Many who analyze and comment upon management leadership (myself included) praise the humility of a leader as a desirable trait. But in viewing and discussing employee behavior, the trait is less covered. We see frequently the arrogant business owner who looks in a mirror to plan and ignores the opinions of others. If arrogance is harmful to business prospects in management, can it also be harmful if prevalent in employees?

The indicators of the presence of arrogance in employees are subtle. They are often difficult for managers to perceive. One common indicator is the setting of areas of control. An employee may view an activity or an area as solely within the power of that employee and protect that territory or area of control. The employee may criticize management decisions, pointing out errors obvious to those working with the employee. The employee may characterize the employee’s role as doing his skill as long as is convenient and then perhaps going to work elsewhere where that role is valued.

What the arrogant employee does not do is act as if the employee is part of a team with a vested interest in the success of the business. How can the arrogance of an employee be changed?

In the early morning hours, right after dawn, the motorist looks through the windshield to see nothing in clear focus with a gauzy, puffy whiteness allowing forms and shapes but little else until the car comes closer. The trip must be made, so the motorist sets a speed that allows room to brake for the unexpected but also is adequate for the required time of arrival. There is some tension in that calculation. The fog heightens the effort of perception. Different lighting is tested: brights-on, low beams, and fog lights. The passenger is concerned and alert – the other set of eyes on watch with the driver. Shapes and forms resolve into focus as the forward progress of the vehicle finally reveals the view of the road. Because of the fog more attention is paid to the act of driving, the view of the road is more focused, and the discussion between passenger and driver is about the road and what it is discernible. The driver thinks, “if I drove like this all the time, I would be a much safer driver. Even when it is clear, I should drive as if there is fog.”

For the business owner the analogy of the driver in fog is apt. Although the business owner does not see fog, there are important things not perceived because of elements keeping the owner from seeing the reality of the business and being too late recognizing threats to the success of the business.

Let’s say you can do anything better than anyone else, how does it help? Because you cannot do everything needed to operate a business, many of those things at which you excel will still have to be done by someone else. In fact, if you want to maximize the value you can get for your business, all of those things will have to be done by someone else.

Sometimes things go the wrong way. It seems like everything you try is wrong. There is a malaise, even a downturn. You are too slow. You are looking at a dimming screen. The pressure is on, and you are feeling it. All of a sudden someone on the team does something – a thing you have never thought of – and the picture brightens. A source of energy is created and others on the team turn it into momentum. Now oblique images become clear to you. Suddenly, you are thinking of good things to do. What happened? The team just picked you up. Now what do you do?

I suppose there are some who naturally enjoy and seek out confrontation with other people. But this is not true for most of us, where confrontation presents very uncomfortable defensive emotions even to the point of invoking concern about physical danger. When confronted, my reaction would be one of anxiety and anger. As I began to gain experience in business consulting, especially as I grew further away from my experiences as a trial lawyer, my reaction to confrontational situations changed – mostly because my posture in reaction to the experience of confrontation changed.

“As the founder and owner of this business, it was my courage and persistence that got the business started. I was the one that made the right decisions and made things work. When something needed to be done, I did it. There were some tough decisions to make, but making them and being right got the business to where it is today. Now I look around and do not see anyone who can do what I can do. No one else has the passion and dedication to make this business work. I have made the right decisions and done that over and over through the years. Who could possibly replace me.”

When I speak with an owner who is a legend in his own mind and hear something like the above-quoted passage, I begin to think of ways to connect that owner with reality. With years of experience, I have yet to find a business where the legend was true. I do not have to do any investigation or fact-checking. No successful business is the product of the effort of only one person. No one makes the correct decision all the time. With any given business, there are usually several people in the business who could run it as well as the people running it now – they might do things differently, but they could run the business. And what I hear from these owners is how tired they are because they have to do it all.

How often have you wanted to have a conversation – a difficult conversation on a tough topic – and the answer you get from the person you need to have the conversation with is: “I will talk to you about that for five minutes tomorrow” or something equivalent. From this response you know the conversation is unlikely to occur, and, if it does, it will not be given the attention it deserves. A critical conversation is one where a meaningful exchange of information and opinion occurs; it is also likely to be a difficult conversation to have. Unfortunately, everyday conventions of conversation and emotions of the moment often serve to divert and prevent critical conversations.

Each business owner should be aware of the principles of conducting a critical and difficult conversation so that those conversations result in an increased understanding of the values and feelings of the other owners. With this competency in place, the group planning process, required for effective strategic planning, is possible.

Small to medium-sized businesses (SMBs) often have hierarchical structures which emphasize decision-making as a product of a small group consisting of the owners of the business who make the decisions without documentation. Much of what I do as a consultant is facilitating group decision-making and implementing dynamic planning (planning on a format that communicates planning decisions to all stakeholders as decisions are made). What often obstructs my efforts is a misunderstanding about what constitutes leadership and how leaders make decisions.

How do you make consistently good decisions? There are many who say: “trust your gut.” Maybe this saying is another way of advising you to pay attention to your feelings and emotions or experience when making a decision. But what about those who trust their gut and avoid part or all of the decision-making process? When in the decision-making process should you “trust your gut”?

As with other human endeavors, managing a business consists of having critical conversations. The essence of effective group decision-making is having these conversations with those who have knowledge, expertise, and experience.

A critical conversation is one where a meaningful exchange of information and opinion occurs; that critical conversation is also likely to be an emotional and therefore difficult conversation. Unfortunately, everyday conventions of conversation and emotions of the moment often serve to divert and prevent critical conversations from taking place.Even over years of being in business together, many business owners have not had critical conversations, or, if they have, the conversations have gone badly. In many cases despite prior failed attempts, owners can become aware of the basic skills of critical communication and facilitate critical conversations.