Called to Build

There’s nowhere better to start talking about forgiveness than maybe in a place where it is sometimes the hardest to face and that is with the people closest to us.

I

n this episode, I have a conversation with my mom, Erin Ruddell, and we share our story and what we went through in our relationship when things were really hard in both of our lives and we had to learn what relationship and forgiveness and moving forward with God and one another really looked like.

My mom begins by sharing how this season all started, with the death of both of her parents, my grandparents and how that sent her, especially into a tailspin. It was a hard time of losing both parents seven months apart all the while my brother and I got married and started our families, my sister graduated from high school, my youngest brother struggled to get through high school and my dad retired, talk about transition.

As she struggled with her own dark season of loss, I became a mother and was hit with postpartum but didn’t know I had. This mix of feelings and pain was a set up for disaster.

As I walked through my postpartum the Lord began to show me the why’s behind my pain. I wanted my mom to be able to fix it for me like parents do, but this was one area that it had to get ugly with just me and the Lord, so He could show me who my true Savior was, and it wasn’t my mom. She also shares that the Lord showed her that He needed to do this with just He and I and that she was to let go, but the more she let go, the more it hurt me and so, even though God had good plans the pain continued on for years.

I resented my mother because I had so many expectations of what I thought a mother should do, should be, should act like with her daughter who just had her first baby and because she wasn’t doing any of those things, I decided to blame all the pain I was experiencing on her. She was in her own version of trying to escape pain, all ways that seemed to hurt me even more and this resulted in fights and cold shoulders for years to come.

I held onto my unforgiveness for my mom because I was convinced that she owed me for the pain I felt she caused. In the meantime, my harshness with her continued to hurt her and she struggled with her own battle of forgiveness with me. We would fight and cry and pray and then it would all stay the same. What was God doing? A much deeper inner work. Digging up old roots, exposing lies and bad beliefs is not a one-time healing process. For both of us, it took many months and years of us both trying to obey the Lord, deal with our own relationship with Him and our own brokenness as God began to heal us and set us free.

SHOW NOTES:

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/10/14/podcast-ep8-forgiveness-amp-restoration-a-conversation-with-my-mom-erin-ruddell

We all know all to well the voice that tells us all we are not, over and over again. The one that tries to stop us from moving forward, from walking by faith, from believing or even trusting God. I have had about enough of this nonsense, what about you?

In this episode I would like to share with you my letter to my own inner critic. While our critics may say different words, the sentiment is always the same and it’s time for them to go….

We do not have to tolerate condemnation in our lives, that only comes from one place and there is no more room for it in our hearts and lives as believers.

When the Accuser comes he will say how weak and how nothing we are and we don’t have to whine and wonder underneath that, who cares if we are all those things anyway? We don’t need our strength, we need His. We don’t need our ability, we need His. We don’t need to be awesome or brave or strong enough when we know that when show up desperate and empty He fills us with Himself until we can overflow onto others.

Nothing in ourselves, everything in Christ.

Let His Words speak louder to us!

SHOW NOTES

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/9/19/podcast-ep7-an-open-letter-to-my-inner-critic

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What are some of your common fears?

One of mine? Heights! Or maybe is it really getting hurt? I don’t know, maybe both. It seems to get weirder as I get older and the consequences of what that fear come to life could actually mean. I sit down on tall edges I have to make my way down instead of just jumping, I move my body to the center of the car when we’re driving precariously close to the edge of a mountain (as if that makes any difference at all).

Fears come in all shapes and sizes and although there are many things we could fear in this life, the fears we want to talk about today are the ones that hold us back from things God might be calling us to do. It could be anything from restoring a relationship, to writing that book, to starting that business, what is holding you back?

Just like me, we think leaning into the middle of the car will help us be safe, but it’s just an illusion, it makes us feel better in the moment but it’s not helping at all. We do have life experience that has hurt us and we, as human beings, generally want to avoid anything that could cause us pain or make us feel uncomfortable. We like safe and predictable. We might be bored, stuck, and even frustrated as we see others jump towards their thing but we aren’t so sure we are willing to give up “safe” for the risk.

The Lord knows how hard it is to be courageous. When Joshua takes over for Moses and God puts him in charge of leading the Israelites into the promise land He tells him over and over again to be strong and courageous, to not be frightened. If Joshua simply spent too much time comparing himself to Moses or recounting how the people responded the last time he came back and told them they should take the land, well he wouldn’t have gotten very far.

Let’s not try and excuse ourselves from what it is God is calling us to by saying things that sound super spiritual to ourselves like we’re trying to remain humble or waiting on God. While both those things are good and important, there also comes a time to get out there and start moving toward the thing that God is calling you to. That might not mean stepping on a stage, but it might mean talking to that neighbor, pursuing reconciliation, or daring to believe that the dream you see in your heart, might actually be from God. We don’t love and serve our dreams, but what if they really are God and we are so scared we might be wrong and people will point that out to us, that we never try? We will be in blatant disobedience to God Almighty.

In 2 Timothy 1:7 it says, “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power and love and of a sound mind.”

So what if you fail? What then? What if you get it wrong and spend time building something or working towards something that wasn’t “the thing”. When our hearts are surrendered to God (and we know when they are or not) we know that He will work all those things for His glory. The big thing is to remember this isn’t about us looking good, being fabulous, famous or being right about our own call, this is all about a faith that say, “I”m not sure but He is worthy of trying.”

Go and build.

SHOW NOTES

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/9/5/podcast-ep6-what-are-the-fears-that-hold-you-back

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I say it all the time, maybe even too often, I love Peter from the Bible. Maybe the reason I love him so much is because I often wonder to myself how God could want or use someone as emotional, over analytical, or messed up as me, and then I think….Oh yeah, Peter.

You have to wonder if anyone wanted to run up to Jesus after He chose Peter and give him a little disclaimer on the guy. “Listen Jesus, just so you know, you might want to rethink your choice there with Peter. He is a bit of a loose cannon, pretty bossy, thinks he is way smarter than he is, always speaks before he thinks and an overall flight risk.

I also have to wonder if Jesus might have responded by walking away with a half smile on his face thinking, “perfect”. Jesus didn’t choose Peter because he was perfect but because he was willing, He knew this man had a heart that would be willing to surrender again and again to Him.

Peter went on to betray Jesus and weep over his grief and lack. Why did Jesus allow this? Why does He allow it in our lives? I would propose that it is because He has to allow us to understand where our strength ends, even in our best intentions, and where His begins.

Jesus restores Peter on the beach not by reprimanding him or guilt him but by asking him a question, one He asks us as well, “Do you love me?”

This is the only thing that really matters. Even when we fail and walk through cleansing and sifting Jesus chose us because He knew what our hearts would answer, “YES!” His response, “feed my sheep!”

After Jesus’ resurrection and the Holy Spirit came, Peter was never referred to as Simon again. He was made new.

Do it for us too Lord! Restore our hearts, set us on fire for you, let us run wildly in love with you as we go to feed your sheep!

SOW NOTES

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/9/5/podcast-ep5-identity-the-lord-knew-who-he-was-getting-when-he-chose-you

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No matter how we tackle this issue of comparison on the surface it is so vital that we do some digging and ask ourselves what is at the root of this problem? Who are the people who really seem to trigger us? What is it about them? Why do we think that is? Instead of just feeling the feelings and jumping into our coping mechanisms, unearth the pain that comes up and where it may reside in our hearts. What is the belief we have bought about our unworthiness? Has this woman actually intended to make us feel this way, is it really her fault, or is it something I have yet to let Jesus have full access to in my brokenness?

We believe somewhere deep down, sometimes greater in one season than another, that we are not acceptable, lovable, worthy. I don’t know about you but I assume people are going to be as mean to me as I am to myself and so building walls , judging other, pushing others away, seems much safer. Like an exposed nerve we react than daring to hold still and saying, “even right now, even in my lack, even when my heart hurts so bad and I don’t feel like I have anything to offer, please help me receive your love.” When we dig to the bottom and we find what is underneath the pain we experience in comparison we find that other people often have little to do with what it is we’re truly struggling with.

We may continue to struggle with this, but we can put some things in place to help us fight against it. One thing we can do is learn how to define for ourselves what we call “SUCCESS”. If we think whatever someone else is doing is what we have to do in order to be successful we will always struggle and always feel like we aren’t measuring up but we can re frame our thinking, take our thoughts captive and put on the mind of Christ. Maybe for us, success is that our children are joyful and feel secure? Maybe it’s getting three workouts done in a week? Maybe it’s getting a date night with our husband or spending good, quality time with the Lord in His Word and worshiping Him. Maybe our success is too ambiguous and so we’re always seeming to reach for something, but it’s not even really what we want. What is it that God, not our society defines as successful?

In John 21 we see Peter being restored by Jesus and Him prophesying to Peter all the things that He would suffer for Jesus’ sake. We see John saunter up and Peter asks the Lord, “What about him?” Jesus answers him as He answers us, “What is that to you? You must follow me.” The only one we can be responsible for how they followed Jesus, is ourselves. Keep following Him bravely!

SHOW NOTES:

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/9/5/podcast-ep4-how-to-handle-comparison

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Just like our calendar year, our lives have seasons. Many times we want to hurry them along or make them last forever, but every season that we find ourselves in has it’s purpose.

If you’re anything like me, I want to be enjoying that harvest time, all the time, but we know just by observing the world around us that this is just not realistic. It’s so easy to get frustrated because our seasons that are planting, or pruning, or waiting, are a lot longer than we would like them to be. But just like the trees, or the land, we go through cycles and each one must precede the next in order for the process to be complete.

Where are we in our season? We can ask the question, “ how can I cooperate with what you want to do in my life while I am here, Lord?” We have to trust in each part and purpose that this season holds. The breakthrough is such a small part in all the growing process, but of this we can be sure, just because we can’t see what is happening doesn’t mean nothing is.

In Galatians 6:9 it says, “Let us not grow weary in doing good. For in due season we will reap, if we do not give up!” Don’t give up! No matter how hard this season is, don’t give up.

In my life, being a mom of little babies, was one of those seasons that many times felt like a time that moved as slow as molasses. My days were filled with wiping bodily fluids or fixing another meal. I had dreams and desires to write something, create something, pursue this “call” I felt on my life but I found myself frustrated. I hadn’t gotten the call wrong, it just wasn’t the season yet. My children were a part of my learning season, what God was teaching me doing the dishes and giving baths in the every day mundane was teaching me things I could learn no other way, teaching me what selflessness really means to serve someone over and over again out of love alone.

Maybe the wait is long because there is much fruit He wants to bring from your life? He is preparing us to be able to sustain in character what He wants to produce through us. Will we wait on His timing? We want to be people who are so rooted in Christ, so committed to the way He does things, that our fruit remains continuous for years to come.

What season are you in?

SHOW NOTES

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/9/5/podcast-ep3-accepting-the-seasons-that-were-in

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So, what are you called to do?

In this episode we will start with some examples from Scripture. Moses was called by God through a burning bush (wouldn’t that be nice for some clarity) to lead his people out of slavery. We know David was called to become king, Joseph was called to be a point of salvation for his family, and in his story, he came to that place by no means that he would have chosen. This is something we can keep in mind about our callings, that God might have a specific plan of how He wants to use us in His Kingdom, but it might not match the pathway we might have come up with for ourselves.

Our dreams that the Lord may give us in our hearts may point us in the direction that He intends us to go, but the trajectory of calling is not this climb to some height of success and pinnacle we think we are supposed to head towards, but in fact God will may take us all kinds of detours to get us ready for that place.

Every single one of our callings has one goal, point people to Jesus.

In the details of knowing with more clarity however where you were born to run with power there are a few things we might ask ourselves such as…. (print out the entire “What am I called to” workbook here)

• What are my spiritual gifts?
• What ministries have you served in in the past that you have really enjoyed?
• What ministries that you have been apart of has made the biggest impact on you? On others?
• What people groups do you love?
• What has God helped you overcome?
• What are your natural strengths and skills?
• What topics get you fired up?
• What is your personality like?

God doesn’t need another version of someone else, He needs the one and only you. God is a creative God and He wants full creative license to do with our lives exactly what He wants. Open hands, all in.

He is always for us, it’s not a big mystery, He is for you and He desires greatly to use YOU just as you are, to build His kingdom. What are you waiting for? Get building!

SHOW NOTES:

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/9/5/podcast-ep2-what-am-i-called-to-do

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In this first episode I want to share a little bit about my own journey and what it has been like to pursue what I feel God has called me to do. I don’t want to give you the impression that I have in some way “arrived” because that is certainly not the case! I am still always really trying to trust God, never knowing exactly which direction He might want me to go.

I have not always been confident in this “calling”. More than anything it was this underlying feeling I had to use my story and gifts to help build God’s Kingdom, but more often than not I struggled with huge fears. Fears that serving Christ in this way was somehow a disappointment to Him, that I was self-deceived, that somehow I was always getting it wrong. The mocking laugh that you might know all too well that says, “And who do you think you are?” was always sitting there, waiting for me. Over time I was so sick and tired of these things holding me back and I would wrestle them out with the Lord. One by one He helped me face these fears, what drove them and where they were rooted in order to start move forward. We’re still in that march in one way or another to this day.

The reason I wanted to start this podcast is because over all this time I have done so much research and God has done so much work in me, that once again I want to share in hopes that it might help someone get through more directly, rather than circling the stupid mountain endlessly like I did. I want to help you with the inner things and I want to share what I know about the practical things I have learned a long the way; from blogging, to graphic design, Instagram, to …hey, even starting a podcast!

I want to talk about comparison and authenticity, mental health, judging others, or what about, letting our calling become an idol in our lives? Saying we are called to do something sounds so simple, but often we have a hard time connecting those dots on how to get from where we are now, to that thing, whatever it might be and I am hoping this podcast will be a place that will help with that.

When we hear the parable of the talents this seems to be the question that Jesus is asking of all of us. “Here this what I have given you, now…what are you going to do with it?” I don’t want to get to the end of my life and find myself telling God all kinds of excuses like, “But God, I didn’t have enough money”, “but God I was never 100% sure”, “but God, not everyone was OK with it and actually a lot of people thought it was super weird”. God’s not going to say, “Oh OK then”. He is going to respond like He did in the parable to the man who was unfaithful with what he had been given. The man was scared and so buried it and the master calls him a wicked servant and takes what he had been given and gives it to someone who had taken steps of faith to do something with it.

Listen, I don’t have to be Beth Moore, but I do have to be Ashley, and you don’t have to be anyone else but you do have to be yourself and walk in all of who God made YOU! We won’t know what is the next thing God might have for us if we don’t take the risk of stepping into the obedience of the thing right in front of us. It won’t be easy, it won’t be fast, but we can do it with God’s help and the boldness of the faith He has given us.

Let’s get building….

READ THE SHOWNOTES:

https://www.ashleymorganjackson.com/podcast/2019/10/1/podcast-ep1-my-journey-in-my-calling-amp-why-this-podcast

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