Here is the second meditation of Chapter 2: Innocence: Being Seen & Heard.
Breathing is Action meditations are created to acknowledge the life lessons we learn from the developmental needs of the human lifespan. All of Chapter 2, titled Innocence, focuses on the life lessons that can be learn from infancy, the beginning of the lifespan.
Being seen and heard is important to our overall wellbeing, for many reasons. For one, being seen and heard helps us to feel understood and validated by others. It helps us to feel connected to those we love. It also impacts our self-worth. All kids, and even mature individuals, need to know that they matter to the most important people in their lives. Being seen by our caregivers in early stages of life also teaches us the skills to see and witness ourselves as we grow up. Later, we meet other people and encounter hardships in life, being able to recognize and identify our needs with awareness is a challenging but important skill to acquire. Being able to communicate our needs calmly and with confidence increases the quality of our lives.
Seeing Is Believing
When caregivers are able to see an infant's emotions and choose to respond with compassionate care and consideration, their children learn that their needs matter. Infants can rest assured in the belief that they are not alone in their feelings. Someone sees them, someone cares and someone is able to help. When we have big emotions, many of us don't even need someone to offer up solutions. It is a huge relief on its own to simply be witnessed and our emotions understood by another person.
As mature individuals, we can even do it for ourselves. To witness non-judgementally and be there for ourselves compassionately is an ultimate achievement in my eyes. It is the highest level of being witnessed because no one can understand us better than ourselves. An internalized sense of self-regard allows us then to gift it consciously to others, to be the grounded, safe individual capable of compassionately witnessing another.
Listen Up!
Feeling heard is super important for our self-esteem. It helps us feel validated and understood. If infants cry or children speak, and they are met with curiosity and validation, they make positive associations with communication.
At an early age, we can begin to understand the importance of speaking up. We gain the confidence to express ourselves. At the very least, we learn that our words might have an impact and that it's worth a shot to try expressing our needs. With enough positive experiences around feeling heard, we begin to trust that the important people in our lives are able to listen. It helps foster a sense of belonging and connection with others.
And of course, I am always here to remind you that we can also do this for ourselves. By listening to our emotional world with curiosity, care and compassion, we can validate our own experiences. This will help us develop an internalized sense of belonging that goes beyond needing to be accepted by others – because we provide that acceptance and understanding from within. We can achieve this for ourselves so that we may be a safe person who is capable of providing understanding to those who need it most.
Slow Down Cowboy!
It goes without saying, this is a very slow process. It doesn't just happen once that a kid feels seen and heard and then they get the gist of it. Heck, that's not even how adults work – friendships, relationships and marriages take continuous action and emotional maintenance to maintain wellbeing. You don't validate your partner once and expect that one good deed to last you decades.
This isn't a one-and-done sort of thing! Infants and young children are mostly making somatic memories (memories in the body – learning from their feelings and their dominant states of being) so it is after many repeated moments, multiple situations and years of feeling seen and heard that they eventually begin internalizing the message that their needs matter and that they are worthy of expressing themselves.
Furthermore, traumatic experiences (which almost everyone experiences) can make the process even longer or impede progress altogether because they add information that directly counteract safety. Bullying, for example, is a classic way in which we are deeply misunderstood and mishandled by others. We are not only NOT seen and heard for who we truly are, but it is done in such an emotionally cruel way. This is why we would greatly benefit to take bullying at school and online more seriously.
Challenge Yourself
Depending on our life's circumstances, we develop a complex and interesting relationship with our ability to witness ourselves and our needs, as well as our ability to express ourselves with awareness. We develop a complex way in which we experience and understand others.
There is no right or wrong way to be, the world needs all kinds of people. What's important is your wellbeing.
Do you feel good about the level in which you are seen and heard, from yourself and the people in your life? Only you know that answer. Only you can take the steps needed to correct that if it doesn't feel right.
If you can, practice witnessing without judgement. Practice listening to understand.
Life is a journey, and I hope you have fun with it.
Take good care of yourselves.
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Chapter 2: Innocence
- Consistency & Reliability
- Being Seen & Heard
- Having a Voice
- Importance of Play
- New Experiences
- Navigating Fear
- Vulnerability
- Safe People
- Self-Soothing
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BREATHING IS ACTION is a meditative affirmation podcast for teens and adults. For everyone, everywhere. Let's be the change we want to see in the world!
Writing, research and production by: Macie Leblanc-Smith
Editing by: Macie Leblanc-Smith, Marc-Olivier Plouffe
Music: Falling Through Space by Of Water on Epidemic Sound.
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