What's better than King Charles's sausage fingers, Taylor Swift's Kamala Harris endorsement and microdosing on Costco pallet-sized overstock unboxings on TikTok? Knowing who your friends are. Join us as we laugh our way through the ins and outs of adult friendships, starting with when to make friends, how to keep them and, best of all, what it means to live your life according to the Three Ds. 

And we don't mean Donnie, Dopey and Do-nuthin. 

Curious? Be sure to listen to all the way to the end (as Dear Listener knows, that's where we stash the gold). Or act like Veruca Salt and skip ahead to minute 48. Either way, you win.   

How late is too late for checking out after checkout time? Missy feels this one in the gut. In male news, Nut Talk reaches new heights as we "take to the Internet" for bathing advice. Missy works through the final days of renting the beachhouse. And Amy starts a September Reset. All this on more. Heh heh heh.

Taking a break from our near-constant discussion of precipitous bowel release (just kidding, friends), we venture into the oft-overlooked territory of stealing from one's siblings. Time was, we stole sweatshirts, devil dogs, prime seating on car trips. This week, it's friends. Next week, who knows? 

Plus, Amy gets hacked. Feeding the children ramps up. And Missy yearns for a return to her sandy seaside escape. 

Of all the delicious things we could offer you, Dear Listener — and let's be honest, we're offered you quite a few — there's nothing more enticing than what we have loaded up for you this week. Friendship. Get ready for all the feels when Missy remembers just who the F she is during these troubled, trying times. And yes, we sample the mayonnaise. 

Lu La Roe. Olympic breakdancing. Aging parents. Volunteering for jobs you have no intention of doing. And of course, Disneyland. Care to join, Dear Listener, as Melissa audibly implodes? It's a roaring good time, we promise. Just don't mention Tom Cruise.  

Where shall we begin, Dear Listener? Oh I know! The toilet. It's a riotous week for podcasting, gang, replete with questionable topics, sex dream recaps, depilitories gone wild, and — you guessed it — how many fingers is Melissa holding up?

We go there, kids. And there, and there, and oh my goodness there, too. 

Definitely not suitable for the kids this week. But as the french pole vaulters say, I got your medal right here.

Quick question: does violence make every sport better? We're speaking of course, Dear Listener, of the oh, oh, oh, oh-LYM-pics, you knoooooww (sung to the tune of Ozempic), and the global awareness of yet another competitive event made that much more exciting by the threat of fullly sanctioned mid-competition paddling.

And we do mean paddling. 

We're talking all things "Schports!" this week, Dear Listener, including regionally stereotpyes team uniforms, international phrases (are they, though?) heard on the sidelines, and of course, our favorite sport: people watching at the Costco. 

Plus Maya Rudolph's sneaky new venture, kiddo updates and much more. 

Lewd, much? It's defnitely a not suitable for work episode this week, Dear Listener, as we stumble through the sudden rise of female-centered sex acts in mainstream Hollywood. But not to worry. We also cover hostess gifts, double chins, the rising cost of law school and rats at the bedside. Fun stuff!

It's the People Doing Bad Things episode, Dear Listener, and to be honest, what else would you expect in a week when a former POTUS and prospective nominee gets shot? Vigilante Teen-Led Pedophile Sting Operations, of course! We're riding the wave of insanity that is July 2024, Dear Listener, and that means no shortage of content for us to laugh about. Join us as we dissect the moral obgligations of bystander parenthood, Fetish Feeding (are you a victim?), saying goodbye to Dr. Ruth, Toxic Tampons (you know, for the kids!) and Riding the Ole Hobby Horse, Fit'land Style. Got a long drive planned? Then this is your soundtrack. Just give the kids some earplugs first. Enjoy!

Up this week: unexpected nuclear alerts (both about and completely not about Joe Biden), Beverly Hills Cop the remake featuring what's-his-name, and Middle Schoolers Behaving Badly (TikTok Edition). All that, plus unpaid labor, the trouble with generational trauma, and lessons from Hurricane Beryl. We even throw in a banging popcorn recipe to keep it light. Lots to love in this one, Dear Listener. So grab a friend, pull up a chair and press play. Cheers, big ears!