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I don’t have to tell you that people are scared right now. You can feel it in the air, in the way people move, in the way their voices tighten when they talk about the future—if they dare talk about it at all. Anxiety isn’t just a passing state anymore; it’s the wallpaper of modern life. The headlines scream, the sirens wail, and somehow, we’re all supposed to just go about our business like nothing’s on fire.
Last week’s Cary Harrison Files made that crystal clear. I heard it in your voices—the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the quiet plea hidden beneath the words: What do we do? Where do we go from here? It wasn’t just about the economy, or the politics, or the news cycle that seems hell-bent on making sure nobody ever gets a full night’s sleep again. It was deeper than that. It was the creeping sense that we’re more divided, more isolated, more… alone than ever before.
And that’s why we have to talk about this. Because if we’re not careful, fear will do what it always does—it’ll turn us against each other. It’ll make us suspicious, cynical, convinced that we’re on our own. And that’s the real danger. Not just what’s happening out there, but what it’s doing to us in here.
So tonight, let’s push back. Let’s talk about what actually holds us together. About what we can do—right now, today—to make sure fear doesn’t win. Because if last week proved anything, it’s that none of us are as alone as we think.
Cary Harrison: And Stephanie, let's just cut to the chase.
Cary Harrison: Why are so many people miserable when we've never had more ways to, let's say, optimize happiness?
Stephanie Harrison: I think because we have lost sight of the fact that happiness comes from our relationships.
Stephanie Harrison: As you mentioned in your introduction, we are deeply disconnected from one another.
Stephanie Harrison: And connection is the pathway to happiness.
Stephanie Harrison: And unfortunately, this sort of truth has been really lost in the ways in which our society has warped this idea that happiness comes from, as you said, optimizing yourselves, pursuing more and more, getting certain possessions or achievements.
Stephanie Harrison: And I think that in order for us to find our way out of this moment, we need to remember that true happiness comes from being connected to other people.
Cary Harrison: You know, we talk about old happy versus new happy.
Cary Harrison: You do a book.
Cary Harrison: Is it just another way of saying that we've been doing it wrong all along?
Stephanie Harrison: Yeah.
Stephanie Harrison: It's, you know, old happy is my term to try to collect a bunch of different ideas together into one to make it easier to talk about.
Stephanie Harrison: And essentially, old happy teaches us that happiness is something that we get through perfecting ourselves, achieving more and more and isolating ourselves from other people.
Stephanie Harrison: And these messages are incredibly pervasive and have been conditioned into us through things like institutions and the media and our relationships with our families and ultimately what i'm striving to help people to do is realize that old happy doesn't work we have reams and reams of scientific data that show that these pursuits don't make us feel good they actually make us feel bad and ultimately they end up contributing to a lot of the bigger problems that our society is facing as well
Cary Harrison: Ray, on the phone and some others, we're gonna go to you in just a minute.
Cary Harrison: We'll take some calls here.
Cary Harrison: Stephanie Harrison, obviously people really wanna have a glass of cool water in a parched desert of desperation.
Cary Harrison: And I wanna make sure that everyone's voices gets heard um we're living in different times i mean even a month ago it was the old world it was the old way it was just let's fine tune it we still would go to malibu we still would spend 300 bucks on a special yoga suit so we could meditate with our palms up to catch the proper vortices as they are known to spend specifically in malibu and other places maybe sedona arizona
Cary Harrison: I'm being sarcastic, but practical at the same time.
Cary Harrison: This is what many of us believe.
Cary Harrison: That's the old happy.
Cary Harrison: That is the old way of finding it.
Cary Harrison: We're now in a whole new thing of real disruption where gravity may or may not be real, according to fill in the blank and finding happiness, security, stability with each other.
Cary Harrison: is kind of the new goal.
Cary Harrison: Not just me feeling self-soothing.
Cary Harrison: I'm going to self-soothe today.
Cary Harrison: But I have to soothe my neighbors, or if they're unsoothed, I am never going to be soothed.
Stephanie Harrison: That's so beautifully said.
Stephanie Harrison: I couldn't agree more.
Stephanie Harrison: I think in the conversation that we've had as a society about self-care, we have forgotten that the best form of self-care is through caring for other people and our connections.
Stephanie Harrison: And as you said, if if we allow other people to be suffering, to be experiencing profound harm to their lives, to their own wellbeing, how can we say that we are happy and well on the inside?
Stephanie Harrison: We can't permit these things to happen while also pursuing our own selfish pleasures.
Stephanie Harrison: The two things are just fundamentally at odds.
Stephanie Harrison: And so that doesn't mean that we can't, do things that make us feel good or that bring us joy or, you know, have the occasional bubble bath or spa day or whatever it is that helps you to feel like you're strong and capable.
Stephanie Harrison: But we have to bring back the focus that we are a collective.
Stephanie Harrison: We are deeply dependent upon one another and we need each other.
Stephanie Harrison: And that is the only way that we'll be able to really find the happiness that I think deep down all of us are searching for.
Cary Harrison: We're talking right now to Stephanie Harrison.
Cary Harrison: She is creator of The New Happy with a master's degree in positive psychology from Penn, written for the Harvard Business Review, been featured in the New York Times, and Forbes even testified before the government on happiness back when the government might have been interested in such a topic.
Cary Harrison: Her new book, New Happy, has already become an international bestseller today.
Cary Harrison: Here to talk to us about everything, why we think everything we know about happiness is wrong, especially now, and helping others might be the secret to saving each other.
Cary Harrison: Service.
Cary Harrison: something that this country was founded on and something that we're looking to return to all that in service of my show last week, but we found out that really people need to reconnect with each other and have community and fellowship.
Cary Harrison: The surprising key to joy, how helping others boosts personal happiness, like the way to get self-esteem is by doing esteemable things.
Cary Harrison: For example, And you're not supposed to tell people this.
Cary Harrison: You do it in top secret.
Cary Harrison: When I go into Ralph's, for instance, which is one of the big grocery store chains here, and I see an older woman trying to load her groceries from the cart into her trunk.
Cary Harrison: It's hard.
Cary Harrison: It's difficult.
Cary Harrison: I'll run up joyously like a spaniel wagging my tail, throw the groceries in her trunk.
Cary Harrison: Wish her a great day and leave.
Cary Harrison: I know she feels better.
Cary Harrison: I feel great for like three hours, but I can't tell anybody.
Cary Harrison: That's the key.
Cary Harrison: I can't get credit for it.
Cary Harrison: And it changes you.
Cary Harrison: It really does.
Stephanie Harrison: There's so much science to back that up that acts of kindness, of course, they benefit the lady who you're helping, the person who you're showing up for, but they also end up benefiting the giver and sometimes even more than the receiver.
Stephanie Harrison: And so that description, your story, what scientists have discovered is that not only do you feel better for up to four weeks after doing an act of kindness, but But it's something that persists and it helps you to change your identity into somebody who feels like they are worthy and they matter.
Stephanie Harrison: And so much of this mental health crisis that we're experiencing in this country is, I believe, a result of people feeling like they don't have this deep sense of self-worth, that they're not able to contribute to lives in a meaningful way.
Stephanie Harrison: And we don't have to start out by changing the world.
Stephanie Harrison: We can just start out by trying to change somebody else's day and we get the benefits that we're looking for.
Cary Harrison: Kerry Harrison with you.
Cary Harrison: This is the Cary Harrison Files.
Cary Harrison: We're live streaming right now on Substack.
Cary Harrison: If you are smart and have, check that out.
Cary Harrison: What a great place to watch.
Cary Harrison: This is along with YouTube.
Cary Harrison: You can simply Google Kerry Harrison Substack or YouTube so we can stay connected when you arrive.
Cary Harrison: at your destination, you car driver, you.
Cary Harrison: You can also easily find us always at kpfk.net.
Cary Harrison: Just go to kpfk.net.
Cary Harrison: And don't forget to sign up for our newsletter at kerryharrison.com.
Cary Harrison: We're talking right now to Stephanie Harrison, best-selling author, and we're looking at ways to cope In the complicated and uncertain times in which we live, notice how I even have to put that in code.
Cary Harrison: I really, I would love to really lay it out, but I'm not gonna.
Cary Harrison: I think we all kind of get it right now.
Cary Harrison: That's the other problem is normally if you go to a psychotherapist, they ask you to be specific and identify the real problem.
Cary Harrison: But because we're so divided, to identify the real problem might put you on the enemy's list of your neighbor.
Cary Harrison: And we have to be mindful of that too, don't we?
Stephanie Harrison: Yeah.
Stephanie Harrison: And this division that we're experiencing, I think that in many ways, we don't realize how we're pulling ourselves apart from people and how the more that we can come back to honoring our shared humanity and recognizing that All of us want to be happy.
Stephanie Harrison: All of us want to experience the ability to have a good life.
Stephanie Harrison: And there's nothing wrong with that.
Stephanie Harrison: We should be celebrating our neighbors for what they do and their unique contributions to the world.
Stephanie Harrison: And we should be trying to make the world safe for everybody to be able to experience those things.
Cary Harrison: Stephanie Harrison, you say that helping others is the key to joy.
Cary Harrison: You mentioned the science behind that.
Cary Harrison: How does that science compare to say retail therapy, which a lot of people, they do believe it works.
Stephanie Harrison: I would say that if you think about it like if you imagine a line graph, the spike of gratification that might ensue after handing over your credit card to buy something, sure, it might boost up really, really quickly, but it falls just as rapidly and it does not persist.
Stephanie Harrison: Whereas if you're helping somebody, it's much more of a steady climb that ultimately gets you up higher and then keeps you there.
Stephanie Harrison: So sure, buying something, maybe in the moment, it gives you that quick hit of getting something you want.
Stephanie Harrison: But we are so adaptable to any of our possessions or our achievements.
Stephanie Harrison: And ultimately, that hedonistic high wears off very, very rapidly.
Stephanie Harrison: And it's not a good or sustainable pathway to true happiness.
Cary Harrison: I have to admit burnout.
Cary Harrison: I have a severe version of it.
Cary Harrison: It's like, I feel like Sisyphus, not syphilis, but Sisyphus pushing that boulder up the hill only for see, we'd see you smile.
Cary Harrison: It's video only to have that boulder roll back down and keep pushing it back up.
Cary Harrison: I am one of hundreds of millions here, but.
Cary Harrison: I just happen to have the microphone, so I'm saying it.
Cary Harrison: Burnout, practically a badge of honor in America.
Cary Harrison: In other words, you worked hard and you're burnout.
Cary Harrison: I'm burnout for a thousand other reasons like everyone else.
Cary Harrison: What would be one simple shift that any of us can make today to start feeling better?
Stephanie Harrison: It's such a great question.
Stephanie Harrison: And you're right.
Stephanie Harrison: There are so many millions of people who are suffering from burnout.
Stephanie Harrison: One of the things I think that people don't necessarily know about burnout is that one of the key components of it is cynicism.
Stephanie Harrison: So believing that other people are bad or that the future is irredeemably flawed, there's no hope for us.
Stephanie Harrison: And so one of the things we can do to address our burnout, even if we can't maybe change our circumstances, is to try to cultivate a better sense of optimism, a sense of care, a sense of connection, a sense of looking for the good in other people.
Stephanie Harrison: And when we do that, that can help to bolster us to both make the choices that work for us, but also to continue showing up for our communities in these difficult times.
Cary Harrison: Stephanie Harrison, I want to ask you a relevant question for today's Times.
Cary Harrison: And thank you.
Cary Harrison: You're like so awesome jumping back with really excellent, well-researched answers, which is why we have you on and not Mildred, who I could go find at Ralph's, who is very grateful for the groceries but may not have any idea about this.
Cary Harrison: If you had to give a TED Talk to a room full of billionaires who what would you tell them about the link between money and happiness i love that
Stephanie Harrison: question if only if if if i could do that it would be a dream come true um i would try to tell them that their hoarding of wealth is not only harming millions billions of other people but it's also harming themselves and i would use the research to convince them that this pursuit is not only flawed, but it's also contributing to our broken world and that there are so many better things that they can do rather than devote themselves to simply amassing more and more.
Stephanie Harrison: And principally, they could be focusing on giving more and more.
Cary Harrison: We have some callers here at 818-985-5735.
Cary Harrison: Those are your Harrison hotlines, 818-985-KPFK.
Cary Harrison: And I think we have Ray to ask you a question.
Cary Harrison: Ray, you're on the Kerry Harrison Files.
Ray: Oh, hi.
Ray: I want to wish everyone a happy day and a good morning.
Ray: I wanted to express the fact that shows like yours are absolutely necessary in times like these, and it's really appreciated by everyone.
Ray: I had a suggestion.
Ray: You asked for suggestions last week, and you said you would take them today.
Ray: So I would like to suggest that you invite these guests administrators, these government administrators, to explain on your show exactly what they're doing and to describe exactly what they have in mind and in simple terms explain their policies, their practices, and their decisions.
Ray: And I would suggest that you challenge these people and invite them on the show.
Cary Harrison: Okay, well, I love the idea.
Cary Harrison: If they say yes, you know I will do it.
Cary Harrison: And I appreciate your call, Ray.
Cary Harrison: I think Ray speaks to the news cycle, basically a 24-7 anxiety machine.
Cary Harrison: Really, I've never, we've all watched the news.
Cary Harrison: We all watched it obsessively, C-SPAN, whatever, for years and years.
Cary Harrison: But three minutes of it puts me into a backspin like crazy.
Cary Harrison: How, Stephanie Harrison, do we cultivate real joy when the world, as Ray just pointed out, feels like it's absolutely on fire?
Stephanie Harrison: I want to acknowledge just how difficult it is in this situation that we are all in.
Stephanie Harrison: And Ray, I absolutely love your idea, by the way.
Stephanie Harrison: I think that there are a couple of different practices and tools we can use.
Stephanie Harrison: The news is going to put us into a fight or flight state pretty quickly with everything going on right now.
Stephanie Harrison: So I really recommend trying to limit your news consumption or to engage in news sources like your show, Carrie, that are devoted to helping people to feel more connected, not trying to stem them into outrage.
Stephanie Harrison: The second thing we can do is to remember that we're not supposed to deal with this by ourselves.
Stephanie Harrison: We're supposed to deal with it through connection.
Stephanie Harrison: And that means coming together, having conversations, building those meaningful communities that support each other.
Stephanie Harrison: And then finally, it's about devoting ourselves to a greater purpose.
Stephanie Harrison: What can we do?
Stephanie Harrison: You know, none of us are going to be able to save the country or the world by ourselves, but we can all do our small part to make a difference.
Stephanie Harrison: We can all show up and try to support other people who are struggling and try to make a difference here.
Stephanie Harrison: And if we can do each of those things, they can provide that level of support that allows us to not only cope, but ultimately even thrive.
Cary Harrison: Cary Harrison with you.
Cary Harrison: This is the Cary Harrison Files.
Cary Harrison: Don't forget to sign up for our newsletter at CaryHarrison.com.
Cary Harrison: Talking to Stephanie Harrison, whose surname is so awesome, I can even pronounce it.
Cary Harrison: She happens to be the creator of The New Happy.
Cary Harrison: Got a master's degree in positive psychology from Penn.
Cary Harrison: Written for the Harvard Business Review.
Cary Harrison: Been featured in the New York Times.
Cary Harrison: Been featured in Forbes.
Cary Harrison: Even testified before the government on happiness.
Cary Harrison: Has a new book called New Happy.
Cary Harrison: And you testified before Congress on happiness.
Cary Harrison: I mean, this is just I don't know whether to smile or clutch the pearls that I'm not wearing.
Cary Harrison: But did they actually listen or were they just giving tax breaks?
Stephanie Harrison: Yeah.
Stephanie Harrison: It was actually for the government of California specifically.
Stephanie Harrison: So looking at their commission on happiness, and they did listen.
Stephanie Harrison: They were very engaged and very supportive.
Stephanie Harrison: You know, I think that if I was to be speaking in front of Congress, especially right now, we'd be having a very different conversation.
Stephanie Harrison: And ultimately, there is so much misinformation out there about happiness that so many people who have been led astray thinking that power or domination or the amass of, you know, the pursuit of wealth and status are going to make you happy.
Stephanie Harrison: And unfortunately, a lot of that, uh, seems to be playing out in many ways in the public sphere now too.
Cary Harrison: Let's go next to Carlos in Carson.
Cary Harrison: You're on the Cary Harrison files with Stephanie Harrison and me, Cary Harrison.
Carlos: Good morning.
Carlos: Both, uh, both Harrisons, uh, Listen, I can identify with what Stephanie's saying about giving, randomly giving, because that enhances your humanity and your sense of self-worth.
Carlos: I love to go to Tijuana to the border and give money to all these poor kids begging on the streets.
Carlos: and all those people distributing clothes.
Carlos: And particularly, I go over there to contribute money for people who have cancer and cannot afford insurance, surgery, things like that.
Carlos: And, you know, that gives me a great sense of humanity, a sense of being, and a reason for living, you know.
Carlos: At my age, sometimes you need reasons for living, you know.
Carlos: But I got a question from Stephanie.
Carlos: You mentioned a collective, being part of a collective.
Carlos: Now, doesn't that take away from your sense of being an individual?
Carlos: I look at our DEI policies, diversity, inclusion, and all this, but that that also merges you and you become part of the big collective.
Carlos: And that has to me, that entails in a way, a sense of loosening your cultural identity, your traditions, things like that, where you just submerge through the collective.
Carlos: I mean, I'm grappling with that question.
Carlos: What do you say?
Cary Harrison: Thank you.
Stephanie Harrison: Thank you so much, Carlos, for your call.
Cary Harrison: Good one, Stephanie.
Stephanie Harrison: It's a really great question, Carlos.
Stephanie Harrison: And first of all, thank you so much for being the person you are who shows up to give and make a difference in people's lives.
Stephanie Harrison: We need more people like you.
Stephanie Harrison: And I had goosebumps listening to you talk about it.
Stephanie Harrison: So thank you so much.
Stephanie Harrison: You know, I think that when we think about the collective, The collective is at its strongest when every individual has a deep sense of who they uniquely are.
Stephanie Harrison: And that is comprised of so many different elements from their cultural heritage, to their background, to the life experiences they've had, to their unique talents.
Stephanie Harrison: And the more that we actually find a use in the collective for our individual selves, the more our individuality actually strengthens while at the same time building greater connectedness to other people.
Stephanie Harrison: So it's a little bit of a paradox, but the more that we devote ourselves to doing good in the world in this way, the more we actually build a stronger sense of individual self.
Stephanie Harrison: And so I think, Carlos, it's totally natural to struggle with that because it feels like they're at odds.
Stephanie Harrison: But in fact, the two things are mutually supportive of one another.
Stephanie Harrison: So as you give, you become more of you, Carlos.
Stephanie Harrison: And then that equips you to give even more.
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