Chat with Dr. Kat

Resentment in a relationship rarely shows up overnight. It builds — one unresolved "micro issue" at a time — until sarcasm, silence and scorekeeping become the way two people talk to each other. In this episode, Dr. Kat Derrig-Palumbo, licensed psychologist, explains how to overcome resentment in your relationship: the signs it's building, why it's really fear underneath, and what both partners have to do to start healing.

Using her "bridge" example from her practice, Dr. Kat shows what it feels like to be the partner left hanging over the gorge after a betrayal or broken trust — and why "I didn't mean to" isn't enough to make it right.

What You'll Hear
- Why resentment is a slow build of small, unresolved issues
- The 4 signs of resentment: deep sarcasm, emotional withdrawal, scorekeeping, and no empathy
- Why good intentions don't erase the damage
- The bridge: what your partner is really feeling after trust breaks
- Why anger and picking fights often come from fear
- What the partner who caused the hurt needs to do every single day
- How the hurt partner can begin to reinforce their side of the bridge
- Why resentment spreads like wildfire, and how to slow it down

Key Takeaways
- Resentment comes from somewhere. Look at the cause, not just the behavior.
- If you caused the hurt, drop the ego. Apologize, share your plan, and show up daily.
- If you're the one hurting, you don't have to wait. Start rebuilding your side, and give a consistent effort a chance.
- Give grace. Everyone makes mistakes. But a chronic pattern needs to be talked about, because you won't overcome it on your own.

Feel unheard in your relationship? Learn how to ask for exactly what you need with The Yellow Room Method:
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Dating can feel like a string of promising conversations that disappear the moment you meet in person. When profiles, texts, and even video chats are shaped by AI, it’s easy to fall for words that don’t match the person sitting across from you—and harder to know how to show up as yourself.

Dr. Kat looks at how AI can become a modern-day Cyrano de Bergerac, helping people sound polished while weakening real communication and trust. She offers a practical way to get clearer about who you are, the values you want to live by, and what you actually need in a partner—without searching for a “perfect” match. She also talks about leaving room for differences, recognizing repeated dating patterns, and finding someone who helps move life toward resolution rather than more conflict.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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Therapy can start to feel frustrating when you keep showing up but nothing in your life seems to change. Maybe the assignments feel uncomfortable, you avoid practicing new coping skills, or your partner isn’t putting in the same effort. There’s no shame in that—but it may be important information about what feels hard, what you’re ready for, and what is getting in the way.

Dr. Kat talks about why therapy works best when it continues between sessions, whether that means noticing your feelings, trying a new way to communicate, or reconnecting with a partner. She also explains how to tell the difference between a therapist who isn’t a good fit and one who is challenging a pattern you need to examine. If you’re ready to move beyond “this is just who I am,” this conversation offers an honest look at making therapy a real priority.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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If your marriage feels like a roommate relationship with your husband or wife, this episode is for you. Dr. Kat Derrig-Palumbo, licensed psychologist, walks through the 5 signs of a roommate marriage: conversations that are all logistics, no touch, planning trips but not closeness, separate emotional lives, and intimacy that quietly stopped. Then she gives you the first steps back: the honest conversation, bringing back touch, baby steps, date nights, and courting each other again.

Ready to apply this to your own marriage? The Yellow Room Method: chatwithdrkat.com/yellowroom

New episode every Wednesday. Website: chatwithdrkat.com

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Living with someone who seems physically present but emotionally elsewhere can leave you lonely, devalued, and questioning what changed. The phone scrolling, flat answers, constant busyness, and sense that they always have one foot out the door can slowly turn a relationship into a place where neither person feels truly met.

Dr. Kat breaks down six common signs of emotional disconnection, including going through the motions in conversation, avoiding time together, and offering little support when a partner is vulnerable. She also looks at the domino effect of ongoing neglect—and why rebuilding connection requires consistently resisting patterns of avoidance and leaning back into real engagement. If you’ve been wondering whether distance in your relationship is more than a rough patch, this conversation puts words to what daily disconnection can feel like.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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When performance, money, and public opinion are all on the line, there may be nowhere to put the anxiety. College athletes are expected to compete, build a brand, handle criticism, and keep going—even after a bad game. College football coach, author, and former Penn State coach Jay Paterno talks with Dr. Kat about the human pressure behind the sport’s most visible moments.

Jay explains how NIL, social media, transfers, parents, and the draft process have changed what young athletes carry. He and Dr. Kat discuss anxiety, self-medication, team culture, learning to hear constructive criticism, and the importance of a grounded support system. Jay also shares Joe Paterno’s “blue line” lesson: focus on what is in front of you, then leave it there when it’s time to return to the rest of your life.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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When the truth feels unclear, your mind starts filling in the blanks—and often with the worst-case scenario. As questions about UAPs, UFOs, and possible disclosure keep circulating, uncertainty can bring fear, distrust, anger, and concern about what the future might mean for ourselves and our children.

Dr. Kat looks at UAP conversations through a psychological lens, including ontological shock: the unease that comes with the possibility that our sense of reality could change. She explains why uncertainty can feel harder than bad news, how “puzzle piecing” missing information can fuel anxiety and conspiracy thinking, and how to talk about these topics with children without passing along fear. The goal isn’t to decide what is true—it’s to stay informed, grounded, and thoughtful when answers are still incomplete.

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When a child is struggling with drugs, fear and shame can make families go quiet—especially when a parent is trying to help without pushing their child further away. Mary Cosby’s public grief and openness about her son’s substance use bring that private turmoil into view: the shock, the helplessness, and the instinct to keep loving someone through a crisis.

Dr. Kat reflects on Mary’s response when her son disclosed his drug use, and why honest conversation can open the door to support rather than isolation. She also talks about the many ways people grieve, the coping skills that help people carry an unbearable loss, and concerns about today’s high-potency cannabis, including anxiety, paranoia, and cannabis-induced psychosis. This is a compassionate conversation for anyone carrying worry, loss, or silence in their own family.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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Surviving addiction, grief, illness, or loss doesn’t automatically make life feel better. Sometimes you make it through the crisis only to find yourself exhausted, grieving what’s gone, and wondering how to rebuild without simply waiting for the next thing to fall apart. Andrew Minuto, author of Fatally Resilient, shares what it has meant to keep starting over after addiction, the deaths of his parents, divorce, and recurring cancer.

Dr. Kat and Andrew talk honestly about trauma’s physical triggers, why substances can be about relief rather than pleasure, and the difference between blaming yourself and taking accountability. They also explore EMDR, grief, small daily victories, and returning to the hopes and “fantasies” that give life direction. For anyone asking, “I survived—now what?” this conversation makes room for both exhaustion and the choice to keep building.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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Splitting the bill can sound fair—until you notice that the cost of a date often starts long before anyone reaches the restaurant. Women are navigating pay gaps, pressure to look a certain way, and safety calculations that can shape everything from what they wear to how they get home.

Dr. Kat looks beyond the 50/50 debate at the hidden financial, emotional, and practical costs women carry. She talks about the pressure created by beauty standards, the everyday vigilance many women are taught around personal safety, and why focusing only on the check can become a form of cherry-picking. A story about a school dance offers a simple example of what it can look like to recognize the fuller picture.

I want to hear from you!  To submit show ideas or be considered as a guest, visit https://chatwithdrkat.com/contact/

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