Sixteen sweethearts. Four Goofy impressions. One winner. Joe Manji.

Awww...intervention! Jesse has been spending a bit too much time with free-to-play shooters, so we've stacked sixteen new hobbies for Jesse in a bracket to find out which personal project will help Jesse in 2019! Will he be the next great geocacher, or Gordon Ramsay's new best friend? It probably won't be bowling, though, considering he got his hand stuck in the ball.

Hoo boy this is a sloppy one folks. Just a real nosedive into the mud. We took sixteen of our favorite....modes? And then Jesse fixed himself a drink? And then Persia fixed herself drink(s???)? You can try to put of scoop of ice cream on this episode but I'm not sure it'll make it go down easier.

It's time to party til the sun comes up as the sixteen best nights duke it out from dusk til dawn! Personally, nighttime has always been terrifying. I would wrap my head and neck in three blankets as a kid so vampires wouldn't be able to suck my blood while I slept. My parents were more concerned about me suffocating myself but I'm 26 and still vampire-free so who's laughing now?

Listen up, gumshoes! The [BRACKET!] Archive has been stolen, and it's up to you to figure out which of these sixteen sleezebags stole the shows! Could it have been Nic Cage from National Treasure, or that dastardly DILF y Hamburglar? Did Catwoman pull of this caper or was it the nerfarious NFL Referees? Wait, what do you mean "Jesse stole a belt buckle?" You don't think....it couldn't possibly be...

We've had a lot of fun over the years. We've done Best Cereal, Best Fast Food, Best Appetizer, Best Frozen Treat...but this? This episode? It's a no-holds-barred knife fight from start to finish. There is a standoff in the semifinals that I'm still upset about a week later. Brace yourself.

Should auld arguments be forgot

And ne'er brought to mind?

Screw that, never let grudges die

And auld lang syne.

Here comes Bracket Claus, here comes Bracket Claus, right down Bracket Claus Lane! It's a holly jolly free-for-all as sixteen Santas slide down the Challonge chimney to duke it out for seasonal supremacy. If we weren't already on the Naughty list, we sure as hell are on there now.

Time to crack open sixteen cold ones ‘cause it’s a frozen fight to the…death? Maybe not death. Sub-Zero and Mr. Freeze are on the bracket, but like, so are the Ice Climbers. I haven’t seen those cute little adventurers kill anyone.

Yet.

Supersweetsixteenaliciousexpibrackadocious!

Even though this podcast thing

Is something quite atrocious!

If you listen loud enough

You’ll always get ferocious!

Supersweetsixteenaliciousexpibrackadocious!