Breaker Whiskey

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

You ‘can’t interfere’? Are you trying to make me fucking furious? What the hell has all of this been then?

[click, static]

Observers, huh? That’s what you are? And that means…what exactly, you’re bookkeeping for the universe? Making sure that everyone who does something bad, who makes the wrong choice, gets their just desserts? 

(sighing) I can’t do this. I’m—I’m clearing my head, okay? I’m not in fucking New England anymore, I’m not in the tri-state area, Junior can spend all his time searching Massachusetts and New York for me and he won’t find me. And you can keep sending messages to me but I—

I’m just done.

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

I’m—(sigh) I don’t know how much I’ll be on here, I don’t know what to say. What the hell can I—

[click, static]

How can you say this doesn’t need fixing, Birdie? How can you look at this situation and behave like this is the way that things are supposed to be? Is this your system, your version of Eternity? Is this really how you want to be spending your existence, watching people suffer for a single mistake they made?

[click, static]

I—I’m in Maine. Waking up after putting him in the ground, I just wanted to be near someone—

[click, static]

I’m not this naive. I’m not this desperate. After everything she’s done, after everything you’ve done, why should I trust either of you. I’m—I need some time to myself. I’m turning around, I know you’re probably still at the gallery, Harry, but get in your car and go somewhere else, and—and—

[click, static]

I’m going somewhere else. I don’t know where yet but even I did I wouldn’t—

[click, static]

I know no matter where I go, you’ll be able to reach me, Birdie. So just tell me. Who are you? What’s your stake in all of this? 

[click, static]

[beeps]

--- -... ... . .-. ...- . .-. ... .-.-.- / -.-. .- -. .-..-. - / .. -. - . .-. ..-. . .-. . .-.-.-

Observers. Can’t interfere.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Harry, I’m sorry but I’m…I’m not coming. Not—not right now. I don’t know when I’ll be able to—I mean, I know I can’t stay. I know that I have to keep moving, that I can’t let myself become a sitting duck for Junior to—

[click, static]

I buried Donnie today. It took…all day. It wasn’t easy or pleasant or—

I just wanted to give him some peace. I think I picked a spot that he would have liked. I did what I could to make a marker and—

[click, static]

Fuck. I just can’t believe he’s gone. Nothing about it feels real. Nothing about finding him even felt real, I was just getting used to the idea and now he’s—

[click, static]

It’s not that I blame you, Harry. But I also…don’t not. I know this is all my fault, that we’re here, that Don is—was here—that Junior feels he needs to get revenge or find his way out through blood but—

How far do we go back, you know? How far until we find the root of the blame? Billings’ death was the catalyst, but I never would’ve tried to escape if we hadn’t gotten that flat tire. Is it the prison’s fault for not taking care of their vans? Is it some administrator’s fault for transferring us to wherever it was we were going? Is it Pete’s fault for deciding on that job? Or all of our fault for not fighting back the moment the cops found us. 

Or is it your fault, Harry, for us being in that position in the first place? For your selfish and short-sighted—

[click, static]

Goddammit. 

[click, static]

I buried Don today and all I can think about is every single thing I did that led to this point. Back then, sure, but also…this week. Yesterday. A month ago. If I hadn’t sought him out, if I hadn’t found him, if I hadn’t left to find you—

[click, static]

If I’d just listened to Fox. 

What if I had listened? Did you know this would happen, Fox? Is that what you were trying to communicate to me? If so, you did an absolute shit job. If there was a way—if there is a way—for me to fix all of this, you need to tell me, and tell me plainly. 

[click, static]

[beeps]

-.. --- . ... -. .-..-. - / -. . . -.. / ..-. .. -..- .. -. --.

Doesn’t need fixing

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[content warning: death and violence]

[click, static]

It doesn’t even look like it was on purpose. He wasn’t shot, it’s not like Junior came here and—

[click, static]

He tried to get on the radio to tell me. It wasn’t—it wasn’t interference or something wrong with the equipment, it was just that he was already—

[click, static]

Why did you go outside? Why not stay put by the radio after you called me? And what were you trying to say? Your voice was so weak and—

[click, static]

He was—he was stabbed, I think. And there’s a bruise on his face that wasn’t there when I left so they must have had some kind of fight and why would you stab him, Junior? Why that? Or was it that Donnie had the knife first and rushed you and—

I keep playing out every possible scenario in my head and they’re all ghoulish and terrible. But I can’t stop it. Like a film reel going round and round in front of my eyes, a million ways to die, a million ways to be killed. The—the injustice of it, the irony. I want to throw up. It shouldn’t have been him. It should’ve been me. I just found him and—

[click, static]

I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[content warning: death]

[click, static]

He’s…he’s dead. Donnie is… 

[click, static]

I got back and I wasn’t even out of the car before I saw—

[click, static]

His body isn’t even cold yet. He’s soft to the touch, if I’d just driven faster, then maybe he’d—

[click, static]

But I didn’t. And he’s not. He’s…oh, I’m gonna be si—

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

I got—Donnie and I, we rigged up a long range radio to transmit slightly off frequency—

Apparently, after hearing snippets of my transmissions, Donnie got…uncharacteristically into radios. Being in New York, he had access to way more information than I did and has surpassed my knowledge by…a lot. I guess having a decently functioning radio and Birdie to occupy me early on left me less inclined to really dig in. 

Anyway, he figured out a way to transmit off the normal channels and still be received through my radio by me just turning the Delta Tune knob and thirty minutes ago—

[click, static]

Maybe I’m being worried over nothing. He’s been sending me updates, not extensive, just check-ins and little observations about how things have been going—we chose some predetermined times for me to switch over to the off-frequency and at our last check-in—

It’s probably nothing. Interference or a bad connection, or something wrong with his push-to-talk. Because it sounded like—

[click, static]

It’s better to be safe rather than sorry. I’m only a few hours away—though still have several hours to go before I reach Harry, I think I over did it on the zagging—so I’m just gonna…I’m gonna go back. And I think I’m going to insist he comes with me. We can—we can find new supplies and all the rest as we go forward after picking up Harry. It’s more important now to stick together.

Well, either way, I picked up the ingredients for ambrosia salad so…at the very least, I can make it for him now, rather than later. If a ladder has fallen on him or something, at least I’ll be able to cheer him up. 

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Breaker, breaker, this is Whiskey Alpha Romeo calling out for anyone else who might be out there. 

[click, static]

Maybe my mistake this whole time was not staying in the Northeast—everything is so close here, and now that I know why—or at least, I have an idea why certain people are here and others aren’t—it stands to reason that most of the people who’d be in this place would be in the Northeast. That’s where most of my life was centered and…

Well, I guess there’s no point in using any callsign or code name. If I have other enemies out there beside Junior…well, I’m not sure who they’d be and I’m not sure how it gets worse, so… 

[click, static]

Breaker, breaker, Channel 19, this is Abi Rogers driving through New England, looking for other survivors. 

[click, static]

Maybe it’s strange to use that word. What did we survive? The last seven years living on our own I guess. Survivors of my mistake. 

In any case, I’m zig-zagging as I move up north, just to be safe, and I’m going to be on this channel all day on the off chance I come into someone’s radius. A long shot, I know, but I’ve been feeling more optimistic lately. 

It’s odd, isn’t it? Not too long ago, I came face to face with a man who wanted to kill me and then one of my mysterious fair weather friends tried to repeat that particularly unpleasant encounter. By all accounts, I should be feeling the most downtrodden and scared that I’ve felt since I got arrested. 

But finding an old friend, someone I truly never thought I would see again…it’s like air in my lungs. Despite being alone, Donnie really is so much the same person he was when we first met. It’s like a warm cup of coffee, talking to him, hearing his ridiculous stories, being teased by him. It’s easy to fall back into the regular patterns.

The other day I said he thought I was softer than I was, but what he actually said was “you seem sadder than you were, Abi”. Which I guess I can’t fault him for noticing. Even with how happy I was to see him, there’s still this cloud…

I don’t know if I realized how much it had sunk into who I am. Loneliness isn’t new for me, hardship, fear—while there have been new kinds of challenges these last seven years, the fundamentals of who I am haven’t encountered anything they can’t bear. 

I have been missing people more than I thought I would. As in—if you’d told me a decade ago that I’d be stuck in a place without strangers, a place where I just had to focus on living, and I could technically do whatever I want, I’m not sure I would’ve seen that as a bad deal. But the reality…well, being with Don has just put into stark focus just how much I miss talking to people. Being in New York reminded me just how much I loved getting lost in a crowd. 

So there was bound to be some change in demeanor, I think that’s pretty normal. I have no idea how Donnie was able to stay sane by himself all these years, how he was able to stay so much the same. 

I think being around Harry has been making me sad for a really long time. It’s a funny thing, that. When I first told Donnie that that’s where I’ve been—that Harry and I have been hiding out—he made a joke that I’d won the top prize in this shitty world. That he often felt like locking the two of us in a room until we could work things out. 

I had no idea—that our…dynamic was so apparent to other people. But according to him, it was a point of discussion amongst the other three. Which is absolutely mortifying and also, strangely validating. So he was plenty happy for me that I’d finally been given the time and space to knock down whatever wall was holding us back. He couldn’t comprehend why, over six years, we never managed to do it. 

And, of course, I can’t really tell him why, can I. I didn’t understand why myself until the months before I left, didn’t understand why Harry kept herself at arm’s length, I took her coldness for disinterest, not guilt. So I just told Donnie that we’re both too stubborn to make the first step. After all, that’s not exactly wrong. 

(sigh) I don’t know, maybe it’ll be different this time. Maybe now that everything’s out in the open, now that we know why we’re here, that it was my fault, now that we’ve got a little bit of the gang back together…

I’m not saying I’m over it. I’m not saying forgiveness is that easy, but maybe…maybe we can move forward.

Either way, I don’t feel sad anymore. Not like I have been. The loneliness that I felt with Harry, that got worse these past months as I’ve driven all around this country, that was at it’s most engulfing when I found Leann…it’s like that weight has been lifted off of me. Moving forward shouldn’t be so hard now that I’m not dragging it.

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Okay, Donnie and I have been having a fun time playing, well, if not “house”…”normal weekend away and the world is just outside the door”, but now that we’ve just…agreed to disagree about Junior, we realized it’s time for the old crew reunion to be complete. 

Donnie thinks it’s going to be easier for me to just go get Harry, than to try and broadcast something to tell her where we are that could be picked up and deciphered by Junior. So I’m getting in the car today and head North. Once I get her and come back…we’ll figure it out from there. There’s no reason that Junior would be able to find us where we’re at—not if he hasn’t found us so far—so I think we’ve got a few more days at least before we need to seriously consider moving. 

But we’re rats in a maze here in the Northeast. It’s three against one now, so I’m not exactly concerned but after hearing about my whole encounter with Junior, Donnie went into that protective older brother mode he would get in sometimes, the one that led him to teach me self-defense. Another thing about him that hasn’t changed. 

He’s staying behind to “fortify” the place we’re staying, whatever that means, and to start building up the kind of supplies we’ll need to safely move to a new spot. Sounds to me like he’s expecting a war, but there really is no reasoning with him when he sets his mind to something. 

I don’t know, maybe war is exactly what we’re doing. If it is, we’ve got a much better chance of surviving now than I did a week ago. With both Donnie and Harry…well, trying to stay alive with two whole other people to pick up the slack feels like luxury. 

But I don’t want to be at war with anyone. Though, if I have to be, there’s no two people I’d rather have in the trenches with me.

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Please visit breakerwhiskey.com for more information or to send a message to Whiskey's radio. Breaker Whiskey is an Atypical Artists production created by Lauren Shippen. If you'd like to support the show, please visit patreon.com/breakerwhiskey. As a patron, you will also receive each week's episodes as one longer episode every Monday.

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[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

Okay, we’re at a bit of an impasse. Neither of us will budge on what we think the right way forward is so we’re going to…

Well. I don’t know. We’ll figure something else out. A compromise. 

We need some more supplies first. We can’t actually survive on beer and beer alone. Though it has been nice to drink together like the old days. Donnie said he hasn’t had very much to drink the last few years, just a beer on special days or when things were particularly hard to handle. Sounds like he spent the first two years—

I don’t know if this is okay to share. I guess he told me all this stuff. Not you. 

He agrees with me about the cigarettes. That it’s a fucking tragedy they taste the way they do now. There’s lots of things that we both miss from the real world, and not just sex and cigarettes. 

Donnie misses ambrosia. You know, the fruit salad? I could never stand the stuff, but he loved it. And I think…I mean, I could probably make that, right? With canned fruit? Any marshmallows I find might be pretty stale at this point but…yeah, I bet I could make it. 

One of us should have something we want.  [click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

[TRANSCRIPT]

[click, static]

God, it’s fucking helpful having someone else around to bounce ideas off of. My stupid hungover brain wasn’t exactly functioning at the highest point this morning but I think we burned through so many conversational topics last night that over breakfast we actually talked seriously about this whole…deal. Not just the Junior of it all, not just the basics, but the particulars of how this fucked up world works. 

He agrees with most of my theories—that we’re in a separate place, but time marched on normally without us somewhere else. That the photographs are a glance into that place. He’s heard some weird sounds though the years too, so the sounds of cars, the tornado siren…all that stuff, everything he’s heard, he agrees that it’s probably bleeding in from that place. From home. Or maybe other timelines, because we’re definitely not the only people stuck in a place like this. That wouldn’t make any kind of sense. 

He’s less certain to say with any finality what he thinks the situation with Birdie and Fox is. We both have a hard time with the idea of any kind of all-knowing, all-powerful entity, but we’re also both familiar with being on a government’s wanted list so…the idea of some kind of surveilling body isn’t crazy.  
That’s what he thinks they are. That they’re supposed to be monitoring us, monitoring the other timelines, which is why Birdie disappears sometimes. And he had the thought—the idea that maybe that’s why they use morse code too. That maybe it’s easier to transmit over long distances using only morse, that maybe they’ve got some kind of relay system built into the country. Which would make sense, I guess—something that existed before the timeline split off, something that’s maybe operating off of old telegraph lines. What’s a longer distance than trying to communicate across all of space and time?

That still doesn’t answer the question of where Birdie and Fox are. Are they here in this timeline? Are they in the real world? In somewhere in between? And…who are they? Part of the US government? Independent scientists? Something other than human?

I’m not sure we’ll ever know, but it’s been nice to theorize with someone. And I’m not holding my breath that Birdie or Fox will respond—and I’m not sure I even want to hear from Fox—but that’s bothering me less than it usually would. It’s easier to bear not knowing when I’ve got someone else who is equally as clueless as me. 

[click, static]

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.