i woke up with a song in my head (cleo soul's - When I'm in Your Arms) - one of those beautiful chicago two-step tracks that makes you think of romance. but instead of attributing it to romantic love, i'm realizing this song captures something deeper for me.

i'm talking about that kind of love you see in elders who still laugh and giggle together, who feel completely safe in each other's arms. that lifelong romantic connection where both people are truly held. to be honest, i can't say i've ever experienced that kind of romantic love - maybe in moments, but not in that sustained, safe way.

but here's what hit me: i have experienced that feeling, just not with a person. life itself, the universe, my ancestors - they've embraced me in ways that feel exactly like what that song describes. when i listen to it, that's what i feel - not longing for a romantic partner, but recognition of the love affair i already have.

this song would be my love song to the universe. it captures how life has held me, supported me, embraced me in ways that feel like the safest, most complete love i've ever known.

key moments/bullet points:

• waking up with the song - chicago two-step music playing in my head

• reframing love songs - moving beyond romantic attribution to something deeper

• observing elder couples - those aunties, uncles, grandparents who still giggle together and feel safe in each other's arms

• honest romantic assessment - acknowledging i've never experienced that sustained romantic safety

• the universe as lover - recognizing that life, universe, ancestors have embraced me in exactly those ways

• song as personal anthem - this would be my love song to the universe, not to a person

• love affair with life - the realization that my greatest love story isn't romantic at all

this is part two of my talk on centers, specifically for my inner circle - the porch people, vanguard mystery school crew, and those who've stayed with me at the church or came to oklahoma. i'm reflecting on moments of feeling truly alive and what it means to push past invisible boundaries.

i dive deep into my role as a catalyst - someone who gets paid to make people laugh or cry to help them feel alive again. i share stories about my trickster energy (esu), shadow work, and how my real shadow isn't when i'm playful, but when i get all dressed up because that's when i'm about to hurt feelings.

speaking from brazil, i explore the energetic differences between lands and how some places just hold different frequencies. i talk about the responsibility of being an energy reader who doesn't just give readings, but embodies the energy to let people know they're seen and safe.

the core message: freedom starts in your head, we all need people who will push us off cliffs so the net appears, and sometimes the most healing thing is remembering those belly laugh moments where we felt completely ourselves.

key moments/bullet points:

• bicycle freedom story - how we expand boundaries as kids but often get stuck on our "stoop" as adults

• the two rules for visitors - make friends with your shadow or i will, and do your own work

• oklahoma gathering observations - people trying to iron clothes the first few days before letting go

• catalyst website description - "i get paid to make people laugh or cry"

• esu/trickster energy revelation - consistent across all spiritual modalities i've studied

• shadow work redefinition - my shadow is getting dressed up, not being playful • cliff metaphor - taking people to the precipice and pushing them off so they find their net

• brazil foot washing story - profound moment of "honest work" that brought me to tears •

energy frequency comparison - u.s. vs brazil land vibrations and why i feel more at home here

• bamboo portal experience - driving through the canopy leaving the airport felt like entering another world

• movie watching cultural difference - brazilian friend laughing through serious film vs american analysis

podcast description: watching sinners - life, family stories, and living fully

what if the best night of your life came with the highest risk?

fresh off watching the movie "sinners," courtney shares her unfiltered thoughts on living fully, family legacy, and why most people completely missed the point of the film. speaking from her sunrise spot in brazil, she dives deep into what it means to actually live versus just surviving.

key topics covered:

• why "sinners" hit different and what everyone else got wrong

• family stories about boundaries, bras, and throwing knives

• the difference between being resilient vs. actually living

• sagittarian energy and adventure with no questions asked

• whale sightings, bucket lists, and life-changing moments

• why playing it "safe" can become its own prison

• the movie's ending scene that nobody talks about

• generational stories and the families everyone remembers

standout quotes:

"f*ck your quota" - sometimes you need sagittarius energy "that was the best night of my life" - even if it came with consequences "live each day as if it's your fucking last"

this raw, unscripted reflection weaves together movie analysis, family wisdom, and life philosophy from someone who refuses to romanticize resilience and chooses to run toward the devil instead of away from it.

The Portuguese translation can be found below. Visit theengagement.vhx.tv/brasil-behind-closed-doors/season:4 to listen in Portuguese.

🎙️ In this heartfelt and revealing episode, Nicole opens up about what Brasil: Behind Closed Doors means to her—a journey not just across borders, but toward self-acceptance, joy, and generational healing.

As a mom to a teenager and a Black woman navigating expectations around beauty, safety, and belonging, Nicole shares the emotional and mental shifts that inspired her to consider Salvador, Brazil, as a real home.

If you've ever questioned whether you're "enough" for a new life abroad, this one’s for you.

What Nicole shares in this episode:

• Her early experiences living abroad and how they shaped her longing for simplicity and joy
• The turning point that made her consider Brazil—and why she was afraid at first
• How beauty standards and body image shaped her hesitation to visit
• A powerful, vulnerable conversation with Shy that changed her perspective
• Why Salvador now feels like everything she’s been searching for
• The importance of offering her daughter a fuller, freer life experience
• Her excitement to learn, grow, contribute, and embrace the next chapter
• Her biggest questions about schools, culture, and youth life in Brazil
• The hope that the move will not only be possible—but healing

🎙️ Título do Episódio: Encarando o Medo, Encontrando a Liberdade: A Jornada de Nicole para o Brasil

Neste episódio emocionante e sincero, Nicole compartilha o que Brasil: Behind Closed Doors significa para ela—uma jornada que vai além das fronteiras físicas, rumo à aceitação de si mesma, à alegria e à cura geracional.

Como mãe de uma adolescente e mulher negra enfrentando padrões de beleza, questões de segurança e pertencimento, Nicole revela as mudanças emocionais e mentais que a inspiraram a considerar Salvador, Brasil, como um verdadeiro lar.

Se você já se perguntou se é “suficiente” para começar uma nova vida em outro país, este episódio é para você.

O que Nicole compartilha neste episódio:

• Suas experiências anteriores morando no exterior e como isso despertou seu desejo por uma vida mais simples e feliz
• O momento decisivo que a fez considerar o Brasil — e por que ela teve medo no começo
• Como os padrões de beleza e imagem corporal influenciaram sua hesitação em visitar o país
• Uma conversa vulnerável e transformadora com Shy que mudou sua visão
• Por que Salvador agora parece tudo o que ela sempre procurou
• A importância de oferecer à sua filha uma experiência de vida mais plena e livre
• Seu entusiasmo para aprender, crescer, contribuir e abraçar esse novo capítulo
• Suas maiores dúvidas sobre a escola, a cultura e a vida da juventude no Brasil
• A esperança de que a mudança, além de possível, seja curativa

Neste episódio de introdução cru e real, eu (Courtney) dou o tom para tudo o que esse podcast representa: nada de superproduções ou sons limpinhos de estúdio — só a vida, como ela acontece. Se você está procurando aquele som de estúdio polido, esse não é o lugar. Mas se você quer verdade, risadas e perspectivas cheias de camadas?

Aqui está o que eu abordo neste episódio:

🎫 Poder do Passaporte & Burocracia Por que demorou tanto para conseguir um passaporte — e o que isso tem a ver com mudança de nome, burocracia dos EUA e os efeitos reais de ser uma mulher divorciada na América.

🍻 Leis sobre Álcool & Bebidas Sociais Uma mudança cultural surpreendente: como o consumo de álcool em grupo no Brasil é diferente.

• O vídeo no YouTube que menciono é: https://youtu.be/tg0dByrO7vQ?feature=shared

🛍️ A Magia dos Microempreendimentos De vendedores de rua a empreendedores solo — como realmente é o pequeno negócio na Bahia.

🔍 A Supressão dos Motores de Busca Mesmo sendo especialista em SEO, está cada vez mais difícil encontrar informações reais e locais online. Aqui está o motivo pelo qual "é só dar um Google" não funciona mais.

✊🏽 Comunidade & Qualidade de Vida O que realmente significa construir comunidade e viver bem em um novo país?

🍲 Cestas Básicas, Energia & Vida Cotidiana Um olhar sobre a beleza (e os desafios) inesperados do cotidiano — estilo Bahia.

🧠 Ilusões, Identidade & Urgência De ilusões que caem à vida perto do equador — como geografia, cultura e mentalidade se encontram.

🍎 Maçãs e Laranjas: Colorismo entre Fronteiras Uma conversa delicada sobre como o colorismo aparece nos EUA versus no Brasil.

💃🏾 Imagem Corporal & “Diversidade” A positividade corporal e a diversidade passam por um choque de realidade. O que o Brasil revelou que os EUA ainda não entenderam.

🔮 Ser Médium no Brasil Sim, está na lista. Porque a energia aqui? É de outro nível.

💰 O Mito do “Americano Rico” Ser visto como rico não significa que você é — e como é o malabarismo mental de sobreviver fora do seu país.

🌍 Raízes, Mídia & o Sul Global Para além do “voltar para a África” — exploramos narrativas negras pouco contadas do Brasil à Colômbia.

🚪 Por Trás das Portas (Alerta de spoiler: é o nome do podcast por um motivo.) Algumas coisas só se aprendem vivendo.

🌀 Crescimento, Gratidão & Confusão A mistura estranha de emoções quando a cura encontra a correria.

🏙️ Energia de Brooklyn na Bahia Comparando a vibe dos bairros de NY com a intensidade de uma cidade litorânea — e por que isso importa.

🧬 Assimilação, Tecnologia & Futuros Negros Da construção civil à tecnologia, como o Brasil parece viver entre o passado e o futuro ao mesmo tempo.

Sintonize para ouvir nossas reflexões honestas e sem filtro — e se prepare para conversas com mulheres em todas as fases da jornada: recém-chegadas, veteranas e aquelas que ainda estão decidindo.

Note: The Portuguese translation is provided below.

In this powerful and poetic reflection, Courtney introduces Shyla who’s been living in Salvador, Bahia since 2018 but REIGNS from Harlem, New York (and has traveled the word).

Through her words, Shy opens up about the spiritual and ancestral reconnection she’s experienced since arriving in Brazil.

If you’ve ever felt the pull to rediscover yourself, reconnect with your roots, or just question what’s truly possible when you step outside the box, this episode is for you.

🔑 What Shy shares in this episode:

• 🌍 Her journey from Harlem to Salvador and why it felt like "home" from the moment she landed
• 🧭 What "Brasil Behind Closed Doors" really means to he - It’s about healing, awakening, and ancestral reconnection
• 🔓 The courage it takes to leave behind what you thought was “normal” and embrace the unknown
• 💨 How life in Brazil allows her to breathe easier, take off the “mask,” and live more freely
• 💫 The spiritual, emotional, and cultural gifts available when you’re open to receiving them
• 🌀 Why this journey is not a fantasy escape, but a deeply rooted transformation with real ups and downs
• 🧬 The beauty of finding a support system and cracking personal “codes” while living abroad

This isn’t about glossy travel photos or tourist tips. It’s about what happens when you truly step behind the doors and come face-to-face with your purpose.

-------

Nesta reflexão poderosa e poética, Courtney apresenta Shyla, que vive em Salvador, Bahia, desde 2018, mas é originária de Harlem, Nova York (e já viajou o mundo).

Por meio de suas palavras, Shy compartilha a reconexão espiritual e ancestral que vivenciou desde que chegou ao Brasil.

Se você já sentiu o chamado para se redescobrir, se reconectar com suas raízes ou simplesmente questionar o que é realmente possível quando se sai da zona de conforto, este episódio é para você.

O que Shy compartilha neste episódio:

• Sua jornada de Harlem até Salvador e por que ela sentiu que estava “em casa” desde o momento em que aterrissou
• O que “Brasil Behind Closed Doors” realmente significa para ela – trata-se de cura, despertar e reconexão ancestral
• A coragem necessária para deixar para trás o que você acreditava ser “normal” e abraçar o desconhecido
• Como a vida no Brasil permite que ela respire com mais leveza, tire a “máscara” e viva com mais liberdade
• Os presentes espirituais, emocionais e culturais que se tornam disponíveis quando estamos abertos para recebê-los
• Por que essa jornada não é uma fuga fantasiosa, mas sim uma transformação enraizada com altos e baixos reais
• A beleza de encontrar uma rede de apoio e decifrar os “códigos” pessoais enquanto vive no exterior

Este episódio não trata de fotos de viagem glamourosas ou dicas turísticas. Trata-se do que acontece quando você realmente atravessa as portas e encontra seu propósito de frente.

In this raw and real intro episode, I (Courtney) set the tone for everything this podcast stands for: no overproduction, no sanitized soundscapes—just life, as it happens. If you're looking for a polished studio sound, this ain’t that. But if you’re craving truth, laughter, and layered perspectives?

What I cover in this episode:

• 🎫 Passport Power & Paperwork Woes Why it took so long to get a passport—and what that has to do with name changes, U.S. bureaucracy, and the real-life effects of being divorced in America.
• 🍻 Liquor Laws & Social Sips A surprising cultural shift: how communal alcohol consumption in Brazil contrasts. * The YT video I mention is https://youtu.be/tg0dByrO7vQ?feature=shared.
• 🛍️ Microbusiness Magic From street vendors to solo entrepreneurs—what small business really looks like in Bahia.
• 🔍 The Suppression of Search Engines as an SEO expert, finding real, grassroots info online is getting harder. Here’s why “just Google it” doesn’t cut it anymore.
• ✊🏽 Community & Quality of Life What does it really mean to build community and live well in a new country?
• 🍲 Food Packages, Energy, & Everyday Life A peek into the unexpected beauty (and challenges) of the ordinary—Bahia style.
• 🧠 Illusions, Identity & Urgency From falling illusions to living near the equator—how geography, culture, and mindset collide.
• 🍎 Apples to Oranges: Colorism Across Borders A nuanced conversation about how colorism shows up in the U.S. vs. Brazil.
• 💃🏾 Body Image & “Diversity” Body positivity and diversity get a reality check. What Brazil revealed that America missed.
• 🔮 Being Psychic in Brazil Yep. That’s on the list. Because the energy here? Whole different frequency.
• 💰 The Myth of the “Rich American” Why being perceived as wealthy doesn’t mean you are—and the mental math of surviving abroad.
• 🌍 Roots, Media & the Global South Beyond “Back to Africa”—we explore overlooked Black narratives from Brazil to Colombia.
• 🚪 Behind Closed Doors (Spoiler: It’s the podcast name for a reason.) Some things you only learn once you live it.
• 🌀 Growth, Gratitude, and Confusion The strange mix of emotions when healing meets hustling.
• 🏙️ Brooklyn Energy in Bahia Comparing borough vibes to beach town grit—and why it matters.
• 🧬 Assimilation, Tech & Black Futures From construction to coding, how Brazil feels like a timeline split between past and future.

Tune in to hear our honest, unfiltered reflections—and get ready for conversations with women at every stage of the relocation journey: new arrivals, long-timers, and those still on the fence.

This podcast is for anyone who’s ever thought about visiting or moving to Brasil/Brazil.

It’s for those looking to embrace something new, and for anyone curious about what it's really like to build a life in Brazil.

We’ll be sharing our journey—the surprises, the challenges, and the lessons learned. From the cultural similarities and differences to the unexpected ways Brazil, especially Salvador, has been "healing" and restorative in ways we never knew we needed.

Whether you’re interested in a lifestyle shift or considering Brazil for business opportunities, we’re here to go beyond the Instagram filters and travel guides. This podcast is all about what it really means to live and thrive here.

If you’re thinking about relocating, starting a business, or just curious about what life is like in Brazil, you're in the right place.

Join us as we open the doors to a side of Brazil that you won’t find anywhere else.

This is Brasil: Behind Closed Doors!