Caregiving For Dementia

I talk just a little bit about some things that you inherit from your family. I don't mean the inheritance that you get when someone dies and leaves you money or any kind of material possession. What I'm talking about is your hair color your eye, your nose your mouth that kind of thing. When your firstborn. People always say you look like this when we look like that when and that's the kind of inheritance and want to talk to you this week about. The thing that makes you, you is what I want to talk about. You know your outlook on life. Your attitude your temper your bullheaded all that kind of stuff that just makes you-you is what I want to talk about this week. Every once in a while I tell Mama that I have inherited her bullheadedness and daddy's temper. And most of the time that works to get her to do what we needed to do, but it doesn't work always so what I mean by that is the fact that all I need to do is hold my ground until she gets tired enough to where she'll do what we needed to do. Most of the time that works. And the other times all you can do is just wait until she gets tired. A lot of times, though, you also inherit your family's health issues. I believe that You inherit cancer from your family, or even something as mental as this devastating disease of dementia. I believe that my grandmother had it on Mama's side toward the end of her life because my sister and I were sitting on grandma's front porch and grandma looked at us and said I want to go home. My sister and I looked at each other and said grandma, you are home you're sitting on your front porch. Nothing we could say or do would convince her that she was sitting on her own front porch at her own house. I don't believe the doctors know where this mental disease comes from. I don't believe they know what causes it. However, I believe that the doctors may think that you may inherit dementia, or Alzheimer's. If the doctors seem to think that this disease of dementia is inherited what's the chances of your kids getting it. Or even your grandkids may even get it. My brother and I worried a little bit about the this to dementia, because where both starting to forget some things. But the doctors seem to think that it's just part of getting older to. But is that or is that not the start of dementia, who knows? Even though I'm putting Stephanie and Mikey through this mental disease with my mother, I'm not sure that if I get this disease that I'd want to put either one of them through this same ordeal. Definitely something to think about. I'm not sure that there's anything that, be able to do about that though because the price of nursing homes is outrageous. Nursing homes in this area are $10,000 and up per month and it's just ridiculous.

I called this Christmas not due to the way Mama reacted to Christmas this year. In 4 years. We have went from being able to go Christmas shopping cannot even knowing what Christmas is. 4 years ago, Mama was able to go Christmas shopping for self. 3 years ago, she was able to tell somebody to go get something for somebody for Christmas. Last year she was able to open her own presence. In 2018 Mama doesn't even know what Christmas is. She was unable to open any of her presence. She was barely able to stay awake for supper. One thing that I do know for sure is although we may be losing mom. She has not forgotten how to give good hugs. Quite often anymore when I go out when I come home I usually need a hug from Mama. One day this week, Stephanie and I went to the movie we saw the Clint Eastwood's latest movie The Mule. The Mule is not a Dirty Harry movie. However, for being 88 years old, still able to talk, walk, drive act and direct this movie is awesome. However, when your caregiving for someone you need to be very careful because you'll find yourself wondering why the one that your caregiving for can't do some the things that other people are doing. You'll find yourself asking well, In my case, why can't Mama walk. Why can't Mama talk, Why can't Mama this, why can't Mama that. You'll find yourself begrudging the ones that can do all the things that the one your caregiving for can't. As far as the rest of the family, we all enjoyed Christmas, including the dog who we splurged on this year. Stephanie decided that she wanted to get the dog a doggie bed. For some reason or another, the dog likes to sleep in our beds and it just isn't room at times for the dog. Michael was a hard when you get for this year, because he's not a child anymore. He does have his own car, so Stephanie and I got him some stuff for it. Unfortunately, one of the things we had gotten him. He already had, so he needed to take that one item back. New Year's used to be a big deal when I was coming up. We're from a small town in West Virginia, where everybody knows everybody. When I was coming up the neighbors used to get on the front porches and bring their pots and pans and at midnight would just bang away on their pots and pans just make a little bit of noise for the new year. We also had a train yard down over the hill and the trains used to make the horns blow at midnight on New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. Since I've gotten older Yeah, although there are some noisemakers not everyone makes noise on New Year's Eve. However, I ended up setting off both car horns a couple times to bring in a new year. It was the only way I could think how to make a little bit of noise for the neighbors. The dog didn't seem to mind the noise he went out and barked at the cars. We thought that was so funny. Mom on the other hand, I don't believe even knew what was going on. I believe she slept through all of the noise, What little there was. I have also made a website change Baby Mountain Radio.com is now its own website, at HTTPS://babymountainradio.com as well as Caregiving for Dementia is its own website at HTTPS://caregivingfordementia.com. However, you can get to one from the other. I felt that Baby Mountain Radio was confusing, so I wanted to separate the show website from a network or production house website. Baby Mountain Radio.com will be where all of my online content will be. I have hopes of adding more podcast in the very near future. I'd like to take this time to say thank you for listening to me for the past 2 years. I was looking at the stats and noticed that I have not been as frequent as I thought I was. In 2019. I hope that I'll be more frequent with episodes. Again, the me say thank you for listening. Happy New Year's to all have a great year and will talk to you next week.

I'm a Baby Episode # 66 In this episode, I talk about babies. Were only a few days away from Christmas? And a lot of people are talking about the baby Jesus. Now I don't know whether it's all the talk of Christmas here to house, or if Mama honestly thinks she is a baby because of her dementia. This week here in the house, Mama has called herself a baby. You may find yourself in your 50s thinking about whether or not you want to have another child. I would suggest to you, though. Before you take that step move your elderly parents in, especially if they have a physical or mental problem to where they need help 24 7 365. You see, you may find yourself in a position that stuff and I've found ourselves in where was a baby, you can do what you want when you want, how you want, but when you're taking care of an adult. It's not that easy. You find yourself without time to explain to them what, why and how you doing things. From time to time you may wish you were of a certain age, but you want to go back to that age. No one would you know now. Everybody knows that that is impossible. However, in mom's case, she's a toddler mentally so she reacts as a toddler at times. You find yourself dealing with an adult with a toddler's mentality and that is not always easy to do. Now I realized that people have to work. But what I don't understand is how you can just put your parents in a nursing home and never, ever go see them. There are 5 of us kids left and 3 of us kids don't even bother coming around to see mom and haven't for about 4 years. They were around for the 1st 2 years, and Mama was Mama, but they have just up and disappeared. They don't even bother calling anymore. Now I realized that Mama can't talk on the phone anymore but still that's no reason just to disappear and not even see your mother, your parents at all. We're just a few days away from Christmas, and I'm not sure that were going to bother decorating again this year for Christmas. Because of the way Mama Reacts, but the problem of it is, is I don't know whether that reaction is a bad reaction or is it just the fact of the pretty lights, and the pretty packages. Or is it a reaction of fear? I'm not sure I don't know that I will ever know for sure. As for myself, I'm a big Christmas buff I like all the lights in the packages. But it's a lot of work for one person to put everything up. And there's not a lot of time in the evening when Stephanie, Michael come home from work to do a whole lot. So I'm not sure that were going to decorate again this year. I'm just not sure. If you're still reading, I would like to say thank you for reading this far as I wrap up the show notes. I would just like to say Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all. If you hit www.babymountainradio.com. You may run into it being down I'm working on the website, but it shouldn't take me more than just a few hours to do what I need to do. If you find the website down. Please, please keep trying to leave me a message. I'd appreciate it.

Caregiving for Dementia Frustrations Episode 65 In this week's episode of care giving for dementia, I discuss some of the frustrations that I find myself with taking care of Mama with her dementia. Some of the things that she does really frustrates me because their things that she taught me how to do. It's the simple things that we all take for granted that she can no longer do. When you're the caregiver of someone there are a lot of things that you do to keep them safe and healthy that they may or may not understand why or what you are doing. Now you think about it. If you had a mental disease to the point where you did not know what was going on around you and somebody was doing things to you, for you, with you that you did not understand what they were doing or why they were doing it. How frustrating would that be for you? I find it very frustrating trying to keep mom healthy and safe. When Mama doesn't realize what's going on. Mamas to the point where she can't walk, so she has to be picked up and moved every place that she goes, no matter why he's going. And at times you have to move her whether or not she's ready to be moved. In those times you may get some reaction from the one that your caregiving for. That's totally out of character for that particular person if they were in their right mind. You may fix a big meal for dinner and they don't want to eat. I find this very frustrating because I have taken all the time to fix the meal. More worrisome than that is the fact that if they don't eat enough to stay healthy very long. As you get older your body gives up some functionality. One of those functionalities of getting old is the fact that you no longer have the hearing that you once did. I understand that as you get older the part of the hearing that you lose are the high pitches. This makes perfect sense, because when Michael or I talked to mom, mom seems to be able to understand what we say, versus what the wife says. This I think is due to the fact that the wife has a higher pitch to her voice, then Michael where I do. This is frustrating, more so for the wife, because Mama can't hear much at all from her. I'm finding it little frustrating myself, because a lot of times I end up repeating and repeating and repeating what I say as well. Caregiving for someone is not always the thing that causes the frustration. I honestly believe the frustration is just a part of life. I was brought up that you didn't stay out after midnight unless you were working. This is something that has stuck with me all through my life. I'm finding this very frustrating, because the boy doesn't always want to come home before midnight. Some of the conversations I have with the wife. I feel like I'm on a merry-go-round and that's also very frustrating. Getting interrupted doing things is also very frustrating. I don't know about you but I'm also finding it very frustrating the way this country is headed. I find it very frustrating that you can't say what you want to say anymore in his country without someone getting their feelings hurt. So you see, it's not only caregiving for someone that adds the frustration to life, but other things as well. I don't have any real good solutions for the frustration that you may feel whether that be caregiving for someone or some the other situations of said in the above but what I have figured out is that if you just walk away for a time. The frustration seems to relax a bit, after giving it some time to work its way out. Taking time to be by yourself releases the frustration as well.

Care Giving for Dementia Putting Things Off Episode # 64 This week's episode once again brings us to the holiday season. I discuss the past 2 years of the holiday season, along with discussing whether or not once again to decorate for Christmas. Decorations seem to irritate mom with her dementia. Christmas has lost its meaning. Michael is all grown up so Christmas doesn't mean a whole lot to Stephanie and I anymore right now. Put things off, at times because you either have time and no money or you have money and no time to do the things that you want to do. So they get put off. And a lot of times they get put off permanently do to money. I'm finding myself putting a lot of things off right now and it's got nothing to do with having money or the time to do them got to do with taking care of Mama. When you're younger you put off a lot of things, thinking that you'll get to them eventually. The longer you put them off the more they can cost you. Stephanie and I've found ourselves in situations where if we to handle things a little differently if we had done things just a shade different than what we did we would not be in situations that we found ourselves into. Stephanie and I put off getting married for now that happened 10 years because we didn't think we could afford it, but if we to wait another year and a half another 18 months Stephanie's dad would not abandon our wedding. We put off buying a house for years, cause we didn't think we could afford it. We were living in an apartment and the apartment had radiator heat know really is no adjustment for radiator heat it's either on or it's off. There was no air-conditioning for the apartment and so we talk to the management and by the time we paid the rent paid the electric bill for the air conditioner and we wanted a dog as well. So by the time you took all 3 of those payments we had enough to buy this house. This house is not the Taj Mahal. It's not Trump Tower, but it is a roof over our heads. It keeps us warm. It keeps us dry and it fits into the budget. And that's one thing that I've learned a little bit from mom lived within your budget. You don't have to have the best you just need what you have to have. There's so many things that I want to do with this podcast with the name baby mountain radio, but I'm finding myself having to put those things off. Not only do to the fact of not having a lot of money, but taking care mom is priority right now. So I putting things off with doing a whole lot because of that. Mama could tell that something was going on long before anybody else new, including the doctors. She didn't know exactly what was going on, but she knew something wasn't right. So before she got too bad Mama had some things put down on paper for legal situations. However, there was one thing that she put off because she didn't think she or I you one would need it, and unfortunately that one thing that she put off has cost her a few dollars. Not a whole lot but a few dollars. Sometimes putting things off may not cost you, but it cost your children. Which may or may not be good? See their 6 of us kids and 3 of us have just up and disappeared for the past 2 to 3 years. And that hurts because you think they'll be around, and then all of a sudden they're not there and haven't been there. Several years ago, I promise mom that she would never see the inside of a nursing home. So you see, I don't care who it is or who isn't around as long as I am physically and mentally capable of taking care Mama. Mama is staying right here at home with me. I hope you enjoy listening to this episode of care giving for dementia.

Caregiving for Dementia

Being Forced to Stay Gone!

Episode # 63

I just got back from DC pod Fest. I had to force myself to stay away from the house because I was mentally still here, still taking care of Mama. I found it very difficult to focus on the sessions at DC pod Fest because I couldn't get my mind to let go of the caregiving.

I want to thank Jennifer Crawford and her team at DC pod Fest for putting together a great event. The event was fabulously put together. The event was jam-packed full of great podcasting information. I'm already looking forward to DC pod Fest in 2019.

With that said, though I found it very difficult to focus on any of the sessions that I was attending because I couldn't get my mind off of what was going on here at the house. I was still caregiving for my mother even though I was physically gone. My mind would not leave the house.

One of the problems that the main caregiver for someone has is getting away from all the caregiving. In other words, you may get physically away. You may be able to physically leave the caregiving to someone else, but you are mentally still the one caregiving for that one. That's the situation I found myself in this weekend. Yes, I physically got away, but mentally I could not leave the house.

DC pod Fest was Friday evening and all day Saturday, I left the house at about 4-ish on Friday evening, because the event starts until 7 PM. So, at about 6:30 PM I called to check to see how things were here to house. I was told they were fine. Go and enjoy your event. So I get I enjoyed Friday nights event. Up until about 11 PM. When I found myself all alone, I was wondering what was going on. So I call home again to see how things were going on. Everything was fine. I was told she got her medicine and now she was sleeping.

I was ready to come home Friday night at 11 o'clock. Only through the support of the boy and the wife was able to stay and get some sleep Friday night, but I didn't get to sleep that I thought I would. Mama usually gets me up around 2 AM-ish and around 4:30 AM and wouldn't you know I got up around 2 AM-ish and around 4 AM-ish. I got up at 5:30 AM to go to the event for Saturday. I thought about calling but then I thought no they're in bed. Nobody wants to be wake up at 5:30 AM when a phone call.

I did fairly well. Saturday up until about 8 AM-ish and that's all I could stand I had to call and find out what was going on. I called about 4 times to see what was going on. And finally, the boy told me he said daddy quit calling she's okay, she's fine. Go and enjoy the rest of the weekend. Well, I didn't quit calling but without that kind of support. I've come home much earlier than I should have.

Sunday morning I came home around 9 AM and the wife was awake and had just gotten up, but the boy and mom were still sleeping. I was home about an hour or so, and Mama woke up. So I went out to the living room, which is her bedroom and as soon as she saw me her face just lit up. She had missed me. She was glad to see me. Then at times, she asked me who I am.

I understand while I was gone on Saturday, my brother and his wife came down to see mom for her birthday which was Sunday, and now I wasn't here, but in times past. Mama recognizes my brother's wife over my brother at times. Now the longer they're here, she gets to recognize my brother.

I guess that's one of the strangest things about this devastating disease called, dementia. Sometimes, Mama recognizes us and sometimes she doesn't. No matter how long it's been since she seen you.

Caregiving for Dementia Caregiver Gone Episode # 62 This week's show, I've called caregiver gone because I am the main caregiver and I'm going to be gone for almost 2 days. Although I'm going to be fairly close to home. I'm not going to be right here to take care of Mama. With me not going to be home for 2 days that leaves Michael and Stephanie to take care Mama and they do things different than I do, and Mama's not used to that. Mama is used to me mom is used to the way I do things. So I'm worried that the change may be a bit hard for Mama. I have left the house for a couple of hours here in a couple hours there. Leaving either Michael or Stephanie to take care of mom, since mamas gotten sick. I haven't left her for 2 days. Every time I leave the house. I feel a little guilty because I'm the one that's needs to be taking care mom. This will be the 1st time that I've gone off and left mom for any length of time and yes I do feel extremely guilty. When Stephanie and I went to our support group for caregivers' One of the things that they tried to push for was taking care of yourself 1st. It was said. If you don't take care yourself you not going to be able to take care of the one you're caring for. That made perfect sense then and it makes perfect sense now. However, leaving for 2 days or leaving for any amount of significant time I feel very guilty, but I guess feeling guilty is just part of taking care of someone. You feel like you're not doing your job. You feel like something's going to happen to the one you're caring for If you leave them for any amount of time. Whether or not your taking care of someone, life goes on. There are things that happen. There are things that you want to do. There are things that you do that may or may not take you away from the one you're caring for X amount of time. Some of the things that you want to do cost money it cost you to do some things. And you need to decide whether or not taking a break from caregiving is worth it. DC pod Fest is this weekend and I decided to go. I've put the money out to go, but I still feel guilty even putting the money out to go to something where our learn something. I'll meet new friends I'll be able to see some friends from last year. It's a year later, when mom's a little worse, so the guilt a little stronger, but needing a break is even, a stronger need. It'll be interesting to see how things go with me. Not being here. When I get back what kind of attitude, well I come back to. Will they want to stick around or will they want to leave for a few hours. Only time will answer this question. Only time will help Mama get used to other caregivers.

Caregiving for Dementia Doing the Hard Things Episode # 61 In this episode, I discuss a few things that Stephanie and I are having a real hard time doing. The older you get more hard things there are for you to do. When you're in school homework is hard and the higher you get in school, the harder the homework becomes. Will this week's episode of care giving for dementia, I talk about things here in the house that are really hard for Stephanie and I to do. When I talk about things that are hard to do. I'm talking about raise your kids the right way. It's harder to turn them loose when they become young adults. Stephanie and I find it very hard to turn loose of the boy in fact, there are times when we telling he still can't do something, and he's like daddy. I've seen movies and I'm sure that you gone through a in your life to where someone has passed away, and there spouse doesn't want to go through their things. They don't want to go through their things because it's too hard. Well, I've had just a little taste of that this weekend. You see, Stephanie and I trying to get things ready for winter switching the summer close over to our winter clothes and were running on to some of mom disclosed that we know Mama will never wear again. Mamas lost so much weight that you will not get into most of her clothes that she got in the closet. Stephanie, I have very little room so we can't hold on to everything that Mama has we bought a new close and she's lost so much weight. She won't be able to where this year. So were finding ourselves making the hard decisions of keeping some of moms close throwing some of moms close away or donating some of them. And then there are some of those close that I just can't talk about right now. Because there Mama's favorite clothes, their close up, Mama wore all the time. In fact, there's one dress hanging in the closet that will probably be the last dress, Mama ever wears. Mamas made a lot of her clothes when she was younger I can remember coming home from school and finding mom on the living room floor with material in this tissue paper thing that was called a pattern spread all out through the living room floor. She take this tissue paper thing in panic to the material cut the material out and take the material over the sewing machine and so the pieces together. Mama used to make a lot of pretty close herself. I remember one time she made us kids pants and vests to go to school in. I'm glad I was a kid. Cause pants look so funny. But there's some close of mamas made here. Some of her winter sweaters she crocheted some bedspreads that she crocheted fact; I've got the last bedspreads she ever crocheted about 3 years ago. I don't want to get rid of those. I don't want to throw those out. I don't want to donate those but yet on the other hand, we can't keep everything. Then Mama has a bed that she bought before she got too terribly bad with this dementia. It's a two-piece bed. The main bed is too high for Mama anymore. The other piece was what we call of rollaway bed. It's a smaller and shorter bed, so it's easier for Mama to get in and out of then the normal bed. We're talking about decorating for Christmas this year at least putting up a tree. Because last year didn't feel like Christmas in fact, it was rather depressing, so we decided that were going to put a tree up this year. But in order to do that we have to take apart this bed and store it. So we can have the window for the tree. If we take this bed apartment and story it. I kind of feel like I'm doing Mama wrong. Cause its mamas bed. But we need the space for the tree; both of them can't go to the same spot, so I feel bad, I feel like I'm doing Mama wrong. After all, it's her bed that was talking about moving. It's her bed that storing away. So were left with hard decisions to make and the only way to make them, is to do what's best for you at the time.

Caregiving for Dementia No Name Episode # 60 I had too many names for this episode of caregiving for dementia. So I called this episode. No name because I couldn't pick one. One of the reasons why I didn't pick a name for this episode is the fact that one week we've taken some of mama's medication away from her. Which, has woken her up, to the point where she can now carry on a small conversation, or at least to the point where you could figure out what she's talking about, and to her appetite is back. Yeah, mama's appetite is back. There lies the question, are we doing the right thing by taking her medication away? I feel that we have because it's woken her up to where we can talk to her. She's now eating. And I mean eating. We have a serving spoon for food and last night we give Mama a spoonful of macaroni butter, applesauce, and a little bit of pork chop. Mama ate extremely well, she had over half a spoonful of macaroni butter she had a spoonful and a half of applesauce and she probably ate half of the pork chop that we cut up into small pieces for her. I am extremely excited about that. We started out with Mama not eaten anything at all. Most of the time, when we did get her to eat. It was a bike here and a bite there. We worked at up to 4 bytes here 4 bytes there and I believe we went up to 8 bytes, but last night. Last night she ate extremely well and were all tickled pink about it. Now we may pay for taking the morning medication away for Mama, we may not. We'll just have to wait and see. It's something the only time will tell us. We may have to deal with the more of an anger attitude more of a feistiness without the medication. But again, it's just something the time will tell. I was asked the question by her friend when I was talking to them about taking this medication away from Mama. He said. You may feel better about her waking up and eating. But how does she feel? That's a question that I could not really answer other than the fact that no one should sleep 24 7 365 and that's what Mama was going with all this medication. She won eaten because she was sleeping, she wasn't talking because she was sleeping, she's lost the ability to walk because she was sleeping. I've always heard that if you don't use it, you lose it, and that is so much of a true statement. Because Mama no longer has the ability to stand no longer has the ability to walk. For the time being, I have my mommy back. We are able to carry on small conversations with her appetite is back, with those 2 things alone. I don't see how I could be too terribly wrong. It's something that will just have to wait and see you can't cross a bridge until you come to it now, you might be able to see where things are going, but you can't cross the bridge until you come to it. So we'll just have to wait and see. If you leave everything up to the doctors. I honestly think that their answer is medication. The medication. However, and Mama's case makes Mama sleep all the time. So I may be wrong, I may be right. I'm not sure, but one thing I am sure of and that is that the medication at the doctors give mom for her dementia is making her sleep. That's it's plain as the nose on my face. And I would rather deal with a little bit of a nastiness and have Mama wake a little bit thinner wood for her to be sleeping 24 7 365. I hope you'll stay tuned for more episodes of caregiving for dementia for updates on mom, for updates on how she's reacting to having no morning medication, whether or not we've had to give her back her morning meds.

This week's episode is about some changes that we need to make. We were at the dinner table. The other night and Mama looked at me and got angry was ready to fight. The boy looked at her, grabbed her hand and said grandma, grandma, calm down. We had come in from church and we were eating dinner and we were all sitting around the table and we were talking. All of a sudden mom looked at me and she got really angry and I didn't know why I mean we had been holding 15 minutes, so one anything we did or said. But she got this really angry look on her face and started yelling a little bit what she was yelling we couldn't say. But Michael looked at her and took her by the hand and said grandma, calm down, calm down, grandma and wouldn't you know, lo and behold, she looked at him and it was like a light switch immediately. She calmed down. This went back-and-forth couple 3 times. Maybe and Michael eventually said trade me sides, daddy. I looked at him and I asking what you mean trade you sides. He say come over here and sit, so I did. And when Mama looked at me from then on, the anger, the ready to fight look had completely disappeared. Michael looked at me. I looked at Michael. He said she can't see you. It's dark over here. And he was right. There's no light on one side of the table except for the kitchen like which for you and me is not dark, per say, but for an 85-year-old I would say it was dark. We do have a lamp sitting on a dresser, which is where Michael was sitting so Mama can see him with the light. I, on the other hand, was dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt sitting in a dark and corner. When I had moved over to where the light was. It was like a light switch. There was no more problem. There wasn't a problem with Michael sitting in a dark corner because Michael didn't have a shirt on, so he was white. So Mama could see him, and Mama could see me now that I had a light behind me and she was fine from then on. A few nights after that Stephanie and I came in again from church, this time I was in a white shirt and Stephanie was in a dark green dress, and lo and behold, Mama was ready to fight with Stephanie. Mama got that being ready to fight look and was going off on Stephanie. Stephanie went into the bedroom, changed her dark green dress to a white T-shirt type thing and lo and behold, Mama, calm down. Again, it was like a light switch almost immediately with Stephanie got out of that dark green dress,