What happens when the life you’ve built no longer fits—and you can’t unsee it?

In this episode with Vive Oldham, we dive into the messy, honest reality ofreinventing yourself when your inner knowing is pulling you away from the “acceptable” version of success. We explore what it’s like to break the mould (especially as women, mothers, and business owners), and how disorienting it can feel to follow your instincts without community—like living inside your own echo chamber.

The conversation moves through perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the survival strategies that can look like “strength” on the outside—until they become unsustainable. Vive shares her winding path from law to bodywork to a high-pressure career in events, and the moment she realised she’d lost all internal perspective: a minor operational issue spiralled into a crushing sense of failure, revealing just how harsh the internal critic can be when we’re exhausted and hyper-vigilant.

A powerful thread emerges around enoughness—and how freedom comes from shifting the authority to define “enough” back to ourselves.

We challenge the cultural belief that effort equals value, and how busyness can become both performance and prison. Through stories about pricing, consulting, and overstuffed “bonus-heavy” offers, we explore how overgiving often comes from undervaluing ourselves—especially for women conditioned to earn worth through struggle.

The episode closes with a grounded, practical reframe: building capacity for uncertainty (“the not knowing”) through pleasure as a resource. Pleasure isn’t framed as indulgence, but as a nervous-system anchor—helping us widen perspective, access curiosity, and stay present long enough for a “third way” to emerge.

 In this episode, we cover:

• What it feels like to follow an unconventional path without validation
• How perfectionism + people-pleasing can become survival strategies
• The body’s response to disappointment (and learning to tolerate it)
• Why “enoughness” can’t be outsourced
• The cultural myth that “hard = valuable”
• Pleasure as nervous-system resourcing (and why it matters)
• A simple first step: noticing micro-moments of delight and staying with them longer

 Key Takeaway

The transformation isn’t linear. It’s a pendulum: touching the unknown, returning to what’s familiar, and slowly building self-trust until something new becomes possible

We are so excited to welcome today’s guest, Vive Oldham. Vive is a Somatic Educator, BodyDreaming facilitator in training, and artist, and someone who deeply understands what it means to live in a body that's been running on empty.

Her work is about coming home to your body, learning to trust its intelligence, rediscover pleasure as a source of strength, and build an inner foundation so solid that life's curveballs don't knock you off your feet.

Check out Viv on instagram here.....https://www.instagram.com/vive_and_co?igsh=MTBuMTg5M3V2MDExaw==

In his final days, Charlie's father told her he'd got it all the wrong way around, he'd built the businesses, ticked the boxes, and missed the things that actually mattered.

This episode is the story of how Charlie woke up inside the exact life her dad had warned her about, and the bedtime story she couldn't read her daughter that finally cracked the illusion wide open.

We talk about the lie that we sacrifice ourselves "for our kids" (spoiler: they just want you), the "is this it?" audit you can run on every area of your life, and why your nervous system takes longer than your mind to catch up to a new way of living.

If you've been quietly whispering "is this really it?" - this one's for you.

Check out the link to Identity Revolution - a four phase transformational programme to start creating a life you love.

A few days ago, Ash was walking her dog down the street, listening to music, and was suddenly hit with the most alive feeling she'd ever experienced in her body. No million dollars in the bank. No flash house. No holiday booked. Just her and the absence of everything she used to think she needed.

This episode is the story of how she got there, and why most of us are missing it.
We talk about the "gap" between the life you're living and the aliveness that's actually available to you right now, and the uncomfortable truth that closing that gap doesn't require a new strategy, a new mentor, or a new circumstance. It requires the one thing nobody wants to do: slow down and own your shit.
We unpack the two phases of real change, the unconscious armour we don't even know we're wearing, and the moment of awareness when we finally see it. We talk about why our world is engineered to keep us distracted (because a population that doesn't need anything is bad for business), how numbing — whether it's wine, weed, scrolling, overworking, or chocolate — only compounds the very pain it promises to relieve, and why we'll fight harder for our limitations than we will for our freedom.
Charlie also shares the role breathwork has played in coming home to her body after years of numbing out, and why this isn't about a dramatic overhaul. It's about micro-moments. Sipping the coffee. Feeling your feet on the floor. Noticing the clenched jaw. Letting yourself be bored without immediately reaching for the phone.

In this episode:

• The walk that changed everything (and what triggered it)
  
• Why we're more comfortable wearing the armour than putting it down
  
• Radical personal responsibility and compassionate curiosity — the two non-negotiables
  
• How short-term relief (scrolling, drinking, eating, working) keeps you trapped
  
• The link between distraction and disconnection from your kids, your partner, yourself
  
• Why breathwork is a doorway back to your body
  
• The micro-moments that snowball into a whole different life
  

If you've been quietly aware that something needs to shift, but you don't know where to start, start here.
🎧 Mentioned in the episode: Our next breathwork event details in the show notes. If you're not local, find one near you. We promise it's not as scary as it sounds.

Hands up if you've ever paid good money for a course, coach, or expert and then quietly rejected every piece of advice they gave you.

In this episode, Charlie and Ash get honest about the very human habit of seeking answers outside ourselves and then poking holes in every solution we're handed. ("That worked for them, but my situation is different…" sound familiar?)

They unpack why we do it, the comfort of certainty, the secret relief of having someone else to blame, the protection mechanism of staying confused and why it leaves us more powerless, not less.

They also share their own messy journey of throwing money at other people's blueprints, billboard stunts and all, before realising the real gold wasn't in the strategy. It was in what they learned about themselves along the way.

This one is a love letter to self-trust, feminine creativity, and the quiet knowing you've been pushing away for months (or years). It's about the difference between learning from others and outsourcing your authority to them and why the answer you're searching for is probably already there, you've just been too scared to commit to it.

In this episode:

• Why we chase advice we have zero intention of applying
• The hidden payoff of staying "confused"
• Hustle culture, masculine energy, and why it shuts down women's creativity
• How self-abandonment dressed up as "going all in" almost cost them everything
• The questions to ask when something feels "ick" instead of throwing the whole thing out
• Why grounded in your own truth beats any three-step process

If you've been waiting for someone to hand you the map — this is your sign to put it down and listen to the voice that's been whispering for the last five years.

Get access to Identity Revolution here https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/vkGVlGc9vxxGLvalXRmG

In this episode we discuss a common relationship dynamic where affection and intimacy start to feel like an obligation rather than a desire, often because life becomes overloaded with responsibilities (work, parenting, household admin, finances) and the nervous system feels “tapped out.” 

We talk about how busyness, overwhelm, and unspoken resentment can smother the spark, leading to cycles of rejection and withdrawal, plus shame and blame directed at either the partner or oneself. 

Instead of accepting disconnection as “just how it is,” we encourage listeners to build awareness of what’s really driving the pattern, clarify what they truly want in their relationship, and take ownership of their part. 

The core message is to create space (by slowing down and removing or delegating nonessential tasks) so connection can return, then communicate and co-create a more caring, playful partnership, one based on mutual support rather than “invoicing” or tit-for-tat keeping score.

✨ In this episode, we cover:

• Overwhelm reduces desire: When your capacity is maxed out, intimacy can feel like another task on the to-do list.
• Shame and blame worsen disconnection: “Something’s wrong with me” or “it’s all his fault” keeps the real causes hidden.
• Watch for “invoicing”: Keeping silent score of who owes what undermines genuine care and closeness.
• Create space before adding fixes: Don’t pile on more routines, remove, delegate, or simplify to free time and nervous-system capacity.
• Start with what you want: Define your version of a connected partnership and notice whether current choices support it.
• Own your contribution and communicate: Change begins with self-responsibility, then building the relationship together as a team.
• Small moments count: A quiet walk, a few conscious breaths, or brief journaling can be a first step toward clarity and reconnection.

In this episode we explore what it means to tune back into your inner knowing as a source of guidabce.

In a world that sells outsourcing your authority by needing to be an expert or needing other peoples approval for permission.

We beleive that when you truly lead from who you are authentically and are tuned into your own desires, that is all you need to lead a happy and fulfilling life.

We end the episode with some reflective questions if you resonate with what we speak about.

In this episode we share the one thing that will help you actuallytake action and create the change you want in your life.

Whether it's in your career, parenting, health and fitness or in your relationships.

If you can start with this, the rest will unfold just as it should.

Join us for our FREE coaching programme Identity Revolution.

A four phase transformational experience where we guide you to create a life that feels as good as it look son your vision board.

Sign up here for instant access…https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/form/vkGVlGc9vxxGLvalXRmG

Ever wondered what it's like to sit in our conversation?

We were mid chat and I knew I needed to get the mics out!

Come sit with us while we go deep in our personal conversation about the wild ride that is life and making the decision to go all in.

In this episode we chat about the energetic drain of never being able to confidently make decisions.

Big or small, spending time worrying, thinking about, going over scenarios, however you tackle it can be really exhausting and often leads you to the outcome you were trying to avoid.

Here we help you to make confident, empowered decisions, fast so you can get going on the things that really matter.

Want more from us?

Check out our upcoming events and free resources here...

www.charlieandash.co.nz

Today we look at what it looks like to live in a constant state of overwhelm .

We unpack whats really driving us to be this way and give some practical tools to what you can about it.

Check out our FREE resources here.....

www.charlieandash.co.nz