For 25 years, Bruno had a toxic relationship with time. It started with his first job out of college, navigating DC traffic for a boss who believed the solution to being late was simply "leave an hour earlier." This ingrained a deep-seated anxiety about punctuality that followed Bruno for decades, amplified by partners and a society obsessed with the clock. It became a residual behavioral response, a constant low-level stress humming in the background of his life.

But what if time isn't what we think it is? What if it's just... a concept we agree on? In this episode, Bruno shares the exact moment he decided to let it all go—the moment he told his time anxiety to fuck off. The discussion dives into the absurdity of stressing over a construct that even Plato and Aristotle couldn't define. This isn't about being irresponsible; it's about reclaiming your peace. It’s about understanding when time matters (like a doctor's appointment) and when it's a prison of our own making. Join Bruno for a short journey into the liberation of not caring about being a few minutes late.

With humor ranging from Target shopping disasters to alien pyramid theories, Bruno delivers both laughs and life-changing insights about breaking free from society’s time traps.

Join us for a brutally honest and hilarious take on beach parenting from a dad who freely admits he can't swim. In this 4-minute comedic monologue, our host shares the reality of family beach trips: carrying 55,000 tons of equipment only to watch your kids eat sand, setting clear water boundaries with children, and the liberating honesty of admitting your limitations.

From explaining why shower dizziness disqualifies you from fighter pilot duty to establishing the "I'll only go in the water to pee or poop" rule with his kids, this episode perfectly captures the intersection of parenting struggles and water anxiety with self-deprecating humor that every parent will relate to.

Whether you're a fellow non-swimmer trying to navigate beach days with your family, or you just appreciate raw, unfiltered parenting honesty served with a side of comedy, this episode delivers laughs while touching on the very real challenges of water safety and personal boundaries.

Perfect for parents who've ever felt overwhelmed by the logistics of beach trips, anyone with swimming anxiety, or comedy fans who love authentic, no-holds-barred storytelling.

**Keywords naturally integrated:** beach parenting, swimming anxiety, family beach trips, water safety, parenting humor, dad humor, parenting struggles, water anxiety, beach experiences, parenting boundaries

Hear the full rant. New episode out now: https://linktr.ee/Brunos_Podcast

Bruno shares a nostalgic and hilarious story about childhood dreams of becoming a fireman and a recent encounter with a very modern fire department vehicle that left him confused and slightly disappointed.

From childhood fantasies of big, loud fire trucks with flashing lights to the reality of encountering a fire department pickup truck with \"glistening little lights,\" this episode explores how our adult experiences sometimes pale in comparison to childhood expectations.

Bruno's observational comedy style tackles themes of nostalgia, career paths, and the gap between childhood dreams and adult reality, all while maintaining his signature tangential storytelling approach.

Perfect for fans of short-form comedy who appreciate stories that blend humor with universal childhood experiences.

Topics: Childhood dreams, fire trucks, emergency vehicles, nostalgia, career choices, observational comedy

Duration: 3:40 | Host: Bruno | Series: You Don't Have To

Ever argue lollipop flavors with an 8-year-old? Bruno did—and it spiraled into hot dogs in the cafeteria, bubblegum ice cream, and a war on blue cotton candy suckers. In under 4 minutes, he rants about Paw Patrol, childhood innocence, and the tragedy of kale smoothies. This brutally honest, laugh-out-loud short podcast explores why 7–8 is the golden age, why 5-year-olds are juice-box terrorists, and why Rubble from Paw Patrol can go straight to hell. It’s a reminder to savor the absurd sweetness of childhood before the hormones hit, the eye-rolls start, and your kid suddenly thinks they’re too cool for everything—including you.

Feeling pressured to get married, buy a house, have kids, and post it all in matching outfits? You don’t have to.

This podcast is for overthinkers, quietly panicking 40-somethings, and anyone questioning life’s so-called milestones. Join Bruno—a newly single 47-year-old with a sharp tongue, dry humor, and zero patience for societal BS—as he unpacks expectations about relationships, dating after divorce, parenthood, and success.

Expect candid stories, uncomfortable truths, and a reminder that it’s okay to say, “Nah, I’m good.”

Listen Notes

Big news, loyal listeners (and the three people who accidentally subscribed)! Bruno’s cutting back—but don’t worry, it’s not on carbs or caffeine. Starting now, we’re dropping just one glorious, unhinged, irreverent episode a week. Why? Because twice the nonsense was making the internet unstable—and Bruno’s vocal cords deserve hazard pay.

Tune in every Tuesday for your weekly fix of unsolicited opinions, minor revelations, and stories your therapist would raise an eyebrow at. Less is more. Except when it’s not. But whatever.

In this brutally honest and darkly funny episode of Bruno’s You Don’t Have To, Bruno reflects on his hilariously awkward first sexual experience. From losing his virginity (and his sock) at 17, to confronting the pressure of teen sex in the 90s, to getting a number from a 24-year-old Spanish substitute teacher named Maria—this one dives into modern masculinity, sexual expectations, porn culture, and the confusing mess of growing up male. It's a cringe-laced coming-of-age story you won't forget.

Bruno’s latest episode proves that three minutes can feel like a rollercoaster. He starts by warning you not to take him seriously, then dives into stories that reveal exactly why. Raised in a lily‑white town in GOP‑heavy New Jersey, he watched the one Black student get pulled out of class and later set 14 cars on fire. In college, he hosted a themed “ghetto night” party and learned the hard way what microaggressions really are. Moving to Washington brought run‑ins with Nation of Islam vendors on street corners, a barbershop decked out in Malcolm X art and a hilarious quest to find out what’s inside those pies. The ride‑along that ends with a stolen Heineken‑filled minivan is both karma and comedy. Hit play if you like honest cringe.

Are award shows just a bunch of buddies giving trophies to each other? Bruno thinks so, and he’s not afraid to say it. On the 20th episode, we’re tearing down the pretense of formal ceremonies and building something new from the ground up. Hear how a memory of a sweltering church service inspired a rebellion against inefficiency and how that led to the creation of an award for indie podcasters. This is a story for anyone who’s ever felt like an outsider, bent the rules to get something done, and believes in celebrating the underdog. It’s funny, a little devious, and 100% authentic.

Ever roomed with a punk, tattoo‑seekin’ straight‑edge kid and accidentally partied with some 👨‍🦲s? Same. In this episode Bruno recounts college chaos: misfits, frat boys threatening basement beatdowns, a topless tattoo parlor call, even a surprise gun cameo. Spoiler: it’s like hiring a diabetic to guard a bakery 🍩. If your week needs some wiseass nostalgia + absurd edge, this one’s your ticket. Play clean, listen dirty.”

https://linkt.ee/Brunos_Podcast