Welcome to By Their Side, everyone! This episode features an interview with David Ambroz, a national poverty and child welfare expert and the author of the bestselling memoir A Place Called Home: A Memoir! Ambroz shares his powerful personal story of growing up homeless and in the foster care system and how those experiences shaped his lifelong mission to help children and families break the cycle of poverty!

David explains that for him, "home" as a child was simply wherever he and his family could find shelter at the time - a church basement, a bus stop, or the subway. He describes the trauma of entering the foster care system, where most of the homes he was placed in were not truly "homes" filled with love and safety. As he's gotten older, David has come to define home not by physical walls but rather by the people and mission that sustain him.

Our conversation explores how the child welfare and foster care systems have improved over time, with more policies and programs to support vulnerable children. However, David highlights the fact that there is still much work to be done to address the root causes of childhood poverty and homelessness, and he passionately argues that as a society, we need to stop treating these issues as just statistics and start seeing them as a moral necessity that affects the lives of real children.

David also shares some inspiring stories of the "occasional angels" - teachers, social workers, and foster parents who made a profound difference in his life, even via small acts of kindness. He stresses that everyone has the power to be an "occasional angel" and make a big impact, whether by becoming a CASA volunteer, hiring a foster youth intern, or simply having meaningful conversations about these issues.

The interview closes with David's call to action - for all of us to get involved, get uncomfortable, and do more to end the intergenerational cycle of poverty and trauma. He believes that with collective passion and action, we can create a society in which every child has access to the resources and support they need to thrive!

Highlights:

[1:45] - Home wasn't a place for David but rather the people and purpose that he chose. [3:38] - David argues that it's important to celebrate progress in child advocacy while continuing the work that remains unfinished. [5:09] - David reminds us that all wins are important, even imperfect ones. ​​ [8:36] - David encourages people to show children the same passion we give sports and celebrities. [9:52] - David believes that communities tend to step up during visible crises, but we need to shift to collective responsibility. [10:58] - David asserts that we need to address immediate crises like hunger while also fixing the systemic causes that create them in the first place. [13:41] - What did it feel like for David, as a small child, to be suffering yet completely ignored? [14:19] - Hear how David learned early on that society ignored his suffering, revealing to him how little his life mattered to others. [16:54] - Everyday "occasional angels" doing small, compassionate acts can drastically impact a child's life! [19:48] - ​​How might David's life have been different if more people had simply helped in small ways? [20:18] - David points out how a consistent adult presence such as a CASA could have guided him and profoundly changed his life trajectory. [23:44] - Hear how a question from David's mother awakened the idea of choice and sparked his first real hope. [26:00] - Having someone show you options and hope can transform survival-focused minds toward seeing a better future. [27:25] - David describes forgiveness as a lifelong discipline that enabled him to survive unbearable circumstances. [30:49] - Illness, not moral failure, explains many troubling behaviors. [32:35] - David argues that people misunderstand foster care and ignore their duty to oversee its power. ​​ [34:33] - David reiterates that kids living in foster care aren't broken and argues that we need to stop judging struggling families and workers. [37:08] - David feels that kids living in foster care aren't broken. [39:58] - The foster-friendly workplace certification encourages employers to support foster parents, and doing nothing is unacceptable. [41:22] - Don't wait for perfect conditions; show up with heart, take action, and always do more! [43:49] - Where can David be reached online? [44:56] - David expresses gratitude toward adults who helped him, but ending child poverty requires all of us to act.

Links & Resources:

David's Website

David's Instagram Page

David's Threads Page

David Ambroz - A Place Called Home: A Memoir

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of the guests and host and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Voices for CASA Children or its affiliates.

Content Warning: This episode may include discussions of sensitive topics that could be triggering for some listeners.

I am joined in this episode by Jessica Sinarski, a licensed professional counselor, author, and founder of BraveBrains.

Jessica discusses her book What's Inside Your Backpack? which explores how caring adults can help children who have experienced trauma to feel safe, seen, and supported. Throughout the story, her book aims to convey that children are not alone in carrying the "heavy backpacks" of their trauma and that there are ways to find support and face those difficult emotions in empowering ways.

Together, we discuss how adults (such as parents, teachers, and CASA volunteers) can approach supporting children who are dealing with big, scary emotions. Jessica highlights the importance of acknowledging the child's grief and pain rather than trying to fix the situation, and she suggests using shared language and metaphors from the book such as "bookmarking" difficult feelings in order to help children feel understood.

Jessica highlights the need for adults to also process their own emotions and triggers so that they can show up fully for the children whom they support without projecting their own baggage, and she shares how having a community of trusted peers has been invaluable for her own self-care. Our conversation ultimately emphasizes the power of creating safe spaces for children to feel seen and heard!

Highlights:

[2:11] - Hear how Jessica unexpectedly found her passion in foster care work, inspiring her to write What's Inside Your Backpack?

[4:00] - Jessica illustrates how healing from trauma involves support, self-compassion, and gradual progress.

[6:49] - The book offers a powerful message that sharing emotional burdens makes them lighter and creates hope.

[8:04] - Jessica hopes that her book helps adults take on difficult conversations with children via empathy and shared storytelling.

[11:11] - What's Inside Your Backpack? offers shared language and tools for adults and kids to face emotions together.

[12:38] - Kids need empathy, not fixing, while adults need to manage their own emotional triggers.

[15:57] - Parenting traumatized children requires not being judgmental of how they grieve and cope.

[18:51] - Before encouraging kids to lower their defenses, it's important to first ensure emotional safety.

[20:14] - Trauma survivors need to learn when and where it's safe to relax their guard.

[22:49] - Jessica highlights the value of helping kids build lasting trust with safe adults.

[24:13] - Jessica suggests modeling emotional regulation aloud in order to normalize feelings.

[26:45] - Listen as Jessica encourages processing emotions with adults, not kids, and sharing only age-appropriate honesty.

[30:53] - Modeling emotions' beginnings and endings teaches kids that emotions are temporary and safe.

[32:39] - Jessica expresses hope in child welfare increasingly embracing lived experience.

[35:13] - Healing requires supportive friends who can meet emotional needs.

[38:25] - Jessica explains that validation, not solutions, best comforts both adults and children during tough emotions. [41:12] - Find out where to connect with Jessica.

Links & Resources:

Jessica's Website

BraveBrains

Jessica's LinkedIn Page

Jessica Sinarski - What's Inside Your Backpack?

Jessica's Books

Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this episode are those of the guests and host and do not necessarily reflect the views or positions of Voices for CASA Children or its affiliates.

Content Warning: This episode may include discussions of sensitive topics that could be triggering for some listeners.

Welcome back to the show, dear listeners! I am joined in this episode by Tristian Smith, former Army officer, author, and Nebraska CASA volunteer who grew up in the foster care system living in nearly 30 different homes from ages 8 to 18. After experiencing abuse and instability in the system, Tristian went on to graduate college, serve in the military, and now advocates for children in foster care via his volunteer work.

Throughout our conversation, Tristian shares his personal story - how he was placed in foster care after his mother passed away and how he and his brother were abused by their uncle. He describes the lack of consistency and support that he faced, with frequent school and home changes and feeling "invisible" in the system. Tristian highlights the importance of having caring adult mentors, noting that if he had a CASA volunteer early on, he likely would have been removed from his uncle's home much sooner.

Listen as Tristian credits a few key mentors he met as a young adult in college for helping him develop the resilience and drive to achieve his goals, including graduating, joining the military, and eventually writing a book about his experiences. He stresses the need for foster parents to provide more than just the basics but also true care, compassion and communication.

As a CASA volunteer, Tristian is now dedicated to being that consistent, supportive adult whom he wished he had growing up, and he encourages other former foster youth to get involved in advocacy work as it can provide a powerful perspective.

Tristian's story is truly an inspiring example of how mentorship and a sense of purpose can help youth overcome adversity and reach their full potential, despite the challenges of the foster care system. I hope that you enjoy my conversation with Tristian, and, if you do, please be sure to grab a copy of his book, Against All Odds!

Highlights:

[1:20] - Hear how Tristian overcame childhood abuse and became an author and CASA volunteer.

[5:02] - After cycling through 30 foster homes, Tristian finally thrived in therapeutic care and pursued multiple master's degrees.

[7:19] - Tristian reveals how constant relocation hindered his ability to form long-term connections.

[9:56] - Tristan believes that stricter foster parent standards and stronger empathy could have spared him years of neglect.

[12:31] - Foster parent training overlooks communication, focusing instead on managing trauma rather than genuine connection.

[13:06] - Tristian argues that foster parents need to engage children with love, learning, and compassion rather than screens.

[16:36] - We discover how Tristian lost a loving foster home after a failed adoption and never regained that stability.

[19:18] - Via discipline and leadership, Tristian's military service changed his trauma into self-reliance.

[22:59] - Never having imagined such success, Tristian now inspires foster youth with lived experience and advocacy.

[25:47] - Tristian credits two mentors he met as a young adult who became true parental figures in his life.

[27:43] - Tristian encourages both foster youth and caregivers to build accountability, empathy, and resilience for success.

Links & Resources:

Tristian's LinkedIn Page Tristian Smith - Against All Odds: A Memoir

Thanks for tuning back in to By Their Side, dear listeners! For this episode, I interview Gaile Osborne, the executive director of the Foster Family Alliance of North Carolina. Listen in as Gaile shares her personal experience as a foster and adoptive parent, having opened her home to over 28 children living in foster care.

Gaile highlights the critical role of having a "village" of support for foster parents, whether through paid help like nannies and nurses, or a network of family and friends. She also discusses the challenges of secondary trauma and burnout that can come with advocating for foster children and families, explaining how she had to set boundaries to take care of her own mental health, even taking a two-month break at one point. Gaile also touches on the trauma that foster parents themselves experience and the importance of respite care in helping them recharge.

As an advocate, Gaile shares her perspectives on the need for policy changes, emphasizing the delicate balance foster parents must strike between advocating for the child's best interests and supporting family reunification. She highlights the invaluable role that CASA volunteers can play in supporting foster families and stresses the importance of volunteers who take the time to truly understand the family dynamic.

Throughout our insightful conversation, Gaile's passion for supporting foster families and advocating for systemic change is obvious, and her personal experiences and professional insights offer a powerful perspective on the foster care system! Enjoy my conversation with Gaile Osborne!

Highlights:

[1:38] - Fostering requires a strong support network, blending trusted caregivers, paid help, and community support.

[4:16] - Respite has been the foundation that kept Gaile's family functioning through difficult times.

[6:56] - Gaile reflects on having embraced leadership but learning to set boundaries after secondary trauma overwhelmed her.

[10:29] - Foster parents endure both secondary trauma and firsthand traumatic experiences.

[11:24] - Gaile realized how neglecting her own family while overworking forced her to step back and heal.

[13:55] - During trauma triggers, Gaile slows life down, returning to basics.

[16:35] - By listening more and tracking patterns, Gaile encourages honesty and prevents predictable behaviors.

[19:44] - Gaile valued GALs who quietly observed, respected the family, and offered genuine support.

[21:57] - A dedicated GAL's consistent presence and advocacy significantly influenced Gaile's family's adoption outcome.

[23:53] - Gaile asserts that without enough GAL volunteers, children risk lacking representation in court proceedings.

[25:12] - Gaile stresses how churches and communities can ease foster burdens via small, practical acts of kindness.

[28:21] - Hear how even small gestures of compassion eased Gaile's deep sense of isolation.

[29:02] - Gaile often hears comments mistaking her for a grandmother, leaving her searching for witty comebacks.

[31:12] - Gaile wrestles with balancing foster parents' rights while supporting reunification and maintaining vital family bonds.

[33:09] - Fostering requires deep emotional investment, yet ombudsman advocacy and permanency remain critical needs.

[35:39] - Getting kids into permanent homes faster takes new laws because long waits really hurt families.

[37:19] - Gaile credits her eldest daughter's resilience and spirit for shaping her child welfare advocacy.

Links & Resources:

Gaile's LinkedIn PageFoster Family Alliance of North Carolina's Website

Disclaimer: The conversations you hear on this podcast reflect the personal views and experiences of our hosts and guests. They don't necessarily represent the perspectives of Voices for CASA Children.

Welcome back to By Their Side, everyone! Joining me today is someone with a raw, real, and inspiring story to share. Neil Underwood is the General Manager of Autonation Toyota Tempe, and he comes onto the show for this episode to share his past as a child living through what so many kids in the foster care system are living through today. Before he was leading teams and earning industry-wide awards in the automotive industry, Neil was a teenager sleeping in his car between foster placements, struggling to finish high school after losing his mom and brother at a young age.

Listen in as Neil shares what it was really like to grow up in the system in the '70s and '80s, bouncing between homes, (some of which were not even licensed) and how the absence of support systems like CASA shaped his path.

We discuss the turning points that helped him keep going, even when it felt like no one else was in his corner, and while Neil's story is raw and real, what really struck me most was his refusal to quit on himself, and how that mindset now drives the way that he leads others and gives back to his community.

Neil and I also get into the practical ways that people can show up for youth in foster care, and we don't just just mean professionals but also neighbors, mentors, employers, anyone. Neil offers thoughtful advice to those trying to make a difference: be consistent, be real, and never underestimate the power of simply caring.

This conversation got me thinking about the ripple effect of even one adult showing up, and I am sure that will inspire some deep thought within you, too! Neil is proof that resilience is real but also that no kid should have to do it alone. I am so grateful that he shared his story with me and with you!

Highlights:

[1:54] - Hear how Neil rose from poverty and foster care to become a longtime car industry leader.

[3:51] - A lack of support systems left Neil drifting through unstable homes and sleeping in his car.

[6:33] - Shelters were overcrowded and bleak, but Neil pushed forward, determined not to give up.

[9:38] - Facing sudden independence when he aged out, Neil learned that trust builds via consistent care and presence in kids' lives.

[12:51] - Neil believes that strong leadership means understanding and supporting employees at every level, face-to-face.

[14:52] - Winning AutoNation's CEO Award helped affirm Neil's commitment to community.

[16:34] - Neil is a champion for youth programs, ensuring measurable impact and long-term support even after aging out.

[18:58] - Hear how having no safety net taught Neil to rely on himself and keep moving forward.

[21:37] - Surrounding yourself with the right people is important for staying focused and avoiding setbacks.

[24:58] - Neil found strength and purpose via sports and community support despite early failures and temptations.

[27:38] - Supporting kids' dreams via volunteering can impact their future and leave a lasting impression.

[30:14] - Neil believes that kids in foster care can thrive when shown care, consistency, and positive attention early on.

[33:45] - Many kids in group homes flourish academically when given support, even when they are initially written off.

Links & Resources:

Neil's LinkedIn Page

I hope that you will listen in to this episode of By Their Side as I had the incredible opportunity to sit down with two dedicated CASA volunteers, Patty and Denise! Both have incredibly rich experiences in the field, and they join me to share their personal journeys and insights into their important work. Denise, who I collaborate with at Voices for CASA Children, speaks about her motivation to join CASA after advocating for her daughter with special needs, and her story is truly a powerful reminder of the power of using personal experiences to drive meaningful change!

Patty, on the other hand, came to CASA after moving to Arizona and was inspired by a high-profile community initiative. Her involvement was further fueled by a life-changing event, and she has since made a profound impact through her volunteer work. We discuss how both volunteers have dealt with complex and challenging cases, how they overcame their initial challenges, and the rewarding aspects of their roles.

One especially poignant theme in our conversation is the significant role that CASA volunteers play in providing stability and support for children in the foster care system. Patty and Denise shed light on the personal connections they form with the children they advocate for and how these powerful relationships have a positive impact on the youth. They also touch upon the unique challenges of working with placements, including group homes, and the importance of persistence and empathy in their advocacy.

In addition, Patty and Denise stress the fact that the system often fails by not ensuring consistent therapeutic relationships, which are needed for emotional healing. They both describe the importance of humility and teamwork, with Patty even recounting having rebuilt trust after a heated exchange with a group homeowner. They encourage potential CASAs to ask questions, seek support, and understand that while the commitment is significant, the impact on a child's life is incredibly profound!

I am so excited for you to hear their stories and learn more about the heart and dedication behind CASA work. If you have any questions or want to dive deeper into the conversation, be sure to jot them down because I will actually be hosting a listener Q&A with Denise and Patty soon! Until then, thanks for tuning in!

Highlights:

[1:41] - Motivated by advocating for her daughter, Denise joined CASA to help other children.

[2:54] - After retiring and surviving the Las Vegas mass shooting, Patty joined CASA to make a meaningful impact.

[5:16] - Denise stresses that every single case is different and complex in its own unique way.

[6:28] - Patty found her first case challenging but learned valuable lessons about advocacy and communication.

[9:10] - Denise stresses the importance of identifying herself as a volunteer with no personal stakes.

[10:24] - Denise explains that initial skepticism from families tends to fade as they see her consistent support.

[12:48] - Denise recalls a child's surprise at her continued presence despite many changes and moves.

[15:24] - Hear how Denise builds relationships with kids by taking them out and spending casual, quality time together.

[16:29] - Hear how Patty allowed a child to guide outings, leading to excitement and trust through consistent promises.

[19:11] - Patty advocates for normal experiences in care, addressing challenges while supporting a child's self-worth.

[21:27] - Patty recounts stepping in for a last-minute Heart Gallery event and building a close relationship with a child.

[22:37] - Schools tend to appreciate when Denise communicates with them, improving support for children in care.

[23:31] - Patty describes the challenge of preparing a teenager for adulthood with practical skills.

[26:25] - Frustration with the system's inefficiencies and a child aging out unprepared are major challenges that Denise faces.

[27:46] - Patty describes a case, involving supporting a teenager eager for independence.

[30:53] - Patty describes an emotional moment showing how meaningful and impactful being a CASA can be.

[32:36] - Denise stresses the importance of consistency and showing up to build trust with traumatized kids.

​​[35:25] - Patty argues that the system fails to properly foster youth by not providing stable, lasting therapeutic relationships.

[38:01] - Kids might initially resist therapy until they experience consistency and emotional safety from a trusted adult.

[39:21] - Denise reflects on how therapy became effective once the child had a long-term therapist and room to emotionally grow.

[41:01] - When unsure, Denise consults trusted team members and fellow CASAs.

[43:44] - Hear how Patty uses empathy and assertiveness to advocate for others.

[45:56] - Hear how Patty had a heated discussion with a group homeowner and then apologized and rebuilt a strong, collaborative relationship.

[48:32] - Denise begins positively with case managers, offering help to ease their workload and build trust with them.

[51:15] - Denise reflects on having discovered that a six-year-old child enjoyed visits with her mom, despite what the team believed.

[53:41] - Patty stresses the importance of asking questions and embracing support, highlighting CASA's impact on children and families.

[56:16] - Denise recommends attending an info session to understand CASA's meaningful and rewarding commitment.

Links & Resources: Voices for CASA Children - Website

National CASA/ GAL Association for Children

Join me for this episode of By Their Side as I have an insightful conversation with Rick Griffin, a renowned expert in trauma-informed care and the neuroscience behind resilience. Rick shares some truly fascinating insights that have completely shifted my perspective. I had always thought of resilience as simply the ability to "bounce back" from adversity, but Rick explains that it's so much more complex than that; it's about the delicate balance of the brain's reward system and how trauma can tip that balance off-center. The way that he breaks down the role of hormones like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin is truly eye-opening.

These "feel-good chemicals" are so important for helping the brain and body regulate after a stressful event, but for kids who have experienced trauma, their brains can become "sticky," or overly sensitive to certain triggers that send them spiraling back into that stress response, and Rick stresses the power of relationships in helping to restore that balance. Having someone who knows your unique triggers and can intentionally stimulate those feel-good hormones can really make all the difference! Even simple things like a familiar smell or touch can be incredibly grounding for a child in distress.

As CASAs, it's important for us to realize how critical it is for us to be that for them. It's not about applying a one-size-fits-all approach but rather about learning their unique neurology so that we can support them in the ways that are most helpful, and Rick's insights have left me feeling both humbled and empowered. Tune in for a better understanding of the incredible complexity of the human brain and how we can use that knowledge to make a meaningful difference in the lives of the children whom we serve! Highlights:

[1:39] - Hear how Rick founded the Neuro Leadership Academy after discovering brain-based methods improve trauma interventions dramatically.

[4:34] - Resilience, to Rick, is the brain's way of balancing threat detection with resource pursuit.

[7:38] - Rather than just "bouncing back," resilience involves chemicals that support balance and survival.

[8:07] - Through evolution, Rick explains, our brains have learned to seek safety and resources, forming the roots of resilience.

[11:46] - Too much cortisol harms us, so the brain rewards regulation with feel-good neurochemicals.

[12:41] - Rick explains resilience in biological terms: survival depends on more than just threat avoidance.

[15:17] - Rick argues that pursuing what nourishes us is just as important to resilience as avoiding danger.

[17:48] - Trust begins when consistent care links physical needs to emotional safety.

[21:08] - Rick points out how brains differ in plasticity; some require repeated efforts, but healing still remains entirely possible.

[22:05] - Hear Rick's student story illustrating how quickly meaningful therapeutic shifts can occur.

[24:47] - Being a "stress detective" means observing triggers to reduce harm and help build resilience.

[26:22] - Recognizing and regulating your own responses can foster calm.

[28:21] - Rick points out that observing social, sensory, and value-based triggers helps reduce stress and support resilience.

[31:49] - Even small triggers can cause trauma responses, so it's important to respond with curiosity rather than judgment.

[34:33] - Understanding everyone's unique brain wiring, Rick stresses, can help improve mental health support.

[36:29] - Rick explains how everyone has unique brain sensitivities, so we should normalize differences instead of judging them.

[38:32] - Understanding others' unique mental experiences can lead to connection and prevent feelings of isolation.

[41:12] - Having caring relationships provides lasting emotional support through all stages of life.

[43:36] - Recognizing personal triggers such as voice pitch can improve communication and family dynamics.

Links & Resources: Voices for CASA Children - Website

National CASA/ GAL Association for Children

Neuro Leadership Academy - Website

Thank you so much for tuning into By Their Side, my friends! Joining me today is Cordelia Cranshaw! Cordelia is a coach, therapist, storyteller, and the founder of From Survivor to Thriver, an organization that is committed to empowering youth in foster care. Cordelia's journey is truly nothing short of inspiring. She grew up in the foster care system and experienced generational trauma, but she overcame personal struggles and is now a beacon of strength for others facing similar challenges.

Listen in as Cordelia and I discuss her powerful transition from a foster youth to a social worker, where her experiences gave her the ability to connect with and help others in the system. Through her work, Cordelia has worked so hard to help ensure that children in care not only receive the support that they need but also understand the system. Cordelia reflects on how her own journey led her to compete in and win a pageant, representing D.C. at Miss USA 2019, an achievement which became a defining moment in her life and proved to her that with the right support and a boost in self-confidence, even the most difficult pasts can lead to extraordinary futures. We also discuss the importance of self-worth and how even the smallest gestures of support can make a world of difference in a child's life. Throughout our conversation, Cordelia shares with us what it's like to be a social worker with actual lived experience, and she touches upon why it's so incredibly important to build upon confidence and how trauma impacts both children and the adults around them. You'll hear about the work which she is doing to break cycles of trauma and how, via her advocacy, she is giving foster youth the tools to thrive. If you are someone who feels passionate about making a real difference and/or you are someone who is seeking inspiration, then this episode is definitely for you!

Highlights:

[1:45] - Cordelia uses her personal experiences with foster care to help others as a social worker.

[4:03] - Hear how Cordelia found empowerment in using her struggles to relate to and support others via social work.

[6:54] - After entering foster care at only five years old, Cordelia's two foster families showed contrasting environments for her.

[8:35] - As a child in foster care, Cordelia struggled with uncertainty, which inspired her Survivor to Thriver program.

[11:10] - Hear how Survivor to Thriver teaches children about foster care and helps them understand their situation.

[14:46] - Cordelia recognizes that unresolved traumas and lack of resources often influence parents' ability to effectively nurture.

[17:50] - Hear how a supportive 7th-grade teacher helped Cordelia through a difficult time.

[20:04] - Cordelia's journey from foster care to winning a beauty pageant may help demonstrate the power of support and confidence.

[23:40] - Kids are very perceptive and intelligent, and negative comments from social workers can impact their perception.

[24:52] - Hear how pageantry at 16 helped Cordelia build self-worth and confidence.

[27:38] - For Cordelia, building upon confidence involved healthy habits, reflection, and surrounding herself with support.

[30:24] - Cordelia travels in order to inspire foster youth, working toward challenging the myth that they can't overcome their situations.

[32:09] - Learn how, as a social worker, Cordelia fought to keep children in their original school for stability.

[35:26] - Cordelia encourages others to stay focused on their goals and to put forth real effort into shaping their future.

Links & Resources:

Cordelia's LinkedIn PageCordelia's Facebook PageSurvivor to Thriver Website

Thanks for tuning in to another episode of By Their Side, friends. I am joined today by the great Gaelin Elmore, former NFL player and current passionate advocate for youth facing adversity. As a child, Gaelin was very much a part of the foster system, but his experience, while inspiring because of how he overcame such challenges, was not a happy one. Listen as Gaelin reflects on his journey through foster care and how he discovered an incredibly important truth, that belonging is the key to surviving and thriving.

Gaelin reflects on how the concept of belonging changed his life, turning difficult situations into opportunities to grow, and he talks about a pivotal moment with his high school coach, who showed him the power of community and brotherhood at a time when Gaelin was ready to give up. That experience of his, along with the many others who supported him along the way, helped him realize that we all play a role in creating places of belonging.

Throughout our conversation, Gaelin also discusses how this fundamental human need can truly change lives, encouraging us to look at our own lives and see how we can show up for others, whether we know their story or not.

For anyone struggling with a sense of belonging, Gaelin Elmore offers practical advice on how to begin the necessary work to embrace who we are and seek places where we can truly be ourselves. This episode is a reminder that change is a journey, and small, consistent actions can have lasting impacts!

Highlights:

[1:55] - Gaelin's childhood was unstable, but he now uses his story to help others.

[4:38] - Belonging has shaped Gaelin's life, making hardships bearable.

[6:26] - Hear how Gaelin's understanding of belonging has grown over time.

[9:41] - Belonging is often overlooked, urging reflection on those who provide it.

[10:16] - Gaelin credits his high school coach for teaching him the importance of belonging and community.

[12:30] - Gaelin's coach's support came at the right time, aided by others' earlier help.

[15:43] - Even just small acts of support accumulate over time, contributing to significant long-term change.

[16:36] - Noting that change is gradual and often unnoticed, Gaelin compares his growth to TV show character, Jamie Tartt.

[19:20] - It's important to create inclusive spaces by showing kindness and commitment to all.

[21:56] - True belonging is about being yourself in spaces where others can also be themselves.

[26:40] - Gaelin embraces his strengths and challenges, creating honest connections without blaming himself when rejected.

[28:58] - Internal work helps Gaelin separate his worth from relationships, recognizing when he truly belongs.

[30:25] - Gaelin argues that acceptance of ourselves allows us to show up fully in relationships, embracing imperfections and insecurities.

[32:05] - Consistently investing in others helps them recognize their value, even if they don't immediately recognize it.

[35:07] - People who are used to positive reinforcement show up differently, but some others need help learning to receive it.

[37:22] - Gaelin's coach's patience and commitment ultimately helped him feel seen and supported.

[39:38] - Hear how a meaningful conversation with his coach led Gaelin to trust, growth, and a stronger relationship.

[41:10] - Giving agency in relationships can be so powerful.

**Available Resources for Parents**

Nationwide:

2-1-1

Postpartum Support International

Suicide Prevention Hotline- 1.800.273.8255

Knee to Knee

National Parent Youth Helpline- 855.427.2736

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline-1-833-TLC-MAMA

National Domestic Violence Hotline- 1.800.799.7233

PSI Depression hotline- 1.800.944.4PPD

Arizona Specific:

2-1-1 Arizona

Family Involvement Center

Prevent Child Abuse Arizona

Welcome back to By Their Side, listeners! I am so thrilled to be joined in this episode by two guests - Lindsey Shine and Samara Vaught, two amazing and inspiring birth moms who have both gone through the tough journey of dealing with the child welfare system until ultimately being reunited with their children. They now work at the Family Involvement Center, offering peer support to parents in similar situations.

Listen in as they share their personal stories, both of which are heart-wrenching and inspirational. We discuss their struggles with addiction, domestic violence, and the overwhelming challenges of dealing with the system, all while trying to stay connected with their children, but I promise that it isn't all doom and gloom. These women are passionate about providing hope to other parents, showing them that reunification is possible and offering practical advice for those who might feel like they have nowhere to turn.

You will also hear how the Family Involvement Center and its Parents for Parents program became a turning point for both Lindsey and Samara, offering them the support that they needed when they felt most defeated. They both highlight the importance of community support and understanding, and how small acts of encouragement can make a huge difference. This episode is about hope, resilience, and the power of human connection, so tune in to hear more about their journey and how they're helping others find their way back to their children!

Highlights:

[2:17] - Hear about how the Family Involvement Center offers free support to parents navigating the Child Welfare system.

[4:53] - The Parents for Parents program offers support from people with lived experience in the foster care system.

[7:30] - Samara shares how she got through her struggles with hope.

[10:41] - Lindsey reflects on her struggle with meth addiction, homelessness, and distrust while pregnant.

[13:36] - Lindsey felt that her case was disorganized, but the Family Involvement Center provided hope and support.

[16:23] - The turning point for Lindsey was the support from Commissioner Allen and her own determination.

[17:46] - Samara shares having found honest conversations with her case manager in the shelter motivating and encouraging.

[20:54] - Samara reflects on her manipulative behavior in the past and how honesty made a significant difference in her recovery.

[22:38] - Lindsey faced immense housing challenges, but support and perseverance kept her going.

[25:41] - Lindsey advises persistence, daily effort, and broad engagement to improve chances of success.

[27:18] - Samara advocates for community support, family resource centers, and normalizing seeking help for family reunification.

[30:29] - Libraries could better serve families by expanding community-based support beyond just internet access.

[33:59] - Samara urges the community to provide resources before escalation to reduce unneeded DCF involvement.

[35:33] - Lindsey shares having felt unsupported and doubted her ability to keep her children.

[38:37] - Lindsey is grateful for her relationship with her children but wishes that she had received more encouragement at the time.

[40:37] - It's important to support families after reunification to help them lead healthier lives.

[41:59] - Lindsey finds that praise and direct encouragement can be a game changer and can build confidence.

[43:00] - Samara credits her daughter's supportive placement with helping their relationship and enabling her own recovery.

[46:24] - Positive conversations and boundary-setting while fostering children and supporting parents is very important.

[47:41] - Samara advocates for open communication with families, recognizing progress and normalizing seeking help for reunification.

[50:29] - Parents, not placements, are statistically best suited to care for their children long-term, whenever possible.

[51:08] - Regardless of reunification outcomes, families should leave the process with hope and resources.

[54:59] - Lindsey advises reframing difficult interactions to recognize a parent's passion for their children and their struggles.

[57:16] - Lindsey values her parents' support, even after strained relationships.

[58:05] - Samara finds empowerment in working with the Family Involvement Center, realizing that her past does not define or limit her.