Channel 1 News

If you like Furries if you like horny old ladies if you like people yelling and screaming about things that happened to them in high school then please watch this please. Can you please just... We have a guest they are real life they like us and I think we're gonna be friends after this so please don't mess this up for me.

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Kodak moment! Kodak is banging a girl at a hockey game. Oooo girl better watch out because your other man is gonna be taking someone else to space. Fly me to the moon on your new rocket with those washboard abs. pick me up from Mike's building, I'll be smoking crack by the stairs, I'm waitiiinnnnnnnnnggggggg.

We had a lot to discuss this time sue us! Please don't actually do that we will not financially recover but we will run for office and change the law itself to advance our agenda if we can. That means you're goin down nerd. I'm tired bye...

Oh you'll wanna know how we got these scars. We talk way too much about the Joker and Tyler really wants to see Spider-Man. Overall, just a very comic-themed episode with a thirsty aunt and Greg thrown in there. Oh! We also picked out a couple of good New Years Resolutions for everyone! It should make 2022 pretty stupid.

Sorry we're late I had to censor Michael... Again... Anyway, you ever wake up in the middle of the night sweating so hard from all the pooping you've been doing all day and the police are knocking at your door asking about the next Jesus Christ? Wow, so relatable! Let's drop off our kids at Camp Hunger Games, go to prison, and pet dogs you little kitty cat!

Let me let you in on a little secret. There's this thing called bitcoin and it's in the sky and you buy a piece of it so it has value. Then there's a code that gets released into to the internet of everyone else's sky coin so that when you get the vaccine you have perfect 5G wherever you go. BUY THE DIP. EAT STINKY FISH. GET RICH QUICK.

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USA BABY USA, that's what were talking about. Proud to be American and proud to sell out any time we're offered any amount of money, we WILL take it. In similar news Chris Pratt takes his position as all time voice actor for America so he'll be in every animated movie from now on.


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I can't tell you how many times someone has made fun of me for the clothes I wear. Probably a lot, who can say. Me, but that's not the point. The point is you gotta look sad when you make apologies on the internet, you can't just put a black and white filter over yourself and pretend to be sad. I wish I was pretending TRAVIS.

Does your face need a good wipe? Does your cereal get you riled up? Do you like heroin? Just come over to Tyler's house I'll send you the address, it'll be fun. I know you're not busy stop pretending and just come. Seriously just... Ugh...

We love the Dolphin and it loves us, don't soil our beautiful relationship because you don't understand what it's skin feels like on your tongue. Talk about me or my sister again and I'm gonna assemble the Wolfpack on you because we don't mess around!!!!!!!!!!!