Bud Lamb Talks

“Reflect” Adapted from Chasing the Sage by Bud Lamb

The BIG IDEA

Chasing the Sage one begins to make sense out of chaos.

Connecting media posts by one-dimensional politicians, mercenary pundits, and fear-based citizens, he searches to find the truth inside and underneath and behind the scenes -- the tolling of the bell, the sounding of the shofar, like Magi discerning ancient times and events.

He looks to initiate young Samuels, the young up-and-coming holy men of the future. Ahh, this is such long, painful discipleship!

The Bible says...And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2 NASB

To reflect is one of the practices a Sage develops.

It’s a bit of paying attention and having a “go-to” place where reflections can be written down or sketched out and then collected in a journal of sorts. I call mine “Field Notes” as that’s mostly what they are -- notes from being in the fields of spiritual soaring, alpine adventures by foot or kayak, or musing on the stuff of living in this fallen world.

He who chases the Sage remains aware of his humanity, his propensity to hide, lie, to be impatient.

He is forever either a prodigal son, a proud older son or a pharisee -- or man of growing integrity who falls often and continues to get up.

He rushes to ask God’s forgiveness for the thousandth time he has indulged his flesh; knowing it pleases the Father.

He takes the finished work of Christ to have been terrifyingly painful, expensive, and sufficient for all things.

Chasing the Sage, he prays for many of today’s boy-men Pastors who minister like clanging cymbals.

Many are deceived into thinking what they know and show is love, but is, in fact, nothing but turning the Holy Scripture into a cookbook. Their six-week sermon series about how to get your soul back is written and presented by pastor boys in men’s bodies who think this is the way a holy man speaks for God Almighty.

A man chasing the Sage weeps. He is often a forgotten man. He is keenly alert to the whisper of the Ancient of Days, the Three Men we admire most - the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

He listens in silence for words spoken between the inhale and exhale from eternity past. Words and groans from God, Who in the beginning, before the beginning, pre-existed in perfect harmony before anything else existed. Who is now and ever shall be.

More than likely you will not find him on talk radio or as a commentator for Fox News. His writing will not be best sellers or his ideas neatly presented on a podcast. Chances are slim the boy-men pastors, who serve as the spiritual leaders of today, and I fear the future, will be interested.

He who chases the Sage speaks softly around the fire after a long silence. Those with loud voices can’t bear the silence. They speak loud and fast, gesticulating wisdom -- skimmed off the top or plagiarized -- which gives the appearance of wisdom but has no real power to heal. Draw a crowd? Yes. Inspire to holiness? Perhaps.

The wise way is foolish to those who are posing. The wise one extends grand compassion in the purest sense to the well-intentioned heathen or fallen pastor turning follower because he knows by experience the furnace of transformation that awaits just a bit down the road.

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“Boys Play It Safe” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb

The BIG IDEA

The people who told you to play it safe spoke from a place of fear.

Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober [in spirit,] fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. 1 Peter 1:13 NASB

Jim and I were on a trail run at Folsom Lake, starting at the Dike 8 trailhead -- 5 miles, out and back, on a rocky trail.

This was the first time I’d run with Jim. On the way out he led and set the pace. About 3 miles into the run we came to a small hill, maybe 30 yards with 50 feet elevation gain.

About 5 yards into the hill Jim started screaming I LOVE HILLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! and raced up the hill.

Now, that’s not my mode. I’ve run for 25 years and my motto has been “slow and steady.”

Now I’m hearing Jim screaming his guts out attacking the hill and I find myself charging the hill too! I love hillssssssss!!!!!!!!! explodes out of me too! It felt awesome. We attacked the hill and killed the giant.

It wasn’t a big leap to observe that my approach to living was the same: safe.

With running, I ran safely to conserve energy and avoid injury. With life, pretty much the same: conserve energy, avoid injury. In a word? Safe.

A few things have become clear to me since that run.

Passive Heritage. Like most men born after the industrial revolution, we were raised by women. Dad was at the factory or the office, so mom taught us how to be a boy/man. Not all of us grew up with this heritage, but a ton did. Well-intentioned moms did their best, but they didn’t pass on the wild, the attack, the get after it with a whoop! No, most of them taught us to be nice, play by the rules, and, yep -- be safe.

Soft Hands. Though I grew up in the Oregon woods, when I became an adult I moved to the city. I became domesticated. I moved from creating and cultivating to moving stuff around. I became a poser, who lost touch with the land -- the dirt. My hands got soft, my heart flabby.

Quick Fixes. Rather than attack life, I avoided the risk of going for what was important. I self-medicated in a variety of suck holes of time, relationships, and energy. Quick fixes always left me with either a physical, emotional, or spiritual hangover as I violated my personal code over and over. The choices I made were choices with virtually no risk. No real hard work involved.

Adrift. Along the way, over the years I drifted through life. Never clearly declaring with the intention of following through. If it wasn’t easy, I would lower the bar. The result? An adult adrift.

Something significant happened that day on the trail with Jim.

Our rally cry is “Attack Hills - Kill Giants!” AHKG!!!!!!

Attack Hills - Kill Giants with a pimp mindset is abuse -- you’re just a bully. This is the opposite of a noble warrior devoted to a cause greater than himself.

Attack Hills - Kill Giants has to do with all the elements of a fully vested man. We become a King who rules well, a Warrior willing to do whatever is needed to achieve the prize for the King, a Holy Man reliant on God, and a Lover who leads with his heart.

“Nobody ever defended anything successfully, there is only attack and attack and attack some more.” --General George Patton

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“The Boy Becomes A Man” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb

Most boys learn how to be men from their well-intentioned mothers while their fathers were absent.

As a result, we grow up, but we don’t mature; uninitiated into manhood by a man, we remain a boy in a man’s body.

Like my friend Dave says - we want it easy. We want the gain without the pain... but that’s not the way it works.

To a boy, all work that requires discipline seems like something to avoid or take a shortcut through; yet, those who do the work become men. Hebrews 12:11 paraphrase

Originally told in the deserts of Egypt during the third and fourth century was the story of a boy looking for guidance about how to move into manhood.

The story of John the Little follows. I found this story in the book Desert Wisdom: Sayings from the Desert Fathers, by Yushi Nomura.

The original story was written by a Christian hermit from the fourth or fifth century in Egypt. The writer was one of many referred to now as the “Desert Fathers” who withdrew themselves from the power-hungry society in order to encounter the God of love in the desert.

"There was a spiritual seeker known in those days as John the Little. It was said that in his search for wisdom he sought out an old wise man, a Theban, who lived in the desert near Scetis.

John asked about this movement from boy to man.

The wise old sage told him, “Take a piece of dry wood and plant it. Water it every day with a bottle of water until it bears fruit.”

The water, however, was so far away from there that John had to go out late in the evening and come back the next morning.

Three years later, the tree came to life and bore fruit."

Doing the work: the distant journey to find and bring water -- in the night, with no one watching.

Doing the work: long obedience.

Doing the work: years without a hint of green. Dry wood.

Did I say long obedience?

Boy becomes a man.

Who is wise? Let him give heed to these things, and consider the lovingkindness of the Lord. Psalm 107:43

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“Hitting the Wall 1.0” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb

The BIG IDEA

When you hit the wall running a marathon, it feels like you have run face-first into a stack of bricks. Your legs start feeling like concrete posts, every step is a triumph of will, and you seriously doubt that the race has a finish line.

Save me, O God, for the floodwaters are up to my neck. Deeper and deeper I sink into the mire; I can’t find a foothold. I am in deep water, and the floods overwhelm me. Psalm 69:1-2 NLT

Physically, the first time I hit The Wall running was in the Big Sur Marathon at about mile marker 20. My legs felt like hamburger, my arms like lead, my head was in a fog. I felt like quitting.

Near the Carmel Highlands, when I was about to cash in my chips, my friend Al Polly -- an elite, but injured marathoner who was not able to run this race -- came out of nowhere and started running alongside me. Al ran with me and paced me in to finish my first marathon.

In my late 20’s I hit the Wall of Life. That is, I was flunking out of college because of my growing addictions and I had no vision for those two questions that can keep us awake at night. “Who am I and what am I doing?” I was about to cash in my chips and I hit The Wall.

Scholars (beginning with Blaise Pascal) say we have a God-shaped hole in our hearts which nothing but God can fill, yet we try to fill it with all sorts of counterfeits. These counterfeits never deliver and only drive us to The Wall.

I remember reading books that I thought would help me. Books on spiritual things such as The Tibetan Book of the Dead, books on transcendental meditation, The Prophet by Kalil Gibran, Jonathan Living Seagull by Richard Bach, poetry by Richard Brautigan, Be Here Now by Ram Das, and finally, The Holy Bible.

Nothing I read captured my attention or came close to the hole in my heart until I began to read about Jesus and His teaching.

Out of gas and short on hope, I found Jesus, like Al Polly, running alongside me. Jesus ran me in the rest of the way.

How did He do that?

Well, He came to me. God comes to us when we are broken, lost, and out of gas.

Next, I said “Yes” and accepted His invitation to run with me. I’ve been running with Jesus ever since. Ultimately this movement from orphan to son begins and ends with saying “Yes” to Jesus' invitation.

Come to Me (Jesus) all who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

The Bible is very clear about this adoption process.

...all who believed him (Jesus) and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

This isn’t about being good enough. It’s about accepting a gift. For me, it was a gift I hardly understood. What I did know was that I needed help. Just like in the marathon, I recognized my powerlessness to proceed on my own. I needed help making positive strides and making progress.

The same with my soul, my life; I needed help and only God could fill that hole in my heart. All other attempts to fill that void just sucked me deeper and deeper into a black hole.

Jesus, speaks to every orphan, saying to us today - No, I will not abandon you as orphans - I will come to you. John 14:18

Over these past 40 years as an adopted son of God, I’ve hit the wall many times. As a runner, I’m slow but steady. On my spiritual journey, it’s the same. God is the picture of patience and meets us where we are on the road -- not where we think we should be.

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“Six Year Old” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb

The BIG IDEA

I was in denial about how it was for me growing up. I minimized the physical and emotional abuse, became numb to the shame and the conditional love. The following poem, written in my early 40’s, was written during a dark season where I was getting my history straight.

In Jesus’ own words - “...you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32

Getting the truth about our history will set us free. Here are tools I found which facilitate the process:

An open heart

A trusted friend or counselor

Celebrate Recovery

Lots of prayers

A trusty journal to record what you learn

“Six Year Old” came out of a series of journal notes where I reflected on what it was like for me growing up with an emotionally distant, preoccupied 27-year-old father of four.

Here now is the poem, “Six Year Old”...

Listen! I’m afraid!!!!! You’re bigger than me, and you drive a car, and you have hair down there.

All I get from you is, “Oh?” and nod your head when I call for help. You don’t stop the important stuff you’re doing. You don’t stoop down to three feet high, pick me up and hold me heartbeat close.

I don’t want you to only know THAT I’m afraid. I want to tell you WHAT I’m afraid of, how giant the monster is, the slimy green color of its skin, the wet smoke and long tail and drippy claws.

But I really don’t want to tell you anything ‘cause you’re big and supposed to know everything, you’re supposed to see it coming before it gets me. You’re supposed to kill all the monsters on the block so I will be safe.

I’ll kick and scream till you listen!

And the more you act like I’m not here, the more I’ll do bad things. Then I’ll go -- and hide. From the monster -- and you. If you look for me all you will find are my empty pj’s.

And from high in the cherry tree, I will whisper, I won’t come down till you say you’re sorry and cross your heart promise that next time a monster comes, and I yell for you, that you’ll come, and listen, and hold me.

Getting your history straight is very important -- not so we can shift the blame for our hard life to our parents, but so we can face the truth, deal with the hurt, and move on to breaking the generational cycle of creating orphans instead of sons and daughters.

The truth will set us free!

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“Forgiving My Father” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb

The BIG IDEA

I found myself facing the fact that I had been blaming my Dad for my shallow life. He had emotionally and spiritually abandoned me and my family. I blamed him for his physical and emotional abuse, for his lack of leadership in our home, and his hiding out brooding in his room while the rest of the family was playing in the swimming pool. I needed to forgive my Dad.

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34

I was cold-cocked by a turning point in the relationship between an estranged father and son by a line in Prodigal Father Wayward Son, co-authored by Sam Keen (age 70+) and his son Gifford Keen (mid 50’s). I was reminded of how it was between my Dad and me.

Son, Gifford, after many years of resentment, bitterness, and unforgiveness broke through. When he was about 50 (and his dad in his early 70’s) he began to see his dad’s failures as a man looking at him in the mirror.

Gifford realized “...the statute of limitations has run out now.” Gifford could no longer blame his Dad for the failure of his own life. He needed to forgive.

I owned up to my side of the street. I came to the simple, yet painful realization that I could no longer hold my father accountable for the current state of my life -- that what got me here was a series of my own choices.

I saw in myself the image of my father, a man doing the best he could and failing miserably. The playing field became level. My father became a peer in my eyes. I discovered common ground and I began to forgive my father.

It took years of estrangement to find common ground; but, sitting on a bench facing north one windy day in October at Echo Lake in the Sierra Nevada Range in California...we did. I was 55 and Dad was 76. From behind, we looked like two old friends. From the front...yes, we looked like father and son. From above, we looked like reconciliation and redemption.

Forgive my father? You’ve got to be kidding!!!

Forgiveness does not mean what they did was right. It does not deny what happened or the pain inflicted or the damage done. Forgiveness simply says, “I will no longer make you pay...”

No, I’m not kidding.

You cannot move forward without forgiveness.

What matters is not how we start but how we finish.

In chasing the Sage we learn forgiveness.

Make the first move.

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Aging Well” Adapted from Chasing the Sage, by Bud Lamb

The BIG IDEA

None of the qualities of the Christian (sage) life can be learned out of a book. Something more like apprenticeship is required; being around someone who, out of years of devoted discipline, shows us by his or her entire behavior what it is.

Moments of verbal instruction will certainly occur; but mostly, an apprentice acquires skill by daily and intimate association with a “master”, picking up subtle but absolutely essential things such as timing and rhythm and “touch”.

Follow my (Paul’s) example, as I follow the example of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1 NIV

Listen to how the master, Paul, speaks to us -- now a Sage through the centuries...

As long as I'm alive in this body, there is good work for me to do. If I had to choose right now, I hardly know which I'd choose. Hard choice. The desire to break camp here and be with Christ is powerful.

Some days I can think of nothing better, but most days because of what you are going through, I am sure that it's better for me to stick it out here. So I plan to be around for a while, companion to you as your growth and joy in this life of trusting God continues.

You can start looking forward to a great reunion. When I come to visit you again, we'll be praising Christ, enjoying each other. Philippians 1:22-23 The Message

Christ just leaks right out of Paul. It happens effortlessly because Paul has let go of ambition for fame or to have the spotlight.

Paul is just as pleased to see the young, the misguided, or those with impure motives proclaim Jesus’ Way. Paul sees that Christ is working His will out in ways that Paul can't even completely understand himself.

The Sage lives a life of trust -- not the ambition for trust -- but a life of the demonstrated trust. And the challenge here is simply this: to become what we believe. This transformation requires a long apprenticeship which, of necessity, requires a measure of suffering.

Reading the books that Paul has written, understanding the price he paid to know and follow Christ in this way provides keen insight for us. We're looking for someone to follow.

Countless times, Paul encourages others to be imitators of me, as I am of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11:1

He tells his beloved Philippians, What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me--practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:9

In chasing the Sage we call no attention to ourselves. At all times we point people to Christ.

Paul is no longer looking for the approval of others. He knows that he's playing to a stadium filled with an audience of One.

For me, it is such a long and painful apprenticeship. The desire for the spotlight or to be seen or noticed or for people to go, "Wow!" is so strong, and yet the Lord is faithful to continue to help me in this apprenticeship.

No, the qualities of this sage life are not learned from a book, but through a long and difficult apprenticeship.

It is well worth the journey.

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"Lord, you...know everything I do...You see me whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions." Psalms 139: 1-3 TEV

Carole and I needed cash in West Africa and a local Christian took us to the bank. We stood inside with sweat streaming down...under a ceiling fan which did about three revolutions every ten seconds.

An employee took our paperwork to a desk. There it sat for a half-hour. No one was nearby. A person from another desk retrieved the paperwork and took it to his desk.

We continued to stand, silent, our agitation hidden under a veneer of patience.

After an hour and a half, we said to our companion, Abraham, "We're sorry this has taken you from your work." He replied, "The Lord knows where I am."

That response has become like scripture to Carole and me: The Lord knows where I am. We do what we do unto Him, not to satisfy the compulsions of us or others.

It used to be that I would angst over circumstances, others' actions, failures small and tiny. But the Lord is becoming my audience. I do what I do unto HIm, no one else. I am aware that He is here with me...now because He knows where I am all the time, what my needs are, what the next moment will bring. I am learning to be present in His presence.

Consequently, worship is no longer a performance by others on Sunday. Now, it is a celebration of CHRIST IN US every day, in every circumstance...yes, even in the steamy Tropics.

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Prayer

Heavenly Father, everything in Your Creation is exposed and lies before Your eyes. Your knowledge of it all is endless. I confess that I try to take your place, control my circumstances, and angst when I can't. I yield Your throne. Only You are worthy. Only You know where I am...and I find comfort in that fact. I rest in You. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

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This is the final episode in a series. Previously we took a 30,000 foot look at three words which run in the background of our thinking and doing.

O God - show me how to live well. Psalm 143:8 paraphrase

We begin with ‘Why’ because it reveals our hidden motivations and is the seat of vision. 

‘What’ brings vision to the context of our lives -- it sets the floor and ceiling of what we are all about.

 ‘How’ is the architect’s plans from which the structure is built.

For years I’ve looked at “how” from the standpoint of “How am I going to get something done?” My answer to that question resulted in creating a critical path -- the micro-steps which, I think, will get me from here to there.

Recently though, I am considering other ways of looking at “how.” Perhaps you too will have other ways to consider. Here then are some new thoughts on “how.”

How am I going to proceed?  In a hurry? Before I have really decided on the ‘why’ and ‘what’ of it all? Will I proceed with God and the counsel of others or will I rely on my own perspective?.

How will it unfold? Will I insist on perfection or view it as a process of discovery? Will I go into it without anticipating unintended consequences?

How have I prepared for it?  With wishful thinking or did I, as Mark Batterson says, “dream big, pray hard, and think long”? Am I prepared for it to take longer than I expect?

How much do I want it? Have I counted the cost, or as much as I can imagine, and am I willing to pay the price? As Matt Fitzgerald wrote in How Bad Do You Want It?, “The only proof of wanting it more is suffering more.” 

How will I stay on track? This perhaps is one question which is most neglected, yet most essential. All too often we start well but finish poorly. To keep on track I use a written plan, daily review, and a daily punch list of to-do’s to increase my chances of success.

Like the old Spanish Proverb says, Choose whatever you want and then pay for it.

Pray

O God I want my one time on the planet to be a life of purpose. Help me choose wisely how I proceed.

Read

The chapter on the Daily Core Four in Chasing the Sage, page 165

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This is Part 3 of four in a series I’m calling “Why, What, & How.”  Previously we took a 30,000 foot look at three words which run in the background of our thinking and doing.  Given that our spiritual (internal) dynamics fuel everything we do with our head, heart, and hands, I think it a good idea to dig into them a bit.

Previously we unpacked the “Why?” question and started off with this quote by Matt Tebbe:

Jesus uses questions differently than we commonly do today.

We ask questions for information; Jesus asks questions to provoke transformation.

We ask questions for answers; Jesus asks questions for awareness.

In this edition we look at “What”.

I began to discover that these questions which Jesus asks -- and in particular the “What” -- can end with a period, an exclamation point, or with a question mark!

Having spent years tinkering with “Why?” God began probing the fringes of my awareness with the whisper of “What.”  I wasn’t hearing it as a question but a statement or an answer, or a bold declaration.

Jesus’ question “What do you want?” is provocative.

Consider Jesus' question to a guy who had created a lifestyle of waiting.  Jesus asks, “What do you want?”  The guy does not respond with an answer, rather, he explains, almost with a complaint: - “No one will help me.”

Consider now, Jesus asks almost the same question in Mark 10 to a man named Bartimaeus -- who, like the guy in John 5, needed help with something. Bartimaeus responds with a strong, clear answer:  “I WANT TO SEE!”

Several years ago I was in a season of painful transformative change as I stepped out of pastoring in a large church into some unknown, undefined career “next step.”  I had no idea what to do next, but I knew staying in the church was not an option.  In a real sense, I had to figure out “What” I was going to do.

So, I put myself in the shoes of these two guys.  I wasn’t like the John 5 guy who played the victim and I wasn’t the Mark 10 guy who knew what he wanted.

“Can I get back to you?” was my answer to Jesus’ “What?”

It was a GREAT answer!  Honest, active, and inclusive.  Inclusive in that I began to pray conversationally with God about my situation.

I went through months of “Tell me God what you want me to do.” and it seemed the line went dead -- no answers from God.

Then, after what seemed like an eternity, I stopped asking that “What” question and took another approach.  I dropped into the John 5 guy and instead of answering the question, my daily mantra was “I will do anything You want me to do.”

Another frustrating eternity of months.

One day I heard the strong voice of God asking “What do you want Bud? You and I know who you are, and what fires you up.  Let’s figure this out together!”

What followed was truly an exciting season of discovery, affirmation, and faith.  Slowly I came to develop a vision for my next step.  You see, I changed my “What” from a question mark to a period.  My “What” became a strong declaration.  Strong like the Mark 10 guy.

Note, I didn’t attempt to figure out my “What” as though God was too busy to help me. No, it was a deeply collaborative experience that included God and many close, trusted friends.

Choosing the “Can I get back to You?” may be a hot ticket for you.

Forks in the road prompt us to invite God in.

Why wait?

Pray

O God, my Creator and Redeemer.  Let’s get  after this together!  I want to become like the Mark 10 guy!  Amen

Resources

The following chapters in Chasing the Sage can help you move toward your “what.”

Questions, p. 35

Boys Play it Sage, p. 49

Defining Moments, p. 103

Life Plan, p. 155

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