Breaker Whiskey

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Okay, Utah postcard. I wish I still had it, so I could be certain, because I did date all of them, but I just have to hope that Harry’s notes are accurate. 

She wishes I still had it too. She said she really hoped that she’d get to read all the postcards someday and…well, maybe she still can. Maybe someday we will go back to the house and gather them up, along with all her art and the painting I got for her in Santa Fe. If you’d told me six months ago that I’d happily hand over each and every one of those postcards to her, I’m not sure I’d believe you. But what else could she possibly learn about me, what could I possibly say to her that would be more vulnerable than everything that’s already happened. She’s cracked open my rib cage and looked inside and somehow I’m still standing, so… 

She’s started to let me read her notebook. She says it’s only fair. That she has this enormous advantage having listened to me talk to the air all this time. That she always had the advantage, knowing the score when I didn’t. 

I thought it would be helpful to hear that. To hear her admit that she’s always had the power out of the two of us. That letting her guilt and secrecy dictate our lives meant that she was always the one who had her finger on the button of our potential happiness. But it didn’t. Knowing that she thinks of herself as a coward, that she regrets what she put me through, it doesn’t actually change the fact that she put me through it. It just…makes me sad. For me, for her, for us. But I do—I do appreciate the gesture of giving me her notebook. I never would’ve expected that from her. 

Fox said…they said it was too late. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if it’s too late for us to disappear, too late for us to come and meet you, too late for us to fix anything but…

I’m choosing to ignore it for now. As long as you’re still sending us codes, I don’t need to listen to Fox. That’s a problem for future Whiskey. 

And you said—you also said “keep you safe”. That’s what you’re trying to accomplish here? Keeping us safe? From Fox? From Junior? If that’s the case, I guess I should say thank you. Though don’t hold it against me if I wait to see where this all leads before I give my full gratitude. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

..-. .. -. .- .-.. .-.-.- / .-- .... --- / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / - .- .-.. -.- .. -. --. / - --- / .. -. / -.-- --- ..- .-. / -.. .-. . .- -- ... ..--..

Final. Who are you talking to in your dreams?

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

“Picked citrus fruit”. That’s the next date. And my god, it feels like that was a million years ago, a different lifetime. 

Oh damn, I just realized…when I ditched the old car, I left Dean Martin’s suit in there. I’d also picked up a dress for Harry that I thought she’d look amazing—that I thought she’d like, um, not that I’m going to tell her that. But I am bummed about Dean’s suit. I liked that suit. 

Anyway, even though I remember the weeks I was in LA, I definitely didn’t remember the exact date I went around snatching everyone’s lemons and oranges. I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t be able to figure out what the next set of numbers are but then…well, I don’t know if you somehow knew this or you were just counting on me being a better diary-keeper than I am, but Harry’s attention to detail has saved the day. 

She’s…well, she’s kept a notebook of every single transmission I ever made. Or, at least, every transmission that she heard. It’s not like she transcribed everything I said, but she…she wrote the date, and where she thinks I was and little bits of what I talked about. If I mentioned her. She wouldn’t let me see the whole notebook, but I saw enough to know that. 

It’s…well, I’m grateful, I guess, that she did that, because it’s helping us now, but it’s galling to have your innermost thoughts laid out and catalogued in that way. And I know, I know, they weren’t my innermost thoughts, not when I was getting on here and talking about them to anyone who would listen. But I said…a lot over this past year. And I don’t know if Harry wrote down any of what she thought and felt about what I had to say but…

It’s useful, that’s the point. It’s good she did it, because I sure as hell don’t remember when I said or did most things, but also the fact that she did it at all is messing with my head a little bit. All those years of living together and feeling like she wasn’t really listening half the time and now this. 

I have to wonder if Fox has done the same thing. Written down every transmission I made and what I said. You must have, in order to give me a code in this way.                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Harry’s started to get worried that you’re leading us to Junior. That we are going to have to kill him. I told her there’d be no point to sending us on this weird memory lane wild goose chase if it was just going to end in the same confrontation but…

I think there’s still a part of her that’s hoping we’ll encounter him, honestly. I think she’s willing to do what I’m not. Well, I think she’s willing in theory. I think, if it came down to it, she wouldn’t be able to. It’s not…it’s not as easy as I think she thinks it is. Even as a matter of survival. Even if you know that person is fated to die. 

Because that’s the thing…he’s not fated to die. Not here. And I don’t know what kind of life he could have, but he does have a life here. And he should get to live it if he wants to, regardless of what happens to him in any other timeline, or whatever is ordained from on high. 

If you are leading us to Junior, I can’t imagine what your goal would be. You said interfering in the past had destroyed things so what are you hoping to accomplish now?

[click, static]

[contrasting beeps of different pitches]

..- - .- .... / .--. --- ... - -.-. .- .-. -.. .-.-.- / -.- . . .--. / -.-- --- ..- / ... .- ..-. .

Utah postcard. Keep you safe 

-.-- --- ..- .-..-. .-. . / - --- --- / .-.. .- - .

You’re too late

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Sorry it’s been a few days, Birdie—we spent a little time sightseeing. Now that Harry is out and about, she seems very keen on seeing whatever she can. I won’t tell you exactly what we saw, but it was a national park and it was breathtaking. 

Speaking of not saying things…you told me not to say things aloud—I’m assuming things in response to your messages—and then you said, very worryingly “You have gun too. Received.”

I’d been hoping that was some kind of error on your part, but even as an error it doesn’t make any sense. I received that message from Fox, but just like I told Fox, I don’t have a gun anymore, considering I had to abandon my car and everything in it. And, for what it’s worth, I haven’t picked another one up. Harry wants us too—lord knows we’ve passed enough places that stock them—but I don’t see the point, not when I’m still no good at hunting. I definitely don’t have any plans to use it on anything but a wild animal. And I’m sure as shit not teaching Harry how to shoot and if there’s one thing stupider than having a gun in the first place, it’s having a gun around someone who doesn’t know how to use one. 

So what exactly are you trying to tell me? You gave me numbers, numbers that I’m fairly certain are the first part of coordinates, but I’m going to need a lot more than that. I—

[a knock on the door]

Hold on, I think that’s Harry. 

[click, static for a while]

[click]

Alright, sorry about that but, uh, well, I think we’ve figured it out? Or Harry figured it out. You were trying to tell me the date that that message was received. Same thing as with the letter date. You’re giving me more numbers. Is that…is that right?

If this is all going to be dates, than I’m going to assume the year isn’t part of it. It’d be strange to have one-nine-seven-five or seven-four in multiple different places in coordinates. When I do have all the numbers, I guess I’ll figure out the hours, minutes, and seconds. I’m at least assuming you’re giving it to me in order, and I think it’s safe to say that we’re looking at the general northwest quadrant of the country. But correct me on any of that if I’m wrong. 

Thankfully, I know the date for this one too, given I write down every morse code message I get. And don’t worry, I won’t say it on here, but I I’m fairly certain I’m right. I guess you’ll just have to trust me. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

.--. .. -.-. -.- . -.. / -.-. .. - .-. ..- ... / ..-. .-. ..- .. -

Picked citrus fruit

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Can you hear that Birdie?

[the distant sound of fireworks]

Fireworks. They started about ten minutes ago and we’ve—well, we’ve even been able to see a few, just the ghost of them really. We couldn’t figure out why the hell fireworks of all things would be bleeding through and then we realized that it’s the fourth of July. Not only that but, as Harry pointed out, the bicentennial is next year. She figures people are probably kicking off a whole year of celebration today. 

One hundred and ninety nine years. That’s how long America has been a country. I can’t tell if that’s a long time or a short time. Two hundred doesn’t sound very long as the lifespan of a nation, but then when you think about everything America has done in that time…both the good and the bad…

I mean, it’s mostly bad, isn’t it? I’m certainly not a poster child for the establishment, but I think we can all agree that America really made quite the impression in the last two centuries, including killing a lot of people. Which…I guess that’s another case of throwing stones from a glass house. 

But also…my grandparents came here from Scotland, Harry’s came from Poland—everyone we know came from somewhere else. Living in New York was the best of this—all the different people you could meet, the different food you could eat, the languages you’d hear on the subway. 

The last time I saw fourth of July fireworks with Harry was…sixty five or six, I think. The whole crew went out to Jones Beach with a case of beer and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that Pete had thrown together for us. We’d just finished fencing the last item from a job a few months earlier and I think we were all feeling that sense of camaraderie particularly strongly. And I remember Pete saying “what a country we live in. A true haven for the crooked and criminal” and we all toasted to that. He was right. From the…Boston Tea Party to the wild west to us, what is America’s legacy but one of outlawry? Including fireworks! Maybe not in every state, but there’s something fitting about celebrating the country’s birthday by enjoying an illegal activity. 

All those memories now…thinking about Pete hadn’t really hurt like this even after Harry first told me but knowing the details now, being unable to create a more forgiving narrative in my head…

It just hurts to think about, that’s all. I—I loved him, in my own way and I thought he—and I like to think that Harry was paranoid, that there’s something about his old partner that we don’t know that made Pete do what he did and that he’d never have hurt me but he—

I think it’s just the realization that I didn’t really know him at all. And I knew that—I knew that he was a mystery to me, to everyone, but I thought I knew the way I didn’t know him, if that makes sense. I thought I knew the important things. I— 

[click, static]

Harry’s calling me over—apparently she found a new part of the sky that’s got some visible fireworks. 

I hope you’re seeing the sky light up wherever you are, Birdie. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

-.-- --- ..- / .... .- ...- . / --. ..- -. / - --- --- .-.-.- / .-. . -.-. . .. ...- . -.. .-.-.-

You have gun too. Received.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

“Letter date?” - that was your last message. As in…the date on the letter? It’s April 6th, 1975. What’s important about that?

Four, six, one, nine, seven, five. Our first thought was coordinates, of course, and it’s the right amount of numbers to be a latitude, but seventy-five isn’t a valid number for the seconds. So maybe it’s just the degrees and minutes and you’ll send the seconds through later? Or it could just be the degrees and you want us to leave out the year entirely. If it is a latitude, we’re not that far from it. We would just need the longitude, obviously.

We’re getting somewhere, I think, so let me know if this is entirely the wrong track. Otherwise, we’ll keep working away at it. 

[click, static] [beeps]

-.. --- -. .-..-. - / ... .- -.-- / .- .-.. --- ..- -.. 

Don’t say aloud

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Harry’s letter…what about Harry’s letter? Are you asking if we’ve talked about it? Or…what? 

As it so happens, we haven’t talked about it. It’s not really relevant anymore, is it? She doesn’t need to know that I was worried sick that she’d been killed and I don’t need to bring up the fact that she secretly likes Hank Williams. She hasn’t mentioned my Rothko lie so…we’re even. 

It’s not like the letter was really all that revealing anyway. It was mostly…logistical. And yeah, it was clever of her to sew it into the jacket, but honestly, I’m kind of pissed that she wore the jacket to butcher chickens. And butcher them badly. God forbid she gets any of her clothes dirty. 

I still have it. Not that it’s very wearable anymore but. I don’t know. I had to abandon the house I’ve lived in for six years and the car that took me back and forth across the country, so I don’t have a lot of things worth sentimental value. 

If we were going to talk about any kind of correspondence…well, you think she’d have some specific things to say about what I’ve said on here over the last year. Both the good and the bad. And the…vulnerable. 

Anyway, I don’t understand why you’re asking about Harry’s letter. Is there some kind of…information she shared that you think would be useful? I don’t think it’s very smart of us to revisit any of the old potential meetup spots and you’re sending us West anyway so…again, a little more clarity please. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

.-.. . - - . .-. / -.. .- - . ..--..

Letter date?

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

You do know that you’re going to have to give me a little more than “West” right? I mean…we’ll do it, we’ll start going West now, but there’s still a lot of West left, so I need you to narrow it down. 

She keeps calling me Whiskey. Harry, I mean. And she seems to really not mind—she seems to even like that I call her Harry but I never expected her to even call me Abi with any regularity but…

She said that she started to think of that name when she thought of me because listening to all my transmissions made her feel like she was finally meeting the real thing. The real me. I said that I’d never tried to hide from her before, that other than certain…feelings, I’ve always been exactly who I am. She—well, she skated right over the feelings bit, which I’m honestly grateful for—and said that it’s different, to hear someone talk when they think no one is listening. That she started to understand more about the way that I think, the way I feel things. And she’s started to think of that person, the real me, as Whiskey. 

I think it’s a little more than that to be honest. I think…I think Abi—Abigail is the person that she betrayed. The person she lied to, that she hurt, whereas Whiskey is someone who spends a lot of time talking about her, but maybe isn’t carrying as much anger around as Abi was in those last few months we were together. 

I sometimes wonder if she would want to go back to being strangers if we could. I sometimes wonder if I would want that. If I’d been alone when I got here—pretending, for sake of argument, that I ended up in this little wasteland of a world through some other means. What if I’d been alone and I went on my road trip and Harry was the person I found. In that context, what would we have been to each other now?

It doesn’t matter in any case—life doesn’t work like that. I can’t forget everything I know about her and everything she’s done to me even if I tried. Even if I could…that’s the easy way out, isn’t it? And nothing with Harry has ever been easy. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

.... .- .-. .-. -.-- .-..-. ... / .-.. . - - . .-.

Harry’s letter

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Okay, Birdie, we’ve gone North. We’ve gone so far North that we’re quite literally at the Canadian border. I’ve never been to Canada. Well, I guess I have now—the moment we got to the sign, I stopped the car and Harry and I both jumped out and ran for the other side of the border. One of those moments where we both had the exact same idea at the exact same time. 

I missed that. The way that we can be in perfect sync. Sometimes on a job, we could communicate with just a look. The whole crew had that ability to some extent, but it always felt…you know. Better. With Harry. 

Things have been…better. With Harry. I demanded she tell me anything else she’d left out about Pete and her snitching and…I think I know everything now. Even if I have no idea what to do with it. But it’s cleared the air some. Made me understand her a little more. Even if I’m still furious so much of the time…that fury is not aimed solely at her anymore. 

It’s her birthday today. June 30th. She didn’t mention anything to me—it’s not like we’ve got a wall calendar hanging off the rearview mirror or anything, so it was only when I was doing my usual marking of my atlas that I realized. 

I didn’t get her a gift, obviously. A trip to Canada, I guess. When I wished her a happy birthday, she just sort of…quietly said thank you and that was that. 

We’re both a year older and not any wiser for it. We know more now, about the world, about each other. It doesn’t feel like—I’m not sure what other secrets we possibly would have to reveal to each other. And yet, I don’t feel like I actually understand anything. I’m still just…out to sea. 

I don’t know. I miss Donnie. I wish I could talk to him about this stuff, I wish—I wish I could talk to him about Pete. I wish I could have someone else’s perspective on her. On us. And the real problem is that, despite everything, I still—

The look on her face when she got to the other side of the border. We were both out of breath and red faced, like kids who had raced to the front door. And she smiled so big and she looked at me and said “Didn’t I tell you once that I’d take you to another country someday?”

I honestly couldn’t believe that she remembered that. She said it one time, years ago. I remembered it of course, because at that time I was looking for any kind of scrap that she…

We were at a new exhibit at the Morgan Library—rare manuscripts, I think from the renaissance, I can’t really remember. Pete—(voice cracking) uh, Pete, um, loved—loved stealing manuscripts. They were hard to steal, because they had to be so delicately handled, but Harry knew how to do it, which gave Pete an advantage that most thieves didn’t have. With big exhibits of them, we could steal just one, not a whole collection, and still get a really good deal for them. Especially since there is always a wealthy person out there who wants to own one just for the sake of having something rare and won’t fuss too much about where it came from. 

Anyway, we were casing the place, her and I, because Harry could spend hours looking at every corner of an exhibit and make it seem totally natural, like she was just looking at the art. She usually went alone, just to get the layout of the exhibits, but we’d never tried robbing the Morgan Library before, so I went with her to get a sense for the whole building’s security. And we…

We had a good time. We had a really good time. We laughed at all the weird margin drawings that the monks would leave in the books of hours, or whatever they were, and Harry would tell me about the history of when and where these things had been written and, if she’d been to the place herself, she’d talk a little bit about what it was like now. I’ve never been…anywhere. And when I told her that, she said, “I’ll take you someday. Everyone should leave the country at least once”. 

Actually, I think she said “continent”. That’s…obviously not possible now. Well, I guess we could go to South America but…I’m just happy she remembers that conversation at all. I thought about it for weeks afterwards. What she meant by it. The implication that she would be with me if I traveled. That she’d be the one to take me. 

You know, I could get her a rare manuscript for her next birthday—I could walk into any museum in this country and walk right out with one, just like I did with that painting in Santa Fe. 

"Her next birthday”…guess I am thinking that we’ll still be, well, that we’ll still be alive and that we’ll still be together a year from now. But I really don’t know that for certain, do I?

Anyway, should we keep going North or…do you want to give us a little direction here? Literal direction, in this case. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

.-- . ... -

West

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

I’ll—I’ll get to your latest in a second but first…

I’m already having a hard enough time ordering my thoughts—talking out loud on the radio and spending my days talking to Harry…it’s like my brain is more active than it’s been in months and I feel like I’m bouncing from thought to thought with no order or intention. 

And it’s so much worse than usual right in this moment because Harry just told me something that…

I don’t know why she didn’t tell me this a year ago—maybe because when she first confessed everything I refused to hear more about it. But I talked to her about what I was saying yesterday, the messed up logic of her view of me and her view of Pete and she—she said it was different. Because what Pete did was cold blooded murder, not an accident, not an escalation of a confrontation. And I didn’t buy that, how could she know, she wasn’t there and she—

It was his partner. Um, two of the people who died—one was a teller who refused to open the vault and the other was um— (pause) was a seventeen year old boy who tried to take Pete’s gun away. And that’s—I mean, I didn’t expect one of them to be just a kid—but I figured that’s what happened, that something went wrong, someone tried to interfere, a gun went off and—

But the third person was Pete’s partner. His…mentee, his protege. The two of them, after they did get into the vault, after they—well, they, um, snuck out through the back and Pete—Pete shot him point blank in the head and left him in the alley behind the bank. Which…does put the other killings in a different light. Suddenly the death of the teller doesn’t seem like a robbery gone wrong, but instead…

It’s different. That’s what she said. I mean, she also said that she doesn’t want to kill Junior, that she doesn’t think that’s a way to solve anything, but that she’s had to think it all through anyway. She had to consider it, because if it was the way to make things right with me, then she would—

But she knows it’s not. She knows it wouldn’t fix anything, especially since she already learned that taking extreme action to protect yourself from the possibility of harm can lead to something so much worse. Because that’s why she turned Pete in. Because she felt it was just a matter of time until he did what he did to his old mentee again, but this time to me. She didn’t think she could convince me that he’d ever hurt me—and…she’s probably right about that—so she…made a different choice. 

And now I have to live with this knowledge and figure out how it changes my entire world view and feelings about one of the most significant relationships in my life. 

[click, static]

So…I’ve had some things to process. Clearly. But I’m not—I’m not ignoring you, especially since what you said—

“I’ll transmit safe location”. That’s what you said. Birdie does this mean…are we going to meet?

I assume you mean a safe location for you to…leave me something, or somewhere Fox can’t find us or…I don’t know. I know what I’m hoping for and I also know that I need to hold that hope tightly so it doesn’t grow out of control. 

I don’t know how you plan to transmit a location without Fox or Junior hearing it, but I have no doubt you’ll come up with something. 

So for now I’ll just…wait. I’ll wait and I’ll keep going North. 

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

You want to explain what? All of it? You want to explain everything to me, is that what you’re saying? Because I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—you can transmit as long a message as you want, just make sure it repeats and I’ll sit by the radio and transcribe it all out. 

When we got that message, Harry asked me what an explanation would change for me. She wants to know if I’ll—if you really do tell us everything and it all makes sense and the world becomes clear, and after all of that, it really is true that killing Junior would put us back…would that change my perspective on it. 

And I—well, I told her I don’t know, because I don’t know. I can’t know, not really, until I know what I don’t know right now. When I don’t have the information, I can’t predict how it might change what I think. 

But if I’m honest with myself, I really doubt it would change that much. I’m not a killer. I don’t want to be a killer. I know that technically I am, but I—well, I don’t know! I don’t feel less guilty about Billings just because I didn’t mean to kill him, I still fought with him. But Harry seems to think it’s different and that’s what I don’t understand. 

How does she look at Pete and decry what he did and then look at me and say it’s okay and I can do it again—I killed a man and can kill his son and that’s not as bad as what Pete did. It doesn’t make any sense to me, that logic. And I can’t imagine a world in which Harry would want to do this particular bit of dirty business herself so it would be - it would be me.

It doesn’t matter—I’m not entertaining the idea. No matter what we learn. No matter what you tell us. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

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