But Where Are You Really From?: An Asian-American Struggle

Harry Au is a therapist specializing in working with Asians in the diaspora, often 1.5 and 2nd generation Asians who are either immigrants themselves, or children of immigrants.

In this episode, we discuss how Harry was motivated to dedicate his life to this work after seeing the benefits of working out his emotions in therapy for himself, and the common issues he sees with his clients.

Largely having to do with his clients' relationships with their parents, they are often challenged with everything from identifying what emotions they're even feeling in a given moment, to setting boundaries, and developing strategies to change their relationship dynamics.

We're huge advocates of getting more in-tune with your inner world, whether that be with a professional like Harry or not, so we encourage all of you to check in with yourselves about how you're feeling, what dynamics in your life you want to change for the better, and to seek out help if you need it.

Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section what you resonated with the most from this episode!

You can find Harry at www.harryautherapy.com and access some free resources he provides there as well.

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

How do you define "meaning" or "value" in life?

In the US we often put work above all else, thinking that career success and status is supposed to give you some sort of meaning in life, or that work is supposed to be your ~passion~. But is that really the case? Now that we're in our 30s with enough work and life experience under our belts, we're starting to re-evaluate that assumption.

We reflect on our our individual experiences riding the wave of figuring out what meaning we do or don't derive from work, where else in our personal lives we're looking to for that sense of meaning, and we also compare what we've observed non-American societies value beyond work (hint: enjoying life for what it is).

What about you listeners? Have you figured out what it is that gives you meaning in life, or are you still figuring that out? Let us know in our Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

There are so many things about getting older that suck. But does getting older always mean settling down? Is there even a universal meaning to the phrase, "settling down?"

Aging means thinking about what the future stages of our lives will look like. Some types of adventures decrease as we get older, to be replaced by other life experiences.

In this episode, we talk about how our individual definitions of settling down, and how our different life experiences guide the challenges we want to tackle next. Settling down also comes with material expectations - higher income, a house, and maybe even a family! We chat through the differences between expectation vs reality on each of these as well.

And finally, we come to you, listeners - do you see settling down more of a book closing or as a new chapter opening? Why do you think that way? Write-in in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

Many children of immigrants grew up learning their parents' language as their first tongue. Our first language was Mandarin, but like many other immigrant children, this was quickly supplanted by English. Despite attending Chinese School every week from the ages of 5 to 18, our current level of vocabulary and reading/writing skills are sadly on par with 5th graders in Taiwan, at best.

As we've gotten older, we've both developed a desire to revisit our mother language as part of better understanding our cultural heritage as a whole. Not only do we need it to better navigate our mother country, but we also need it to communicate effectively with our parents and extended family. In Angela's case, in this past year after feeling less than sufficient with her vocabulary on a recent visit to Taiwan, she's even gone as far as to start taking conversational language classes to improve her Mandarin and fill in the gaps on everyday vocabulary she needs to sound, well... more like someone her own age!

And of course - this is also a matter of pride! Mandarin is our mother tongue after all, so we want to be proud of having a level of proficiency worthy of that title. Being able to show off our skills and eavesdrop on conversations doesn't hurt either ;)

Listeners - what are your experiences with your mother tongue? Are you highly proficient or also picking up the pace later in life? Write-in in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

Clarissa Wei is a Taiwan-based food journalist and author of the new cookbook "Made in Taiwan," out now.

Clarissa was inspired to use this cookbook as a vehicle to tell the stories of the people of Taiwan, and to shine a light on how the history of Taiwan -- from its various waves of immigration pre- and post-1949 to its all-time-high modern political tensions with China -- has affected its people, its culture, and of course its cuisine.

Clarissa collaborated with a diverse group of local Taiwanese recipe developers, researchers, and creatives to write "Made in Taiwan," and made a conscious effort to represent the wide spectrum of Taiwanese foods, not just beef noodle soup and night market snacks. From all regions of the island nation, dishes that came about before and after the massive wave of American aid (hello, American flour!), to aboriginal cuisine and Hakka specialties, the book covers the entire gamut.

This is probably the most educational cookbook either of your podcast hosts has ever read, and is surely an interesting read for anyone; however, for the diaspora looking to connect deeper with your roots and learn about modern Taiwan, this book is indeed a must-read. Please do yourself a favor and go out to your local bookstore (or of course online) and get yourself a copy of "Made in Taiwan" now!

You can also keep up with everything Clarissa is up to on Instagram and Twitter at @dearclarissa

What Taiwanese dish are you most looking forward to learning about from "Made in Taiwan"? Let us know in the comments on our social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

There's a whole industry built around finding shortcuts in experiencing happiness, but do things in life actually make us happy or is it how we experience them that creates happiness?

To complicate the subject further, happiness is a different experience for different people. Even in experiences we choose to repeat, we may find that our experience of happiness differs from one day to the next.

We sit in the middle of all of this, trying to absorb the capitalistic trappings of happiness while maintaining our inner sense of joy. Finding the right balance - a blend of the different kinds of material and perceptual happiness - can be both rewarding and challenging.

And now we turn it to you, listeners - what's your definition of happiness? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

Jesse recently went back to Taiwan for the first time since before the pandemic. Although for less than ideal reasons (the death of his grandfather), he was grateful for the opportunity to reconnect with his extended family back in the motherland.

We also hear about Jesse's shenanigans going out solo to experience LGBT nightlife in Taipei by himself, and what it was like finally being out to the majority of his family members.

Across all of these experiences, we talk about the legendary friendliness of Taiwanese people, how much Jesse felt he "belonged" despite being an American-born kid with imperfect Mandarin, and also the refreshing ease of being of the majority population (as opposed to our experience as minorities in the US).

How about you listeners? What was your most memorable trip back to the motherland and what about it stood out to you? Let us know in the Spotify Q&A section or in our comments on social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

After living abroad in Japan and Korea the last year, Angela's recent reverse culture shock coming back to the US has your co-hosts wondering why there's such a drastic difference in the quality of life between the US and many (East) Asian countries.

In this episode, we talk about just how different our respective experiences were abroad with regard to the cost of living (food, clothes, going out, real estate), general feelings of safety in society, societal norms & expectations, and more. In considering the totality of all these factors, at least for Angela she feels pretty confidently that she'll probably retire outside of the US.

What about you? Have you ever considered living or retiring in a different country? If so, which one and why? Let us know in the comments on our social media!

Follow us on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod and on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom

This 4th of July, we're pondering our Americanness from a different angle. As Taiwanese-Americans - in our case, born and raised in the U.S., with parents and extended family who were born and raised in Taiwan - to what extent should we be emphasizing the "Taiwanese" part of who we are?

Inspired by frequent comments we receive on social media from both non-Asian Americans as well as Asians in Asia, we're often told to stop talking about being Asian when we are "simply" American. But to what extent can we even exist as "just" American in a world where what we look like is constantly thrown in our faces in the U.S. as a way to question that Americanness? And to what extent should we discard the heritage of our family, given that we were raised on that culture and still have plenty of family back in the motherland?

Does America really embrace the supposed melting pot ideal that it was founded on, or is being American these days about erasing what makes us different to become something more monolithic?

This 4th of July, we invite you to also ponder over what it really means to be American for you, and how much of the culture your family comes from breathes life into that definition. Let us know what you think about all of this in the comments on our social media!

Follow us on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom and on Instagram at @whereareyoufrompod

Kristen Meinzer is a force to be reckoned with. She is an award-winning podcaster with millions of downloads, a culture critic who frequently appears on TV (especially to talk about the royal family!), and an author whose book "How to Be Fine" was an Audible #1 Bestseller in 2021.

Aside from her incredible career, Kristen is also a Korean adoptee. Born in Korea but raised in Minnesota, she grew up disconnected from the country and culture she was born into while raised in a mostly white family and environment. Kristen helps us understand the connection between the end of the Korean War and the over 200,000 Korean adoptees in the US, and why not all of these adoptees are eager to take up the Korean government's offer of dual citizenship. From her reverse culture shock going to Korean culture camp as a kid, to constantly confusing people with her Minnesotan accent, to whether she feels the call to reconnect with Korea and her biological family, we talk about it all.

While no two adoptee experiences are exactly alike, we are so grateful to Kristen for sharing her story and hope that her perspective can help inspire other adoptees struggling with reconciling their identities, as well as non-adoptees to learn more about what this experience is like.

Do you have a question for Kristen, or are you an adoptee yourself? Let us know in the comments on our social media!

Follow us on TikTok at @butwhereareyoureallyfrom and on Instagram at @wherareyoufrompod

Kristen co-hosts the podcast "How to Be Fine" with Jolenta Greenberg, where they discuss and critique all kinds of wellness fads and give advice on how you can get closer to being fine. You can find "How to Be Fine" wherever you listen to podcasts. You can follow her on Twitter at @kristenmeinzer