my parents' blessings, I left for South America, as I wasn’t ready to return to India yet. I knew the time would come, but not just yet.
First, I delved into the shamanic world of temazcal, sweat lodges, and started to collaborate with a foundation in Venezuela, where I stayed for 5 years serving the community. I was mentored by a beautiful woman named Elsbeth and found a yoga community where I adopted a healthy, stable routine and regained a healthy self-image.
And the day came when I was ready to leave South America and return to India to find answers to what had happened to me on my first trip.
What happened then will be continued…
Tune in for the fourth episode, "When the Student Is Ready, the Teacher Appears."
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