The Forgotten Podcast

When you decide to become a foster parent, you are asked a wide range of questions about what kind of placements you are willing to accept. What ages will you take? What ages won’t you take? Are there any special needs you will or won’t be able to accommodate? What about sibling groups?

Even when your agency is doing their best to reach out to you about children that fit your criteria, the reality is that sometimes all of the information about a child is simply not known. They may not know the specific behaviors a child presents, every piece of their history, or additional challenges that you may face. There are times where, despite everyone’s best intentions, a placement needs to be disrupted, which can be a decision filled with guilt, shame, and deep heartache.

My guest today has firsthand experience navigating a placement disruption and all the emotions that come along with it. Kamrie Smith is a mom to three biological children and a current foster mom to one. In total, she and her husband have fostered 21 children over the years. She is a founding committee member of Foster Montana, an organization that provides support to children entering foster care and the families who say “yes” to them.

In this episode, you’ll hear why it can be challenging to navigate a placement that feels like it isn’t going well, how to navigate the emotional aftermath of a disruption, how to make peace with the difficult decision of accepting or denying a potential placement, and more.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/kamrie-smith-255/

It’s that time of year again! As you may know, we open applications to become a TFI Advocate only a couple times each year, and this November is one of those opportunities. If you’re considering applying, today’s episode is the perfect chance to learn more about what becoming a TFI Advocate journey really looks like.

That’s because we have the special treat of hearing from one of our most recently launched Advocates, Justin Meehan.

Justin and his wife have been foster parents for the last three years. Currently, they have three biological children and a soon-to-be adopted son. Justin is a newly launched TFI Advocate in Rochester, NH, where he is bridging the gap between his church and the local state foster care agency.

In this episode, you’ll hear what kind of support and community TFI Advocates receive, how seeing the struggles caseworkers are facing firsthand opened Justin’s eyes to their unmet needs, why answering just one question for your local church can help them get involved in foster care, and so much more.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/justin-meehan-254/

To make a positive impact on the foster care community, we need action on both a personal and systemic level. We need community members who are willing to step up and support individuals directly, but we also need leaders capable of creating policies that address real challenges.

My guest for this episode, Lynn Johnson, is someone who has stepped into both of these roles. Lynn served as Assistant Secretary for the Administration for Children and Families in the US Department of Health and Human Services, which is a Senate-confirmed appointment where she led over 60 programs designed to make a real impact on lives all across the country. It was in this position that she created the ALL IN Foster Care and Adoption Challenge as a national call for people at all levels of government, as well as community members, to commit to being ALL IN for America’s children.

Today, she continues this work as the President of ALL IN Empowering Futures, a non-profit agency combating the crises of children aging out of the foster care system, adoption, poverty, and human trafficking. 

In this episode, Lynn shares the lessons she’s learned from serving the foster care community on both a broad and personal scale, what she feels is the true measure of a successful program, how we can best serve adults who were formerly in foster care, and much more.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/lynn-johnson-253/

Have you ever had a foster placement or adoption plan fall through? Initially, you feel excited about the prospect of welcoming another child into your home. You start gathering things you think the child may need. Clothes. Toys. School supplies. But then you get another call that the plan is being changed. On one hand, you’re grateful there’s still a plan to keep the child safe, but on the other hand you feel a deep sense of loss and grief.

Learning to hold multiple conflicting emotions is a core part of foster care. All along the journey, we are holding both joy and grief. Beauty and hardship. Holding on and letting go.

My guest today knows precisely what this feels like. Melissa McGilliard has been married to Chris for sixteen years and is a stay-at-home mom to their three boys, the youngest of which joined their family through foster care.

In this episode, Melissa shares some of the raw emotions she has experienced as a foster parent, why better understanding herself has helped her better support her adopted child, and the importance of allowing your heart to hold conflicting emotions.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/melissa-mcgilliard-252/

“I couldn’t become a foster parent because I’d get too attached.”

This is a sentiment we’ve heard many times from those considering foster care.

We know that foster care is full of the good and the hard; both beauty and brokenness. Overcoming our fears and holding space for both of these things is no easy task. And in my guest’s experience, the fear of getting too attached is the very thing that makes you a good candidate to become a foster parent.

Caitlyn Baten has been married to her best friend, Tim, for six years. She’s an adoptive and foster mom, is passionate about advocacy and ethical storytelling, and is a devoted follower of Christ. Caitlyn spent most of her professional career in the counter-trafficking space and now works for Buckner International where she comes alongside churches and engages them in the domestic and international work they do.

In this episode, Caitlyn shares her honest experience of becoming a foster parent, why becoming attached to a whole family is important, practical advice for preparing for visits with biological parents, and the importance of giving yourself space for heavy emotions when a child reunifies.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/caitlyn-baten-251/

Open adoptions began in 1975, but they didn’t become more common until the 1990s. Today, 9 out of 10 adoptions are open. While open adoptions are far more common today, adoptive parents may have concerns and fears about navigating that relationship with a child's birth parents. Likewise, birth parents are often worried about finding the place they belong in the process and entrusting someone else to care for their child while still maintaining a relationship.

Today, I have the privilege of learning from and listening to someone who was formerly in foster care and who is also a birth mother. Jori Victory is an advocate for healthy, open adoption, mental health resources, and post-placement care for birth mothers. She lives in Utah with her four children.

In this episode, Jori shares with us her experience of navigating the birth and adoptive parent relationship, the importance of remaining in a child’s life, the loss that can come with not knowing your biological parents, and the challenge of discovering your identity in the midst of complex circumstances.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/jori-victory-250/

TW: This episode contains mentions of drug use, physical abuse, and sexual abuse. If these topics could be triggering for you or others, we wanted you to be aware of these topics before listening.

The trauma of our past can often define us and inform what we think and how we behave. This can create a cycle in which we are far more likely to repeat the mistakes of those who have gone before us.

As Darnella Miller was growing up, her mother was caught in a cycle of drug addiction, placing Darnella in many unsafe situations that led to multiple forms of abuse and eventually removal from her mother’s care.

Today, Darnella is the Founder and CEO of BornCovered, a program where she gets to use her personal journey through foster care, teenage parenthood, and aging out of the system to empower, support, and uplift young girls and youth facing similar challenges. A Brooklyn native, Darnella is deeply committed to her family. She is happily married, with three daughters and three bonus sons.

In this episode, you’ll hear the emotions children may experience when being placed in foster care, how Darnella has broken generational cycles, and how the system can offer valuable support.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes for this episode: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/darnella-miller-249/

There can be a lot of pressure on foster parents to always step up and say “yes” to each placement. One of the reasons many became foster parents was to be able to make a significant difference, so doesn’t that mean accepting as many placements as you are able?

But what happens if you say “no” to a placement? What if you say “no” when a child in foster care is able to be adopted?

My guests, AJ and Katrina Nowaczyk, know what it feels like to have to say “no.” They have fostered nine children. While they didn’t set out to only foster, they learned a lot whenever the opportunity to adopt a child came up. In multiple cases, the circumstances pointed to needing to say “no.”

In this episode, you’ll learn what goes into saying yes and no, that there is no one-size-fits-all formula, and the importance of approaching each situation with prayer.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/prayerful-decisions/

In terms of foster care, my guest has experienced it all. She entered foster care at age four and then reunited with her mom only to be removed from her mother’s care again. In total, she had twelve placements, lived in a group home, and would finally make the decision to emancipate.

Tori Petersen is a bestselling author, national speaker, and Bible teacher. She shares her testimony and life as authentically as possible to help and offer hope to others. Tori is known for her fierce advocacy work for foster care, adoption, and vulnerable children. At home, she is a wife and mama, who deeply values family, community, and hospitality.

In this episode, Tori shares what life was like as a young child, the ups and downs of her life in foster care, positive aspects of her experience that made a lasting impact on her life, how she found hope for the future, and much more.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/foster-care-tori-petersen/

It's not as common that we get to hear the perspective and experience of biological parents in the foster care community, but it's such an important perspective for us to hear and understand.

My guest, Ashley, found herself caught in addiction after being exposed to narcotic painkillers during a hospital stay for several clots in her brain. When her drug use spiraled out of control, it led to her son being removed from her custody and put into foster care. Ashley’s story is one of brokenness but also one of redemption.

In this episode, you’ll hear about the circumstances that can lead to a child being removed, the unique perspective of a birth parent, the complexity of addiction, and the important role foster parents can play.

Find resources mentioned and more in the show notes: https://theforgotteninitiative.org/birth-parent-perspective/