By Cappaulli
Are you tired of run-of-the-mill podcasts that sound drably familiar? Look no further, Cappaulli will strive to entertain you with wildly unique content while breaking traditional podcast formats.
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The podcast currently has 9 episodes available.
PUTTFUCKER! PUTTFUCKER! PUTTFUCKER! YEAH!
In the dictionary - under "shit" - they posted your dumb face / Encyclopedia Volume M lists you as a mental case / Like an unsolvable math problem without any clue / You make me sick, you make me pissed, I want to stab you!
In the drifting sea of beauty you're a piece of floating trash / The fish will all swim passed you, they'll float away so fast / Even the simple creatures wouldn't give you time of day / Fuck, you're a nuisance, you're annoying, so get away!
If you were the government, they'd make you file their work / Fellow agents would make fun of you and tell everyone you're a jerk / If you were a soldier, you'd be a camouflaged joke / All the troops would kick your ass and beat you with bars of soap!
"You stupid piece of shit, I hate you! I'm going to come into your office and put an ice pick in your fucking face! Listen, you tell one more son of a bitch joke and I'm going to make you eat your own words you dick! Fuck you, I hate everything about you! GRRRR!"
***PF was originally featured on the physical version of Capaul: Surgeon General's Warning as a hidden bonus track...
Insane Clown Posse: The Killing Fields + White Zombie: More Human Than Human = Cappaulli: The Killing Fields (Insane Zombie Mashup)
***I do not own the rights to this cover
Please feel free to email questions or comments to [email protected]
Follow Cappaulli on his sobriety journey...
Please feel free to email questions or comments to [email protected]
LYRICS:
You're just shit and I'm your master / You can run but I flow faster / Once you're hooked there's no escaping / The choices that have sealed your fate / One more round, you will fuck up!
Family cannot save you now / And everyone will wonder how / And why you got into this mess / You'll drink until there's nothing left / One more round, you can't put me down! / Try to put me down...
Intoxication's my reality / I'm drowning inside, with only poison to breathe / Please, please - no more madness!
Plaguing since the dawn of time / Different labels, proofs, and types / Red-water for the classy folk / And brewskis for the jocks and bros / One more round, you will fuck up!
You can cry and scream or beg / Makes no difference, I've been fed / What you call your "liquid courage" / Gives me strength and keeps me nourished / One more round, you can't put me down! / Try to put me down, yeah...
Intoxication's my reality / I'm bound and gagged, with no way to scream / Please, please - no more sadness!
Alcoholism won't be my downfall / I'll take steps and make all the right calls / Community and abstinence / With love, support, and recompense / No more rounds, you won't tear me down!
***Special thanks to Nic Good for the phenomenal instrumentation
Please feel free to email questions or comments to [email protected]
Three-year-old Marvel was supposed to be sleeping. Very late at night after the stars had come out and the moon was high in the sky - several hours after her parents tucked her in and were fast asleep, Marvel was awake in her bedroom playing with a new toy. She received a small, gray, plush elephant wearing a pink scrunchie from her parents as a reward for using a training potty earlier that day. Thinking of one of her favorite cousins, she named it “Sloan.” Marvel leapt and spun with her new animal companion and wanted to celebrate forever.
At midnight, she heard something strange stamping outside. The sound seemed heavy, distant, and somewhat unfamiliar to her, so she decided to ignore it and resumed playing. After all, there was a manufacturing warehouse with grain elevators nearby that was constantly producing loud noises.
Her bedroom was on the second floor of the house and overlooked the backyard. She was able to stand on her bed and barely reach the window to peak out. Sometimes, when the sky was clear enough, she'd look for beautiful stars or pretend that the moon was stationed above to protect her at night.
Tonight, the sky was pitch black. No moon or stars!
BOOM! Something heavy fell in the backyard and completely interrupted playtime.
BOOM! Marvel, who had been previously sitting on the floor, sprang up and looked towards the window.
BOOM! Slowly, she approached her bed and began to climb while clutching her elephant companion.
BOOM! She slid across the bed and raised the window blinds.
BOOM! Looking out the window down at the backyard, Marvel froze in disbelief and terror.
BOOM!
There, in the darkness, stood an elephant - a full sized, living elephant!
"Why is there an elephant in my yard? How did it get there? What does it want?" Her jaw dropped, dilated eyes widened, hand placed under chin, Marvel pondered.
The elephant stared up at Marvel and began to raise its trunk. As it straightened and lengthened, it seemed to extend further, and further towards the window. Slowly thinking this creature mistook Sloan for a baby elephant, Marvel clutched Sloan. Right before the trunk reached the bedroom, Marvel dropped the shades, jumped out of bed, shut off the lights, and hid under a blanket on the floor with the toy elephant.
ROAR! Marvel sobbed and tried to hide Sloan.
ROAR! The bedroom floor vibrated and the walls shook knocking down picture frames.
ROAR! She could hear the massive giant outside panting and thrashing its trunk towards the house as it seemed to come closer and closer.
ROAR!
And then...silence. Marvel stayed under the blanket on the floor with Sloan for the remainder of the night. Her blue eyes eventually closed.
The next morning, Marvel woke to discover that Sloan was missing. Immediately, Marvel frantically searched under the bed, scoured the closet, and removed everything from her toy box to no avail. Teary-eyed and pouting, Marvel called off her search, trudged downstairs, and tried to forget about Sloan.
Marvel’s father was sipping on black coffee in the kitchen and could hear Marvel stirring. He called out to her, “good morning honey - I have something for you. I found it in our backyard when letting our dog out. I think this belongs to you, right?”
It was the pink scrunchie. The new toy was gone! Sloan, her elephant plush was gone!
***Special thanks to David Capaul and Denice Anderson for literary advice and edits
Please feel free to email questions or comments to [email protected]
Women's Equality Day 2021 is August 26. Join host Cappaulli as he celebrates with spontaneously eclectic segments: a scary elephant story, bad dad jokes, a hot rap song, and a MUST VENT session (bullies). Are you ready for an introduction to podcast insanity?
Please feel free to email questions or comments to [email protected]
Nicholas Capaul Psy.D. offers his professional insight on CappaulliCast in this exclusive teaser trailer
Please feel free to email questions or concerns to [email protected]
LYRICS:
Welcome to my world / Come along with me / I'll show you everything / That's real or fantasy
Get ready for excitement / You won't believe your ears / A journey through my mind-scape / Of hopes and dreams and fears
Thank you for your patronage / I hope you have a blast / Buckle up, let's take the ride / Here's CappaulliCast!
***Special thanks to Nic Good for the phenomenal instrumentation
Please feel free to email questions or comments to [email protected]
LYRICS:
This one's dedicated to all the ladies / August is Women's Equality Month / Thank you for all you do / This episode is dedicated to you
CappaulliCast Episode I / Dad jokes and an elephant story / Don't forget about the theme-theme song / And venting about childhood bullies
Communication that's unique / Breaking all the podcast rules, yeah / With a host that's sexy and sleek / Cappaulli ain't nobody's fool, no
Listen to me baby-baby / My talk be driving you crazy / This flow is sweet and juicy / Leaving you so loosey-goosey
Listen to me muffin-cakes / Dip it low with them booty shakes / Don't forget to tell your peeps / So I can get their precious fees
CappaulliCast Episode I / Put on your headphones, have some fun / CappaulliCast Episode I / Like and subscribe when you are done
CappaulliCast...
The podcast currently has 9 episodes available.