In this episode, Amber-lee, the host of the mental health mini-series, delves into the powerful concept of acceptance. Drawing from her training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, she explores the importance of allowing emotions to be felt without judgment or resistance. Through a meditative exercise, Amber-lee guides listeners on a journey to accept and surf through their emotions like waves in the ocean, fostering a deeper understanding of emotional navigation and acceptance. Tune in to gain insights on embracing the full spectrum of human emotions and practicing acceptance in daily life.
Feelings Wheel available here: https://feelingswheel.com/
I encourage you to listen to the whole episode but if you would just like to enjoy the meditation start at 10:20.
Disclaimer: While the content of this podcast is intended to provide support and guidance, it is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. The techniques and practices discussed here are general in nature and may not be suitable for everyone.
If you are experiencing significant distress, mental health concerns, or trauma, I encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional. Additionally, if at any point during this episode you feel overwhelmed or triggered, please turn it off and talk to someone or do something that is helpful to you.
Finding Support in Australia:
Black Dog Institute 1300 851 758
Outside of Australia: Postpartum Support International www.postpartum.net
Hello, welcome back to another mental health mini series episode. Today I want to take you through the concept of acceptance. So accepting emotions probably sounds maybe a little vague or cliche, but I wanted to do an episode on acceptance because I have learned just how powerful this tool is. I recently completed some training in acceptance and commitment therapy, and while what we're going to do today is certainly not even close to it, I think the concept of acceptance is important and easy for everyone to understand practicing it may feel a little more difficult, but I just wanted to be able to give you a taste.
So firstly, I'll just take you through what I mean by acceptance, and then we'll do a brief meditative exercise to kind of help you incorporate the practice of acceptance in your life. Hopefully it'll just give you a good idea of what it means to accept all emotions.
So acceptance means to allow your feelings to be what they are without judgement or trying to change them and acknowledging your emotions no matter how uncomfortable they might be I want you to think about how often maybe you criticise yourself for feeling a certain way or maybe you avoid certain feelings, you tell yourself you're not allowed to feel them
Some emotions become so stigmatized, we feel even guilty for feeling them normal human emotions and we feel guilty or we suppress or we criticize or we avoid, we may have been told that certain emotions or thoughts were wrong or inappropriate. And maybe people are often uncomfortable around certain emotions for themselves, for others. So it's unacceptable for them to have them, but that also means everyone else can't have them. Now, when we talk about acceptance, a lot of people mix it up with thinking that we tolerate or put up with, or we give in or we're resigning ourself to it, but it's more about being able to drop the struggle with it and just making room, opening up for that emotion, that difficult emotion, letting ourselves feel The full range of the human emotions. If we open ourselves up to feeling the way that we do and just let it flow through us, giving it time to kind of dissipate in its own time, like all emotions do. This is actually really beneficial to our mental health. I like the analogy where if like you think about emotions like the weather, For example, sunny, cloudy, rainy, stormy, light, dark.
And then you think of yourself as the sky, the sky, experiencing. Changing weathers, right? You experience changing emotions. Sometimes it seems like we can have four seasons in one day and other days, maybe it's a good day. It's a sunny, nice beach day. And then sometimes we're going to have to weather the storms, right? So the sky remains, we remain as we are. And the weather comes and goes, doesn't define the sky. It doesn't fight the sky. The sky accepts the weather as it is. And this is what I would like you to consider today.
Something that I often find really helpful is to notice and name the feeling. So a lot of the time we're kind of going through our days and weeks and we're not really paying attention to what's happening in our body or in our mind. just being able to either put it out there by saying it aloud or putting it into our conscious thoughts. Things like I'm noticing a feeling of frustration. For example, you can now build on that. So not only are you noticing what you're feeling and you have expressed that with some kind of openness or curiosity or acknowledgement, you're naming it You're normalizing it and then you're kind of understanding the purpose of it. So I'm noticing I'm feeling frustrated. So you've noticed and you've named. It's normal to be frustrated right now because I've had no sleep and then I've had a really big day. I'm just making this up off the top of my head, but You see what I did there? I noticed, I named, I normalized because all emotions are normal. We'll get to that, um, point about emotions and normal behavior and expression of emotion is where the disconnect happens. But you've noticed, you've named, you've normalized, and then you've figured out the reason or the purpose of that emotion.
What is your body telling you? You're overwhelmed, you're frustrated, you've had no sleep, you've had a big day, you've had no breaks, you've had small children at you, your baby's cried non stop all night, you know, like there are reasons that we feel the way that we feel. And being able to acknowledge and name and notice, it kind of takes away some of its power or its hold on us and we can drop the struggle with it.
In the show notes, you'll find. Uh, what I, what's called the feelings wheel. This is something like all therapists and psychologists, et cetera, use. Now this has 72 different feelings and emotions on it. 72. It's funny because before I knew that it was 72, I was like, uh, you know, there's probably like 15 different emotions that I probably feel on a regular basis, but then you read the feelings and you're like, Oh no, yep. I've had all 72 throughout my life. and I encourage you to open up that document, print it out, have it somewhere where you can refer back to it when you want to practice noticing and naming. Because sometimes we don't always have the vocabulary to articulate how we feel and using the feelings wheel can give you that power. I find it really, really helpful to do.
I want you to know that there are so many benefits to practicing acceptance. And usually, like anything, we see the benefits over time. You know, nothing is necessarily immediate or imminent. Sometimes I will feel an immediate, response, like in breath work, for example, I feel the difference, but it's not until over a period of time that you've been practicing this skill that you will really start to notice the difference from when you started to where you are now. So I encourage you to practice the skill of acceptance. What we found in this practice is that. Big emotions actually become less intense and research has even found that it leads to better mental health But we still don't actually understand how it's a bit of a phenomenon What we do know though is that if we put up a fight so we suppress avoid criticize With these feelings that we don't want to experience or we can't accept, it can keep us in this dysregulated state and eventually lead to worse emotional health.
So that's just something to consider that sometimes our coping mechanisms are not actually helping us cope. Okay, let's get into the meditation now. I hope that kind of gave you a really good idea of what acceptance means. Think of the sky, think of the weather. I found that really helpful when I was learning about it. So the purpose of this meditation, it's just designed to help you navigate some big emotions you might be having lately, and it helps you practice acceptance and face those emotional ups and downs with more openness and curiosity and acceptance and compassion, et cetera. We're trying to drop the struggle with the big emotions. So throughout this exercise, pick a big emotion that you find that you're struggling with and try and incorporate that as I take you through it. Okay. Cue the music. Here we go.
Now just begin by finding a comfortable position, could be seated or lying down, whatever you prefer. Close your eyes if it's safe to do so, or just soften your gaze. And just take a moment, take this moment to settle into your space. Letting go of any immediate distractions or tensions.
Now take three deep breaths. Inhaling slowly through your nose, feeling your chest and your belly rise and then exhaling gently through your mouth.
Take another breath, exhale when you're ready and with each breath just imagine releasing any tension you're holding in your body.
Now picture yourself sitting or standing on a beautiful serene beach. Feeling that warmth of the sun on your skin, the soft sand beneath your feet, the gentle breeze against your face, hearing the rhythmic sound of the waves crashing onto the shore.
As you walk towards the water, imagine yourself picking up a surfboard, feeling its weight and texture, and now you're preparing to enter the water. Not to battle the waves, but to ride them and to flow with them.
Now you wade into the water with your surfboard and you begin paddling out to sea. Just notice the water's temperature and the strength of the waves in the ocean, and the vastness of it all around you. And you feel a sense of respect for its power. but also a deep confidence in your ability to navigate it.
Once you're beyond the breakers, sit up on your board, looking back towards the shore. This ocean represents your emotional landscape. The waves are like your emotions, sometimes calm, sometimes turbulent, but always in motion, always flowing, always changing.
Imagine a wave forming in the distance, growing as it approaches you. This wave represents an emotion you've been feeling recently.
As it nears, instead of paddling away, or fearing its impact, position yourself to ride the wave. Feel the anticipation, but also a deep sense of presence and readiness.
As the wave lifts you up, start to surf it. Feel the emotion as a physical sensation in your body. Whether it's a tightening in your chest, a warmth in your belly, a tingling in your limbs. Whatever it is, just allow it to be there without judgement.
Stay with the wave. Riding it with balance and focus. Notice how it feels to move with the emotion, not trying to control it, but also not being controlled by it. You are both part of the wave and apart as the wave inevitably begins to lose its power. Feel yourself gently coming down, the emotion is receding. You're left with a sense of accomplishment, and a deeper understanding of your ability to navigate your emotional world.
Now paddle back out for another wave, knowing that each wave is an opportunity to accept your emotions. To learn from them, understand them.
And with each ride, your skills as an emotion surfer improve, and your fear of the wave diminishes.
Ride those waves as they come. What emotions are coming up for you
allow them to be as the wave. Coming and going. Flowing with intensity. Maybe they're appearing out of nowhere.
Understand that you have this ability to ride the wave.
After a few moments, begin to paddle back to shore. Step out of the water, feeling that sand and earth beneath your feet again. And now look back at the ocean.
Just thank it for its lessons.
Now take a deep breath in, bringing your awareness back to your physical surroundings in the room that you're in. And as you exhale, gently open your eyes and lift your gaze, carrying with you the strength and the wisdom you've gained from the ocean, your emotional landscape.
Remember that you are an emotion surfer. You have the strength and the ability to ride the waves of your emotions, learning from them, moving through them with acceptance.
That concludes our meditation today. I hope you understood a little bit more about what it means to accept your emotions and I hope you can practice being open to that. Acknowledge your default feelings, your default thoughts and your default behaviors and work on allowing yourself to feel the full range of human emotions because that's what makes you human.
