It’s time to remove the unnecessary risks. Bubble wrap him up, put him in cotton wool and cryogenically freeze him for a week and a half if we must! Time to Restump Podcast the purple proceedings at the Cockburn quarry.

What can we really take out of the practise match against the Adelaide Crows last Saturday other than cases of third-degree windburn? It was above the 2025 vanilla-ish preseason performance, but it understandably contained some going-through-the-motions as well. A solid conditioner? 

We’re on countdown to round one and all eyes and focus are on the health of the Freo fleet, especially the defensive unit. While Luke Ryan may need a shoulder holder and a few more miles in the aging legs, we’re on cattle watch with Coxy and the Captain as they deal with their calves. 

The midfield depth is something to behold. Hayden Young has been placed into protective custody and they’re fine-tuning Jackson’s juggling act. With Murphy Reid’s seemingly absurd growth, has Matty Johnson and Neil Erasmus been cut in front of in the queue to more midfield minutes? 

Is everything Kool and the Gang with the Disco? No O’Driscoll mentions, whispers or even grapevine chatter! Do we need to organise a search party? How’s he trekking… anyone, anyone… Bueller?

Mason Cox hasn’t put a foot wrong since arriving at the club apparently and he was good against Lachlan McAndrew last Saturday, which somehow sparked potential best 23 conversations. He’s a great pick up for us for specific reasons, but has the preseason distorted his perceived valuation? He’s 35 years of age and he spent 10 years at Collingwood averaging 14 games a season. 

He can tap, he can yap, he can fill a gap and wears a premiership cap! He’s the ideal insurance policy and a very good get considering the uncertainty cloud over Sean Darcy, but surely, we’re not entertaining the prospect of trying to teach an old American dog new tricks? 

Jojo is going all out campaigning to have ACDC’s TNT reinstated as the post goal celebratory song, but could we go one better and install Body Count’s, “There Goes The Neighbourhood.” 

Speaking of Neighbourhoods, after whatever that display was on Sunday, the West Cost Eagles and their fans are in Liquorice All Sorts of grief! And when that is the case, we show concern and compassion, reach across the aisle and try to pick them up with a supportive Neighbourhood Watch episode. 

It’s only a week and a half until we get underway in round one. Not going to lie, it’s a little concerning that the frequency of taking a nervous wiz has increased already! There is more pressure this year and the expectations are understandably off the chart. Rightly or wrongly, it feels such a consequential season.

It is often said the best way to deal with stress is to talk it out through incessant nonsensical rambling! And wouldn’t you know it, that’s our specialty! So, forget your supplements and essential oils, your calming tools, weighted blankets and acupressure mats and just come along for the chat.

Actually… maybe bring along a pair of those noise cancelling headphones.

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