Resentment—slow-burning, insidious, and often silent—can quietly corrode even the strongest relationships. It’s not just about the unwashed dishes, the forgotten ‘thank yous,’ or the endless to-do lists. It’s about what isn’t said, what isn’t acknowledged, and what slowly hardens over time.

In this episode, we’re diving deep into resentment—how it builds, how it hijacks intimacy, and how it turns connection into obligation. We’ll explore:

And of course, in Reading Smut, we’ll discuss The Affair by C.P. Snow, a novel that unpacks intimacy, perception, and the slow unraveling of desire in a relationship.

We’ll also explore The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner, a powerful guide to understanding and transforming anger in relationships—because resentment often begins where unspoken anger lingers.

Resentment may feel inevitable, but it’s not indestructible. Tune in to learn how to clear out the emotional rust and make space for connection again.

Follow us on Instagram @BrainSexPodcast for more insights, discussions, and cheeky explorations of intimacy.

Chapters

Other books mentioned: 

The gifts of Imperfection - Brent Brown

Kelly explores the evolution of desire, discussing its biological, psychological, and cultural roots. How desire is not static but rather a dynamic force that changes over time due to various factors, including hormonal shifts, emotional experiences, and relationship dynamics.

She encourages listeners to embrace curiosity and explore their desires openly, while also highlighting the importance of communication and seeking support when navigating changes in intimacy. Insights from Esther Perel talk about how emphasizing the balance between closeness and independence in relationships.

The episode concludes with a book recommendation that complements the theme the episode's theme.

The Lover  by Marguerite Duras (Author)

00:00 Introduction to Desire

07:49 The Evolution of Desire

13:46 Embracing Change in Desire

20:31 Insights from Esther Perel

Takeaways:

Kelly engages with Dr. Lisa Watson, a naturopathic doctor specializing in women's health and hormonal balance. They explore the complexities of hormones, their impact on libido, and the importance of understanding hormonal health.

The conversation discuss the roles of various hormones, the effects of stress and burnout, and the significance of lifestyle choices in managing hormonal health. 

00:00 Introduction to Hormonal Health and Wellness

04:28 The Role of Cortisol in Libido

08:55 Exploring Libido: Key Hormones and Their Impact

18:55 Advocating for Your Health: Testing and Tracking Symptoms

24:18 The Limitations of Conventional Medical Approaches

32:27 The Importance of Self-Awareness in Hormonal Fluctuations

37:59 Fun and Personal Insights on Erotica and Self-Care

Takeaways

Kelly explores the often challenging yet essential topic of sexual communication. She emphasizes the importance of open dialogue in fostering intimacy and trust within relationships. She looks at the various levels of communication and barriers that hinder discussions about sexual desires - practical strategies for initiating these conversations. Throughout, Kelly encourages listeners to embrace humour and vulnerability as they navigate their erotic selves and deepen their connections with partners.

Books: Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty Trilogy 

00:00 Introduction to Communication in Intimacy

10:45 Barriers to Discussing Sexual Topics

19:10 Exploring Kinky Literature: The Sleeping Beauty Trilogy

Kelly delves into the concept of sexual baggage, exploring how past experiences, societal messages, and personal insecurities can impact intimacy and relationships. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing these issues not only for personal healing but also for the well-being of future generations. She talks about the effects of sexual baggage on relationships, the cycle of shame and insecurity, and the steps towards healing, including communication, self-acceptance, and seeking professional help. Kelly concludes with a reminder that healing is a gift to oneself and to others, paving the way for deeper connections and healthier relationships.

00:00 Understanding Sexual Baggage

06:47 Impact on Relationships and Future Generations

09:55 The Healing Process

16:05 Celebrating Stories and Literature

We explore the concept of mental load and its significant impact on intimacy and libido and how the overwhelming nature of daily responsibilities can detract from emotional and physical connection. We delve into the definition of mental load, its disproportionate distribution in relationships, and the cognitive and emotional consequences it brings. We also look at practical strategies for redistributing the mental load and creating space for intimacy are provided, along with a recommendation for an engaging erotic book.

Kelly explores the complexities of intimacy and sexual desire after becoming a parent. She discusses the common challenges parents face, including emotional distance, identity shifts, and societal pressures that can impact their romantic relationships. Kelly emphasizes the importance of self-connection and reframing intimacy, offering practical strategies for couples to rekindle their romance amidst the chaos of parenting. The episode is filled with insights on how to navigate the changes in desire and intimacy, encouraging parents to embrace their new normal and prioritize their connection with themselves and their partners.

Chapters

00:00 Welcome to Brain Sex

01:44 The Reality of Sex After Kids

03:31 Understanding Changes in Desire

10:07 Reframing Intimacy Post-Parenthood

16:21 Practical Strategies to Rekindle Connection

Takeaways