Chatting to a Friend

Janet Whitelaw-Jones and Lyn Borsberry are not medal-winning, world record holders. They have not climbed mountains or sailed the seven seas but they are both extraordinary women.

They are friends of mine (who did not know each other before this call) who have both experienced baby loss and I am so grateful to them for publicly sharing their stories.

Janet and Kenny’s son, Joshua, was born at 25 weeks, nearly 20 years ago, lived for four precious hours and died in their arms.

Lyn and Tom’s beautiful boy, Pip, was born sleeping in 2016, four days overdue, after an IVF conception, a totally normal pregnancy and a night of labouring at home.

The conversation is about as special as I could have imagined.

Memories, moving stories, laughter, positivity and above all a sense that despite the life-changing, gut-wrenching loss they have both experienced, that their lives will go on. They are different lives to how they were before but they have learned to sit in it, let it be and live around it

We talk about how people can empathise and help friends and family who experience the death of a baby. We touch on IVF as well as making the decision to go on living and how to mark birthdays and include the loss in conversation and in family life.

Losing a baby is something that no one should ever have to go through and yet it happens all too often.

Both Lyn and Janet were helped enormously by organisations who specialise in this. They have lots of resources for grieving parents as well as for people supporting them.

www.sands.org.uk

IG @sandscharity

www.petalscharity.org

IG @petalscharity

What I learned: you can help by talking to anyone you know who is experiencing this, being kind, offering to help, asking about the birth and the baby, asking if they want to talk about it and treating them like the person they were before and not running away or staying silent because it’s too hard for you. Do not make it about your grief.

You can also donate or raise money for these charities, they really do do incredible work that helps so many people.

Thank you for listening. It’s not always an easy listen, but it is so vital to talk about these things.

If you have experienced this as part of your life, I send you my love.

Janet Whitelaw-Jones and Lyn Borsberry are not medal-winning, world record holders. They have not climbed mountains or sailed the seven seas but they are both extraordinary women.

They are friends of mine (who did not know each other before this call) who have both experienced baby loss and I am so grateful to them for publicly sharing their stories.

Janet and Kenny’s son, Joshua, was born at 25 weeks, nearly 20 years ago, lived for four precious hours and died in their arms.

Lyn and Tom’s beautiful boy, Pip, was born sleeping in 2016, four days overdue, after an IVF conception, a totally normal pregnancy and a night of labouring at home.

The conversation is about as special as I could have imagined.

Memories, moving stories, laughter, positivity and above all a sense that despite the life-changing, gut-wrenching loss they have both experienced, that their lives will go on. They are different lives to how they were before but they have learned to sit in it, let it be and live around it

We talk about how people can empathise and help friends and family who experience the death of a baby. We touch on IVF as well as making the decision to go on living and how to mark birthdays and include the loss in conversation and in family life.

Losing a baby is something that no one should ever have to go through and yet it happens all too often.

Both Lyn and Janet were helped enormously by organisations who specialise in this. They have lots of resources for grieving parents as well as for people supporting them.

www.sands.org.uk

IG @sandscharity

www.petalscharity.org

IG @petalscharity

What I learned: you can help by talking to anyone you know who is experiencing this, being kind, offering to help, asking about the birth and the baby, asking if they want to talk about it and treating them like the person they were before and not running away or staying silent because it’s too hard for you. Do not make it about your grief.

You can also donate or raise money for these charities, they really do do incredible work that helps so many people.

Thank you for listening. It’s not always an easy listen, but it is so vital to talk about these things.

If you have experienced this as part of your life, I send you my love.

Dee Caffari MBE is a two-time Guinness World Record holding yachtswoman. She has sailed round the world no less than 6 times.

Her first record, awarded in 2006, was for being the first woman to circumnavigate the globe solo and non-stop against the prevailing wind and tide (known as the Impossible Voyage) and the second, in 2008, for being the only woman to have sailed solo and non-stop around the world three times. She still holds both these titles.

She is only one of five Impossible Voyagers to have EVER sailed “the wrong way” round the world solo and non-stop.

She has led round-the-world crews, run marathons, campaigned for the environment, is on the board of charities, speaks and lectures to corporate clients and, as she strives to ever improve, has her sights firmly set on competing at the Paris 2024 Olympics when she will be 51.

Having read her amazing book, “Against the Flow”, I was very keen to talk to Dee about the highs and lows of sailing as metaphors for life on land and how these have been valuable lessons in life, as well as the drama and adrenaline overload, however I found myself in a very different conversation than the one I had planned. Such is the absolute joy of speaking to women as amazing as Dee!

The first half is very much chatting about the adventure aspect, the toughness of life at sea and basically me geeking out over the the hows and whys of sailing around the world.

Gradually, however, we started to talk about teamwork, playing to people’s strengths, trust, leadership skills, communication and how she has taken what she learned in some of the most extreme situations on the planet and uses them to teach people about using them in real life.

We touched on how to encourage girls and young woman to stick with sailing despite the difficulties facing them during the awkward teenage years (no loos on boats, all male coaching and officials teams) and how more women are needed in the sport to make this more accessible for them.

And then we talked environment and how sailing all the oceans of the world has highlighted the need to end our reliance on single use plastic and how we can all play an important role in this.

Finally, we discussed going to the Olympics in your 50s and whether she thinks she has the appetite for another round the world voyage!

I came off the call wishing I had asked 1000 more questions about the drama of solo sailing, her most vivid memories on the ocean and other things, but you’ll just need to read her book to get a feel for the insane amount of grit and determination and a little bit of bonkersness needed to achieve such a feat!

Such a privilege to have this much of Dee’s time and energy. Well worth a listen.

You can follow Dee on IG on @deecaffari and her website is www.deecaffari.co.uk

Rowena Samarasinhe (Samara-seen-hu) is a commercial lawyer with many years of dedicated experience in the sports industry.  Her experience ranges from working on some of the largest global sports properties, to negotiating major endorsement deals with some of the most prolific athletes in the world. 

She is a solicitor of the Courts of England & Wales (2006) with an MBA in International Sports Management (Loughborough University)

Her impressive roles currently include: Council Member, National Sports Council of Sri Lanka; Director, Professional Squash Association; Trustee, CIMSPA; Advisor & Coach, Equiida (board effectiveness, coaching and search company with a focus on diversity & inclusion)

She is currently leading CIMSPA’s initiative addressing diversity and inclusion in the UK sporting workforce in collaboration with Sport England. 

In 2018, Legal 500 included Rowena in their "General Counsel Powerlist" recognizing the most influential and innovative in-house lawyers around the world and subsequently, while now in private practice, she has been named one of Legal 500’s Next Generation Partners in Sport for 2020 and 2021.

She is also a woman. Born in the UK to Sri Lankan parents in the 1970s. A divorcee. A woman of colour in a predominantly white male industry. A woman whose lifestyle makes it easy to assume she “has it easy”.

In this episode, Ro opens up about a number of highs and lows. From working with Usain Bolt and being at three Olympic games, thanks to her very impressive career, to her passion for improving diversity and inclusion within sport in the UK and in general, to dealing with a “reset” following her divorce, a career-threatening moment and being blown up in a speedboat accident.

We talk about the importance of sport for children, especially for girls and how mums can have a huge impact on their sporting future. We discuss driving diversity and the challenges she faced in her early life and career to overcome barriers due to prejudice.

The impact of Covid on her new business and her personal well-being, including facing the fact she may never have children, something she struggles to come to terms with, and how society views a childless “career woman”.

We finish with some thoughts on processing, healing, being kind to yourself and living more in the moment and a quick chat about the Tokyo Olympics and the pride she feels at being able to give back to sport in Sri Lanka by being on their national sports council.

Settle in for a brilliantly honest and inspiring talk to a truly driven, positive and very human woman.

Ro’s company is www.gen-sport.com

Miriea Miró is a former world champion ski mountaineer, the youngest woman to ever hold the title, at the tender age of 22.

She was also a trail runner and a base jumper, constantly chasing the highs, the energy and the intensity.

Following a long battle with knee and gut issues, 4 years ago she finally hit rock bottom and from there has been on a journey to understand herself, to work on her belief system and ultimately to help others as a life coach.

We talk about her sporting career, the long road to her breakdown, the subsequent self-discovery in coming out the other side, self-care, acceptance, taking action and the importance of talking about mental health.

It’s an inspiring talk with someone who is obviously and rightly proud of the road she has been down. She is upbeat and honest about her struggles and so positive about the future and her enthusiasm for helping other people.

You can contact Mireia on https://www.mireiamirovarela.com/en/ or on Instagram on @mireia_miro

The teachings that Mireia follows are by https://jodyspencer.com/ and https://www.tonyrobbins.com/

In the 4th episode I am chatting to Lucy Shepherd, professional explorer and adventurer. Can you imagine that was your job title?

At only 28 years old, she has been at this for a decade and in that time has been on expedition from the Arctic to the Amazon on foot, on skis and always in extreme conditions.

Obviously, the chat centred around adventuring and sticky, near death situations and how to survive for two weeks on the side of a mountain in a snowstorm (by keeping busy, is the answer!)

We also touched on, however, how to cope with post-expedition blues, how the world views a young woman who has decided to make this her career and how she feels about the future of our planet that she cares so deeply about.

A funny, insightful and enthusiastic chat with some deeper messages for us all about how to bring a sense of pride and achievement into your life on a daily basis.

At 23, Lucy was made a Fellow of the Royal Geographical Society and is currently the youngest board member on the board of the Scientific Exploration Society, both titles she holds with great pride.

You can find more about Lucy on her website www.lucyshepherd.net, including information on how to go on expedition with her to the Arctic in 2021.

You can also follow her on Instagram on @lucysheps

Warning: some strong language

In this episode I’m talking to Vedangi Kulkarni, the youngest woman to circumnavigate the world by bike (unverified). At 19 she set off on her own, largely unsupported, to cycle round the world and take on the challenge of a lifetime.

En route, she faced ice, snow, muggings, tears and concussion as well as a true appreciation of what it meant to have friends who really care and strangers who helped when she needed them most.

We talk about her childhood, growing up in India as an only child with a self-conscious start to friendships and whose parents gave her the gift of travelling, both of which stood her in good stead as she initially moved to the UK for university and then took on bigger and bigger adventures.

We discuss the transition from awkward teenager to a young woman who has matured into striking up conversations with strangers and having a newfound appreciation for the closeness of people who “get her”.

You can find out more about Vedangi on www.vedangikulkarni.com and follow her on Instagram @wheelsandwords. Her adventure consultancy, The Adventure Shed, can be found at www.theadventureshed.com

Jenny Tough’s book, Tough Women Adventure Stories, is available on Amazon and in my opinion is absolutely brilliant and a little nuts!

Many thanks to Vedangi for her candid and hilarious stories.

Karine Fragniere is a 52 year old Swiss mother of 4 who did her first Ironman triathlon at the age of 50. She then went on to win her age category in the Zurich Ironman and qualify to compete at the World Championships in Kona, Hawaii.

We chat about how to juggle motherhood and sport, ensuring the essential element of self care and making yourself a “more available mother” to your children. How to deal with mummy guilt, how exercise can help with your mental as well as physical health.

We talk about the importance of friendship and community, the benefits to children of growing up with a sporty mother and all about her new book, Ironmum.

She is now a coach, helping to spread the love of sport, health and wellbeing to other people.

You can find her book and more information on her coaching on www.ironmum.ch and follow her on Instagram on @ironmum.ch as well as on Facebook.

A really inspiring conversation that will motivate you to skip out the door for a swim, bike or run (or maybe all three!).

Warning: adult themes

Elisabet Barnes is best known for being a professional ultra runner. She has twice won the formidable Marathon des Sables and has had an incredible running career.

In 2018 she “hit the wall” and had to find her way back to full health and, in the process, discovered a new passion.

She is currently training to be a sexologist and couples therapist and so our conversation ranges from her days as a management consultant in London to the death of her father, her journey to becoming ultra marathon royalty, self care, sex, relationships and to women finding joy and confidence in their own bodies.

Elisabet is still coaching running and you can find more info on that on Instagram on @ultra.coach

Her other IG account is @elisabetbarnes and her website is www.elisabetbarnes.com

I woke up the morning after this interview thinking of about 100 other questions I wanted to ask. I hope you find it as interesting as I did.

NB We chat about couples in a heterosexual context but I wanted to mention that Elisabet works with couples of all genders.

Hi and thanks for choosing Chatting to a Friend.

I’m Catie Friend and, yes, that really is my name! I’m a 47 yr old married mother of two, living in Switzerland, living a good life in the mountains - dealing with a perimenopause, anxiety, motherhood, work, being a wife and trying to figure it all out with a sense of humour and a pinch of salt.

In Chatting to a Friend, I’m talking to incredible women about friendship, community, self-care, mental health, living more adventurously, sport, motherhood, sex.

You name it, we’re talking about it.

Please join me as I try to get into what these women from all walks of life do to stay healthy, happy and sane.

Do they feel supported by a community? Do they have friends they can count on? Do they struggle with motherhood or life after the intensity of motherhood? How do they look after themselves in their daily lives as they achieve incredible things? What are their top tips for living with adventure, success and things that bring high adrenaline into their lives?

I’m on a journey to look after myself better and a mission to talk to other women so that none of us feel alone with the craziness of life and so we can all be a little bit inspired by someone who has pushed boundaries and made herself and her goals a priority.

I’ll be here every Thursday with a new episode. If you listen and you like, please leave me a review.

I’d also like to hear from you if you have suggestions of women I could talk to. Any profession, any achievement, anything you think would encourage and inspire other women to lead better and more fulfilled lives.

You can follow and DM me on Instagram @chattingtoafriend.

Thanks!