Breaking Absurdity — Today's Top Headlines That Can't Be Unheard. Brought to you by @ItsNotSatire.

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode!

Trump's renaming spree is in full swing: Lake Ontario is now "Lake America," Yosemite has become "Yo Semite," and even Lake Erie isn't safe from a Republican outrage cycle over just... saying its actual name. Meanwhile, Trump's Commerce Secretary argues that the only way to save the Kennedy Center from demolition is putting Trump's name back on it — apparently forgetting his name was already there once, until a court ordered it removed. Then things get even more absurd: Trump nearly loses a fight with gravity on the Air Force One stairs, posts an AI-generated image of himself and Dolly Parton (who declined his White House invitations — twice), and gets thoroughly roasted by Abdul El-Sayed over his own name's pronunciation. Plus: Australian Absurdity brings us the Great Hobart Snack Scandal, where a political career hangs in the balance over Mars Bars, Cadbury chocolate, and seven beers.

Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we've got a solution on my Substack. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.

Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you're dreaming? You're welcome. Consider thanking me by leaving a tip.

In Episode 33 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate a news cycle involving America's ongoing renaming spree, the Kennedy Center's demolition threats, Trump's battle with gravity, an AI-generated Dolly Parton photo-op, Abdul El-Sayed's viral clapback, and an Australian snack scandal that somehow makes perfect sense once you stop expecting politics to behave normally.

Story Rundown:

• The Great American Renaming — Trump renames Lake Ontario "Lake America" in apparent retaliation against Canada. PM Mark Carney's response: it's still Lake Ontario. The internet proposes renaming America "Lower Canada" instead.
• Yo Semite — Trump refers to Yosemite National Park as "Yo Semite," prompting fears the rest of the Great Lakes could be next.
• Lake Erie backlash — NFL announcer Al Michaels casually questions whether Lake Erie is still called Lake Erie, triggering Republican demands for an apology.
• Kennedy Center demolition threat — Trump's Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick argues before a judge that putting Trump's name back on the Kennedy Center will "induce" him to raise $500 million for renovations — despite his name already having been removed once by court order.
• Trump vs. Gravity — Trump nearly topples walking up the stairs to Air Force One. Gravity remains undefeated.
• Trump & Dolly's AI photo-op — Trump posts an AI-generated image of himself and Dolly Parton arm-in-arm at the White House, despite Dolly declining his actual invitations twice.
• Abdul El-Sayed claps back — After Trump ties him to Islamic terrorism, Abdul goes viral roasting Trump's mangled pronunciation of his own name.
• The Great Hobart Snack Scandal — Australia's Deputy Lord Mayor of Hobart faces renewed resignation calls over CCTV footage allegedly showing her helping herself to council snacks and alcohol.

📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis & exclusives) including ad-free podcast options: : 👉 https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode!

Dolly Parton was asked whether Donald Trump was qualified to be president. Her answer was very Dolly — complete with Presidential Mood Swings, a suggestion that she might run herself, and a joke about Trump’s hair. Meanwhile, Trump has apparently been taking appearance advice from somewhere else entirely, with Anthony Scaramucci revealing the secrets behind his legendary orange complexion — including the Bronx-sourced bronzer Trump allegedly applies himself. Then things get even more absurd: Trump delivers a surprisingly dignified tribute to Dolly before apparently deciding that her refusal to endorse him was actually a sign that she really liked him, RFK Jr.’s phone literally calls him a quack, and America finds itself dealing with a growing wave of disease outbreaks and public-health concerns.

Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my Substack. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.

Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by leaving a tip.

In Episode 32 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate a news cycle involving Dolly Parton, Trump’s makeup routine, RFK Jr.‘s quacking iPhone, America’s increasingly concerning public-health landscape, and a few other developments that somehow make perfect sense once you stop expecting politics to behave normally.

Story Rundown:

• Dolly Parton on Trump — Resurfaced footage shows Dolly being asked whether Trump is qualified to be president. She refuses to get political, before discussing Hillary Clinton, Presidential Mood Swings, running for president herself, and the need for more boobs in politics.
• Trump responds to Dolly’s death — Trump issues an unusually dignified tribute to Dolly Parton, before later claiming that Dolly really liked him. Apparently, not endorsing Trump can now be interpreted as a Trump endorsement.
• Trump’s “open can of Spam” makeup — Anthony Scaramucci reveals details about Trump’s alleged makeup routine, including the Bronx-sourced bronzer he apparently applies himself. Scaramucci’s mother reportedly described Trump without makeup as looking like an “open can of Spam.”
• Trump’s weight gain — Medical reports indicate Trump has gained at least 20 pounds. Dolly once said the presidential race could use “a few more boobs.” We investigate whether Trump has been taking her advice.
• Chris Christie remembers Trump’s makeup routine — Another resurfaced story offers a glimpse into Trump’s approach to his appearance, including the time he apparently demonstrated his makeup routine aboard a private jet.
• Dolly in Australia — How an Australian Politician Saved Dolly's Australian 2011 Tour Everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t.

📩 Check out my Substack (long-form analysis & exclusives) including ad-free podcast options

: 👉 https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire

👍 Like, comment, and share — it genuinely helps the channel grow. Everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t.

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode!

The White House tried to crop Natalie Harp out of the Freedom 250 footage. The internet noticed. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court handed Trump a significant victory on his effort to restrict mail-in voting ahead of the midterms, Trump took children on a tour of his ballroom and helipad construction site, RFK Jr.’s phone literally called him a quack, Canada threatened to switch off the lights, and Pete Hegseth continued his ongoing campaign to make the Marine Corps Grapevine a matter of national security.

Oh — and Melania Watch may be back.

In Episode 31 of Breaking Absurdity, we investigate the latest developments in the Trump White House, where the news cycle increasingly feels like someone is writing a political satire and forgetting to tell the politicians.

Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my Substack. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.

Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by leaving a tip.

Story rundown:

• Supreme Court & mail-in voting — The Court allows key parts of Trump’s executive order restricting mail-in ballots to move forward while the broader legal battle continues.
• Trump takes children to the construction site — Instead of the usual White House tour, Trump gives a group of children a look at his new ballroom and helipad construction.
• RFK Jr.’s phone calls him a quack — While Kennedy discusses autism, his iPhone interrupts with the unmistakable sound of a quacking duck. The comedic timing is impeccable.
• Natalie Harp gets cropped out — Harp appears to have been removed from official White House footage of the Freedom 250 event, despite other footage showing her standing directly behind Trump and Melania.
• What were Trump and Melania arguing about? — The internet attempts some amateur lip-reading, briefly wonders whether the woman beside Trump is actually Caitlyn Jenner, and then reports emerge that a film crew was told to stop recording.
• Canada says no to the 51st state — Ontario Premier Doug Ford threatens to cut electricity exports to the United States while calling Trump a loser and a bully. Canada has apparently found the one tariff Trump can’t impose: the light switch.
• Pete Hegseth’s latest controversy — A transphobic remark sparks backlash, followed by another instalment of the Defense Secretary’s increasingly legendary Marine Corps Grapevine.
• Australian Absurdity — Police in NSW investigate what appears to be a woman’s body inside a suitcase near Goulburn. The twist? It was an extremely realistic doll. Everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode!

Natalie Harp just wrote Trump a letter granting him permission to cuss her out — and days later she's sprinting after his golf cart in Scotland with a smile on her face. Meanwhile Melania resurfaces after a near-record 30-day absence with a two-word statement, Karoline Leavitt gets her farewell tour, Trump predicts his own impeachment without knowing the charges, JD Vance asks a kid an extremely normal question, and Australia proves its politics can be just as weird as ours. It's time for Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.

It's time for Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn't know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn't.

Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my Substack. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.

Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by leaving a tip.

Story Rundown — Breaking Absurdity Ep 30

• Natalie Harp Executes the Ultimate Promotion Strategy — The Daily Beast publishes letters from Harp to Trump, including one telling him he has the right to "cuss her out" when she deserves it. A photo surfaces of her sprinting after his golf cart in Scotland, grinning the whole way. With Trump openly floating her as a potential White House Press Secretary pick, the segment frames it as an unconventional but apparently effective career-advancement strategy.
• The Meltdown Over Natalie — The political fallout from Ossoff's "with Natalie" rally line splits along predictable lines: Obama alum David Axelrod calls the reference gratuitous, while Scott Jennings goes further, accusing Ossoff of sexism and insinuating an inappropriate relationship — despite Ossoff's comment being just two words. The segment argues Jennings and the White House did more to fuel the "insinuation" than Ossoff did.
• Melania Watch Is Called Off (For Now) — After a near-record 30-day public absence, Melania reappears with Trump gripping her hand aloft like a trophy. Her only comment: "I heard you missed me. Here I am." Trump then reveals she reportedly hates his YMCA dance routine, raising the odds Melania Watch resumes soon.
• Trump Has Big Feelings on Karoline Leavitt — As outgoing Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt gets her send-off, Trump admits he's been annoyed that she's prioritized her new baby over him, while Leavitt gushes that he's the "most consequential and greatest president in history" and reachable any time, including 3 a.m. The segment ties this into speculation over her successor — with both Natalie Harp and Scott Jennings floated as contenders.
• Trump Says He'll Be Impeached (But Doesn't Know Why) — At a rally, Trump predicts he'll likely face impeachment but can't say on what grounds. The bit plays this as unusually efficient of him, and opens the floor for the audience to suggest possible articles of impeachment in the comments.
• JD Vance Has a Question for the Kids — Vance is caught on camera asking a young rally attendee "When do you turn 18?"
• Australia Has Entered the Group Chat — A new recurring-segment tease: Australian grocery chain Coles faces backlash over a partnership with Palantir (the data/defense firm co-founded by a mentor of JD Vance's).

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode!

Trump’s assistant, Natalie Harp, just got called out, globally, after Senator Jon Ossoff questioned her unusually close access to the president. Trump clapped back by calling Ossof “Pee-wee Herman.” In the same meeting, Trump deeply interrogateda teenage lifeguard about his “surf life” — before getting considerably less enthusiastic when a female journalist asked him difficult questions. Melania Watch has officially reached Day 30.

Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my Substack. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.

Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by leaving a tip.

It’s time for Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn’t know you needed to know today, but wish you hadn’t.

In Episode 39 of Breaking Absurdity:

• NATALIE HARP ENTERS THE GROUP CHAT — Senator Jon Ossoff questions Trump about Natalie Harp’s unusually close relationship with the president and her access during sensitive travel. Trump responds with perhaps the most sophisticated political rebuttal imaginable: “Pee-wee Herman.”

• PEE-WEE HERMAN VS. JON OSSOFF — Trump and his allies go after Ossoff over his comments about Harp. We investigate the obvious question: who exactly is the zany, childlike one here? • MELANIA WATCH: DAY 30 — Melania Trump has now gone roughly 30 days without a widely reported public appearance. Meanwhile, Natalie Harp continues showing up alongside Trump. The Where’s Melania? Clock continues.

• TRUMP HAS QUESTIONS FOR A LIFEGUARD — 16-year-old California lifeguard Ryder Williams became a national hero after rescuing a young boy from dangerous surf. Trump invited him to the White House — and seemed particularly fascinated by his “surf life.”

• TRUMP VS. THE FEMALE REPORTER — CNN’s Kristen Holmes asks Trump about the Natalie Harp controversy. The tone changes rather dramatically from “tell me about your life on the surf” to “don’t ever talk again.” Apparently there are two kinds of questions at the White House: Surf Life and Shut Up.

• THE SUPREME COURT SAYS NO — AGAIN — The Supreme Court rejects Trump’s attempt to overturn the $5 million judgment awarded to E. Jean Carroll. .

• GUYANA: BECAUSE BRAZIL WASN’T AN OPTION — A Brazilian national who had lived in the United States for nine years and held a valid work permit was detained by ICE after being unexpectedly called in for an immigration appointment.

• TRUMP’S HAIR DECLARES INDEPENDENCE — Strong winds attack Donald Trump’s hair as he walks toward Air Force One. Once again, nature proves to be one of the few forces capable of defeating the Trump administration.

Chapters

00:00 Headlines

01:09 Natalie Harp: How Much Access Does She Have to Trump?

00:54 How to go ad free

03:33 Melania Trump: 30 Days Without a Public Appearance

04:50 The 16-Year-Old Lifeguard at the White House

06:21 Trump Hostlie Reaction to Kristen Holmes

07:31 $5.6 Million For E. Jean Carroll Confirmed

08:52 ICE Detains Brazilian National in West Hollywood

10:23 Trump’s Hair Has a Very Bad Day on Air Force One

🔗 Follow & Support My Work 📩 Substack:

👉 https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire

Got something to say to this podcast? Send a voicemail, and you might hear yourself on the next episode!

Donald Trump talked about “young, beautiful girls” coming to the White House. Repeatedly. Meanwhile, New Mexico is suing Trump’s Justice Department over access to unredacted Epstein files. Then things get even stranger when the internet got a load of Trump's backside, igniting a firestorm of speculation.

Ads keep the lights on. But if ads give you the ick, we’ve got a solution on my Substack. Just sign up and pick the ad free podcast option.

Did this made you cringe, ugly cry or wonder if you’re dreaming? You’re welcome. Consider thanking me by leaving a tip.

This is Breaking Absurdity — everything you didn’t know you needed to learn today, and will quickly wish you hadn’t.

In Episode 28 of Breaking Absurdity:

• THE “YOUNG, BEAUTIFUL GIRLS” — Trump repeatedly describes the women coming to the White House, while offering some… unusually specific commentary about the people who thank him.

• THE EPSTEIN FILES — New Mexico wants access to unredacted Epstein-related documents from Jeffrey Epstein’s former Zorro Ranch. Sadly, the call apparently went to voicemail.

• TRUMP WANTS STEAM — The administration wants future aircraft carriers to use steam-powered catapults instead of the Navy’s modern electromagnetic launch system. Revolutionary 1940s technology!

• THE USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN — Reports describe food shortages, deteriorating conditions, poor morale and plumbing problems aboard the carrier after more than 250 days at sea. But apparently there’s one resource in plentiful supply: testosterone.

• TURTLE WATCH — Mitch McConnell hasn’t made a public appearance since June 14. We’re keeping an eye on the turtle. • WHERE’S MELANIA? — Melania Trump has made relatively few public appearances this year, with her last reported public appearance on July 19. • THE STRAIT OF HORMUZ — Trump suggests treating the strategically important waterway as U.S. territory.

• AI MICRODOSES MUSHROOMS — An Australian woman reportedly discovered that an AI-generated medical record claimed she was microdosing mushrooms.

• WHITE HOUSE EXODUS — Karoline Leavitt, David Warrington and others are among the departures and changes prompting questions about turnover inside the White House. • TRUMP’S RUMP — And finally, the internet has questions about the strange-looking bulge visible underneath the right side of Trump’s suit jacket. Is it a box? A mysterious object? Something else entirely? We have no idea. But apparently the internet has theories.

Chapters:

0:00 Cold Open — Young, Beautiful Girls, Epstein & Trump’s Rump

0:53 How to go ad free

1:09 Trump’s “Young, Beautiful Girls”

2:26 The Epstein Files

3:08 Trump Wants Steam-Powered Aircraft Carriers

4:30 USS Abraham Lincoln: Food Shortages & Low Morale

5:22 TurtleWatch: Where Is Mitch McConnell?

5:59 Where’s Melania Trump?

6:31 Trump Wants the Strait of Hormuz

6:51 AI Says an Australian Woman Is Microdosing Mushrooms

7:06 White House Exodus: Who’s Leaving?

7:41 Trump’s Rump Has the Internet Asking Questions

Subscribe for more daily political absurdity.

🔗 Follow & Support My Work

📩 Substack (long-form analysis & exclusives): 👉 https://substack.com/@itsnotsatire